Chapter One – Enter the Wise-Crack Trio
Severus Snape was extremely unhappy after the war, and not just because of everything that had happened and how people looked at him now. Okay, so that was part of it, but the worst part was that he'd survived the Shrieking Shack (again), had been found by the Golden Trio (again), could have sworn that they saw him die (again), and woke up a week later in St. Mungo's. He felt empty now that Potter was married to the Weasley girl, and Granger to the youngest Weasley boy – erm, slob. That narrowed his only choice back down to nothing, and now he had been out of commission for how long? Two years? Ten? He didn't count anymore, he just didn't care about anything, and by Merlin's blue pants, he'd find something to do before his own mental issues drove him mad. He still found himself unable to talk, not for physical reasons, but physiological ones that even the Healers at St. Mungo's couldn't pinpoint. Oh well, his voice would return eventually, he figured. If it ever came back at all, but the Healers had said that it would once he felt comfortable enough to return. It was now, what – 2012? Twenty-twelve was the supposed year of the apocalypse, according to the Muggle beliefs, if he was correct from researching the American Muggle culture. After a month of resting his voice, they wanted him to go back to Hogwarts to teach Potions, but he declined, writing that he still needed a year or two to himself. That had been a few years ago, and Merlin help him, he just didn't feel the same after the war. He couldn't bring himself to face the death tolls in the war and the children of the Death Eaters he betrayed so blatantly and outright on his deathbed.
Granted, he loved teaching, so long as the idiot was willing to listen long enough to learn something and not just from his tasks. He sighed in defeat as he went over towards the Muggle contraption of an airplane, the concept entirely new to him but he honestly didn't care less. He was tired, was sick of the waiting, and finally drifted off to sleep after finally managing to pantomime to a neighboring Muggle that he was a mute, being forced to show his scar tissue to prove his point. The muggle nodded in understanding and left him be, but handed him Muggle money for Merlin knew why.
He arrived in America, and apparated from the back of the plane where he'd been sitting, taking care to be sure that no Muggles had seen him. He didn't care where he went, just that he was out of the plane, out of the traffic of people, and as far away from society as possible. Somehow, he wound up looking around himself in mild interest. This new location was large, open, and fairly well structured, if not small for being roomy yet tiny. He could hear people of all ages milling around him, and began wondering if he was in a scholarly location, a library, or somewhere else that he would be comfortable with.
"I can't take it! Why do I have to be the one to put up with you?" he heard a young woman ask as she passed, clearly angry with a Goyle-resembling male in the body width department, but not exactly height.
They both resembled Molly Weasley's height, and the girl resembled somewhat of a tiny pixie, if not for her chest size and her medium length brown hair. He noted it looked like it had once built up oils, just like his, and vaguely wondered what shampoo this girl used to keep it from getting oily again. One whiff of the pair, however, and he wondered how often they showered, and it was entirely unsanitary the way these Muggles kept up their hygiene. The girl was well groomed otherwise, had a slight orange to her teeth from a lack of going to the dentist despite her excellent hygiene with them, no doubt brushing them at least once a day, if not more. She wore baggy clothes, one that a male would wear normally, but ones that would also be wearable for a girl. Namely, she was wearing Cherry red T-shirt and a pair of Capri knee-length, almost flattering dark blue shorts, as well as her blue tennis shoes with white socks. It was a pity that she wore all this, and her frame was so tiny, yet so – flamboyant.
"For the last time, Sis, why don't you walk with me so that I know you love me?" the boy asked as he walked out a set of glass double doors. Huh, brother and sister, probably, Snape assumed. "Honestly, take your mind off Orochimaru for one minute to make time for your big brother!"
"Orochimaru?" Severus asked quietly, casting a notice-me-not charm on himself to help himself blend in while here and he followed this girl.
His curiosity was piqued, and this girl, this tiny girl reminded him of himself when he was her age – whatever that was. He followed the small girl, and stopped stone cold in a room full of what he knew to be Muggle contraptions of some sort. He winced, but stood guard over this girl, honestly curious as to what on earth she'd do with it. She began letting her fingers fly over a bunch of buttons, and letters appeared on a screen in front of the girl, and the girl wasn't even looking down to see what letters she was pushing, to Severus' amazement. How amazing that someone so young could have such a profound knowledge of these sorts of things, but no doubt she grew up with it as a Muggle, otherwise she would have gone to Hogwarts or the American equivalent thereof and would have no clue how to operate these things. He noticed that she typed something, clicked the mouse (that was what it was called, right?) and images appeared on the screen.
"Seriously, Sarah? More pictures of Orochimaru?" the older boy asked as he glanced at her computer monitor. "If you aren't careful, I'll turn off your computer monitor so you can't look."
"Would you rather have me looking up pictures of Jiraiya? Or perhaps Professor Snape, Samuel Lee Denning?" she retorted wittily within moments, and Snape immediately saw what this was: Sibling rivalry. One hated the other for not supporting her, and the other didn't understand why he was shunned and rejected, but continued on his path anyhow. "If I wanted an interrogation, I'd have gone to talk to Anko, or Ibiki, or Tsunade, Kakashi, Asuma, or heck, even Sakura or Naruto!"
"Alright, sheesh," he said putting his hands up. "Maybe something non-anime related for once?"
"Fine," she grumbled, and Severus looked back at the brother's screen. His had some weird sword-wielding male with a green tunic, blonde hair, blue earrings on large pointed ears, and a shield with a Triforce on it. "But you always have gaming stuff on your background."
"That's because Legend of Zelda is a common occurrence," Sam retorted. "Anime isn't, and it's hated worldwide. Heck, people go so far as to call it porn."
Severus widened his eyes in disbelief at the male's words that had been fired at the pixie-like brunette. They were teasing yes, and meaningless tone, but the way that the girl's face looked made Snape think that he'd just poked a sleeping dragon in the eyes. Her eyes flared, her fury and hurt rising, but the small teacher walked in at that moment and Severus took a tiny amount of time to find his own photos up on the girl's screen before she hit a button and they were all immediately gone. For a moment, he thought that she would cry, but he sensed that she tucked it away. Merlin's blue beard, this girl might just be a good user of Occlumency if her face weren't such an open book. She seemed to shrug most things off until you finally hit below the belt, which then she took things extremely personal, from what he was seeing with her brother.
But, alas, he'd seen this kind of thing with Lily and Petunia before in their childhood, and honestly didn't give a damn about sibling rivalry as long as it didn't end up like Petunia's and Lily's – in disaster, even after one of their deaths. After listening to the instructor and learning about the Muggle devices and how to operate them, he was very interested to find that he could somehow begin to understand the insane contraptions. With each tiny button pressed on this "keyboard", a letter appeared on the screen, and apparently there was a way to hold your hands properly so the entire thing could be easily reached with little effort on each finger's part. After the class was over, he followed her out of the hot and stuffy room, and she put in headphones over her ears.
"Stupid Sam," she muttered, "Why can't he just leave me alone? Damn. Hm, Lion King, or Prince of Egypt? Eh, who am I kidding? I'll only have time for one bloody song anyways, and I wish I could tell my next teacher to piss off like the jerk he is."
'Ah hah!' Severus thought. 'So she is a student, and quite the unhappy one by the looks of it. Perhaps her parents are to blame, or her brother? Then again, she might not have even done the homework. Holy crap, that essay is freaking – eight pages on why the government should be changed here? Damn, what is this kid, another know-it-all like Granger?'
"Alright, class," the teacher said as Severus hid himself in the corner of the room near the window to the back wall. "Turn in your essays for the final and begin on the Multiple choice."
'So that's what that purple folder with the eight page essay was about,' Severus mused. 'This teacher sounds like a combination between Weasley – the tiny brain size and manners – and me, but the latter only because everyone hates him and his class. I guess I'll have to stick around to see why, won't I?'
"Now, once I have your scan-trons, you're dismissed," the teacher said, and Severus' jaw almost dropped in shock. What on earth were these Muggles thinking, giving the students free reign of the school? Had he gone insane? Then again, perhaps they knew how to control themselves sometimes, he gathered, since obviously it would be forbidden to let them out of class if they didn't.
"Hey, Carl, what'd you do yours on again?" Sarah asked, and Severus scowled at her lack of remembrance as she left the classroom to find her friend waiting for her in the hallway.
"Well, I did mine on the effects that people like Orochimaru, Severus Snape, and the Volturi all have on society," Carl, a male who looked eerily similar, yet vastly different, from any of the Gryffindors that he'd seen, teased. Severus' eyes widened in shock – he didn't know these people, how did they know about him, and he'd been so good to hide himself!
"Carl!" Sarah whined dramatically, teasing and mocking all at the same time. "Tell the truth, Carl, are they really that grouchy, or are you just basing this off the fact that they're all deathly pale villains? Well, with one exception who turned out to -!"
"No! Don't spoil it!" Carl cried out as they reached the outside. "I haven't finished the seventh book yet, blast it! Actually, I haven't read any of the Harry Potter series…"
"Commendable," Sarah conceded, "Since you've got a reading disability. Demo, I'll just tell you right now that Orochimaru is a totally awesome Snake Ninja for the Naruto section. The Volturi need to burn for all the hell that they put everyone through and that includes poor Bella, the raving lunatics. Snape, Kami, Snape – he was a good guy in the end having to act as a spy for Dumbledore, and playing the part so well that he fooled everyone, even Harry and Voldemort until he died in the Shrieking Shack and gave Harry a few of his memories as he was dying!"
"Did you want Snape and Orochimaru to die?" the boy called Carl asked curiously, and Snape willed himself to stay calm as they talked about him. "What are your views on his appearance, what with his being the 'greasy bat of the dungeons' and all that jazz?"
"No, neither of them deserved to die," Sarah retorted angrily, with sorrow mixed in as well. "Snape was just following orders and trying to survive. Orochimaru just wanted to know the mysteries of life and to know all there was to know in the world. As for Snape's looks – you know good and well what I think about his appearance, blast it!"
Severus cast a silent Imperius curse, willing the foolish Muggle to become his mouthpiece.