Soldiers
Disclaimer: The plot and characters of Gundam Wing don't belong to me. This story, however, does. See: ©Marlin-sama, '01.
Archiving: It would make me happy and I will say yes, but please ask first.
Warnings: Yaoi, much angst, implied lime, 5x2, 1x2, implied 3x4 (if you can find it).
AN: I have become a 5x2 fan. I'm not sure how it happened, but it did. Bare with me, here. BTW, this takes place at the end of Endless Waltz.
******
No one will worry about me. They never do, and I am beginning to realize that they never will.
But then, I have always been Wufei, the Lonely Dragon. It keeps people away from me, keeps people safe from me.
Except the war is over, and while the rest of the world seems to be getting back on its feet, I'm trapped, left behind, left alone to think about a time when a lonely soldier came running to me for comfort, assurance. And I had the audacity to believe that you could have…loved…
How many times have I said that emotion makes you weak? Makes you suffer? This ideal has kept me safe. At least, it did, until you needed me to tell you that he was alive. And I suddenly felt the full extent of my loneliness. Would anyone ever cry for me?
Do I sound bitter? Perhaps. But God damn you, Maxwell. Why did it have to be me you came to, seeking solace? But of course, I was the only available possibility. So you appeared before me, desperate, tears in those large (beautiful) violet eyes. And what was I supposed to do, hmm? So I offered you a sanctuary, where you could stop pretending. I remember once, you whispered that you got so *tired* being happy.
So, in me you found relief. And in you, I found a new way of life. I found a way of feeling that didn't hurt. You gave me back my heart.
Every night you came to me. I took you in, told you my tale of sorrow, explained why I am forever grieving. You, in turn, taught me how you hide behind your own mask, so you don't have to remember.
You knew. More then all the people I had met, more then any of the others, you knew what it meant to carry the weight of the dead.
I taught you balance, you taught me happiness. And I will never forget or forgive you, Duo, for when you taught me the comfort (joy) of laughter. I will always believe it went downhill from when you first got me to smile.
It's funny, you know. There are moments in my life that have blurred so much that it is near impossible to distinguish them, yet I can pinpoint the exact second I crossed a boundary I told myself I never would. I…loved you, Duo. The first time you smiled, a real smile, that reached your eyes…I am ashamed of what I did then, plundering you when you had just begun to recover. But I will never forget the things you made me feel, the places you took me.
You where mine for so short a time. I knew it would be short, so I took what I could.
I am standing on a cliff, watching my Nataku go down in a blaze of glory suited for a god. Thinking of your face, when he came back to you. You went to him, looking back at me. Not with regret, I think you knew I wouldn't have stood regret. No, your eyes were filled with sorrow.
As a passing breeze caresses my face, I can almost hear you. Almost.
"I'm sorry, Chang-san. I truly, truly am."
Oh, but Duo, my Duo, I understand. For we are but soldiers, doomed to live in a world that has no place for us. We grab at attention, affection, love…anything that can pull us out of the Hellhole. Only soldiers.
But I'm not strong enough to stop the tears.
Disclaimer: The plot and characters of Gundam Wing don't belong to me. This story, however, does. See: ©Marlin-sama, '01.
Archiving: It would make me happy and I will say yes, but please ask first.
Warnings: Yaoi, much angst, implied lime, 5x2, 1x2, implied 3x4 (if you can find it).
AN: I have become a 5x2 fan. I'm not sure how it happened, but it did. Bare with me, here. BTW, this takes place at the end of Endless Waltz.
******
No one will worry about me. They never do, and I am beginning to realize that they never will.
But then, I have always been Wufei, the Lonely Dragon. It keeps people away from me, keeps people safe from me.
Except the war is over, and while the rest of the world seems to be getting back on its feet, I'm trapped, left behind, left alone to think about a time when a lonely soldier came running to me for comfort, assurance. And I had the audacity to believe that you could have…loved…
How many times have I said that emotion makes you weak? Makes you suffer? This ideal has kept me safe. At least, it did, until you needed me to tell you that he was alive. And I suddenly felt the full extent of my loneliness. Would anyone ever cry for me?
Do I sound bitter? Perhaps. But God damn you, Maxwell. Why did it have to be me you came to, seeking solace? But of course, I was the only available possibility. So you appeared before me, desperate, tears in those large (beautiful) violet eyes. And what was I supposed to do, hmm? So I offered you a sanctuary, where you could stop pretending. I remember once, you whispered that you got so *tired* being happy.
So, in me you found relief. And in you, I found a new way of life. I found a way of feeling that didn't hurt. You gave me back my heart.
Every night you came to me. I took you in, told you my tale of sorrow, explained why I am forever grieving. You, in turn, taught me how you hide behind your own mask, so you don't have to remember.
You knew. More then all the people I had met, more then any of the others, you knew what it meant to carry the weight of the dead.
I taught you balance, you taught me happiness. And I will never forget or forgive you, Duo, for when you taught me the comfort (joy) of laughter. I will always believe it went downhill from when you first got me to smile.
It's funny, you know. There are moments in my life that have blurred so much that it is near impossible to distinguish them, yet I can pinpoint the exact second I crossed a boundary I told myself I never would. I…loved you, Duo. The first time you smiled, a real smile, that reached your eyes…I am ashamed of what I did then, plundering you when you had just begun to recover. But I will never forget the things you made me feel, the places you took me.
You where mine for so short a time. I knew it would be short, so I took what I could.
I am standing on a cliff, watching my Nataku go down in a blaze of glory suited for a god. Thinking of your face, when he came back to you. You went to him, looking back at me. Not with regret, I think you knew I wouldn't have stood regret. No, your eyes were filled with sorrow.
As a passing breeze caresses my face, I can almost hear you. Almost.
"I'm sorry, Chang-san. I truly, truly am."
Oh, but Duo, my Duo, I understand. For we are but soldiers, doomed to live in a world that has no place for us. We grab at attention, affection, love…anything that can pull us out of the Hellhole. Only soldiers.
But I'm not strong enough to stop the tears.