Just in advance this is pure shit. Best way to enjoy this is to not have expectations! My grammar is trash so feel free to PM me any errors and I'll make some stealth edits.
Today was like any other. I rode my bike to school, sat through my classes, walked to the service club after Yui smacks me for not walking with her, and reading my book as the time passed. But one thing alone was enough for me to notice something was off.
Where is Totsuka?
It's bad enough this author made me star in this trash-fic but he dares remove the light of my day?
Pulling my phone out I pressed on Totsuka's number as a thought ran through my head. Would it be creepy to text him? I mean I wouldn't want to disturb if I don't need to right? Damn, what's with the sweat coming out of my hands?
"Hikigaya-kun is something wrong?" The ice queen, Yukino Yukinoshita, said.
"Yeah Hikki you look, like, really pale. Scary..." Our third clubmate, Yui Yuigahama, said.
"It's nothing just wondering whether or not I should text someone." This is a very important decision in my life, damn it! If I mess this up I don't think I'll be able to live on!
"It's strange for you to be so nervous. I understand your sister finds you repulsive but you should at least be able to communicate with her properly." Yukino said as she gave a teasing smile.
"It's not Komachi I'm texting." I said. Obviously if I messed up I know I can get her forgiveness eventually, but Totsuka's a whole other story.
Yuigahama's face went as pale as snow. Nice Yukino impression but are you alright?
"Hikki… Could it be you're texting a girl?" Whoa, since when did you turn into such a detective. Oh wait, daga otoko da.[1] I was going to respond until the room turned below zero.
"Hi...ki...ga...ya-kun." Yukino said with an almost sinister smile. "Who exactly are you planning to text?"
My clubroom president is far more scary than I expected.[2]
"I-It's just Totsuka." As if on cue the two immediately let out a sigh of relief.
"It's great that it's not a girl but it feels worse that it's a guy he's so pestered about…" Yuigahama said with a defeated expression. I could go on about how vital Totsuka is to my life again but I'm tired of sounding like a broken record.
"Well just text him already. There's nothing wrong with checking up on a classmate." Yukino said as she traded her sub zero expression with a more neutral (but still cold) expression.
Following my presidents order I texted my cute classmate. My will of iron was strong enough to slay a dragon.[3]
Is everything alright? I noticed you weren't in class today. First message sent. I could feel the shaking in my fingertips as I waited for his response.
"Hikki…"
"Hikigaya-kun I request you control yourself before I do something I'll regret." Yukino said as she clenched her book, as if preparing to strike me at a moment's notice. Why are you guys so tense? Are you trying to steal Totsuka away from me? I won't let his light be taken away from me more than it already has!
The slight vibration of my phone indicated a response was sent.
Sorry Hachiman I was sick today.
Sick? Are you alright? Should I come over? Do you have any medicine to take? Food? Water? Do you live in an apartment? If so what floor? In fact just send an address and I'll rush over. I can ev-
With a forceful yank my phone was forcefully stolen from the ice queen herself. A look of terror stuck on her face.
"What gives?" I asked angrily as I stared at her with annoyance.
"I-I never seen anyone text with such a vehement look before." Yui said with the same look of terror on her face. Wait a minute. What does vehement even mean? Since when did you get so smart?
My attention was brought back to Yukino when she started reading my text. "Hikigaya…" Her lack of usage of "kun" was enough to scare me. "This text alone is enough to get you a restraining order."
Her fingers raced across the keyboard screen as she edited my text. Letting out a long sigh she finally pressed the send message.
"I texted him asking if we could come over. Hikigaya if you can't control yourself it is your duty to inform us in advance so we can prepare the appropriate measures."
I was about to respond when another vibration drew my attention to Totsuka's response.
Thank you for your consideration Hachiman! Even though my parents are out I still wouldn't want to be an inconvenience for you.
I eyed his text carefully. You'll never be an inconvenience for me Totsuka! But, wait! What is this about parents?
Totsuka are you telling me that you're parents aren't home?
Yes, why?
How long will they be gone for?
At least until 8. Why do you ask?
I'm coming over.
Uhm… okay? I'll send you my address.
Another text came with a link to Totsuka's address. Thank god for google-sensei! Turning towards the two I updated them on the recent developments.
"Interesting." Commented Yukino as she lifted her hand to her chin. "We better come along as well."
"There's no need too. I can take care of Totsuka on my own." No seriously, don't come. I want my alone time with Totsuka! It's the least I deserve after this shitty author stole him from me for the day!
"Hikigaya-kun this isn't up for debate. Besides I'm doing this for you, the incompetent virgin who can't control himself over a man" Whoa what's with the shots being fired Yukino? If I didn't know any better I'd say you were jealous. I'm not handing Totsuka over to anybody you got that?
"Yeah, yeah! No matter what the two of you alone is a crime waiting to happen! We need to protect Totsuka's chastity!" Yuigahama said from behind. Seriously Yui, is Yukino giving you lessons behind my back or something? Your rising intellect is scaring me...
"Fine if you guys are so insistent I guess you can come along."
And with that the three of us headed off to Totsuka's house.
Eventually we got to Totsuka's house after an agonizingly slow walk. It occurred to me that since this is my first time over, wouldn't it be appropriate for me to give a present? How do these riajuu trash do it? Though even if I did tell the two clubmates behind me, I doubt they would actually buy one.
Letting out a nervous sigh I pressed the doorbell waiting the tennis prince to arrive. I quickly checked my wardrobe in order to make sure everything was in place.
"Do I look fine?" I asked just to be safe.
"If only you could put that amount of energy into your studies instead of your wardrobe Hikigaya-kun."
"How come you're only nervous around Totsuka?" Yui mumbled as her new found depression took over. Seriously, smile more. Leave the cynicalism to Yukino and I, Yui.
Just as I had confirmed the state of my clothing a metallic click signalled the owner opening the door.
"Hachiman!" Totsuka's angelic voice greeted me. "Oh. You brought Yukinoshita-san and Yuigahama-san as well?" Sorry Totsuka, but they insisted on coming along.
Totsuka was currently out of his trademark gym suit and in his pajamas decorated with some sort of bunny design. For some reason it looked rather familiar.
"Yahallo Sai-chan!"
"Pardon our intrusion."
Taking off our shoes as we walked in we took a moment to take a look of the house. It was any normal two story house that you can find in any residential area, but I made sure to keep track of where the windows are. Just in case I need to come back quickly.
A sudden weight landed on my feet forcing me to look the culprit in the eye. Yukino Yukinoshita returned my stare with her own as if to say: behave or I'll kill you.
That cold stare was enough to make me behave.
"Sorry but there isn't much to do here…" Totsuka said as let out an apologetic smile. I could always just do Totsuka but dirty jokes aside, His face was more red than I remembered.
"It's fine Totsuka-kun, I'd be more focused on you however." Yukino said as she gave a (rare) thoughtful stare. "You look like you'll pass out."
"Oh, I do? Sorry i-it's nothing." His struggle to stop his legs from wobbling certainly didn't portray as such.
I grabbed his shoulders in order to stop him from collapsing on himself. That's all I swear! There were no ill thoughts in the making of that contact!
"Totsuka, it's fine I'll bring you back to your room. You don't have to be so considerate." My words of encouragement helped calm Totsuka down.
"If it's you Hachiman, I'm sure things will work out." Totsuka's eyes stared at me as he gave me a bright smile. Too cute!
"Hikki…" Yui's voice brought us back to reality.
My hateful stare for ruining the moment, a blushing Totsuka, and an ice queen returning fire later, we finally made it to the base of the stairs.
For each step we took my heart beated louder. With my hands still on top of Totsuka's shoulders the two girls behind us stared at us in jealousy. Too bad ladies! He's all mine.
As a loner I'm well accustomed to silence but Totsuka clearly wasn't. He must be feeling guilty for not being able to host us properly. Poor thing, I would never get mad at you Totsuka! Though something to talk about would be great. Hmm… That's it!
"Say Totsuka." Totsuka turned his head at the sound of my voice. "Those pajamas look familiar. Come to think of it I'm pretty sure Komachi wears the same pair."
"Hikki why exactly are you keeping track of your sisters pajamas?" Yui looked at me with disgust. Crap! I landed on a landmine, but I'm innocent I swear!
"As concerning as your comment was Hikigaya, I do have to admit I am curious Totsuka-kun. Why exactly are you wearing female pajamas?" Yukino said. Phew, that was close. Thanks for the support Yukino!
"These shouldn't be women though." Totsuka said as his face contorted into a confused expression. "I asked the manager to get something that would fit me."
Wait. Could it be that the manager mistook him for a girl? I can't exactly blame that person but Totsuka's self esteem will go down if he catches on. Luckily we arrived at the second floor allowing me to change topic.
"So which one is your room Totsuka?"
"The one to the left."
As we approached the doorway, Totsuka grabbed the handle leading to his room. This is the first time I've ever been to Totsuka's room, I couldn't help but get excited at the thought. I wonder if I'll be able to find any dirty magazines…
What awaited me was a nightmare.
Clothes were sprawled out, textbooks laid on the ground and his bed sheets weren't even done properly. It was as if Totsuka never heard of the concept of cleaning. Starting today I've lost all faith in god.[4] Though given how easily he makes a mess of my heart a messy room wasn't that far off.
"Sorry about this." Apologized Totsuka "My parents would sometimes look through my things without asking, so I intentionally make a mess of things…"
The three of us made no response. I guess it was hard on all of us to acknowledge the fact that someone as adorable as Totsuka would have something to hide. Something to hide…
A perverted grin spawned from my face.
"What exactly did you have to hide Totsuka…?"
Critical hit! A blushing Totsuka was caught off guard. "N-Nothing, Hachiman. Really!"
The way Totsuka tried to dodge the question was too cute! I drank max coffee with less sugar than this… Komachi would be proud.
"Well I guess we better start cleaning this up than." Yuigahama said. Did you not hear Totsuka? Stop trying to uncover his secrets! Only I'm allowed to know them.
"No, really. You guys don't need to go through such trouble for me. Seriously stop!" This new desperate side of Totsuka rose all the wrong feelings in my chest. Totsuka's eyes met mine, begging me to help. Figuring Totsuka needed a white knight to rescue him I decided to oblige. At least this princess wasn't at another castle.[5]
Looking at the clock, I noticed we were pretty close to dinner time.
"It's ten minutes past six. Shouldn't we get some dinner for Totsuka?" I suggested.
"A nice suggestion for once Hikigaya-kun, I'll get started." Yukino replied.
"Ooh! I'll help." Yui said as she dragged Yukino out with her.
"No, wait. I can just ask Hikigaya-kun for help…" Was all I heard from Yukino's lips as she was dragged downstairs. Finally some alone time with Totsuka!
Lying Totsuka down on his bed I stood there wondering what to do.
"Sorry Hachiman." Totsuka said noticing my guilt.
"It's fine really." Seeing your face is reward enough Totsuka. Now if only I can convince you to wear a bunny suit next…
"So… what exactly did you hide in your room?" I asked nervously. It was more than just teasing fuel, I genuinely wanted to know. Totsuka didn't look like the type to read dirty mags in his spare time. Even if he did read that stuff it would obviously be on his computer.
"Well since we're alone I guess I can show you…"
Totsuka put his hand inside his pillow and pulled out a picture. But unlike with the pajamas I recognized it immediately.
"The picture we took from the arcade?" I asked as Totsuka nodded. [6]
"Sorry. I know this is a little creepy but I didn't know where to put it and it would've been embarrassing if my parents saw it."
To think Totsuka went through all that effort to hide a picture between us. The picture was slightly curled but other than that it looked the same. Same Totsuka, same chuunibyou crasher, even the same sparkling effect we added.
As if out of habit I pulled out my wallet and showed him the exact same picture.
"Hachiman… you kept it?" Totsuka said in astonishment. "Hachiman I… I"
My eyes widened in anticipation. Is this a confession? Please. Let it be!
"I forgot to change my clothes…"
…
Totsuka why must you be so cruel? It's one thing to lure me with your kawaii level. It's one thing to look irresistible. But this?
All I could do was stare at the ground on all fours as I stared at the ground in defeat.
"Sorry Hachiman… if it isn't too much trouble can I ask you to look the other way as I change?"
Normally such a comment would undoubtedly arouse me but since I was still recovering from that previous attack all I could do was mutter an "ok" as I allowed Totsuka to change.
"All done." Totsuka said, as he made a twirl for me. Though his fever made it look extremely sluggish. Still there is definitely magical girl material in there! Magical Girl Totsuka. I better write that down for later.
And then it happened.
Totsuka's sluggish frame gradually made its way towards me but as soon as Totsuka's foot hit a textbook on the ground, he tripped right on top of me. Though I was sitting down I managed to support both our weights.
Unfortunately, my attempt at catching him brought our lips dangerously close together.
"Shi-Sorry Totsuka." I said as I tried to move him however his surprisingly strong grip prevented me from doing so. Geez Totsuka, you don't work out for nothing.
Totsuka, as if embarrassed, tucked his face onto my chest. Oi, I'm starting to get embarrassed!
"Hachiman… Thanks for coming over today, I really appreciate it. To be honest I was too embarrassed to say it before but now I can." Totsuka took a deep breath before continuing. "Hachiman Hikigaya I lo-"
"Yahallo! Din- EHHHH!?" Yuigahama screeched as she saw the position we were.
God damn it, woman! This was my one chance! I demand a refund. Hey shitty author! Rewrite this scene damn it!
Filled with anger and with no outlet, I settled for walking down the stairs in shame. Behind Totsuka as well bared a similar look.
"You alright?" I asked. My question seemed to have woke Totsuka from his trance.
"Yeah I'm fine. I was just wondering if this is what the girls feel on a regular basis."
Though I may never know what that meant at the very least I can take comfort in the fact that Totsuka still has the image in his heart. Still the mood was totally ruined! How can one person destroy such a crucial moment like that! Women really are scary.
As Yuigahama reported what happened to Yukino, all I could see was the stare she was giving me. A hollow stare that implied she was going to rip me apart when she gets the chance. A stare so cold I could almost feel my eyeballs freeze at the sight.
"I'm truly sorry our Hikigaya had to put you through that Totsuka-kun." Yukino said as she bowed in apology.
"Oh no that was my fault." Totsuka said, raising his hands in my defense.
As we all sat down the only thing I could feel were the stares from everyone as I ate my rice with eggs on top. Yo, shitty author I get that you're too lazy to think up a proper japanese dish but don't you dare create a malnourished Totsuka!
"Sorry about the lack of toppings but there wasn't very many ingredients in your fridge Totsuka."
Totsuka laughed sheepishly. "Yeah we recently ran out of ingredients. My parents should get some on their way back. Your cooking is very good though Yukinoshita-san!"
Oi, don't feed her ego Totsuka! It'll make her worse than she already is.
"Yeah, Yukino this stuff is really good!" Stop Yui….
Yukino only smiled in victory. "It's no big deal Totsuka."
Eventually we finished eating. Yukino offered to wash the dishes but Totsuka insisted he'll handle it. Though she protested that he was still sick, I know Totsuka was a tough boy so I left him to it. You gotta redeem you waifu material points after all Totsuka! Show them you're the true best girl![7]
As we walked out the door Totsuka sent us a parting wave.
"Thanks for coming! Hachiman come by again sometime. I'll introduce you to my parents!"
I could do nought but shed a silent tear of joy in my mind.
"Unfortunately Hikigaya-kun will be swump with club work." Yukinoshita answered for me.
"How exactly will I work when no one ever comes?"
"I'll find a way."
"Yeah! Hikki needs to be punished!"
Tolerating the unjustified usage of authority we all stood on the sidewalk waiting to cross a street.
The next morning in the Totsuka household, Saika was eating breakfast as he talked about last night's experience.
"Hachiman was really kind! He helped walked me to my room and tucked me in bed. He- Oh! I gotta go to school before I'm late. Bye mom! Bye dad!"
As Totsuka left, his father could only sigh.
"I can't believe it, two girls come over and he only talks about this Hachiman brat…"
The mother did her best to reassure him. "Well at least he's not a delinquent."
"I know, I know. It's not that I look at him any differently for choosing who he likes but still…"
As if contagious the mother let out a sigh as well.
"I guess I can sort of see this where you're coming from."
"Damn this Hachiman! How dare he corrupt our boy!"
[1] Steins;Gate reference. Pretty much means he's a guy. Also no regrets for shoving that reference in there.
[2] Reference to another fanfic on here: "My Clubroom's President is Far More Broken Than I Expected" By FireHero
[3] Reference to Dragonslayer from Berserk, Gut's primary weapon of choice in slaying apostle.
[4] Just a reference to a line 8man said near the beginning of the camping trip arc. The line was "starting today I believe in god" After he saw best girl (Totsuka)
[5] Mario reference
[6] For those of you who only watched the anime this 100% awesome scene only happened in the LN. Here's the pic in question /hcmn6dx
[7] No particular reference but it's just a shitty joke on the oregairu subreddit. Shout out to my boi Eremeir in case you're reading this. Namethatisntaken says hi
AN: So you made it all the way to the end. You either read through this shit or you scrolled all the way down to get a good idea of how long this fanfic is. Personally I spent roughly (roughly) 8 hours writing this. It's been years since I actually finished writing a fanfic and my skills are rusty but overall I feel I did a somewhat decent attempt. 4/10 at least. Tbh the only reason I wrote this was because I'm tired of the neglect best girl (Totsuka) deserves. Write more Totsuka damn it.