Chapter 1

Shukumei Toushuu

By: pillowsama

Kagome: The story of my life

A/N: This story is just a figment of my imagination.

Setting: Kagome is a girl who's family is bound by honor and pride since the imperial times. Now in the twentieth century, the health of the line fallen on her shoulder. Her duty is to Restore by giving up everything she loves, finding where she belongs in the world, and falling into the arms of her would be chaperone. (SessKag)

When you have money, the things you barely noticed where there, seemed essential to your being for no reason whatsoever.

"I miss having things handed to me."

Aunt Hana looked out the window after I answered her question. 'Why are you here?'

Her eyes closed as if thinking. Whatever she was going to do say or do would impact me for the rest of my life. Everything that knew now and before was gone and my fifteen years on this earth would no longer be called my own.

I sat on the hardwood floor of her richly furnished house, and stared at her picture. Not her own portrait, but a adolescent. His eyes shone with discontent of at the painter, irritated with the whole event. Not surprising since, I myself also hated to stand long hours and be painted. "He's my nephew."

Looking up, I saw her eyes soften and harden in second before they fell back on me. "You know why this has happened?"

After father died, the company was sold by mother who later stored the fortune in a bank until I was married for the dowry that would be given to the groom. We stayed middle class for a couple of years before she became sicker and wilted like a once beautiful flower. 'My only regret is my last memory of her was not her best.' Souta and I stayed with grandfather at the family shrine, before that too was sold.

I had the choice of upper class prostitution, or letting my the last of my family starve.

So seeking help among distant relatives and family friends, I remembered Aunt Hana. The woman who could try and help me figure out a way restore the family to it's former glory.

My father was a scholar at heart. With his own hands he built his company. His name was plastered to on varies libraries and other organizations to whom he had donated large sums of money 'We where once held in the highest esteem!' My mother wept to her father one late night. I was home-schooled by him. Younger, I could not comprehend my life without father. But I realized now that he was preparing me for this.

"He really knew he was going to die."

Mother was the second figure in my life who raised me. She was a musician, a beautiful violinist; a hidden talent that she only let father know. My brother and I use to listen to the through the door of my parents rooms. Her thin fingers flew over the strings. On her right ring finger was the engagement ring given to her by my father; One of the quiet ways they tried to resist the ways. Even though they both loved me, the family was bound by traditions.

In the twentieth century, traditions had changed; regulations stayed the same.

Women in this society of class I ran in, where expected to be of the highest quality. We were trained to become the perfect wife. I wasn't even suppose to be learned, but my father saw too it that I was every bit as different as possible. I suppose that was what ruined me. No man would have me, for I lacked the stability that was seen in a more 'virtuous' woman.

"You must forgive your father."

I looked up and saw Hana stand up and pull me to my feet. She tilted my chin so that I could look in her eyes Her gaze seemed more solemnly than it was meant to be. "Your parents...are dead; now you must restore."

Restoring, meant rebuilding the family. Unlike other cultures where men played the dominate role, it was the choice of the woman who she married. Now, things have changed. I will be found a suitor who would marry me, and sire him some children. In this cruel game, of pride. 'I must give up mine. '

Souta and grandpa were living in that hole called home. If there was anyway I could help them, "Anything."

I grasped her hands in my own and bowed lower so that my waist length hair graced the ground. My body shook and shiver fearing what would happen next. Whatever the future brings I knew I would be ready, but would I be happy?

"Everything you thought important to you, you must hold. Never give up hope." She looked at the picture I was admiring. "I will figure out what to do."

"Kagome!"

Sitting down on the ground beneath the willow tree, I saw Souta coming up the hill. His hands were waving and the bike I'd lent him wheeled it's way towards me. His clothes were ragged and I couldn't afford to buy him new ones. His hands and face where muddied. 'This is why I have to marry...'

His smile brightened when I finally reached me. "Here."

My brother handed me the envelope and waited quietly by my side to watch as I opened it. I stared at his face. He was too young to be working, this was wrong. I slide my finger under the flap and gasped as the pieces of paper fell to the ground. "Where did you get this?" My voice hoarse. I thought of my brother robbing a nearby grocery store.

"I got it for a week's work! Mr. Taisho even lent me a room for free! Isn't it great Kagome? Now you don't have to worry so much."

The shrine I lived in for a few years was where Souta was working. The shame of having my brother working for the new owner was so unbearable I blushed right then and there. "You don't have to do this."

"You can stay with us for another month."

He grew quiet when he realized that I knew he was eavesdropping. Grandfather had hoped to keep my leaving a secret from him.

"This wasn't how things were suppose to be Souta...You weren't suppose to ever have to do this."

Souta stared painfully into my eyes; his lips slightly trembling. His ten-year old body was growing each day, and seemed to be wearing thin. I used to tease him about his height. Never realized it hurt him. Found him crying at night by himself once, weeping because he had finally succumbed to everything I had told him.

'I had no clue my words had hurt him so...'

"I going to tell Mr. Taisho that you'll come to help me one day...With the garden and all... It'll give us a chance to come back to visit the shrine."

I giggled at his thoughts of me. I didn't really want to she that place again. It wasn't my home. The blessed shrine was the house of my ancestors centuries ago. Even back then my family was respected. But their home, was not mine. It was because of our linagege that we were trapped like this. Traditions were everywhere.

'Living with the ghost who made them was too much.'

I went along with it anyway. Agreeing to accompany him the one day to assist him.

"What did you eat today?" I asked.

Souta patted his stomach and smirked. "A lot better than you that's for sure!"

He went on recollect of his entire day. The pond we use to dip our toes in to scare the fishes he'd already cleaned up. (The fishes were long gone.) Souta had to pick up the twigs that fell on the grasses individually by hand. I glanced at his own fingers; caked in dirt. He merely laughed and said it was just like playing like he was a kid again! Only he wasn't making mud-pies but art!

The way feng shui, he didn't like to follow. The philosophy was rather boring to him anyways. Finding tranquility was all in the aura you issued is all that matters. The scent of jasmine and sound and sight of rippling water was enough to soothe the soul. Nature was beautiful already, we only have to try and enhance it.

Kouga was the person who would do anything to help me.

Ever since we came to live in the shrine, I saw him coming each day to say his prayers to the shrine. It didn't seem obvious to me that through prayer he would sneak glances at me until his gazes grew longer and deeper. I laughed silently with my back to him while I noticed his gaze on my body. The poor boy was smitten, but I doubted back then that I would ever develop feelings for him.

He came everyday. Always praying, never seeming to rise, until it was time for him to go.

Then one day, while it was raining, I was sweeping the veranda and I saw him in the mist, silently saying his prayers. He thought I couldn't see him, because I noticed he didn't even bother to face the monument. His eyes were locked lovingly on me. I stopped what I was doing, and went over to him. It was too cold. The longer he stayed out the more he was likely to catch something.

"Come on, I don't think the goddess would be angry if you stopped to help a girl do some of her chores?"

I touched his shoulder, and he seemed to tense up. Though, I couldn't get his eyes off me before they refused to even look at me now. 'He's afraid of me...'

That was our first meeting. A few months later, he finally reached the courage to ask if he could come a courting. I loved him. Now I loved him, despite what I had thought before, my feelings came easily. But I knew it would never happen, so I explained my situation to him. He only smiled and said he understood. But we decided to continue our relationship silently if needed. So the boy who stole my heart still wanted to be with me, even though he knew it would never happen.

"Even if I never get the chance to marry you, I want to tell you that my heart is yours always."

Those words he said to me, as we sat sitting in the largest tree we could find. "Any man who is good enough to marry him, is fine with me."

I felt my heart crack. I found my lips on his. We sat there for a few hours without speaking, just sitting there tucked into each others arms, wanting the moment to last.

This was my destiny, to never find true love, but it seems I have. In the arms of a schoolboy. A part of me wanted to forget about the whole deal of an arranged marriage and run away with him. But Souta and Grandpa unknowingly pulled me back knowing without me, they would remain in the grasp of poverty. Kouga's love was the only thing that had me going.

Today he came to visit me at night. His eyes seemed light and carefree. The confident sway of his pace walking up the hill; the way his head seemed to look straight ahead in a proud manner. All his actions captivated me; beyond belief. I ran to him. "I already talk to Aunt Hana."

"What did she say?"

I hugged him tighter, once more believing that everything we had would survive even though marriage. We both had too much pride to have an affair behind my future husband's back...I would remain loyal to the both of them... no matter what. 'Kouga is the one I shall favor...' I found myself whispering in the back of my mind.

"That she would help me. Find...a husband."

Kouga wrapped his arms around me. His head resting on mine, and he just stood there beneath the sky, understanding the time was near. "I will never let you go Kagome... Never... please don't ask me..." His words touched my heart. "But if you want... I will go."

The stress of bear upon us both, him having to picture me in the arms of another. Me, having to kiss lips there weren't his.

But this is my story, the things that will happen to me, I will seal in my heart and eventually tell the child I will bear. Whose father I will never love. I seem to remember that night the way we just swayed as the wind blew against us. No music played; for we danced with the throbbing rhythm that was in our love.

A/N: This is going to be my first try at first POV with Sess and Kag. Originally I had another story in mind...but it seems this one stood out in my mind further than the others.

The title I am unsure of it being correct or not cause I myself am not fluent in Japanese so please do not take it literally, I just looked it up on an on-line translator.

I want to state some things in this chapter that a reader might miss.

first scene, 12th paragraph: Around there I must state that in Kagome's family rules and regulations are an important part. But her parents are the type of could not bare the shame of full out rebellion so they figured out nonchalant ways of doing so. example; Kagome's mom wore her ring on her right hand. Traditionally the marriage ring is worn on the left hand between the middle and pinky. Kagome is also going to be learned in this story. In my mind I remember the saying 'a stupid woman is a virtuous woman'.

The society that Kagome's talking about is completely from my mind...I did no research or anything. so it is not based on a specific time or place. But I would like to include some old customs of the woman needing to be unlearned, or rather submissive to the male.

Something else off target...TODAY'S MY BDAY! so yea...sorry about that. thought u might want to know. that's all. -breathes-

so if any questions arrise please feel free to ask. Other than that, please review.