This is my first Olicity fic, I tried to write their goodbye scene in 3x09 and what happens after from her point of view. I hope you guys like it!
She knew she wasn't going to like what was about to happen the moment she walked into the Arrow cave. She could feel it.
Oliver was packing his bag and it made her stomach turn, as if she could throw up at any given moment now.
But no matter what she would say or do, she knew he wouldn't stay. And it hurt, because it felt like she'd already lost him, even if he was still standing right in front of her.
Oliver, the man she'd gotten to know so well over the past three years. She'd seen him transform from killer with a vengeance to a hero and a savior with a mission from up close. And she loved everything about him. Even if he could be unreasonable at some times, even if he acted like an ass.
Felicity loved every aspect of Oliver Queen.
Even if he didn't love her back, or at least not like she loved him. It was okay. She'd made her peace with that a long time ago, even before he'd asked her out on a date. Before he'd kissed her.
But right now, she wished he did love her like that, even if it was only so she could persuade him to stay here. For her sake. She doubted if he'd listen to her then. Oliver would do anything to save his sister, even if it meant giving up his own life. Thea was the only family he had left, or so he thought.
Felicity held still when she saw how he said goodbye to both Roy and Diggle, but a little voice in her head wondered if he wasn't saying farewell instead. Neither of them convinced him to stay, apparently, or so she guessed.
It made her want to bawl her eyes out, but she had to remain strong, not only for him, but for herself as well. If she had a breakdown right at this very moment, she'd probably never get up again.
No matter how smart or how strong she was, no matter how independent she was.
The thought of losing him forever seemed worse than her own death.
But Oliver had already made his decision. He would go try and fight this Ra's al Ghul no matter what, no matter the consequences. Because it would save Thea's life, it would give her a clean slate.
And Felicity admired him for it, it made her love him even more.
It didn't take long before the three guys noticed her.
"Come on, let's give them some privacy," Diggle said, pulling Roy away from his mentor and the only brother he'd ever had.
Felicity didn't say a word until her colleagues had left. It felt like what she was about to say was only meant for one pair of ears. Oliver's and Oliver's only.
"So you're going," she said, just standing there, staring at him. He stopped packing his bags for a second to look at her.
"Hmm-mm," he answered, even though that wasn't really an answer.
"To Nanda Parbat?"
"No, it's a neutral site. It'll be fine, I'll come back. Thea will be okay."
"I wish that sounded more convincing…"
Felicity wanted to believe so badly that everything would be okay. She knew she had to have a little faith in Oliver, but she feared Ra's al Ghul. He was such a dangerous men, and he'd never lost a trial by combat. Not that she knew of. Oliver was strong and he had a lot of experience. But Ra's al Ghul had more experience. They didn't call him The head of the Demon for no reason.
"And I wish you wouldn't go," she said, putting her bag down on the desk she usually sat at. There would be no reason to sit here if Oliver didn't come back. So she had to ask him something he wouldn't like.
"But I know you better, so I'm not going to ask you to stay," she said, knowing that it would only be a waste of time to even try, even though it was all she wanted to do right now.
"I appreciate that," Oliver replied with a hint of the slightest of smiles on his face.
God, she loved his face. And his smile. And basically everything about him. She loved him, even when she tried her best not to, to forget about him, them, to move on. She just couldn't stop.
"But there is one thing I need to ask you to do. And you're not going to want to."
Her voice trembled and Felicity didn't even try to hide it. Oliver probably knew exactly how she felt about him anyways.
"Well, if it's you asking, I'll do it."
Did this mean he would stay if she asked him to?
Not that she would. Instead, he moved closer to him, until there were only a couple of inches of space left between them. She looked up at him through her glasses with her big, blue, begging eyes.
"Kill him. You have to kill Ra's al Ghul."
He tilted his head a bit to the right, confusion in his eyes. His smile had disappeared and instead, there was nothing more than sadness left.
Felicity took a deep breath before she tried to explain herself.
"It's a duel, Oliver. With one of the most dangerous men that has ever walked the earth."
Her voice broke, but she didn't even care. She had to get this out of her system. She had to tell him this, to convince him to listen to her because if he didn't it would mean his end. And she couldn't lose him. She just couldn't.
"I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't think I could win," was Oliver's answer. And even though he sounded self-assured and confident, Felicity knew better. She knew him and she knew he wasn't a killer. Not anymore. Not like he used to be.
"I don't doubt that," she said, crying now, shaking her head and making hand gestures to give her words more power. Because it felt like the only way to persuade him. "I don't doubt that you can beat him, I am terrified that you won't kill him."
She knew she was begging, and she didn't like doing so. But she didn't see another option. This was the only way. He just had to listen to her.
"Cause… that's not who you are anymore," she said, looking him straight in the eye to let him know she was being serious about this. "And I'm so afraid that Ra's al Ghul is going to use your humanity against you…"
Maybe she sounded a bit dramatic, but she knew she was right. This was going to be a life or death situation, and she couldn't bear it if Oliver died on that mountain.
Oliver put the strap of his bag over his shoulder, and Felicity crossed her arms, biting her lip in a way of preventing more tears to stream down her face. She would cry her eyes out later, once he was gone. She would cry and scream that it wasn't fair, that he deserved better than this.
"I honestly don't know if I'm a killer anymore, Felicity," Oliver said, smiling his little smile again. But this time it wasn't sincere, it was sad, but still confident. "But I do know two things."
Felicity gasped a bit, she tried to keep breathing to stay calm.
"The first is that whoever I am, I am someone that will do whatever, whatever, it takes to save my sister. " He said, putting the emphasis on his whatever's, his way of telling her that he would kill Ra's al Ghul if it came to it. But it only reassured her for a couple of seconds. Because he'd never actually said the words. He'd never actually promised her he would.
But before she could say another word, Oliver leaned towards her and pressed his warm lips softly against her forehead. Her eyes slid shut immediately and she had to do her best not to cry. She had to tell herself over and over again in her head that this wouldn't be the last time she'd feel his lips on her skin. That she would see him again, that he would put his arms around her once he'd gotten back from that mountaintop as the victor of his trial by combat.
A few tears rolled down her cheeks still, no matter how hard she tried to keep them in.
When he pulled back, she opened her eyes and looked at him, still worried and maybe even a bit desperate. Because what if this was the last time she would see his face? No… she couldn't think like that. She believed in him with all her heart.
But that didn't mean she didn't worry about him…
Oliver just smiled at her again, he looked at her as if she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and it confused her for a second. He didn't want to be with her, right? He couldn't. He'd told her they couldn't be together. He'd broken them up before there was ever something to break up in the first place. And now he gave her that smile… Like she was one in a million.
He walked past her and she turned around to follow him with her gaze. It took a few seconds before she realized he'd only given her one of the two things he knew for sure.
"And the second thing?" she asked, her voice still trembling.
He turned around, facing her again. He was smiling. This time, she could tell it was sincere, but it also looked like it was hurting him. As if he was going to tell something that cost him a lot of effort to actually say out loud.
And she was right.
"I love you," Oliver said. No, he stated it.
He meant it. She was sure of it. Unlike six months ago, when he told her he loved her to make her part of his plan to get to Slade Wilson. Even though he'd sounded quite convincing back then, she'd known it was just part of his plan. She'd known it was a lie. Or part of a lie.
But this? This was real.
Felicity felt a shiver run down her spine and for a couple of seconds she couldn't move a muscle. She was too stunned, too shocked. She wanted to say something, to tell him she loved him too because she did, no matter how hard she tried to move on. There would always be a part of her that loved him. Always. But she couldn't find the right words. Even if she could find them, they'd get stuck in her throat.
Instead, she just stared at him with watery eyes, not knowing what to do or what to say. Did he really just say that? Did those words really come out of his mouth?
Oliver smiled at her one last time, before he turned around and walked to the stairs, leaving her behind in the Arrow cave all by herself. Alone with her thoughts. Alone with the equipment they'd used for the last three years to hunt down all the bad guys in Starling City and to stop them. All of them had put their lives on the line in the process, but never like this.
Oliver could be walking into a trap, for all they knew.
It took a while before Felicity was able again to move, and when she did, she walked to the chair behind her desk and sat down, letting out a deep sigh. She looked around the cave, staring at Oliver's green suit that protected his identity when he was out there, protecting the city.
He was convinced that Oliver Queen was not important anymore. Oliver Queen couldn't protect this city. He couldn't be Oliver Queen anymore. And that was the reason why they could never be together. He'd convinced himself of that.
A single tear rolled down her cheek and Felicity shook her head, wiping the tear away with the back of her hand, before she took off her glasses. With her thumb and finger, she pinched the bridge of her nose and she closed her eyes again, trying to fight the tears that would never end if she let herself cry.
If only Oliver could see that Oliver Queen was important to a lot of people, and that he could do a lot of good for this city as Oliver Queen and not just as the Arrow. Maybe then… maybe then they could have a chance. But as long as he didn't believe in himself, she couldn't believe in them.
She honestly had no idea what to do know. Should she go back to work? Back to Ray? Or should she stay here, waiting for Oliver to come back? Maybe she should just go home, she could need some sleep, even though she doubted that she would actually be able to fall asleep.
Felicity put her glasses on the desk behind her, before she buried her face in her hands, rubbing her fingers over her skin and keeping her eyes shut.
She'd never asked for this. She never wanted any of this. She just wanted everyone to be happy. She wanted to be happy. But every time her life seemed to be heading in the right direction, something happened that messed everything up. Like a bloody explosion that ruined her date with Oliver, together with her hopes of ever having a relationship with him.
Or Malcolm Merlyn, drugging Thea and forcing her to kill Sara, making sure Oliver would take the blame and challenge Ra's al Ghul to a trial by combat so his name would be cleared.
Again, she let out a sigh and she let her hands drop in her lap, opening her eyes again. For the second time she looked around the Arrow cave, not knowing if Oliver would ever see this place again. If he would ever see her or Thea or Diggle or Roy again. She wanted so desperately for him to stay here, to stay safe, to stay alive…
She swallowed and rubbed her temples with her fingers, before she got up again and walked to the glass cage where Oliver kept his Arrow suit. Cisco and Caitlin had improved the suit, but she'd convinced them to keep the hood, she knew how much it meant to Oliver. It had been Shado's hood, the girl who died on the island.
Slowly and carefully, she put her hand on the glass, fighting back the tears that she almost couldn't hold in anymore. The Arrow was only a small part of Oliver Queen, and she wanted desperately for him to see it like that. He could have a normal life, if only he'd let himself. It wouldn't mean he had to let his guard down. It wouldn't mean he'd have to stop protecting the city. They would do it together, just like they'd done the last three years.
Maybe it was better if she just let go of the thought of her and Oliver. Maybe Oliver didn't know what he was doing with their relationship, but she couldn't wait for him the rest of her life, only to find out that he wasn't planning on having a future with her after all. She just couldn't waste her life like that.
But if Ray was the right choice? She honestly didn't know. Yes, she'd kissed him the other night after their dinner, and she couldn't say she regretted it, even though he walked out on her pretty much immediately. He'd explained why, though, and she felt so sorry for him. His fiancée had died during Slade Wilson's attack on the city, and she couldn't imagine anything worse than that.
She sighed, pulled her hand back of the glass and turned around, ready to pack her stuff and leave this place. She couldn't be here any longer because every single thing reminded her of Oliver. His suit, his bow, his arrows, the fern she'd gotten him a couple months back.
At least it wasn't dead yet.
Just like her feelings for Oliver. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how much she liked Ray: he would never be Oliver.
"Felicity?"
She'd just walked back to her desk to get her bag, when she heard Diggle's voice behind her. Immediately, she turned around, to see her friend and colleague standing at the bottom of the stairs, hands in his pockets and a worried look on his face.
"Are you all right?"
She nodded, wiping away the last bit of wet that the tears had left on her face. Diggle walked up to her, and the closer he got to her, the more worried he got. He could see it on his face.
"What happened?" he asked, putting on his hands on her shoulder, a small and sweet gesture that let her know he was there for her no matter what, and that she didn't have to tell him if she didn't want to. But John was her friend and he was the only one who would understand what she was going through right now. Because he knew her, and he knew Oliver.
So Felicity looked up at John, tears filling her eyes again, and this time she didn't even try to hold them back. She felt a bit stupid for crying so much, but she was allowed to, right? Her relationship with Oliver was pretty complicated and he'd just told her he loved her. That had messed her up pretty bad.
Diggle didn't say anything, he just pressed his fingers softly into her shoulder and kept looking at her, waiting for a response from her, not pushing anything.
"He told me he loved me," she said, eventually, really crying now.
"He told me he loved me and then he left. And I couldn't stop him…" The tears streamed down her face and she tried to breathe but it felt like her lungs were refusing to take in any air. So she just shook her head and closed her eyes, even though that didn't stop the flood of tears that wasn't going to end any time soon.
John put both of his arms around her and pulled her close to him. Felicity buried her face in his shirt, leaning against his firm chest and feeling his strong arms around her. John Diggle was the big brother and the father figure she never had. But he was also one of her best friends and there wasn't anyone else who she'd rather have with her right now.
"Shhh," he said, rubbing her back with one of his hands and kissing her on the top of her head for a second, trying to comfort her somehow.
"It's going to be all right."
But that was just the thing, right? They didn't know if it was going to be all right. Oliver could win this duel, but so could Ra's al Ghul. To believe in Oliver was one thing, but to believe he was invincible was just stupid. He wasn't invincible, he never was and he never would be.
Oliver Queen was just a human being, with a human body. With a beating heart that could give out at any second. Especially when he was fighting a man as dangerous as Ra's al Ghul.
"Shh," Diggle said again, when Felicity kept crying and the noises she made didn't even sound human in her own ears. Why was she the only one who was freaking out about this? Why weren't the others worried about Oliver? Why didn't they at least try and talk him out of it?
She cried in Diggle's arms for a while. She had no idea how long they'd stood there, but it felt like an eternity. Eventually she ran out of tears and she managed to pull herself back out of Dig's arms, to pick herself up.
She needed to pick herself up. Not even for Oliver, but for her sake. She couldn't live like this.
"What if he dies out there, Dig? What if he dies out there, all alone and we will never know what happened?" There weren't any tears left, but she still sounded desperate, there was still a hopeless look in her eye.
"He won't, Felicity. We have to keep faith. It's Oliver. He will come back to Starling City. He will come back to you."
"How can you be so sure?"
Diggle shrugged and smiled at her.
"Because it's Oliver. He survived five years God knows where, doing God knows what. He's been tortured, threatened… and he has almost died a few times. Believe me, he's coming back."
She shook her head and crossed her arms. Of course she wanted to believe what Dig said, she wanted it to be true so bad. But her gut and her mind just wouldn't agree.
"I…"
"Just have a little faith, Felicity. You believe in him, don't you?"
Slowly, she nodded this time. Yes. She did believe in him. She always had and she always would, no matter what would happen on that mountain top. But she desperately hoped and prayed it would work out in their advantage.
"All I want is to get him back alive and well," she said with a little voice, biting her lip.
"We all do," Dig replied, still smiling.
But not as much as Felicity did.