The Things Love Did to Him
(Dedicated to Nikkiacatmeki, who inspired me of this idea)
Matt had a long history of unsuccessful jobs.
First, he had tried out being a waiter. On his first day, he spilled roast chicken over a fat lady with a dog. He was fired. Mello yelled at him.
Second, he had tried out being a cook. When he attempted to fry something, he succeeded in burning someone's hand. He was fired. Mello yelled at him.
Third, he had tried out being a substitute for a kindergarten teacher. He tried to teach the kids how to count with blocks, but all they did was throw the blocks at him. He yelled at them and broke their crayons. He was fired. Mello laughed at him.
Fourth, he had tried out making book-binding. He accidentally switch an adult novel with a kid-friendly one. A woman was displeased with her purchase while an eleven-year old was scarred for life. He was fired. Mello asked if he can see the adult novel.
Fifth, he had tried working the cash register at Wal-Mart. He smoked indoors, resulting in an old lady yelling at him. He stabbed said old lady with his cigarette. He was fired, and charged for assault. Mello was disappointed that Matt hadn't used a knife to stab the old lady.
Let's stop there and prevent the list from going up to fifty. Truth be told, Matt was going through these series of unfortunate events because he had been fired from his previous hacking job. Apparently, he'd forgotten to erase his tracks when he hacked into a bank to steal money for his client. Now that client was sitting in jail, and it was his fault.
Not that he cared. He did, however, care about the fact that word had spread about this. He was no longer the world's flawless hacker, and that meant nobody wanted to hire him anymore. Stupid paranoid bitches, Matt called them.
When he got fired from his job, Mello just smirked and stood there. He loved the chocoholic, although that guy can be a bastard sometimes.
Now, let's focus on a specific time when Matt had a specific job. Matt wasn't fully sure what the job actually was, but it consisted of sitting in a cubicle, typing on a slow-as-hell computer, and looking professional. All employees were required to wear business suits, but Matt stuck to his striped shirt and denim jeans. It was bad enough he had to be restricted in a small space nearly half the day; the least they can do was let him have free will over clothing choices.
Anyway, that specific day found Matt walking to the building. He grumbled to himself about how Mello was such a tease, working him up then just leaving him hanging. He flashed his ID at the person on the front desk and sullenly walked to his cubicle.
The damned cubicle. "So little space," Matt muttered to himself, sitting on his office chair. He swiveled back and forth for some time until his boss yelled at him to get to work. He rolled his eyes and turned to his laptop. Maybe he could mute the sound and play some games instead?
Alas, there was a sticky note on top of the monitor, so that meant he had to get something done first. Not that that was a problem. He always managed to finish under fifteen minutes, with his typing speed of 103 words per minute. However, this time the task was for him to compose a professional email to some big boss to a big company. Said company's name was too large and complicated to repeat.
"Damn this job," Matt said to himself as he started typing. "Why did I have to accidentally stab that patient and get fired? I actually enjoyed being a doctor for a while...The manager was actually nice. Until he found out that I had stabbed a patient." Matt snickered to himself, remembering the guy's plump, red face.
"Keep it down!" Some guy from the next cubicle over called, punching the wall separating them.
Matt kicked the wall in return. "I'll talk to myself as damn much as I please!" He listened in satisfaction as the guy got up and walked away.
Microsoft Word was opened and Matt began to type, trying to sound as professional as he could. He muttered to himself as he typed, at the same time sure he was going insane. Thirty minutes into his letter, he unconsciously started rambling about Mello. "Bastard...I still love him though. He PMS's a lot though. Heh, male PMS. Yeah, he's probably going through his period." He typed some more in silence, then started up again. "I wonder what's for dinner. Mello makes the best pasta, I hope we're having that. Maybe I'll even come home early tonight and catch him in that sexy apron. And if I'm lucky, he could be naked except for that apron, like that one time. Hm..." He stopped typing, images of Mello stark naked invading his mind.
But Matt refused to be a pervert. He shook his head and resumed typing. Soon, the email was done and he sent it to the email address on the sticky note without bothering to proofread. This company deserved it. They could have at least given the employees more space! He was practically suffocating here!
He finally left the horrid place after two hours of pure boredom. As he left the lobby, he stared enviously at the plant that casually lounged near the sofas. It had more room than he had.
Scowling, Matt drove home, where he was greeted by Mello in an apron. Sadly, the blond was not naked.
"Could this day get any worse?" Matt asked himself.
"What do you mean?" Mello queried. "Had a bad day at work, honey?" He imitated a girl's voice, and Matt silently admitted that he did sound like a girl.
"I didn't get fired," Matt said. That was something, right?
Mello chuckled. "There's an improvement." He removed the ponytail in his hair, pushing a plate of pasta at his boyfriend.
Matt thankfully accepted the food and started to eat. About ten minutes into their dinner, however, their doorbell rang. Matt kissed Mello's cheek before getting up to answer it. To his surprise, it was his manager.
"What is this?" The fat man demanded, shoving a paper in Matt's face.
Matt noticed that this was the email he'd typed up at his job earlier. He read it:
'Dear Mr. Kasagi,
As you are aware of, this is Mr. Ridner. I'm contacting to tell you that mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello mello...'
The letter was a little over half a page long in its printed form, and most of the letter consisted of 'mello's'.
"You're fired," his manager said, closed the door for him, and walked away. He didn't even give Matt a chance to explain.
Matt shrugged and walked back to the 'dining room' part of his and Mello's apartment. "Who was it?" Mello asked, mouth full of pasta.
"My boss came to tell me I was fired," Matt said.
Mello swallowed and stifled a laugh, going in for more pasta. "When are you going to realize that you should just start hacking for people again?"
"It's not going to work." Matt thought for a moment. "Maybe I'll try being a policeman. If I'm lucky, I'd be able to shoot people."
"Don't be silly," Mello said, kicking his feet under the table. "You'll get fired if you kill a criminal without arresting them first."
Matt smiled. "Maybe I'll just stay home, then."
Mello rolled his eyes. Dinner went on in silence with the occasional taps as Mello and Matt's feet kicked at each other's playfully. Matt thought back to his letter and surpressed as giggle. Had he really done that? He must have unconsciously started typing Mello's name when he was ranting about him.
Ah, the things love did to him.