I hear Ashley's car coming long before I can see it; the loud thud of her music making the ground vibrate and sending a ricocheting buzz straight through the soles of my red sneakers and up into my ribcage. She's ten minutes late, but that's not unusual, and missing the start of class is a small price to pay for spending precious one on one time with Ashley.

Finally she speeds into view, her topless black convertible shimmering beneath the bright morning sun, and her dusky eyes hidden behind an expensive pair of sunglasses. She screeches to a halt in front of me, immediately shutting off the overbearing music and propping her sunglasses on top of her head.

"Do I look okay?" She asks as I slide into the seat beside her and fumble for my seatbelt. "Be honest."

"You look fine." I tell her, because even with the telltale dark shadows under her eyes she still looks amazing. In fact, she always looks amazing, and that's precisely my problem. "I guess you went out last night then?"

"We did some serious partying! You should have come."

I throw a short, irritated glance in her direction as she pulls her sunglasses back down.

"You know I can't go out on a school night."

"Right, yeah." Ashley responds, but I can tell she's not really listening. "It was so wild though!"

"Who was there?" I find myself asking, even though I know I won't like the answer. Sometimes I think I just torture myself.

"I don't know, there was a bunch of us." She pauses and I feel like she's looking at me, but it's hard to tell behind those dark glasses. "I just hung out with Madison most of the time."

"Yeah, of course." I nod, keeping my tone neutral, and trying to pretend that Madison isn't the bane of my entire existence. "I'm glad you had a good time."

I'm not glad at all; I wish she hadn't gone to the stupid party, I wish that she'd spent the night at mine instead, and I wish that Madison didn't exist.

"I'm paying for it now though. I wish I was more sensible, like you." Ashley smiles at me softly, her hand drifting from the gear stick for a moment to playfully nudge my thigh.

"No you don't, and anyway I'm not that sensible." At least not when it comes to you, I muse to myself.

"Spencer, you're the most sensible person I know!"

"Then you obviously don't know that many people."

"Right." Ashley grins, not even bothering to argue anymore, because we both know she's right. I am ridiculously sensible, and maybe that's why my life is such a mess all the time. Maybe a less sensible person would just tell Ashley how they felt about her, instead of drooling over her from a distance. Only there's never been much distance between me and Ashley because we've been best friends for years. I used to be best friends with Madison too, the three of us used to have sleepovers together and everything, but now I can barely stand to be in the same room as her. I hate her and she knows it, she just doesn't know why.

By the time we arrive at school Ashley's told me every tiny detail about last night's party, right down to what she was wearing and how funny it was when some guy passed out in the bathtub. She also went on and on about Madison and how hot she looked in her little black cocktail dress, but I've learnt to block most of that stuff out. Instead I just stare at Ashley and think about how beautiful she is, and how lucky I am that I get to be her friend, even though it rips me apart inside that I can't be more than that.

"You're coming tomorrow night though, right?" Ashley asks suddenly, shoving the question on the end of some very long, ode to Madison sentence that I again wasn't paying attention to. "To Madison's party?"

As if I could forget about Madison's party. If there's one place I hate going more than anywhere else on this earth it's Madison's house. It's the place where all of this started; it's where I first met Ashley, it's where the three of us had our first sleepover together, and it's where Ashley and Madison kissed for the first time.

I force a smile. "Of course I'm going."

"Good." Ashley smiles back happily. "It wouldn't be the same without you."

I smile genuinely this time because I know she means it, and that's precisely why I'm going, because Ashley wants me to.

"We can start at mine if you want?" Ashley suggests as we make our way towards our lockers. "I bought a bunch of new clothes the other day, so you can borrow something if you like?"

In contrast, I love going to Ashley's house, and I love wearing her clothes. Maybe tomorrow night won't be so bad after all.

"Sure, what time should I come over?"

Before Ashley has a chance to answer me, we're interrupted by Madison enveloping her from behind.

"Hi, baby!" She giggles as she leans far enough over Ashley's shoulder to peck her on the cheek. "Did you miss me?"

"I only saw you a few hours ago!" Ashley replies with an equally playful laugh; the whole display is enough to make me sick if I'm honest. It's like whenever Madison's around Ashley turns into an icky puddle of loved up mush; why can't I make her feel like that?

Sighing, I lean against my locker and watch the two of them fawn over each other for a few minutes. Madison is all over Ashley, as usual, touching her hair and face, and taking off her sunglasses. She likes to make sure that everyone sees that they're together, or at least that's my theory.

"You look like crap!" Madison moans, her voice heavy with disapproval as she pushes Ashley's sunglasses back into place. "You better keep these on when you're with me."

I chew my lower lip and watch for Ashley's reaction; she never stands up to Madison when she says things like that. When I asked her about it once she said that the comments don't really bother her, but I can tell that they do, because I know Ashley inside out.

"Sorry, I didn't get much sleep." Ashley shrugs, running her hand through her hair like she always does when she's stressed about something.

"Well neither did I! It's no excuse, Ashley. Haven't you heard of a facial?"

They go on like this for some time, and I'm beginning to wish the bell would just ring already so I can make my excuses and leave.

"Oh, Spencer, hi." Madison says suddenly, as though I've just appeared in a puff of smoke. "Don't forget there's a party at my house tomorrow night, everyone's invited."

I nod, not quite managing a smile this time. "I'm looking forward to it."

"I bet." Madison purrs as she presses another kiss against Ashley's cheek. "See you later, baby, remember I've got cheer practice after school."

And just like that she's gone.

"Spence, you'll stay after school with me won't you?" Ashley asks, turning to me in a whirl of dark curls. "I hate watching cheer practice."

I hate it too, but there's no point in telling her that.

"I guess."

"Great, we can talk about what we're going to wear tomorrow night. I'll drop you home after, okay?"

"Okay, thanks." I sigh quietly, so quietly I'm positive she'll miss it in buzz of passing students. But it's better that way, it's better that she doesn't know how I feel, because if she did I might lose her forever. And that's my biggest fear.