The soccer-obsessed assassins guide to understanding computers

by Felflowne aka Espion

Disclaimer

Weiss is not mine, it's not mine!

It's not mine and mine it's not!

(to the tune of 'you're not singing anymore' - Cwm Rhondda, all together now…)

'This program has performed an illegal operation…' Ken glanced at the screen in panic.

Illegal? How was it illegal? Could they trace him? He was just trying to make a timetable, for god's sake!

It was usually Omi's job, but he was indisposed for the evening at a concert that Ouka was playing in, and he'd assured him as he left that really, Excel was the easiest thing in the world to use.

So how was using it illegal?

Ken was determined not to ask for help. It wasn't as if Yohji or Aya would be able to help, anyway. He was so nearly finished as well.

Oh well, maybe it was a bug message. He clicked 'OK'…

…and watched in horror as two hours work vanished along with the little grey box.

There was a bang as his head hit the desk.

**

'Hey, where's this week's timetable?' Yohji squinted at the noticeboard. The schedule was notable for its absence. Omi passed behind him.

'I thought one of you guys were gonna do it,' he said in a surprised voice, 'I had that concert last night and I got back real late.'

'Yeah, yeah, Ken said he'd do it…' Yohji trailed off. 'Ok, therein may lay the problem.'

'Problem?'

'Yeah, problem. Ken's even lamer at using computers than I am. And that is pretty lame.'

'But it's only a table!' Omi protested, although he didn't quite understand why he was protesting.

'No, Omi,' said Yohji patiently, pointing behind him at the big heavy wooden slab on four legs that stood behind them, 'that is a table. A schedule is a complicated computer thingie.'

'You guys are useless!' cried Omi in exasperation, 'geez, it isn't that hard!'

''Tis if you're me,' said Ken from the doorway. Omi looked embarrassed.

'Sorry,' he muttered.

'Here it is,' Ken said, walking forward and pinning it in the normal place. He walked away again.

Yohji looked at it.

The table was drawn in felt tip pen.

'Omi, you've got to help that boy. He's worse than useless.'

'No way!' cried Omi, throwing his hands up, 'he'll get annoyed at me for making out he's crap at something.'

'Omi, he is crap at this, and it's not just the timetable,' he dropped his voice, 'lets face it, Aya'll never help you out with your research, and I haven't got the patience…'

'Oh, and Ken has?' Omi retorted. Patient was one thing Ken was not.

'No, you didn't let me finish,' Yohji said reproachfully in the same low voice, 'I was gonna say that once Ken gets into something, he doesn't give up. If you could get him helping you, your workload could be halved.'

'But I don't need any help,' Omi said a tad proudly.

'Whatever,' Yohji said, already beginning to lose interest, 'but at least teach the doofus how to use Office? The professional atmosphere in our workplace is being compromised by…' he nodded towards the excuse for a schedule, '…that.'

'Yeah, yeah,' said Omi, walking off.

**

Ken was pissed off. He was more than ready to bite the head off the first person who knocked his attempt. He had tried, it was maddening. How did Omi cope without going mad?

The door opened at the top of the stairs opened. Oh great.

'Ken? You down here?'

Omi.

'Yeah, what d'you want?' Ken snapped, then felt bad immediately.

Omi was knocked back a step by the unfriendliness in his voice, but carried on.

'Oh, Yohji's just being aggravating, mind if I hide down here for a bit?'

'Aggravating?' Omi was glad that some of the archness had gone from Ken's voice.

'Yeah,' he said, slipping into the room, shutting the door and beginning to walk down the stairs, 'I've never seen so many girls on a Sunday afternoon, and he's determined to introduce me to every one.'

'Heh heh, he'll never change,' Ken chuckled, 'I don't blame you for hiding.'

Omi sat on the sofa at the other end.

There was a short silence.

'Uh, Ken, d'you want me to show you how to use a computer?'

Ken felt the anger rise again.

'I'm not stupid, y'know!' he snapped.

'I never said…' said Omi in a small voice.

'You didn't need to,' Ken said, 'is it just cause I messed up the dumb timetable?'

'No! Look, I know computers are stupid…'

Ken blinked.

Computers were stupid? Not him?

'I guess what happened was that it crashed or something just before you were done, and you lost it, right?'

Ken nodded.

'Look,' Omi said quietly, 'the more you do stuff, the better you get at it, and the quicker you get.'

'Your point?' Ken said testily.

'Stop shouting at me!' Omi suddenly snapped, 'I'm trying to help you and you're just getting mad at me! I told Yohji this would happen, you're so predictable!'

With that, Omi got up and ran back up the stairs, slamming the door at the top with all the anger he could muster.

**

Leaning on the door on the other side, Omi rubbed his forehead and tried to calm down.

Well, that had gone well. Not.

Apart from maybe Aya, he was the best at keeping his temper out of all of them, so why had he just exploded like that?

Ken simply infuriated him, that was all there was to it. Why did he have to be so stubborn, snappy and moody? It drove him to distraction.

**

'So what did you do?'

It was Aya who had spoken. Ken looked at him in surprise. He was sat at the coffee table.

'Whaddya mean?'

Aya sipped at his coffee.

'To make Omi so mad. I heard him all the way up here. It's not often he loses his temper.'

Ken just stared at him.

'I didn't do anything.'

'If you say so,' Aya said.

**

'If I were you,' Yohji said, the instant Ken walked into the shop a bit later, 'I'd go apologise.'

'Will everyone just shut up about it!' Ken snapped.

'There's no need to ask what you did, then,' Yohji said with a wry smile, 'flew off the handle as usual.'

'Yohji, do the world a favour and shut up.'

'Chill out boy, poor Omi was just trying to help you, why'd you have to blow up on him like that?'

'I didn't,' Ken protested, 'he got mad first!'

'That, I don't believe,' Yohji said calmly.

'It's true!'

'Look, just go find him and apologise. I don't know what you said to him, but his concentration was shot this afternoon. He's been all snappy, not like him at all.'

'Whatever, if it'll shut everyone up, I'll go!' Ken stormed out of the room.

'What is up with those two today?' Aya asked coming in, coffee mug in hand.

'Lover's tiff,' said Yohji with a grin.

Aya gave him a look that said, 'That's real funny - not.'

**

Ken was close to giving up. He'd searched all of upstairs. If Omi wasn't in the mission room then screw it, he'd tried.

He opened the door and immediately saw that Omi was in the mission room. He was sat at the powerful computer in the corner, his head resting on one of his hands while the other hand guided the mouse.

Ken shut the door quietly. Then there was a soft click. Then he made his way down the stairs. If Omi heard him, he didn't react.

'Omi?' he said cautiously.

'Oh, glad you're here,' said Omi briskly, without turning, 'can you give one of these to Aya and Yohji for me? Take one for yourself too.'

He indicated a pile of printouts on the floor, but didn't take his eyes off the screen.

'Okay, um, Omi, I…?'

'Sorry, Ken, I'm really busy now.'

'Oh, sorry, but I wanted…'

'Please go away.'

That was verging on rude. It was like Yohji had said, not like Omi at all.

'Look, Omi…' he put a hand cautiously on Omi's shoulder, but Omi reacted like lightening. He slapped it away.

'No! Go away!'

But Ken grabbed his hand and held onto it until he paused in his struggling.

'What's wrong Omi?' Omi looked away.

'Look, if it's my fault, I'm really sorry, ok? I just came down to apologise to you, all right? Geez, what is wrong with you?'

Omi wrenched his hand free and ran up the stairs. Ken just watched him. When he got to the top, he paused.

The door was locked.

He turned.

'Let me out,' he said quietly.

'No, not until you tell me why you're so worked up. I've yelled at you before and you just laughed it off. What's wrong?'

'Ken, let me out!'

'I will,' said Ken, 'once you tell me what's wrong.'

'I can't believe you!' Omi cried.

'Believe it,' Ken said levelly, 'now come down here and tell me what's wrong.'

Defeated, Omi trudged back down the stairs and stood obstinately at the bottom of them.

'C'mon,' Ken said, sitting down on the couch. Omi sat as far away from as he could, at the other end.

He couldn't remember feeling like this…ever. It was as if he was screwed into a tiny ball inside. He was angry, sad, miserable and furious. What was worse, he didn't know why, at least, not consciously.

He was glad that Ken was just sitting there and not interrogating him.

He jumped as Ken spoke.

'If it is me, I just want you to know I really am so, so sorry. Just…please cheer up Omi. I hate seeing you like this.'

'I don't know what it is!' Omi suddenly cried out. His throat was tight and his eyes felt hot.

'I…see…'

'No! No, you don't! You can't! I don't! Oh man…'

Ken watched as Omi sharply turned his head away from him, and he suspected he knew the reason. He got up and moved over to his friend, placing a hand on his shoulder.

'Don't touch me!' Omi snapped, and as he twisted away Ken saw that he'd hastily tried to wipe tears from his eyes.

Now he was really worried. He grabbed hold of both Omi's wrists and held them so Omi couldn't run away again. Omi struggled for a bit, but then gave up. Ken was stronger, that was that.

'Why won't you go away?' he whispered miserably.

'What kind of friend would I be if I did that?' Ken said sharply.

'Just…go away…go away Ken!'

'No.'

Omi slumped forward, exhausted. That was right, wasn't it, Ken didn't give up… Yohji had said…

He felt Ken's grip on his wrists loosen, but before he could back away, Ken put both his hands on his shoulders, holding him still.

Ken was utterly bewildered. Omi had never, ever acted like this before. He watched his friend's upturned face change through expressions of anger, misery and then…

…then his eyes seemed to soften. Omi almost smiled… but then anger was back again. He shrugged off Ken's hands and looked away.

'You know, I'm not going anywhere.'

Omi glared at him.

'Aya or Yohji would've left me alone, why don't you? Why don't you ever give up?'

'I'm not like them,' Ken said quietly. He took hold of one of Omi's hands again. Omi didn't bother resisting at first, then yelped in anger as Ken pulled him towards him and wrapped his other arm around him.

'What the hell are you doing?' Omi cried.

'Just shut up for one second, all right?'

Omi shut up. Ken was finally getting mad.

'You listen to me. You carry on like this, you're gonna go nuts. What're you gonna be like on missions, huh? Sure, I get pissed off now and then, and I yell at everyone. I'm not saying that's the best way of dealing, but it's one way! Whatever's wrong, you are not dealing! And you've got to! Got it?'

Omi was very quiet. He didn't like it when Ken was mad at him. Subconsciously, he moved closer to his friend.

'Don't be angry at me,' he mumbled miserably, 'please Ken…'

'I'm not,' Ken said, in a gentler voice, 'I'm worried about you!'

He patted Omi's blonde head affectionately, causing the other boy to look up at him.

'Thanks, but you shouldn't bother, let me worry about myself.'

'I can't do that, I care about you.'

Suddenly Omi knelt up so he was facing Ken, so quickly that Ken jumped. He gulped subconsciously. Omi had never looked at him the way he was now. All the anger was gone from his face, to be replaced with a slightly confused, dreamy expression.

'Ken,' Omi said faintly.

'What?'

'You've got to let me go, right now.'

Ken swallowed.

'What if I don't want to?'

'No,' said Omi calmly, the same odd look on his face, which was only inches from Ken's, 'you don't understand. Right now…please…'

'Or what?' Ken said softly, noting that Omi was not making any attempt to get away, despite his words. His eyes widened as Omi leaned closer still, until their lips were almost touching, but not quite. When Omi spoke again, Ken could feel his mouth moving.

'Ken…now…let me go…before it's too late…before I…screw everything up…'

'Omi…is this what was bothering you?'

'Yeah…I think so…'

'It's gonna keep bothering you if I let you go, isn't it?'

Omi said nothing, just stayed perfectly still.

'But…'

Ken only had to lean forward a little to press his lips firmly against Omi's, savouring the shudder that ran through his friend.

'…if I do that, just maybe it'll help sort you out a little.'

Omi looked at him in dozy astonishment.

'Y-You kissed me!' he said in a disbelieving tone.

'I know, I was there,' Ken said playfully, 'would you like me to do it again?'

'D'you want to?' Omi said apprehensively.

'Baka Omi,' was his only reply, before Ken leant forward and kissed him again, deeper this time, pulling Omi tighter against him.

And that was when Ken found himself flat on his back. Omi had lunged forward and pushed him hard. He blinked in amazement as Omi kissed him fiercely, then reciprocated eagerly, running his hand down Omi's back.

After a while Omi leant away, his face flushed.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered, 'I really am.'

Ken looked up at him.

'Really? Why?'

'For being a jerk, all today.'

'Hey, it's nothing, all right?'

Ken sat up carefully, keeping Omi on his lap.

They sat like that for a while, just peacefully holding each other.

Then Ken spoke.

'So, you gonna show me how to use Excel or what?'

Omi sighed theatrically and pulled away, standing up.

'If I must,' he said wearily.

'Neh, y'don't have to really,' Ken chuckled, catching him from behind, 'I already know how to use it.'

'Then, what happened with the schedule?'

'Oh that,' Ken nuzzled Omi's neck affectionately, 'I'd nearly finished it when that dumb Windows illegal error message came up and wiped my work. I was so pissed I just drew it out after that.'

'I get it,' Omi laughed. He turned, and they kissed gently.

'Today's been interesting,' Ken said, as he reached in his pocket for the key.

'It isn't over yet,' Omi said.

Ken looked at his watch.

'Err, Omi? It's ten p.m.'

'And?'

Ken grinned, and leant forwards so he could whisper in Omi's ear.

'Can't wait,' Omi whispered back.

Hand in hand they climbed the stairs and left the room.

THE END