Author's Notes: This... started as a songfic. And then I decided I didn't want to go line by line, so I took the song out. And then I decided that I liked the lyrics too much to leave them out entirely, so I put them in at the scene changes.
In any case, I'd really like to know if this works-- especially if it transitions well, because originally it had the lyric breaks that I took out. Wow, repeating myself, aren't I? ^^
Uhm. Oh, yeah. You'll notice that it doesn't have the customary 'owari' at the end. That's because... I don't know if it's done. If I get over my lukewarm feelings about the way this whole story turned out, I might do a second part.
The song's 'Naked' by Avril Lavigne, which is a very good song, with very good lyrics. I heard it for the first time the same day that I started 'Falling', and very nearly scrapped that fic in favor of writing one to this song. As it turns out, I've done both.
Bleah, this is getting long. Shonen ai. Tsuzuki x Hisoka. Sap.
If I haven't scared you off, have fun reading. ^_^
===============
Naked
===============
/I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
'Cause life is like a game sometimes/
Sometime during the nightmare, morning had crept into the rest of the world. Angled sunlight streamed through the blinds above the bed, giving birth to floating sparks of brilliance and leaving stripes of bright and dark on the far wall.
It was the play of lights that the boy focused on, shifting onto his side to watch with wide green eyes. It was something comfortingly normal for him to do as he tried to calm his breathing, and the warmth of the covers helped pull him from the chill of his dreams. When at last the fingers clenched around a fistful of linen stopped trembling, he gave a tiny sigh of relief.
Pushing himself shakily into a sitting position, Hisoka refused to consider the fact that the dreams were coming more frequently.
The little mirror in the bathroom was something that he avoided more often than not. Dead at sixteen years old, he would never grow, or change-- and proving that to himself every morning was a waste of time.
But after the dreams he'd had last night, the too-clear icy glint in the man's eye, the feel of rough hands on his body, Hisoka needed to convince himself that he was alright. That he at least didn't look as shaken as he felt.
Because if the fear was still lingering in his eyes, the boy wasn't sure he could avoid the questions he knew would come.
A pair of wide green eyes stared out at him, bright in a too-pale face. Carefully, Hisoka pushed the strands of sandy-blonde hair back, watching the expression of the boy in the mirror.
Blank. Carefully, calculatedly blank.
Turning slightly to one side, the young shinigami frowned experimentally, as though to make certain the mask wouldn't crumble. It held, and the expression was suitably scathing.
Good. Something to be used on Tsuzuki, later.
* * *
/But then you came around me
The walls just disappeared
Nothing to surround me
And keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up
Oh, you've made me trust/
/Because I've never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right/
The sakura petals were a pale, pink rain, falling in graceful spirals over the building. One of the wonders of the afterlife, Tsuzuki sometimes claimed, when his optimism was matched only by the amount of sugar he'd consumed.
Hisoka, of course, shared no such optimism; for whatever reason, the sight always struck the young shinigami as wordlessly poignant. Inside, angels of death struggled to ensure a smooth demise for mortals, while outside the blossoms drifted silently down, dying for eternity.
With a breath that was closer to a sigh, the boy began to climb the steps to EnMaCho.
Had he so desired, the young shinigami could simply have teleported into the building, but Hisoka was in no hurry. At the moment, all he wanted to do was find a quiet corner and be alone, to find a book he hadn't read and forget about assignments, about Earth, and people dying.
But... death didn't stop. Not for him or anyone else.
And there was work to do.
"Hisoka!" came the cheerful voice, carrying effortlessly for most of the length of the hall.
The boy lifted his gaze warily to discover the source, not at all surprised to find a certain violet-eyed shinigami bounding toward him. Trying on his most disapproving expression, Hisoka waited until the man was in speaking range. "Some people in these offices actually work," he pointed out sharply.
"Oh?" For about half a second, Tsuzuki looked suitably ashamed. And then he fixed his partner with a blinding grin, the excitement pouring off him in waves. "Glad we're not them."
Without breaking his stride, Hisoka fixed the older man with a sidelong glare. "We will be as soon as we get our next assignment."
But the expression that the older shinigami returned was far from the wilted puppy-dog eyes he'd expected. "Didn't Tatsumi tell you?" the man asked, fairly glowing. "We have two days vacation!"
"Two days...?" the boy began, trailing to a stop at the side of the corridor. It was strange indeed for the secretary to grant vacation time, especially considering the number of abnormal deaths lately.
"Yup!" Tsuzuki agreed. "And I already made reservations for a restaurant, so you can't back out on me." Wagging his tail eagerly, the man turned wide, hopeful eyes on his partner. "If we left now, we could make a day of it."
Hisoka frowned, green eyes showing only annoyance. "Why would we want to do that?" Enthusiasm that wasn't his crept in even without physical contact, and it was becoming hard to ignore.
"We could get some ice cream," came the innocent suggestion. "It might cheer you up." Leaning over to peer at the boy's face, Tsuzuki didn't try to hide the worry that clouded his violet eyes. "You look really pale- did you sleep alright?"
"Idiot," the young shinigami was quick to snap. "If you want to try the new ice cream shop, just say so."
* * *
/I'm tyring to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself and let the
Covers fall away
I guess I never had someone like you
To help me, to help me fit
In my skin/
/I never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right/
The sun glowed with a pleasant, drowsy warmth on Earth, bringing the temperature to one that just bordered on hot. The sky was very blue, bright and deep, with a few tiny streaks of clouds; the ice cream dripping and sweet. It was, Hisoka suspected, home made.
The shop had been small, the whole two of its tables already filled-- which was, according to Tsuzuki, just as well. After all, he'd told the boy as they settled themselves in the grass, it was too bright a day to waste.
"So," the older man insisted, violet eyes shining. "Do you feel better?"
The young shinigami's first impulse was to deny that there had been anything wrong, to make a suitably scathing remark and simply walk away. But something about the look in his partner's eyes told Hisoka that the lie wouldn't be worth the effort, and that he might regret leaving.
"...Maybe," he conceded at last, unwillingly.
Tsuzuki turned his full attention to licking the last of the ice cream from his fingers. "Thought so," he beamed.
Tilting his head slightly to one side, Hisoka leaned back on his arms, regarding the man with a serious expression. Dark strands of his hair were just a shade lighter in the sunlight, hanging in front of violet eyes that fairly glowed with laughter. And the smile that played about the corner of his lips was fond, and gentle... and real.
The boy didn't realize he was staring until Tsuzuki's expression widened into a grin, and one purple eye tipped closed in a wink.
Abruptly aware of the other man's amusement, Hisoka jerked his gaze away, trying to chase the blush from his face through sheer force of will. It didn't work very well, as the boy was dismayed to discover.
Seconds dragged by into minutes, and the older shinigami was abnormally quiet. Hisoka could feel the man's gaze on him-- it hadn't wavered-- and shifted uncomfortably. It was more attention than he was used to, and though it wasn't entirely unpleasant, the boy was beginning to feel awkward.
"Well," Hisoka began, more to break the silence than from any need to say it. "Your restaurant reservations aren't for three more hours." He tried to sound irritated about it, but Tsuzuki's simple pleasure had dissolved the lingering melancholy of the earlier nightmare. "So now what?"
"I was kind of hoping you'd tell me." The offer was straightforward, but the older man's tone said something else entirely.
"Idiot," the boy snapped, ignoring the fact that his cheeks were burning again. "Coming to Earth was your idea- it's not my fault that you try to plan everything around food."
"Not everything," his partner corrected. For the first time, Hisoka felt a stronger emotion under the excitement, and it set him ill at ease. "There's something else I wanted to do today."
"Donuts?" The edge of the sarcasm fell short, however, when Tsuzuki simply shook his head.
"More important." In the sunlight, the man's eyes were flower-purple, and they were bright with an emotion that Hisoka couldn't place. "I needed to tell you something."
The boy parted his lips to protest, but whatever words he'd planned were lost. Startled green eyes could only watch the hand that moved to brush his cheek in a touch that was nearly a caress.
It was a gentle touch, simple, but it brought half a dozen emotions racing through the boy. A warm, drowsy pleasure, and the joy of a lovely day and good food. Straightforward affection, genuine and uncomplicated. Good intentions that stretched deeper than the bottom of warm violet eyes. And something that was stronger than all the rest, something that was at once searingly sharp and unbearably welcoming.
Without meaning to, the boy leaned forward to seek more contact.
Gentle fingers traced the line of his jaw, as the other hand reached to sweep soft blonde strands from his face. "I asked Tatsumi for the time off," Tsuzuki admitted, in a low voice. "I thought you needed it."
And then the man leaned in a little closer, brushing his lips against his partner's in a kiss that was barely a touch. It was sweet, and soft, nothing at all like the night from so long ago that still haunted his dreams.
Hisoka was trembling slightly when the older shinigami pulled away, and for what seemed the longest moment of his life, he fought the urge to regain the warmth that the contact had brought. Finally, wide green eyes brimming inexplicably with tears, the boy struggled to speak. "Is..." he managed, heart caught somewhere in the vicinity of his throat. "Is that what you wanted to say?"
"Not really," Tsuzuki admitted with a little laugh. Draping an arm over his partner's shoulder in a familiar embrace, he pulled the boy against him with gentle insistence. "But the rest can wait."
In any case, I'd really like to know if this works-- especially if it transitions well, because originally it had the lyric breaks that I took out. Wow, repeating myself, aren't I? ^^
Uhm. Oh, yeah. You'll notice that it doesn't have the customary 'owari' at the end. That's because... I don't know if it's done. If I get over my lukewarm feelings about the way this whole story turned out, I might do a second part.
The song's 'Naked' by Avril Lavigne, which is a very good song, with very good lyrics. I heard it for the first time the same day that I started 'Falling', and very nearly scrapped that fic in favor of writing one to this song. As it turns out, I've done both.
Bleah, this is getting long. Shonen ai. Tsuzuki x Hisoka. Sap.
If I haven't scared you off, have fun reading. ^_^
===============
Naked
===============
/I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
'Cause life is like a game sometimes/
Sometime during the nightmare, morning had crept into the rest of the world. Angled sunlight streamed through the blinds above the bed, giving birth to floating sparks of brilliance and leaving stripes of bright and dark on the far wall.
It was the play of lights that the boy focused on, shifting onto his side to watch with wide green eyes. It was something comfortingly normal for him to do as he tried to calm his breathing, and the warmth of the covers helped pull him from the chill of his dreams. When at last the fingers clenched around a fistful of linen stopped trembling, he gave a tiny sigh of relief.
Pushing himself shakily into a sitting position, Hisoka refused to consider the fact that the dreams were coming more frequently.
The little mirror in the bathroom was something that he avoided more often than not. Dead at sixteen years old, he would never grow, or change-- and proving that to himself every morning was a waste of time.
But after the dreams he'd had last night, the too-clear icy glint in the man's eye, the feel of rough hands on his body, Hisoka needed to convince himself that he was alright. That he at least didn't look as shaken as he felt.
Because if the fear was still lingering in his eyes, the boy wasn't sure he could avoid the questions he knew would come.
A pair of wide green eyes stared out at him, bright in a too-pale face. Carefully, Hisoka pushed the strands of sandy-blonde hair back, watching the expression of the boy in the mirror.
Blank. Carefully, calculatedly blank.
Turning slightly to one side, the young shinigami frowned experimentally, as though to make certain the mask wouldn't crumble. It held, and the expression was suitably scathing.
Good. Something to be used on Tsuzuki, later.
* * *
/But then you came around me
The walls just disappeared
Nothing to surround me
And keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up
Oh, you've made me trust/
/Because I've never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right/
The sakura petals were a pale, pink rain, falling in graceful spirals over the building. One of the wonders of the afterlife, Tsuzuki sometimes claimed, when his optimism was matched only by the amount of sugar he'd consumed.
Hisoka, of course, shared no such optimism; for whatever reason, the sight always struck the young shinigami as wordlessly poignant. Inside, angels of death struggled to ensure a smooth demise for mortals, while outside the blossoms drifted silently down, dying for eternity.
With a breath that was closer to a sigh, the boy began to climb the steps to EnMaCho.
Had he so desired, the young shinigami could simply have teleported into the building, but Hisoka was in no hurry. At the moment, all he wanted to do was find a quiet corner and be alone, to find a book he hadn't read and forget about assignments, about Earth, and people dying.
But... death didn't stop. Not for him or anyone else.
And there was work to do.
"Hisoka!" came the cheerful voice, carrying effortlessly for most of the length of the hall.
The boy lifted his gaze warily to discover the source, not at all surprised to find a certain violet-eyed shinigami bounding toward him. Trying on his most disapproving expression, Hisoka waited until the man was in speaking range. "Some people in these offices actually work," he pointed out sharply.
"Oh?" For about half a second, Tsuzuki looked suitably ashamed. And then he fixed his partner with a blinding grin, the excitement pouring off him in waves. "Glad we're not them."
Without breaking his stride, Hisoka fixed the older man with a sidelong glare. "We will be as soon as we get our next assignment."
But the expression that the older shinigami returned was far from the wilted puppy-dog eyes he'd expected. "Didn't Tatsumi tell you?" the man asked, fairly glowing. "We have two days vacation!"
"Two days...?" the boy began, trailing to a stop at the side of the corridor. It was strange indeed for the secretary to grant vacation time, especially considering the number of abnormal deaths lately.
"Yup!" Tsuzuki agreed. "And I already made reservations for a restaurant, so you can't back out on me." Wagging his tail eagerly, the man turned wide, hopeful eyes on his partner. "If we left now, we could make a day of it."
Hisoka frowned, green eyes showing only annoyance. "Why would we want to do that?" Enthusiasm that wasn't his crept in even without physical contact, and it was becoming hard to ignore.
"We could get some ice cream," came the innocent suggestion. "It might cheer you up." Leaning over to peer at the boy's face, Tsuzuki didn't try to hide the worry that clouded his violet eyes. "You look really pale- did you sleep alright?"
"Idiot," the young shinigami was quick to snap. "If you want to try the new ice cream shop, just say so."
* * *
/I'm tyring to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself and let the
Covers fall away
I guess I never had someone like you
To help me, to help me fit
In my skin/
/I never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right/
The sun glowed with a pleasant, drowsy warmth on Earth, bringing the temperature to one that just bordered on hot. The sky was very blue, bright and deep, with a few tiny streaks of clouds; the ice cream dripping and sweet. It was, Hisoka suspected, home made.
The shop had been small, the whole two of its tables already filled-- which was, according to Tsuzuki, just as well. After all, he'd told the boy as they settled themselves in the grass, it was too bright a day to waste.
"So," the older man insisted, violet eyes shining. "Do you feel better?"
The young shinigami's first impulse was to deny that there had been anything wrong, to make a suitably scathing remark and simply walk away. But something about the look in his partner's eyes told Hisoka that the lie wouldn't be worth the effort, and that he might regret leaving.
"...Maybe," he conceded at last, unwillingly.
Tsuzuki turned his full attention to licking the last of the ice cream from his fingers. "Thought so," he beamed.
Tilting his head slightly to one side, Hisoka leaned back on his arms, regarding the man with a serious expression. Dark strands of his hair were just a shade lighter in the sunlight, hanging in front of violet eyes that fairly glowed with laughter. And the smile that played about the corner of his lips was fond, and gentle... and real.
The boy didn't realize he was staring until Tsuzuki's expression widened into a grin, and one purple eye tipped closed in a wink.
Abruptly aware of the other man's amusement, Hisoka jerked his gaze away, trying to chase the blush from his face through sheer force of will. It didn't work very well, as the boy was dismayed to discover.
Seconds dragged by into minutes, and the older shinigami was abnormally quiet. Hisoka could feel the man's gaze on him-- it hadn't wavered-- and shifted uncomfortably. It was more attention than he was used to, and though it wasn't entirely unpleasant, the boy was beginning to feel awkward.
"Well," Hisoka began, more to break the silence than from any need to say it. "Your restaurant reservations aren't for three more hours." He tried to sound irritated about it, but Tsuzuki's simple pleasure had dissolved the lingering melancholy of the earlier nightmare. "So now what?"
"I was kind of hoping you'd tell me." The offer was straightforward, but the older man's tone said something else entirely.
"Idiot," the boy snapped, ignoring the fact that his cheeks were burning again. "Coming to Earth was your idea- it's not my fault that you try to plan everything around food."
"Not everything," his partner corrected. For the first time, Hisoka felt a stronger emotion under the excitement, and it set him ill at ease. "There's something else I wanted to do today."
"Donuts?" The edge of the sarcasm fell short, however, when Tsuzuki simply shook his head.
"More important." In the sunlight, the man's eyes were flower-purple, and they were bright with an emotion that Hisoka couldn't place. "I needed to tell you something."
The boy parted his lips to protest, but whatever words he'd planned were lost. Startled green eyes could only watch the hand that moved to brush his cheek in a touch that was nearly a caress.
It was a gentle touch, simple, but it brought half a dozen emotions racing through the boy. A warm, drowsy pleasure, and the joy of a lovely day and good food. Straightforward affection, genuine and uncomplicated. Good intentions that stretched deeper than the bottom of warm violet eyes. And something that was stronger than all the rest, something that was at once searingly sharp and unbearably welcoming.
Without meaning to, the boy leaned forward to seek more contact.
Gentle fingers traced the line of his jaw, as the other hand reached to sweep soft blonde strands from his face. "I asked Tatsumi for the time off," Tsuzuki admitted, in a low voice. "I thought you needed it."
And then the man leaned in a little closer, brushing his lips against his partner's in a kiss that was barely a touch. It was sweet, and soft, nothing at all like the night from so long ago that still haunted his dreams.
Hisoka was trembling slightly when the older shinigami pulled away, and for what seemed the longest moment of his life, he fought the urge to regain the warmth that the contact had brought. Finally, wide green eyes brimming inexplicably with tears, the boy struggled to speak. "Is..." he managed, heart caught somewhere in the vicinity of his throat. "Is that what you wanted to say?"
"Not really," Tsuzuki admitted with a little laugh. Draping an arm over his partner's shoulder in a familiar embrace, he pulled the boy against him with gentle insistence. "But the rest can wait."