THE JOYS OF A BEARD
by Soledad
Disclaimer: Not mine, all Tolkien's, except the Mary Sue and the weird plot. Sue me, and you'll be given the Sue – pardon the really bad pun.
Rating: Starting with G and going upwards. No idea yet how high it might become. I'll give the rating separately by every new chapter.
Summary: This is the ultimative 10th-Walker story, set in the early phases of LOTR's creation, as demonstrated in the HoME-books 6-10. Warnings: Mary Sue, slash and slight crazyness.
Genre: Drama/Romance of the worst sort. No intended humor whatsoever!!!
INTRODUCTION
(Boring, I know, but necessary. Do us both the favour and read it, instead of nitpicking on me afterwards. Otherwise, I'd be righteously annoyed, and you don't want me to send my pet Balrog after you. He's a nasty little fellow.)
This story was inspired by a discussion on the Axe & Bow mailing list, considering the question why there are so few Legoals/Gimli slash stories. One of the group members said that part of the problem was of aesthetical nature. After all, has anybody ever seen a Mary Sue chasing Gimli?
Well, I'm not particularly fond of Legolas/Gimli slash (even though I've read some beautifully-written stories), but a good challenge is a good challenge every day. So, here you have your ultimative 10th-Walker, Mary Sue, Legolas/Gimli slash story, complete with a rebellious Elven princess and her super powers and stuff. As Deborah could tell you, I strongly dislike the label ''slash'', for it has become an equivalent of badly written, pointless smut, but this time it's fitting. Well, I hope not the badly written part, but the story is rather pointless, honestly. Hey, it is a Mary Sue, after all!
Nevertheless, it's not a parody. One of the most important traits of a Mary Sue is that it's taken very seriously, and I have tried to follow the guidelines of creating a honest, original, down-to-Middle-earth Mary Sue religiously, while keeping the general story of the Ring Quest. All humour that might emerge comes from the fact that the Mary Sue is there in the first place.
However, the story settings might be a little confusing, since the books I am folllowing here are not the final, published trilogy but the earlier drafts Christopher Tolkien gifted upon us in the HoME-books(1) 6-10 Many of the descriptions and the dialogues are vastly different from those of the LOTR-books, but are genuine Tolkien lines nevertheless, quoted more or less directly. Even some of the names – those characters or places – are different. For example, Aragorn (or Ingold son of Ingrim in our case) is called Trotter instead of Strider, though I kept him a human, even if he had been a hobbit for quite some time in Tolkien's imagination.
There also will be an Appendix where I list up the changes and also give you a visual, casting (or recasting) some of the characters.
Oh yes, the names of the Mary Sue have been created with the help of the insanely funny Middle-earth name engine on the barrowdowns website.
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(1) The History of Middle-earth, edited and published by Christopher Tolkien.
The volumes of a total of 12 I used for this fic are:
Volume 6: The Return of the Shadow
Volume 7: The Treason of Isengard
Volume 8: The War of the Ring
Volume 9: Sauron Defeated
My heartfelt thanks to Nemis who offered to beta-read this insanity and encouraged me to post it.
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''If the Elves knew the joys of a beard, no dwarf would be safe.'' – Legolas, in ''A Diamond Between Wood and Stone'', the most poetic Legolas/Gimli story I've ever read. Written by Pythoness, may the Valar bless her.
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CHAPTER 1: PRINCESS GREEN LEAF
Rating: G for this chapter.
Summary: This is the grand entree of our heroine. She comes and conquers all hearts – except the one she's longing for. But life is rarely fair to Mary Sues, and elder brothers are usually a pain in the backside. Not to mention evil, royal fathers who always try to marry their daughters to the wrong man… Elf… whatever.
Author's note: This is basically a collage of the more complete text parts found in HoME 6 or 7. Only the lines considering the Mary Sue and the reactions of the canon characters are mine. Just that it's clear. ''All Tolkien's'' has a literary meaning thorough his whole story.
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Frodo awoke early next day, feeling refreshed and well. Sam brought him breakfast, and would not allow him to get up till he had eaten it. Then Bilbo and Gandalf came and talked for a while. Suddenly a single bell rang out.
"Bless me!" cried Gandalf. "The council is in half an hour. That is the warning. I must be off. Bilbo will bring you to the place, as soon as you are ready. Sam had better come with you." And off he was, ere he had finished the last word.
Half an hour later, Bilbo and Frodo made their way up and down many stairs and passages towards the western wing of the house, until they came to the appointed place. Sam trotted a little forlornly after them, wondering why on Earth his presence would be required.
The council was held in a high glade among the trees on the valley-side far above the house. A falling stream ran at the side of the meeting place, and with the trickling and bubbling of the water was mingled the sound of many birds. There were 12 seats of carved stone in a wide circle; and behind them many other, smaller seats of wood. The ground was strewn with many red and yellow leaves, but the trees above were still clothed with fading green; a clear sky of pale blue hung high above, filled with the light of morning.
When they arrived, Elrond was already seated, and beside him, as at the feast, were Gandalf and Glorfindel. Glóin was there also, with a younger Dwarf, whom Frodo later discovered was Burin son of Balin(1). A strange Elf, clad in green and brown – a messenger from the King of the Wood-Elves in Eastern Mirkwood, was seated beside Burin, and next to him, in a long, silky silvery-green gown, sat an Elf-maid of such exquisite fairness that it took Frodo's breath away.
Long, ebony tresses framed her pale, heart-shaped face, and her eyes were dark like the night sky – rather unusual for an Elf, but not entirely unheard of. Young she looked, yet there was innocent wisdom in those bottomless eyes, and it seemed as if she was wrapped in some mystic power like in an invisible cloak. Nevertheless, she had a striking similarity with the fair male Elf who sat beside her, Frodo found, maybe they were related somehow.
"Who is she?" he asked Bilbo in a low whisper, but even so, the fair Elf-maiden heard it and looked over to him with a melancholic smile. That single look nearly pierced Frodo's heart; how could a creature of such unearthly beauty be burdened with the sorrow that mirrored in her beautiful eyes?
Bilbo followed his look and grinned. Being old and battered, the almost irresistible charms of the maiden let him rather cold.
"Oh, her? That is the Lady Alkarainien(2), Princess of Mirkwood, the only daughter of the Elvenking I was… erm… visiting during my adventure with the Dwarves. She was sent here in the company of her brother, Prince Legolas, because she is to be married next Elven New Year."
"Married?" Frodo was devastated and felt mindless jealousy rising in the darkest pits in his heart. "To whom?"
"To one of Elrond's kinsmen," Bilbo shrugged. "I know not – and I care not. Come on, my lad, the Council is about to start. They are only waiting for us."
Frodo let himself being ushered further into the glade, taking a quick look around. Trotter(3) was there, of course, and all the rest of the hobbit party, Merry, Folco and Odo(4). There were besides three other counsellors attendant on Elrond: one an Elf named Erestor, and two other kinsmen of Elrond, of that half-elvish folk whom the Elves named the Children of Lúthien(5). And seated alone and silent was a Man of noble face, but dark and sad.
"Here," was Elrond saying, turning to Gandalf when they entered the glade, "is Boromir from the Land of Ond(6), far in the South. He arrived in the night, and brings tidings that must be considered."
Frodo followed Elrond's nod with his eyes. He had not seen many Big People before they arrived in Bree, and never one from the far South. But even in the Shire, there were strange tales about the proud land of Ond, the last stalwart tower of Men that still dared the evil forces of the Black Lands, even under siege of the wild men of the East.
What a strong, valiant Man he must be, making that long journey from Ond to here alone, thought Frodo, gazing admiringly at the handsome face of the big Man. But Boromir paid him no attention at all. The keen, grey eyes of the Man lay on the lovely face of the Elven Princes in a lustful manner that made Frodo shiver delicately. He only hoped that the Prince of Mirkwood – or the one the Princess had been promised to – were vigilant enough to protect her from this lustling.
The fair maiden felt the burning gaze on her face and looked up shyly, raising slightly a slender hand as if she wanted to protect herself from this intrusion. Thin golden rings with tiny gems of different colours glittered on three of her fingers, and Frodo was sure the gesture had some power in it, for Boromir slowly turned his gaze away, as if ordered to do so. After that, the Princess lowered her long, ebony lashes again and cast her eyes mutely at the paved floor.
Elrond rose now and invited Frodo and Bilbo to take the seats next to Gandalf, while Sam and the other hobbits were directed to the wooden chairs in the second circle. The Master of Rivendell then introduced Frodo to the other guests, and thus the Council began.
It would take long to tell all the things that were spoken at that council. Many of them were already known to Frodo, so he only listened with half an ear, admiring the pale beauty of the Mirkwood princess instead. Though if he wanted to be honest, he had to admit that her brother was no less beautiful, in his woodland garb of soft leather and rough linen, the silken cascade of his ebony hair adorned only with elaborately bound, thin braids, twisted into a lover's knot above each delicately pointed ear. Still, in Frodo's eyes Legolas was but a silver shadow against the shining moonlight of his sister.
Gandalf spoke long, making clear to those who did not already know the tale in full the ancient history of the Ring, and the reasons why the Dark Lord so greatly desired it. Bilbo then gave an account of the finding of the Ring in the cave of the Misty Mountains, and Trotter described his search for Gollum that he had made with Gandalf's help, and told of his perilous adventures in Mordor.
Thus it was that Frodo learned how Trotter had tracked Gollum as he wandered southwards, through Fangorn Forest, and past the Dead Marshes(7), until he had himself been caught and imprisoned by the Dark Lord.
"Ever since I have been greying," said Trotter with a shudder, and though he said no more, Frodo knew that he had been tortured and was still hurting in some way or other. But he had been rescued by Gandalf and saved from death(8).
In this way the tale was brought slowly down to the spring morning when Gandalf had revealed the history of the Ring to Frodo. Then Frodo was summoned to take up the tale, and he gave a full account of all his adventures from the moment of his flight from Hobbiton. Step by step they questioned him, and every detail that he could tell concerning the Black Riders was examined(9).
Elrond was also deeply interested in the events in the Old Forest and on the Barrow-downs. "The Barrow-wights I knew of," he said, "For they are closely akin to the Riders (10), and I marvel you at your escape from them. But never before have I heard tell of this strange Bombadil. I would like to know more of him. Did you know of him, Gandalf?"
"Yes," answered the wizard. "And I sought him out at once, as soon as I found that the hobbits have disappeared from Buckland. When I had chased the Riders from Crickhollow I turned back to visit him. I daresay he would have kept the travellers longer in his home, if he had known that I was near. But I am not sure of it: he is a strange creature, and follows his own counsels, which few can fathom."(11)
"Can we not even now send messages to him and obtain his help? " asked Erestor; he was a tall, elegant Elf with noble and stern features and clear, grey eyes. Frodo had the feeling there was precious little that Erestor would not notice – and that he could be a dangerous enemy if insulted. "It seems that he has a power even over the Ring. "
"That is not quite the way of it," the Elven Princess answered in Gandalf's stead(12), and her voice was soft and sweet like honey. "The Ring has no power over him or for him: it can neither harm nor serve him: he is his own master. But he has no power over it, and he cannot alter the Ring itself, not break its power over others. And I think that the mastery of Tom Bombadil is seen only on his own ground – from which he has never stepped within my memory… or the memory of our Elders."
"But on his own ground nothing seems to dismay him," said Erestor, casting a look full of proprietary pride at the Princess. "Would he not perhaps take the Ring and keep it there for ever harmless?"
"He would, perhaps, if all the free folk of the world begged him to do so," she sighed. "But he would not do so willingly. For it would only postpone the evil day. In time, the Lord of the Ring would find its hiding place, and in the end he would come in person, and the Barrow-wights with him like an army of Death."
"I doubt whether Tom Bombadil, even on his own ground, could withstand that power," Gandalf said in grim agreement, secretly stunned by the great wisdom of such a young person; for the Princess was truly young by the measure of her own fair kin. "But I am sure that we should not leave him to face it. Besides, he lives too far away, and the Ring has come from his land only at great hazard. It would have to pass through greater danger to return."
"If the Ring is to be hidden – surely it is here in Rivendell that it should be kept," the Princess added, looking shyly at the Lord of the Valley through the silky curtain of her half-lowered lashes; "if the Master of this House has might to withstand the coming of Sauron and all his power?"
"Alas, I have not," said Elrond ruefully, for his heart ached that he had to crush the hope of such an innocent child.
"In that case," said Erestor unhappily, "there are but two things for us to attempt: we may send the Ring West over the Sea, or we may try to destroy it. If the Ring had gone to the West long ago that would have perhaps been well. But now the power of the Lord is grown great again, and he is awake, and he knows where the Ring is. The journey to the Havens would be fraught with the greatest peril. On the other hand we cannot by our own skill or strength destroy the Ring; and the way to the Fiery Mountain would seem still more perilous, leading as it does towards the stronghold of the Enemy. Who can read this riddle for us?"
"None here can do so," said Elrond gravely. "None can foretell which road loads to safety, if that is what you mean. But I can chose which road it is right to take, as it seems to me – with some help." With that he turned to the Princess and added gently; "Lady Alkarainien, it is said that you not only are of many names but of many gifts as well, gifts that come rarely even to the Firstborn. Would you open your heart to Elbereth and ask her for counsel and guidance?"
"You know not what you ask for," Prince Legolas interrupted him angrily. "The visions drain the strength of my sister, they are painful and could do her great harm!"
"Ssssh, brother mine," the Princess soothed him, laying a gentle hand upon his arms that were protected by strong leather wrist-guards against the string of his bow. "Master Elrond is right. We all must do our duty in order to protect the free peoples of Middle-earth. You have your strong arms and your bow. I have… other means to serve."
Legolas paled even more, but argued no longer, seeing the wisdom in his young sister's words. Still, the anguish left not his deep green eyes as the Princess folded her hands upon her lap and closed her eyes, focussing on some inner voice in the depths of her fëa(13) where Elbereth, the Lady of the Stars sometimes spoke to her. It was obvious that Legolas had been right – the vision did drain her of her strength, and she also seemed to be in some sort of pain, so that even Erestor half-rose from her seat, but Elrond's iron grip held him back.
Finally, the Princess opened her eyes, but they were unfocussed now, and her voice was strangely detached, and she spoke as if in trance, "The choice is clear. The Ring must be sent to the Fire." And with that she fainted into her brother's arms.
This caused great anxiety among the Council members, of course, and Elrond himself helped the Prince of Mirkwood to carry her sister back into the house, where she was laid upon one of the guest room's bed and taken care of. The Lord of the Valley decided that they should continue their Council later, when the Princess had some time to recover, and everyone returned to his own chambers, waiting in anguish for news about the health of the Princess.
TBC
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End notes:
(1) No, seriously! For a short time it was Burin and not Gimli to go with the Fellowship! I swear! See HoME 6: The Return of the Shadow, p. 393.
(2) Alkarainien is the (fake) Elven word for Princess Greenleaf. Not a genuine Elven word, of course. Created with the help of the name-generator on the Barrowdowns site. As any fine Elf, our heroine would have many different names along the story.
(3) Earlier form for Strider.
(4) Originally, the hobbit party counted more than 4. Plus, one hobbit had accompanied Gandalf, in order to mislead the Ringwrights. They can't be fully identified with their later counterparts, or so says Christopher Tolkien, although many of their lines went directly the later variations, but some character traits were different.
(5) No kidding! That was the first name for the Peredhil or Half-Elves. Apparently, there were more of them than just Elrond and his children.
(6) Later Ondor and finally Gondor. But Boromir was pretty much the same from the very beginning. And, Valar forgive me, I could not resist to play the ''evil lustling'' cliché here.
(7) This is the first time that Tolkien actually mentions the Dead Marshes.
(8) After Trotter has become a Man instead of a hobbit, the story of his captivity disappears from the scripts.
(9) It's surprising that the Council wants information about the Black Riders from Frodo, since they know much more about them than any hobbit could have.
(10) See above. This idea, too, was later rejected.
(11) In LOTR Elrond knows Bombadil, of course.
(12) Originally, these are Gandalf's lines, of course. But we all know the tendency of a Mary Sue to steal the best lines from canon characters and therefore become the centre of all things.