Is love enough to turn your back on the only life you've ever known? Luke/Sophia one-shot

Just The Way It Is

This is what makes your heart beat faster. This is when you feel at your most alive, seconds before you stare death in the face. The beast is shifting beneath you, a coiled spring, and you can feel its flanks heaving as it spits furious breath through flaring nostrils.

You jam your hat tighter, swallow the fear, and nod. And the gate flies open, welcoming you into infinity.

Tonight, death does not claim you. You have cheated Him for another night and as you retreat to your truck, cheque safe in your back pocket, you finally stop shaking. You type out the same text you send after every show, fingers slow to respond to your brain's commands. Don't bother to wait for a reply you know won't come.

The drive home is long but not as long as that infinite amount of time you clung to those bulls tonight. The road calms you, this wild, untamed landscape that owns your soul, and by the time the ranch comes into view, you are ready to face the music once again.

Your mom watches your slow, stiff walk across her kitchen, practically bristling with disapproval, but says nothing as you make silent eye contact and nod your confirmation that you've survived another bull. Every old injury is screaming at you, the frayed tendons and ligaments from dislocations and fractures past, muscles threatening to lock down but it is normal pain, a familiar old friend you have known for many years. This is not the terrifying pain, that screaming attack on your battered body that you mostly remember only in the depths of night, when you jerk awake dripping with sweat and fighting not to cry out, even though you know it's only in your mind now.

You retreat to your porch, Dog close by, keeping a careful eye as you drink a beer and wait for the headlights to wind their way down the drive. Sophia doesn't disappoint you. Before the Bud bottle is empty, her car is pulling into its usual spot and she is climbing the steps, placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

"You ok?"

"I'm good."

Her knowing eyes are watching you, as if she can see every aching muscle, trace the path of every bolt of pain.

"Was it a bad ride?" she asks.

You control a sigh. "No, just a long ride."

You stand up straight, draw your shoulders back, and by Sophia's expression the sharp vertebral clicks are audible.

"I'm ready for bed." You hold your hand out, hoping she won't try to draw you into a discussion. You are a man of few words at any time of day, but right now exhaustion is making you almost mute.

Her hand is soft in yours and as she squeezes your fingers, you realise you are falling hard and fast for this woman who seems able to see straight into your soul. Her arms are sliding around your waist, drawing you close, and you take her in your embrace, exhaling the breath you seem to have been holding all night.

Her head comes to rest against your solid chest, her palm tracing comforting circles across the screaming lumbar muscles she has learnt always bother you after a ride. You never voice it, try to hide it as much as possible, but she notices everything. She cares enough to notice.

"Does it scare you?" Her voice is barely above a whisper.

"…Sometimes."

"It scares me."

"That's why I don't let you come watch."

"You think I'm less scared sitting at home waiting for you?"

That thought hadn't actually crossed your mind. Maybe because, deep down, you're just a bull-riding country cowboy and hard thinking ain't your style.

Or maybe because you didn't want to consider how bad you could hurt her.

"You don't wanna watch me ride, Sophia."

"Why the hell not?"

You step back from her arms, so she can look you straight in the eye. "'Cos I don't want you bein' haunted by whatever you might see."

"See you get your neck broken, you mean?" she snaps, suddenly mother-wolf ferocious in her protection of you, and it's like she already knows the secret you can't yet tell her. She fears for your limbs, your spine, your ability to walk. She doesn't yet know to fear for your very life, that fragile connection of bone and titanium that is the only thing keeping you on this earth.

"I mean see something you'll never stop seeing, over and over again, every time you close your eyes." Like what you see night after night.

"Don't talk to me like I'm a fool, Luke."

"I'm not. I'm talking to you like the man who wants to keep you safe."

"Yet it's wrong for me to want to keep you safe?"

"'Course it's not."

"You make it feel like it is."

You take her hands in yours, win her gaze again. "Then I'm sorry. That's not what I'm trying to do."

"What are you trying to do, Luke?"

"Make you understand this is my life. And I want you to be a part of it, but not to the point of you suffering for my choices."

"I'll suffer the same whether I watch you to take a fall or have to hear about it the next day."

"That's what you don't understand, Sophia. You won't. It's a difference you can't understand 'cos you've never had to feel it, but trust me, there really is a difference."

Her eyes are alight, a heady mix of frustration, compassion and sheer stubbornness. And you are abruptly struck by just how deeply she cares for you. Before she can even open her mouth to fire back her argument, you've sealed your lips against hers and you're kissing her so deeply you can feel her breath catching in her throat.

"Come inside," you whisper.

For just a moment, she pulls back like a stubborn calf refusing to be guided forward. Then she yields to your strength and allows you to lead her into the house.

"Luke…"

"Don't." You rest your finger on her soft lips. "Not tonight. Let it lie, just for tonight."

"It won't go away."

"No, but it doesn't have to be the most important thing for a few hours."

"You're the most important thing to me," she says, so softly you can hardly catch her words, and it feels as if your chest is swelling because the way she is looking at you makes you believe you'll never love another woman as much as you do Sophia.

Cowboys generally travel their long, dusty roads alone, save for their horse and their dog. Until now, you have always been comfortable with that. Accepted it as just the way it is. You could find a woman whenever you wanted, buckle bunnies queueing up to ride with you, but not one to share the journey.

And now that's all changed.

And you no longer have any idea which direction you are heading in. You no longer know where your future lies. In fact, there's only thing you know for sure.

You know that wherever you end up, Sophia will be right by your side.

END