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"... What?"

Drifting in space so dark that black could not begin to describe it, one author lay on the ground in shock. Was he on the ground? He couldn't tell; everything felt the same around him, and it Night Vision goggles might have upgraded the area to pitch black. Questions echoed in the back of his mind. "Where the hell am I?" "How did I get here?" There was no way of knowing how much time had passed, but suffice it to say that nothing interesting happened between the quasi monologue above and the point in the story we're skipping ahead to. It's just establishing the mood, okay? So anyway, some time went by, when the young man heard a voice.

"Phoenixfire!" He was perplexed. Who was there? Wait, the voice sound somewhat familiar... "Phoenixfire, wake up!" "...what?" "Oh, for the love of Ra, open your eyes, you baka!" It was at this point that Phoenixfire realized his were indeed closed. With some effort, he opened them, initially blinding him, just like when someone takes your picture with one of those ridiculously strong cameras. You know, the ones with a freaking strobe light attached? Yeah, those ones. When his eyes adjusted to the light, Phoenixfire noticed that kneeling beside him was none other than... "Yami Bakura? Since when are you in this story?" he asked. The tomb robber sighed heavily. "Do you remember anything? You won me in that contest Saiyan Jedi was having in her story 'En Media Res', remember?"

Phoenixfire thought about it, and suddenly recalled many things. Namely, that the Super Nintendo is a fantastic system, but games that used to take weeks to beat can be conquered inside of 8 hours. He was about to say something to that effect when he felt a sharp hit on the back of his head. "Focus, Phoe-kun!" "Leena, you're hear too!?" "Of course I am. Now, to those of you reading this, Phoe-kun was supposed to plug Saiyan Jedi's stories, since they're all good. Instead, he tried to throw a lame joke into this story which..." "IT'S SO HARD TO DO HUMOR IN THIS FORMAT!!!!" Phoenixfire cried out. And seriously, what the hell is wrong with script format? I'd rant more, but I just realized I'm still writing the establishing scene, not to mention that its 3:45 in the morning, and that I have class in a few hours (honestly, I don't remember what sleep is). So why don't we continue with the story?

Yami Bakura shook his head sadly. "First Saiyan Jedi kills me off, now this... can we just get on with it?" Leena nodded. "Yes, by all means." "Good. Phoenixfire, you're currently in the Shadow Realm. I needed to bring you hear when your old, script format story was inexplicably destroyed by someone calling himself GtaJake MK-II, but that's besides the point. You've got a story to tell. Somewhere out there, people are waiting for you to make them laugh, and if you hadn't noticed the only decent stuff left in your profile are angsty poems. Now follow me, and I'll lead you back." "Wait. Is everyone else okay?" asked Phoenixfire. Yami Bakura glared sharply at the author. "Do you expect me to be one of those characters that spend entire chapters explaining things to everyone? Because it's not going to happen, understand? It might have been different if all I had to say was:

Yami Bakura: explains everything to Phoenixfire

"But things aren't like that anymore, are they? It'd take to long to say everything, so let's just get going, alright?" "Alright, alright. Sheesh, someone needs a vacation." Phoenixfire tried to stand up, but found that he was in fact too weak to do so. "What's the matter with me?" he asked. Leena looked at him apologetically. "On you're way here, you got sucked into a plot hole and lost your powers. (A/N: I was borrowing the powers of Dizzy from Guilty Gear X) We tried to find Dizzy to get her to help you out again, but we couldn't find her, and since we needed Chipp Zanuff (same game as Dizzy-chan. Go drug trafficking ninjas!) for this next humor insert, we brought him here instead."

Chipp suddenly teleported into view, and rested his hand on Phoenixfire's shoulders. They both began to glow in a soft, blue light and Phoenixfire felt himself become stronger... not to mention a hell of a lot faster. His clothes also changed, so he was wearing a black sleeveless shirt and beige pants. Also, there was this really big and spiffy blade attached to his arm via a metal band on his wrist. Which arm you ask? Whichever is more likely to get you to review, but I'm right handed, so probably that one. After this, Chipp looked around nervously, apprehensive about saying something, yet knowing that the story he found himself pulling a cameo in was so desperate for humor. So he took a deep breath, and with a very straight face said, "I hear its amazing when the purple stuffed worm in flap jaw space does a raw blink on Hara-kiri rock. I need scissors! 61!" He then teleported away.

"Why was he so worried about saying that?" asked Phoenixfire. Yami Bakura didn't say anything, he just pointed to a very upset Hideo Kojima, who was brandishing a katana and shouting, "That's it! I'm going to start charging for people to use my lines!" And since the last thing I want is to upset the creator of the Metal Gear series, let me just say that I hope he won't notice when I tell you that the graveyards are full of indispensable men. Oh crap, he heard me!

"Are we done screwing around?" asked an impatient Yami Bakura. "Oh, right. Lead the way, thou contest-won character." Yami Bakura sighed deeply and led the author and his beautiful muse down a short staircase and opened a door, revealing that they had in fact been in a closet this whole time. "But I thought you said we were in the Shadow Realm!!" Yami Bakura just smirked. "What, nobody told you? The Shadow Realm is a broom closet. Get with the program." Tripping on one of those brooms, Phoenixfire fell on his face in front of all of his old traveling companions. Everyone was elated to see him, and hugs were in order, but nobody said a word, for they knew that the chapter was exceedingly long already. Instead, they all marched purposefully towards the next chapter, wondering when it would be written.

Yami Bakura stayed behind so as to deliver this exceedingly cool scene. "I've done my part... we'll meet again soon, when the time is right.

Phoenixfire... Leena... Diablo Omega... Saiyan Jedi... Shadow-Fox/Shinnigami Flame... FrenchieCanGal... Yami Yugi... Seto Kaiba... Jounouchi Katsuya... Link... Sephiroth... Himura Kenshin... I wish you all good luck."

Scene cuts to Phoenixfire presiding in a room with 1000 monkeys on 1000 typewriters

Phoenixfire: Good work monkeys! But I think I'll actually write the next chapter myself, so you can go home now.

Monkeys: Eep, eep!!

Leena: Hi there, readers! You may have noticed a slight change in... well, everything. If you're curious as to what exactly happened to Phoe-kun's previously 21 chapter, script format story... well, it got deleted by the admin.

Phoenixfire: Evidently there is a group of ass holes who hang around the Sonic the Hedgehog section and search out ff dot net for miniscule violations, then report them. How they found me I will never know, but they seem to be such a charming group of people. Anyway, I apologize for the dip in quality but I didn't want to let that be the end of my story, and yet I was too lazy to re-format the whole story (not to mention a largeportion of it is completely erased from the annals of history, so this seemed like a fair compromise. If this gets even one review, then I'll try to get the next chapter (and also the pokemon killing plot) up very soon. Otherwise, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I guess we'll know soon. Until then, stay happy, enjoy life, and remember that you can't keep a Phoenix down.

Hideo Kojima: There you are! Chases Phoenixfire around the room with a katana

Phoenixfire: HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPP!!!!!!