And Still
AN: Here's yet another songfic for you guys, because I can't seem to stop writing them! This one is based off of Reba McEntire's "And Still". You will notice that the male pronouns in the lyrics to the song have been changed to female pronouns, because, duh, it's a Bechloe love story! Kind of.
Thousands of people live in this town
And I had to run into her
When I saw her there on that busy street
Those feelings came back again
There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
She walked up to me and looked in my eyes
And still, the world stood still
I couldn't move, and all I could feel
Was this aching in my heart
Saying I loved her still
...
Of all the places in all the world. I remember something like that being said in one of Jesse's precious movies. I don't even remember the name of the movie, but right now, that phrase fits my thoughts perfectly. There are thousands of towns and cities in this state alone. Cleaner, safer, and just all-around better than this town. And there are forty-nine other states in the US, each with thousands of towns of their own. And there are hundreds of other countries with varying numbers of territories, provinces, states, or districts, each with, again, thousands of towns and cities in each. And she had to end up on this street, in this city, in this state, in this country, on this freaking continent at the exact same time as me.
We don't even have any connections to this city, either. I'm just here because there's a Maroon 5 concert in town. She doesn't like Maroon 5. So that can't be why she's here.
I see her there, on the corner of the intersection. I haven't seen her since high school. And here she is, no more than ten feet away from me. I'm frozen in place, I can't believe my eyes. Everything inside me is screaming to run away, to hide behind that streetlight over there, or even further away. But I'm frozen in place. And now, it's too late. She sees me, and the grin on her face, and the light in her eyes is almost enough to assure me that staying right here was a good idea. Almost.
But there's that pounding in my chest, and the roaring in my ears, the weakness in my knees, and the shivers down my spine, they all say the same thing. I'm still every bit in love with Chloe Beale as I was in high school, when I was too scared to say anything, too scared of rejection.
She said, "How have you been? It's great to see you again.
You're really a sight for sore eyes."
I said, "I can't complain. Oh, I'm doing fine."
We talked as the people rushed by
We laughed about old times and all we went through
That's when she hugged me and said, "I've missed you."
And still, the world stood still
I couldn't move, and all I could feel
Was this aching in my heart
Saying I loved her still
...
"Beca Mitchell, how have you been?" Chloe squeals at me, and I manage a slight chuckle. "I mean, wow, look at you! God, it's good to see a familiar face in this town, I swear!"
"I can't complain. I'm just in town for a concert."
She frowns slightly. "Oh, so you don't live here?"
"No. Maroon 5 is in town, and I scored a couple of tickets to the concert on a radio contest."
"Ah, still in love with Adam Levine, are you?" Chloe teases.
I roll my eyes. "Absolutely. Come on, Chlo, you know I'm destined to be with you!" I smile, though, as always, my heart skips a beat at the thought of actually being Chloe's.
She laughs. Unfortunately, Chloe has no idea how true those words are to me. She's always thought it was a joke between friends.
"Yeah, well, we'll talk about destiny after our first date." She winks, and if my heart skipped a beat before, it skips three now. Then, I realize she's teasing, still oblivious, as always, to the way I truly feel about her. She hugs me tightly, and I melt into the famous Chloe Beale hug. It took me a while to accept it, but Chloe Beale is a hugger, and after about a month or two of being her friend in high school, I actually learned to enjoy them. But only Chloe Beale can hug me. And she knows that, so she takes advantage of it every opportunity. Or, at least, she did back then. This is just an "I haven't seen you in forever" hug. "I missed you, Beca Mitchell." She sighs.
"I missed you, too, Red." I admit. I'm not going to deny it. I sniff her hair, and my knees go even weaker than they were before. She smells just as heavenly as I remember.
But as much as I love Chloe, and her hugs, this one is killing me, because I'm still in love with her, and I'm still too scared of rejection to tell her.
That's when she walked up to her
She said, "This is my wife."
I gave my best smile, but I was dying inside
She said, "We've gotta go now, it's getting late.
It was so good to see you." And then they walked away
And still, my world stood still
I couldn't move, and all I could feel
Was this aching in my heart
Saying I loved her still
...
Then, a tall blonde walks up to us and wraps an arm around Chloe's waist, kissing her head. "Who's your friend, Chloe?" She asks.
"Oh, Aubrey, this is Beca. She was my best friend back in high school. Beca... This is Aubrey... My wife." Don't think I didn't notice the hesitation, because I did. But my heart was breaking too badly to care. Yeah, it hurts to see her with someone else, but that's not it. Well, it is, but that's not the whole reason.
The whole reason I was too afraid of rejection to tell her how I felt was that I had always thought that Chloe was straight. We never really talked about it, but I guess I just assumed... Anyways, seeing her with a woman right now, especially one so gorgeous like this Aubrey chick, it hurts because I know now that, all those years ago, I didn't need to be afraid. Back then, I could pretty much charm the pants off of any gay, bisexual, or even questioning girl. If Chloe was gay back then, I could have won her over. And it hurts badly that I know now that I missed my chance. Chloe Beale is married. To a woman that isn't me.
But I force a smile on my face, despite the fact that I feel like someone just gouged my heart out with a spoon. "Married, huh? That's amazing, Chloe. I'm so happy for you."
Chloe beams. "Thanks, Beca." She looks at her watch and frowns. "Oh, shit. Damn it, we have to go. It's getting late, and we're supposed to pick up my son in ten minutes." Chloe smiles apologetically at me before she and her wife leave, and I have to fight my tears down so she won't see me cry.
Married... with a kid. That's Chloe's life now. Happy. And I'm not the cause of that happiness. Because I missed my chance.
Because I was too damn terrified of rejection to tell her how I felt. Because I am still too damn terrified of rejection to tell her how I still feel.