Over much of my life, I had gotten good at making myself numb to most things. I was numb to my absent mother's neglect, she was too ill with her own demons to raise me… though my father did his best. I was numb to the alienation that I felt from my classmates. As the mayor's daughter, I very clearly did not fit in with the Seam kids, who did without even the most basic survival necessities. I didn't quite fit in with the Merchant kids though either. While they had luxuries, they did not have access to the wealth that my family did. I learned to keep quiet to protect myself from the tauntings of my classmates, and I did not care much for the silly topics that other girls my age were enthralled with.
I guess that's why we were such kindred spirits, Katniss and I. We both had places we would much rather be, and we didn't feel the need to make meaningless small talk. The silence between us was comforting enough most days. My father liked her too, seeing as how he overlooked her activities and bought strawberries from her occasionally.
As I watched the Capitolites parade her and the baker's boy around in the opening festivities to the Games, I tried to make myself as numb as I could to the very real possibility that she would not come back. My father was required to attend dinners in honor of the annual tradition and my mother never got out of bed, so I sat alone in the living room of our large house for the required viewings.
When she took her sister's place at the Reaping, I knew I had to do something for the girl who was my only real friend in the District. I gave her the pin that belonged to my aunt, a tribute in the 50th Hunger Games. I had hoped that she would wear it as her token during the Games, but at the least her family could sell it for money to feed themselves.
I think back to the day of the Reaping, how she had brought strawberries to us with her friend Gale. He had lashed out at me over the injustice of the Reaping, my name was only in a 5 times. The social status of my family prevented me from having to take out tesserae like he and Katniss. His name was in 42 times. I tried to not take this jab personally, I could not control any of our circumstances.
Gale stood behind me in line to see Katniss after the Reaping, while everyone was waiting to say their goodbyes. I could feel the heat of his glare against my back, and I knew exactly what he was thinking.
It's not fair. None of this is fair.
I let out a sharp, frustrated breath as I jump to my feet. I do not want to sit here and watch whatever fanfare they are showing on the screen in front of me. I pull on my shoes and a jacket, wrapping it around me before I slip out of my backdoor. I follow dark alleyways through town, to avoid Peacekeepers, until I reach the edge of the woods. I follow a well-worn path by memory until I reach a small clearing. I am not brave enough to venture deeper into the woods like others that I know, but this quiet space gives me enough solace that I need.
The sun is setting and with the light goes the busy noises of birds and wind through the trees. I sit on a large rock toward the edge of the meadow, wrapping my jacket tighter around my small frame as the temperatures drop.
I barely get a moment to relax before I hear branches crunching behind me. I freeze in fear, all of the possibilities of the noise running through my head. I whip my hear around and my eyes search the dusky tree line behind me as the noise gets closer and closer. I gasp when I see a figure approaching closer, my heart racing until I recognize the face that emerges just a few feet from where I sit. Gale.
"Are you following me now?" I ask, watching him as he walks closer.
"I was just wondering what the hell the Mayor's daughter is doing in the woods, at night no less," he says calmly, hands in his jacket pockets as he shrugs.
I scowl at the connotation of 'the Mayor's daughter'. "Why aren't you at home watching the Opening?"
He sits down beside me and shrugs again, his eyes fixed toward the sunset through the trees. "Same reason as you, I suppose. Doesn't feel right to watch all of this happen and pretend that it isn't my best friend being groomed and paraded around to celebrate what's about to happen."
I study his hard expression and nod, agreeing with him. "It's not fair."
"What do you know about fair?" he snaps, finally turning to look at me. I huff out a breath and meet his steely glare.
"Stop giving me shit for things I have no control over, Gale. You don't know anything about me," I snap back. He frowns and shakes his head, looking away again.
"I know you've never known what it's like to go hungry. You've never held the responsibility of other people's lives…" he starts to rant and then trails off, his head hanging down. "What if she doesn't come back? She's my best friend."
"I don't know, Gale," I sigh as he runs his hand through his hair.
We are both silent for a while, and I steal a moment to admire the boy beside me. In the settling darkness, I can just make out the outline of his sharp features and I feel an old, familiar feeling stir in me. I used to watch him at school, and as the years went on he grew more and more handsome. I found myself more attracted to the dark-haired men of the Seam than the blonde Merchant boys I should be attracted to anyway, which could only spell trouble for the daughter of a District mayor. Anyone could see that he was in love with Katniss, but that didn't stop most of the girls in school from having crushes on him.
"Why are you staring at me?" He finally speaks up without so much as a glance in my direction. Hunter's instincts, I think.
"Just trying to figure you out. You're hard to read, Hawthorne," I tell him, blushing when I see him smile a little.
"Who says I want to be figured out?" he counters, finally looking back over at me. I smirk and shrug, looking up at the stars. He follows my gaze, "I never take a moment to look up at the night sky."
"The stars are so beautiful… Makes it hard to believe that life under them is so ugly," I reply quietly, folding my hands in my lap as I look back down toward the ground. "I wish I could just run away from it all. Run away from the Reapings, away from being Mayor Undersee's daughter, away from everything."
He's quiet for a moment before he speaks up again. "This will never end unless people stand up to the Capitol."
His words chill me to the bone. No one says things like this in District Twelve. Any stirring of a rebellious spirit is shut down without so much as a second thought. "That will never happen," I say, trying to make myself believe it. It's the fear of the unknown that makes me want to refuse this as a possibility. Too many people would die.
We don't say anything for a few minutes, the air between us is uncomfortable. His words don't sit well with me. After a while I stand up, pulling my jacket against me as I stretch my legs again. "I should be getting back before someone notices that I'm gone…" I know that no one is at home to notice my absence. No one lucid, that is. I start walking towards the tree line where the path begins when I hear his footsteps behind me. "I don't need an escort," I say defiantly.
"I'm not stupid enough to let a girl like you walk in the forest alone at night," he tells me, his long strides catching him up with me in seconds. I know that he has more knowledge about the dangers of the forests than I do, but the stubborn girl in me wants to do everything herself. I try to speed up my steps, but his much longer legs have no trouble keeping up with me. Suddenly, I trip and just as I'm about to fall face first into the dirt below me, an arm breaks my fall. Gale pulls me up and I stumble back into him.
He chuckles as he steadies me and I push my hair out of my face, "Careful there."
My body tingles where his hands hold onto my arms and I huff out a shaky breath. "I'm fine… but thank you." I can nearly feel his smile before I turn around and keep walking. We don't say anything else until we reach town, and he leads me down the alleyways I took just a while earlier.
I carefully climb the back stairs to my house, and as I open the door, I turn back to him, "Do you want to come in and watch with me? It's better than watching alone."
I watch him think for a moment before he nods and gives me a small smile. He follows me inside and pauses as he takes in his surroundings. "You have a nice house," he compliments, smiling at me politely.
"No smart comments, wow," I tease, walking into the room filled with the chatter from the airing program. I sit on the couch, motioning for him to join me.
"I like to change it up once in a while," he replies, his eyes relaxing from their normal tenseness. I smile at him before turning back to the screen. We settle into a comfortable routine, as comfortable as this situation can allow. I let my thoughts wander while we watch the programming, and I decide to give this boy a chance.