UPDATE! 09/12:
I have reworked this chapter and while it has primarily stayed the same in the flow of its story I have added additional elements and details. Also understand that I have taken artistic liberty on various metaphysical, philosophical and religious views and terms.

Please read over and review. Let me know how you feel about these additional facts!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Naruto and its licenses belong to Masashi Kishimoto, Shueisha, Viz Media, Studio Pierrot, Animax. TV Tokyo and everyone else I forgot to mention involved in its print, animation and distribution.

Seeling the Hawk

Chapter One - It's our job, damn it!

"Shit," Sakura thought tersely. She had been separated from her team. The crashing trees, explosions and occasional grunts and "dattebayo"s meant they were still fighting on the other side of the massive rock slide. This damn rock slide had not even been caused by her monstrous strength. Taking a measured glance at the cliff's edge and resulting rockslide Sakura figured the fallen boulders to be at least 5 meters thick in some places. While with some focused effort she could break her way through it would only to serve to upset the delicate nature of the cliff walls. Deep fissures and splintering cracks meant that being too rash would not only put her in danger of becoming entombed but her teammates as well. To add to what was already a precarious situation she had found herself in a dead end of the canyon narrowing to a cul-de-sac sized dead end. This was not a strategical strong point at all. If she did not get out from her rocky fishbowl any ninja could use her as target practice.

Like this ninja...

"You have an odd way of forgetting about someone." The voice dripping with malice and anger said from atop the nearby cliff. She could hear a few small pebbles roll down the cliff wall which had proven her right. It was a bittersweet victory for Sakura and right now she would not have minded being wrong. The desert sun shone strongly behind the ninja casting their front in a dark shadow. Her eyes squinted as she looked to the source of the voice raising up her gloved hand to block out the harsh rays that caused her eyes to water slightly. She could feel the frustration building up in her. Sakura groaned it was the last person she wanted to see despite what the arrogant ninja undoubtedly thought. His voice lingered in her head as she continued to stare upwards.

"I could basically say the same thing," Sakura said tersely, "For fuck's sake you've made yourself out to be the big bad in the ninja world and you're surprised to see me? Really Uchiha? Really?" Sakura heatedly shouted completely exasperated at how illogical the damn ninja could be when it came to her and with his silence she continued her verbal rant.

"Please tell me along the way you picked up the mastery of sarcasm because I cannot believe your surprise of seeing me here. We were former teammates and I admit that in my ridiculous childish romantic stupidity tried to reach out to you; however, you landed yourself in the damn bingo book and created a rogue faction against the ninja nations."

Sakura concluded with observations in a most logical if not blunt way possible, "Last time I checked, Uchiha, we were still in the fucking business of basically good ninja versus bad ninja."

The ninja merely let out an audible noise that was a mixture of annoyance and surprise. It had been some time since she stopped referring to him as Sasuke. No Sasuke had long since died since the last great war, maybe, Sakura briefly thought sadly long before the war. The darkness in Sasuke's childhood was merely a tiny tantrum to the rage that stood before her now. When he was a child there were still glimpses of humanity, and compassion. Though Sakura now admitted to herself that they were far and in between. His hatred, anger and darkness led him to this point. He had suffered an immeasurable pain that few had but selling his soul to the darkness was very much his choice. From their first meeting as Team 7 he always had one thing on mind and nothing would stop him. Still Sakura still felt badly in spite of her better judgement that her former teammate had to take this road.

He had formed a new group takanokyoukaor "Strengthening of the Hawk". He had believed himself the great, and benevolent Hawk with the sole intent of ridding the plague of rats that filled this world. This new group took over the defects of the various villages, former akatsuki members, anyone who did not want to conform and any ninja who had grown tired of the politics behind the "way of ninja". Uchiha always envisioned himself as an avenger from the way of ninja whereas Naruto envisioned himself as its protector. It was no surprise as to why Naruto and Uchiha were at odds now and would always continue to be at odds. Even more so now that more reports were trickling in through their intel. There had been reports of assassinated ninja from all villages and all lands. The reasons were numerous ranging from those who had tried to double cross Uchiha's group to those who had tried to usurp the group's power. Even missing nin were taken care of if they chose not to be a part of the group. The bottom line was that Uchiha would do all in his power to force someone's hand to join or face a certain death. He was in essence a full-blown, home-grown sociopath.

The only reason why he was not dead yet was not only due to his being a very skilled ninja with ever growing resources. No that was not the only reason. Simply put he had something valuable that any hidden village would love to obtain: his Sharingan. Rumored to have come down from the gods themselves meant any hidden village would rather take him alive. If only alive enough to extract what made Uchiha so special: his eyes and sperm.

Apparently his sperm had once been a hot commodity. Before the numerous failed attempts and the corpses meant that only a handful now dared to obtain his genetic information. Sakura had heard of Uchiha's trysts. It seemed that he had a taste for the escorts from the Land of Water as one brothel owner said with a leering smile "He liked them spunky and temperamental and better yet if they could pack a punch." He paid good money to keep one on call at any given moment. They were treated like royalty and reserved for his visits only. With the cash sent monthly the owners did not hesitate in the reserving and upkeep of Uchiha's mistress. The only time there were ever any issue was if there had been an accidental pregnancy-which proved to be the work of clever consorts hoping for a new life. Uchiha would force termination whether it was the child, the mother or both was up to the prostitute. Uchiha's future mistresses were extremely careful from then on with these issues becoming far and between.

Needless to say with Uchiha being extremely careful of his where his bodily fluid ended up with his high bounty including a shot at obtaining his genes. There had been rumors of extraction teams forming with the sole intent of capturing him, placing him on chakra blockers, and surgically removing his eyes to be preserved in a special formula to maintain its integrity in every way possible and prevent from necrosis from settling in. Obtaining any sperm would only then be the icing on the cake. There was only one person with the medical knowledge, financial backing (being the right hand man to a rogue power whose investments included legitimate businesses, shell companies and offshore accounts) and the sheer insanity to try and pull a stunt like this: Kabuto. There was another shinobi whose medical knowledge was on par to Kabuto: Sakura.

She knew what Kabuto would have planned. It was the same thing she would have done had her mission been the retrieval of Uchiha's eyes. The difficult job would have been to incapacitate Uchiha and permanently remove any ability of using chakra. Where Kabuto might have kept Uchiha's body for experimentation Sakura would take a different path. She would have collected as much of Uchiha's sperm, frozen it and researched ways of cloning the sperm so that the genetic information behind the sharingan would remain in the hands of Konoha. That genetic information could either be researched to help her sensei, Kakashi be able to turn off the sharingan as importantly keep his eyesight. There was then the obvious way of rebuilding a clan through the means of willing kunoichi who would be heavily compensated with not only monetarily but in the honor of rebuilding a clan through the use of a turkey baster.

Sakura would let Ibiki loose on the Uchiha bastard and be happy for once at the torture that Uchiha would face. However that was not on the agenda for today. What today's mission was about was simply reconnaissance on this new faction. To find out about the hidden lairs, networks involved and other tidbits that would aid the nations in a mass arrest, interrogation and means of dissolving this movement. Though now that the Uchiha bastard had presented himself today the mission would have to incorporate a large dose of spontaneity which could have been detrimental for younger, inexperienced ninja. While Sakura was a formidable ninja in her own right she knew and accepted that Uchiha was a step above in some techniques but mostly in his chakra reserves.

Thankfully Yamato had discussed at length what would be done had they chanced upon Team Hebi or Uchihas's own personal team prior to their departure. What they would have to do then was incapacitate Uchiha and return him to Konoha which was easier said than done. However Yamato made it very clear that it was of the utmost importance that they place the bug and surveillance jutsus first and quickly so that any unexpected turn of events would not leave the mission a complete failure. There was nothing wrong with knowing when to flee especially when dealing with someone like Uchiha. That was their plan and if they were able to incapacitate the Uchiha bastard then that would be the added bonus. The elders simply could not chance at his blood limit falling prey in the wrong hands and that meant any faction, hidden village that would gain the upper hand.

Chakra... That was the culmination of Sakura's years of study. She researched chakra, the chakra channels and everything related to chakra. It was not to not only give herself an edge in training, or administering medical help but to give herself an edge in ending another's chakra abilities. Had this mission, which was long since discussed and dissected, would have been about the Uchiha then ideally this was to have been at minimum a two team job with three men on one and four on the other. Nevermind the fact that along with these two teams two ANBU teams would be involved in the retrieval of Team Hebi. Interrogating Team Hebi would assist them in taking out the rogue factions as well as learn about utilizing the special abilities each member possessed through forced extraction and if they ended up not withstanding the punishment then obtaining their organs meant that civilians could end up with a much needed transplant.

Kaka-sempai, Naruto, Sai and herself would come into play along with team ten being an excellent complement with Shikamaru's strategic prowess and long range attacks, Ino's ability for mind control and Choji's brute force. Kakashi, Naruto, Sai, and Choji would have fought Team Hebi. Sakura would have laid down traps to further aid them as well as obtaining information to aid Shikamaru's strategizing. Ino and Shikamaru would be an added benefit providing long range assistance in immobilizing the enemies while Kakashi and the rest would incapacitate them. While Shikamaru had come up with the plan he willingly took Sakura's suggestions. By having a close range and short range team they would be able to quickly deal with with the other members of Team Hebi while the ANBU teams would quickly retrieve and transport them to Konoha.

The plan had gone awry and Sakura had found herself looking up at Uchiha. He was ready for the attack and from his stance clearly felt robbed. He had been looking for action and instead of getting Naruto, or Kakashi even Sai he got Sakura. Sakura frowned fighting the urge to shake her head as she spoke up loudly and confidently.

"My orders as a Konoha ninja is that if I chance upon you anytime or anywhere I incapacitate you for questioning or take you down if you prove too great of a risk to our people!" Sakura yelled, clenching her right hand her pointer finger stretched out to emphasize her point, "I will do everything in my power to protect it."

Her declaration needed absolutely no explanation. Uchiha and Sakura both knew what she meant. She had sided herself with the jurinchikiiand his way of ninja. She would give her life to preserve Naruto's hope, optimism and future. Naruto had a long way to go before achieving his dreams and she would do everything in power to ensure he realized them.

"Hn," the Uchiha bastard smirked, "even ready to die?"

It was too late to worry about the integrity of the canyon walls. From the distant sounds it seemed that the boys' fight had moved one click west. They were far away enough where she didn't have to worry about putting them in danger with potential rock slides. Sakura immediately channeled chakra into her fists and pounded the floor eliciting a scoff from Uchiha as the floor crumbled underneath him causing him to land on a jagged piece.

"He still underestimates me," Sakura noted and thought, "annoying as fuck but useful."

Sakura remembered Shissou's advice of using others' blindspots and catching them unawares. Sakura may not be able to beat him but she could certainly give him a fight worth remembering. It had taken a long time to come to terms with the fact that she might not always be the best ninja but she'd always give her best and use her talents. Her talents were her chakra control and intelligence. It would be some time before her teammates would come to her assistance. Time was what they all desperately needed at the moment.

Sakura had a new formulating in her head as she dodged Uchiha's attacks. The standoff would only last a few minutes as she would size up the situation and Uchiha would stupidly think intimidating her would make her nervous. Since the last war Sakura continually trained to harness her chakra control. It was something in the ninja world that was extremely difficult to improve and hone. While it needed some natural talent, focused concentrated training helped natural talent become a venerable skill. Sakura had the venerable skill in spades.

Sakura's display of strength was a multi-intended attack. Her intent was to convince Uchiha that aside from her becoming a medic and becoming stronger she was still brutish as ever. Over the years she realized the importance of showmanship. Creating the massive fissures, cracks, and flying rock and dirt caused most ninja to believe that she was nothing more than some reckless, untrained genin who poorly used the technique as intimidation. That might have been the case the first few months she mastered the ability because really the shocked faces on Kakashi and Naruto had been priceless.

Distract them with the showmanship and the reckless brute strength. Shissou's words rang loudly in her ears as the dust settled. Distracting Uchiha with techniques from the past was Sakura's first intent. Making him believe she was trying to intimidate him would only make Uchiha haughtier. When he raises his nose in arrogance and confidence then lay in the ace hidden in the sleeve. His mocking sneer meant that she had succeeded in tricking him. Though with a mental exasperated sigh she had to admit that it was an easy thing to do.

Her other intent was that while channeling chakra to create the spectacle of exploding rocks she also fanned her chakra outward, downward and upward. She had figured that 20 feet deep would be enough while she fanned her chakra a good one hundred feet as well as up the cliff walls confusing her at the anomalies found. Her chakra was able to give a good sense of any booby traps that might have already been in place before then. It had also given her the added surprise of a hidden chamber and tunnel signaling that this was one of hideouts of the Taka group. It seemed that not only had they taken over Orochimaru's hideouts but had also created new ones. It was these new ones that seemed better protected simply because of how innocuous the area had been.

Added to that, the five countries foolishly believed that Uchiha had wanted to take over Orochimaru and his territory meaning only his hideouts. Five miles to the east on the banks of the desert and where the meadowlands started laid a small farm that grew a variety of medicinal herbs that supplied the nearby villages. The implication of what this meant was harrowing to Sakura.

There was no way in hell that they would not have noticed the same ninja passing through day in and day out. The farmer had recently reached a contract allowing them the proper documentation to import their product to any of the five nations. This was going to require much needed thought Sakura concluded. The premature revelation left her a bit shocked and her mouth to dry as the few answers she immediately thought of even more so along with a large dose of worry. However she had other pressing issues and if she had remembered correctly he did not like waiting.

He was merely another Uchiha who betrayed his village and friends. Like his ancestors before him his obsession with power and strength added with the Uchiha pride made him susceptible to the darkness in his heart. He raised his arms and Sakura readied herself for the first attack. Despite the sun causing her to see stars it gave one crucial advantage. She was not under any genjutsu as far as she could tell. Despite her impaired vision she did not notice any slight hand signals nor could the ninja have her look into their eyes. Sakura also made it a point to not focus on his hands or face. She only hoped that Uchiha had not developed the ability to cast a genjutsu with his toes. While it might have elicited a small chuckle at the thought and sight right now she was glad for it.

Sakura took stock of the predicament she was in as she channeled a slight amount of chakra into her eyes healing any damage looking up into the sun might have caused. It also allowed her to quickly realize the situation she was in as the fissures and cracks in the canyon wall were only made more prominent answering the confusion she felt earlier. It made her stomach drop. Some of the fissures seemed indeed too clean to have been caused by the rock slide. Add then also there seemed to be small fissures made around the cliff wall feet from the edge as a means of weakening the wall. If it had been helped along then the only logical explanation would have been that they informant they used in creating this mission was a spy for Uchiha.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Sakura cursed mentally not only was she in a strategic shit hole she now had wonder how much of their intel was exactly what they were supposed to have? She now had to deal with the fact that the small farmer miles away, the informant they used and the fact that the Uchiha bastard stood feet from her meant it was deteriorating from bad to worse. She was essentially in a "fuck, shit stack" as that one artist rapped about. Then add the annoying hum of a ninja currently readying himself for a fight knew her. At least knew of her and her fighting style. Well technically Uchiha had known of her and of her fighting style. She would use this to her advantage. Though she knew that she would have to be cautious that while Uchiha might not have known how she had grown as a ninja he had witnessed all the weaknesses that were a constant battle. Sakura hoped that by knowing what he would try to pull would lessen the sting and not throw her off guard.

It had been a few years she had started researching chakra control in combat. Sakura and her shissou fought tooth and nail in making sure that while fighting Orochimaru and Kabuto that no one forget the invaluable information that lay in his research. While most of his research was indiscriminate in the test subjects he used and lacked all moral decency that did not mean it should go to waste. It was certainly a fact that most of his later research had only become more depraved, sickening and outright evil. However his earlier research into the various jutsus meant that Leaf ninja now had a new lexicon of jutsus that could be used as a teaching aid for the various clans as well as those of a certain affinity. They urged the council to use this information. The council had apprehension due to Orochimaru's reputations and rumors that wafted through the wind. However their greed and obsession with maintaining power, especially of their own special forces meant that they conceded. Sakura had headed the extraction teams and at Yamato's urging secretly copied the information found prior to releasing it to the council. The council might have allowed her a narrow view of the files but they did not know she had her copies secretly hidden away.

Shissou had been proud at Yamato's foresight and Sakura for finding a good hidden place. Who knew that hiding files in a series of books that were even more perverted and shocking than the Icha Icha series meant that no one save Kakashi would want to read them much less look at them. The ingenious part of this hiding place was that Yamato had assisted Sakura in researching ways of using already existing items to hide the files and scrolls. Better still was that they had made it so that only a very select few knew of its existence and fewer still were able to open the files that being Shissou, Shizune, and Sakura (or as Sakura jokingly said "The S 3" until Shissou made the point that technically her name was Tsunade and Sakura only responded with sticking out her tongue).

It was this research that allowed Sakura and the Ninja Research and Development team to study and investigate the allowed confiscated Kabuto's records. What they had learned about chakra had been more than they had expected. The Ninja Research and Development Department allowed them to gain an insight into chakra itself. Chakra was the life energy itself that had derived from Kabuto's study in the observation of Tobi's space-time jutsu even Kamui had him conclude at the possibility of other dimensions that may feed their world with the spirit energy needed.

Kabuto had named this miasma after the ancients theory believing that space between the ninja world and other new, and unseen worlds was an energy that had its own independent life. He observed and believed that the world was comprised of this contagious energy and that any momentary time of peace could only be achieved at not the cost of others' sacrifice unwilling and willing as well as personal sacrifice. This then only further reinforced this malevolent atmosphere. His evidence was simply how quickly and fleeting peace, joy and happiness were when compared to the strife exuded in achieving it. Added to the fact that the spirit energy that chakra was derived from much more malevolent which could explain why it was easier to fight with chakra rather than heal which took considerable control and focus to force the energy to change its nature.

Her team had barely begun to scratch the surface of his philosophical research and it certainly left them wondering how shameful would it be to understand how he came to this conclusion. While some might have agreed slightly Sakura refused to believe this as this would then meant that ultimately the struggle of achieving peace. She believed in Kami, that everything held natural forces. Sakura also believed that if within something why not in the space around each thing and the possible dimensions. Kabuto had simply believed that the world was innately corrupted and that peace was only the momentary lack of corruption. This went against what Sakura wanted to believe: that the world was a generally good place and that the energy chakra derived from was completely neutral and its usage completely depended on how one wielded it.

The most useful research aside from the various jutsus was that Kabuto had researched was that why not then harness chakra itself as a weapon. His belief was that if a medic nin would be able to channel chakra to "cut" such as a scalpel then why not explore its possibilities. This information meant that now medic ninja would be able to quickly switch their healing chakra into weapons allowing themselves the ability to protect and defend themselves. Especially if the delay of getting out their weapons such as kunai would delay them a second too short which could mean the difference between having their head attached to their spinal column or rolling around the ground and if other jutsus would prove to be too taxing on their chakra reserves that would be better served healing their teammates. Channeling chakra itself meant that they could maintain a specific amount of chakra for a definite amount of time allowing them to use their remaining chakra for healing or getting to safety. It also allowed them the time to slowly rebuild their chakra reserves.

Right now they had been researching further into the possibility of essentially shape shifting the chakra into any varying weapon that was necessary at the time. Of course this would mean that every medic ninja would have to be well versed and trained in many different weapons from long range weapons such as bow and arrows to short range weapons such as swords. Further research into this would be required in the event that they needed to dispel their chakra such in the case of a chakra bow. It would be infinitely useful to allow medic ninja to wear an item that held chakra that could be used as not only as an extended battery pack if their reserves were being depleted but also when they needed to maintain the chakra level of their weapon and giving them the leeway of dispelling chakra as a weapon.

While this was incredibly useful for medic ninja and their scope of ability it had additional benefits. This meant in a four man team the three other teammates did not have to be distracted in ensuring the medic's safety.

Sakura frowned as they parlayed. Their kunai clicking as they lunged at each while dodging the other's attacks taking every attempt when there was an inside. As Sakura blocked one kunai aimed for a gap where her armor had been tied on the side she immediately used her chakra push Uchiha's kunai away with enough strength to make him unbalanced. They continued to parlay and as they jumped back both showered each other exploding tagged kunai. Sakura took this moment of smoky haze to quickly run out of the rocky fishbowl. She could feel the ground crumbling and giving way but she persevered as she forced her chakra to go deeper into wall to maintain her balance.

Now that she was out of that particular predicament she quickly headed to the small forested area. She knew Uchiha would be in pursuit. She could almost feel his mirth at his seeing Sakura run away. Sakura frowned as she continued. She immediately hid herself among the trees as she took a moment to assess her health. While she had great chakra control her stamina still needed to be worked on. She had been training on it with cardio workouts, strength training, yoga, meditation, paying a visit to a shinto shrine for luck charms and wishes. If she suspected that making one thousand origami cranes would help then she was willing to try. Despite her training she knew she was nowhere near the Uchiha bastard. That meant that she either had to incapacitate him quickly or simply fight him long enough for her teammates to find her.

That meant that she would have to create another show of brute force.

"Is that the only attack you know?," Uchiha laughed darkly, "My Sakura you have grown!"

Sakura quickly rolled her eyes as she stood in the clearing made by her chakra-laced fists. Of course she let him have his joke. In the past she would have cried and felt saddened at this insults. Now she knew better. He may never accept her, recognize her, or love her but Sakura knew that above all else he would feel her anger. Her anger had deepened beyond the betrayal of a first love. No she was angry for Naruto. Uchiha had hurt her best friend too many times. He had put Naruto's life in danger. She could not abide by this. Naruto had been the epitome of the loving, forgiving and hopeful friend who would not give up on Uchiha. Sakura gave up on Uchiha for the sake of protecting Naruto.

Sure she wished Uchiha would change or in the very least see the error of his ways. But his hatred, rage and soullessness meant he would end up in the place he had lived: the darkness. It was clear that when Uchiha eventually met the shinigami he would not be headed to heaven that much was sure. If that was the path and end Uchiha chose then Sakura would make damn sure that he would not take Naruto with him.

"Let's get on with it," Sakura said annoyed.

"Oh, the kitten wants to play?" Uchiha purred making Sakura uncomfortable. Sakura knew what he was trying to do by calling her that. It had been a childhood nickname he had given her because of her quickly changing moods depending on who speaking with and for a more hurtful reason. For all the gushing attention she showed Uchiha, the indifference or anger towards Naruto, the pandering for attention as a student from Kakashi, the jealousness towards Ino while she had moments of lucidity in what it meant to be a ninja and had moments of bravery it was nothing more than a kitten trying to pounce and claw. For all of Sakura's pouncing, clawing and intimidation she was as useless as a little kitten.

Again they parlayed Sakura managed to strike Uchiha's cheek drawing droplets of blood. They jumped away from each other and Uchiha could have laugh.

"So the kitty has claws," Uchiha smirked, "Well it's time I euthanize you."

~.:Author's Notes:.~

1. Takanokyouka will be about 99.99 percent incorrect unfortunately. Which is why I included the definition I was going for immediately after in quotation marks. I used Google translate for the translation and to convert the kanji to romaji. That will definitely be a recipe for being wrong.

2. This is going to be a Sakura-centric story. Now as to whether or not this is going to be a story that includes shipping her with another character is not completely decided at the moment. I would rather deal with an adventure then maybe throw in some romance but not entirely sure.

3. That said I am fairly certain it is not going to be Sasuke. (Truthfully not the hugest fan of him and haven't been for a while at least not the manga version that is for sure. Some authors have thankfully redeemed him in the SasuSaku stories out there though I am not adverse to darker fiction.)

4. If I was going to ship Sakura with another character there are a few characters that I do like. I like the idea of Yamato and Sakura or Neji and Sakura. Though since I want to make this centered around the faction that Uchiha has created if I do include any romance it will be a sort of "in progress" and I may choose to write one shots of how it got that to that point.

5. Regarding the title, it is actually correctly spelled. Seel is defined as "1. (Individual Sports & Recreations / Falconry) to sew up the eyelids of (a hawk or falcon) so as to render it quiet and tame 2. Obsolete to close up the eyes of, esp by blinding" I believe very fitting of what Sakura wants to do to Uchiha, Shannaro!

6. Please review. Please tell me how this chapter was written. Did you hate it? Did you love it? Tell me. If it sucks please tell me I need to know. If it is great that's awesome too. Tell me where I can improve.

7. This is sort different for me because I am going to include fight scenes. Which means I have to really think about layout, positions, names, and ways to be descriptive about the fights. Please tell me what you thought of the fight.

8. Lastly, tell me what you think about Sakura's characterization. I knew that I risked making Sakura too empowered. However I did try to compensate with the addition of her lack of stamina. Is this enough what other weaknesses would you recommend? Aside from her temper which I am thinking of using as a detriment.

And most importantly! Please read and review orz
I need your reviews to let me know what my weaknesses are which will allow me to grow as a writer!