Author: kaly
Category: Gen
Rating: K+
Spoilers: Faith
Summary: Sam realizes what's happened and comes to a conclusion.
Notes: Two little words of Sam's in Faith hit me upside the head and resulted in this ficlet. It's short and quickly done, but I had to try it. And in first person, present tense no less. This is a fun little experiment. ;)
Disclaimer: Not mine. The pretty, snarky, angsty brothers belong to the WB.
The Guardian
4:17. The moment an innocent man died. The moment Dean was saved.
Even when faced with incontrovertible proof that something evil is at work, I still try to justify what's happened. Maybe my research is wrong. Maybe it really is the miracle I searched so desperately for those three days.
But I know it isn't a real miracle, even if to me it might as well be. It's heartless and cruel to know someone else is gone but a small part of me doesn't want to care. Dean's alive, he's healthy and he's going to stay that way.
A greedy part of me says that what's done is done. I can only hope he will forgive me for it but more importantly I hope he can forgive himself because he doesn't deserve that pain.
When he walks into the room I can't bring myself to look at him. Funny, not so long ago I could barely take my eyes away from him and now I'm almost afraid to face him. I still don't know how to break the news to him, the news he's feared since the hospital, and I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
"I'm sorry."
It's only when I dare glance at his face that I realize how truly, terribly sorry I am. Not that he's alive; I'll never - for any reason - regret that. But I will always regret that he has to live with the guilt I see blossoming in his eyes.
I just wish I could make him understand that I would do anything to keep him safe. He's that important - he's everything. I can't lose him and I would trade my soul to save his, if only given the chance.
And if he can't bear the pain, I will. If that's the cost of having him safe, with me, I'll bear it gladly. Sometimes the guarded must become the guardian, even little brothers. Maybe it's finally my turn to repay the favor.
end