Gravity Falls Gossiper

by Illisandria Carthain

Extra, extra, read all about it! Headlining: Somewhere, a man with an eye in his forehead watches a television set. Somewhen, a couple of children die again and again. Sometimes, a clock gear slips and a second passes by uncounted.

1. We'll Always be Together

(A/N: Welcome to my semi-short story collection of Gravity Falls stories. It will be updated when it is. Don't expect too much from this, it's not going to be like "A Day in the Life" or anything by Cerulean Pen (shameless plug for someone I like :3) but I hope you will enjoy it just as much. The rating of the story will vary with whatever chapter is most recent but there will be a rating before each chapter starts so you can filter. Most will be T or K+ but some will be M for sex and violence and language yadda-yadda-yadda. :3 Much love to any reviewers but I'm not begging. On a side note about We'll Always Be Together: tsundere!PJ is far too much fun to write. As is splitting Dipper's neurosises between two different people. Try and guess what I gave to who. Also, this story has a bittersweet ending.)

We'll Always Be Together

AU, Romance, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship

Rating: K+ for language

Pairings: Typerjam, DipperxMabel

Final Word Count: 5000

IN THE BEGINNING
Laughs peppered the noises of the afternoon in Gravity Falls, making the older residents look up to see the causes of the disturbance dart by, auburn hair blowing in the gentle May breeze. Twin brothers, known as the "Mystery Twins" by most of the younger generation, chased after one another, whooping wildly as they darted through the dense forest. Tyrone, the younger twin—by a whopping two minutes—finally tackled his older brother, accidentally slamming his head into a pine tree. The elder twin, Dipper, swore fiercely when he managed to draw enough air into his lungs after the shock. "Tyrone! Can't you be more careful?!" Gently rubbing his forehead where he impacted, Dipper pulled his baseball cap down over his messy hair and grumbled, "Ya' trying to kill me or something?"

Tyrone grinned wickedly, " Maaaaaaybeeee ...," he wiggled his fingers in the air in the imitation of a cartoon ghost, "Or maybe I'm just clumsy."

"Knowing you - clumsy is more likely." Dipper, absolutely satisfied that there was no external or internal damage, dusted off his knees and rubbed his nose with the back of his hand. "Hey, didn't Grunkle Stan say we had to be back before sunset?"

Tyrone shrugged and pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. "Um...," his tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth as he scanned the bulletted list, " yyyessssss. Definitely. He did want us back before sunset, why?"

Dipper pointed to the reddening horizon, "Because I would assume that we're late then. The sun's been setting for fifteen minutes now and the Shack is another fifteen or so by foot. We're gonna' run out of time if we stand around and loiter like this." With his piece said, Dipper darted away, short legs a blur as he attempted to get home before curfew.

"Wait for me!" Tyrone stuffed the list in his pocket as he, too, ran off for the Mystery Shack. Hopefully he wouldn't be late.

PJ AND MABEL MEET TYRONE AND DIPPER
Mabel Pines pushed her brother's wheelchair down the gravel drive towards what would soon be their new home, the setting sun at their backs. She grinned, braces shining, and looked down at her younger sibling, "You up for this Peej?"

"I-I-I thu-thupothe tho...," his lateral lisp and stutter made it hard to understand him but Mabel always knew what he was saying, no matter how many times she had to wipe his face off for him.

"You 'suppose so' ?" She poked him in the cheek and grinned as he grunted and swatted her hand away, "C'mon Peej! This'll be great! A new place to start off, an new place to make friends, even maybe find some—ahem—ro-mahn-ce."

PJ shook his head slowly, "You h-have no id-dea what you're duh-doing either tho thtop pr-retending that you d-d-do." Sometimes he couldn't understand her, how could she remain so cavalier about this situation? There was absolutely nothing to do here in Gravity Falls, Oregon! Nothing to do at all! They were going to die of boredom! Plus there was their parents...

Mabel just scoffed, flicking a strand of oak-brown hair out of her eyes. " Phshaw Peej! You just need to get into the spirit of things! So, we're in the middle of nowhere? That just means more nature! More places to explore!"

PJ laboriously rolled his eyes, "Y-yeah. Becauthe my puh-puh-perfectly healthy body c-can eathily traverthe thethe woodth w-w-w-without any help wha-whatthoever."

Mabel backtracked quickly, "There's...so many pretty things to look at?" At PJ's arched eyebrow, she pouted, "Party pooper."

"Wuh-we're there Mabeth." PJ pointed out, shakily gesturing to the door of the Mystery Shack (or Mystery Hack, as the sign was missing the "S").

"Well so we are...," Mabel pounded on the door, shouting at the top of her lungs, "Grunkle Stan! We're here! Grunkle Staaaan! Gruuuunkle! Staaaaan!"

PJ just sighed and reached out to ring the doorbell. When his twitching fingers punched the button, a loud thumping was hear from upstairs, followed by a loud " Shit!"

Mabel blushed slightly, "Someone's got a potty-mouth."

"Thomeone'th th-thtill a p-p-prude," PJ deadpanned.

"Shoosh you," was the retort. "Just because I don't like cursing, doesn't make me a prude."

" Thooth y-y-yourthelf. It doeth ma-make you a pruh-prude." PJ flinched as his younger sister's hand came down and smacked his face not-too-gently. He scrubbed at the raw spot on his face, teeth gritted, "Mabeth! You n-need to qu-qu-quit doing that!"

"Well you need to stop being such a poop-face." Mabel looked over at the door as it swung open to reveal their Great Uncle Stan (or "Grunkle Stan" for short). His hunched figure did nothing to hide the gut he had developed in his later years and his face was covered in stubble.

He saw them and grinned, the smile a mix between something welcoming and sadness. "Peter Jameson! Mabel! So nice ta see ya again!"

"H-h-hullo Grunkle Thtan."

"Hiya there Grunkle Stan!" The siblings greeted their relative with glee and followed him into the log cabin he called home.

"So, how was your trip?" Stan crossed his arms as the Pines siblings filed into the living room.

"Mitherable." PJ griped, "The p-p-perthon thitt-tt-tting nekth to uh-uth wath a comp-plete ath. Huh-he wath talking on hith th-thellphone at a volume worthy of Gilbert G-G-Godfried."

"I met a hobo!" Mabel chimed in.

Stan looked uncomfortable, "Uh...okay then...so...where are those kids?!"

"What kids?" Mabel's ears almost visibly perked up at the mention of other children.

"A year back or so, I was declared legal godfather of a pair of twins and their parents kicked the can so they came to live with me. They should be back by now. I told them sunset!" Stan griped as he stood up and stuck his head out the living room door, " Soos!"

A large man with buck teeth poked his head in the other door, "Yes Mr. Pines?"

"Go find Dipper and Tyrone. I need them back right now."

Soos's face fell, "But Mr. Pines—"

"DO IT OR YOU'RE FIRED!" Stan yelled and then he sat back down with a satisfied smirk when Soos saluted smartly and dashed out the door. "Sorry 'bout that. He just needs some motivation some times."

The bell placed over the Shack's main enterance rang and two pairs of footsteps were heard slapping against the wood floor. "Sorry we're late Grunkle Stan," a voice gasped, clearly out of breath.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that." The second voice was almost identical to the first; only the lilting cadence of his vowels gave away that it was a different person.

"You two get your asses in here and say hello to my great niece and nephew!" Stan harrumphed, completely unaware of Mabel's reddening face.

" On it!" The boys chorused. Then the footsteps crecendoed and to pre-teens stepped foot in the living room, coming face-to-face with PJ and Mabel, stopping at a dead halt.

"Dipper, Tyrone, this is PJ and Mabel. They'll be staying with us for a while."

FIRST IMPRESSIONS
Dipper felt his face go completely red as he came seconds away from accidentally kissing Mabel. Holy balls! he thought, she is cute. Tyrone, on the other hand, was completely unimpressed.

Okay, so one is a cripple and the other is a girl about our age. Nice to know. He made a mental note to add this to his list of people that were approachable in Gravity Falls. He coughed, the first noise in the few agonising seconds of uncomfortable silence, and then smiled weakly, "So..."

"'Tho' wh-what?" PJ sniffed, his nasally voice, current physical ability, stammer, and lisp making for a surprisingly good intimidation technique.

Holy balls, the dude has a lisp! Tyrone's eyes widened in surprise while Dipper continued to stare at Mabel, who seemed to be staring back in obscene fascination.

"So how do you like Gravity Falls so far?" Tyrone felt stupid asking that but PJ's question made him feel slightly put-off. On one hand, he wanted to verbally smack the kid upside the head for his smart-ass comment, on the other, the guy was a cripple and first impressions are everything! He fumbled around in his pocket for his list of things to say when meeting new people. Thankfully, Mabel and PJ interrupted his train of thought before he made a fool of himself.

"Yeah! It looks so nice here!" Mabel grinned wildly, braces flashing.

"We h-haven't been here luh-long enough to make any imprethionth yet, thtupid." PJ said at the same time. Mabel glared at PJ and he stuck his tongue out at her.

"Uh...glad you like it here!" Dipper laughed awkwardly and rubbed his neck, "I-I think you'll really enjoy your stay at the Mystery Shack," he amended.

Smooth move, Sir Dipping-Sauce. Tyrone opened his mouth to add on to his twin's welcome when he was cut off.

"So do I! There must be so many interesting things around here! I saw a farm! It had pigs. And cows. And pigs!"

PJ snorted, Never change, do ya' Mabes?

Aaaand there he goes, Tyrone sighed mentally as Dipper visibly brightened.

"Yeah! There's all sorts of things to do and see here! You see," Dipper leaned in and grinned, mock whispering, "Gravity Falls may not look like much, but there's a whole hidden side to the town I've explored."

Stan rolled his eyes, "Oh please. Spare me the details."

Mabel, on the other hand, was excited by the notion. "Really? That's so cool!"

"Yeah...," here, Dipper blushed heavily. Sitting up erect, he turned to face Grunkle Stan, "So where will they be living?"

Finally! A question worth asking! PJ chuckled and Mabel gave him a look, "shoosh"ing him quietly.

"Well there's always the guest room, or the wax figure room, or even the Mystery Shack itself!" Stan was unusually chipper as he noted all the places the Pines siblings could sleep while they were boarding there.

"How about our room?"

Stan and Dipper looked at Tyrone in shock, not expecting him to suggest that. "You sure?" Stan inquired cautiously.

"Yeah. Dipper can sleep in the guest room, I can have the couch, and PJ and Mabel can have our room. Everyone has a place to sleep and, in the end, we all win." Tyrone smiled lightly, folding his list of sleeping arrangement possibilities up and putting it in his pocket.

"Well...sound good to you kids?" Stan scratched his head in confusion. Certainly outta character for Tyrone...

"Yeah!"

"Y-yeth."

"Sure."

GOODNIGHT TO THE PINES
Mabel helped PJ into bed, tucking him in and kissing his forehead, "'Night Peej!"

"Guh-Goodnight Mabeth," PJ replied, closing his eyes. Good grief! Today was interesting and I'm sure tomorrow will be worse...This sucks...

"PJ?" Mabel broke the silence with a plaintive question.

"Yeth?" He turned his head shakily to look at her, "What i-ith it?"

"Do you think Mom and Dad are doing okay?" Her voice was quavery, holding back tears.

Shit shit shit! "Well of c-c-courthe they'r-re okay. Th-th-they're juh-jutht fine where th-th-they are." Please accept that. ..

She smiled sadly, "Yeah. I think they're fine too." Leaning back in Dipper's bed, she ran her fingers over the glossy finish of a photo of Pj and her with their parents at a picnic the day they went camping in Florida. That was the day PJ got carsick and puked all over the back of her head, making her puke all over their mom's sundress. Needless to say, after they all took a cleansing rinse in the river next to their campsite, they roasted wieners over a small fire that their dad and PJ made and laughed about the absurdity of Ping-Pong barfing. "Peej?" she whispered.

"Hm?" PJ laboriously rolled over to face her again.

"Do you miss them?"

Do I miss them? Does the sun rise in the east? Are people who have sex in horror films guaranteed to die? Do you own a sweater for every day of the year? "...A b-bit," he lied.

"A little bit or a lotta bit?" She hugged Waddles, her stuffed pig, close to her chest and sighed deeply, tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

Shit! She always can see through me! "A luh-lotta bit-t-t-t."

"Me too." She sat up and turned to face him, feet dangling of the edge of the bed. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

PJ scooted over as well as he can to the edge and patted the part of the mattress closest to the wall, "Cuh-c'mere Mabeth. I th-thcooted ov-ver for you." She climbed into bed with him and curled up, back pressing against his side, and snuggled Waddles.

"Thanks."

"Nuh-no problem. You kn-know I'll ah-ah-alwayth look after you, ri-right?" She nodded and he managed to wrap his arm around her and pull her close, "L-love you." But there was no response because she had already dozed off. He knew she loved him too and that was enough to calm his small spasms and send him drifting into a dream.

NIGHTTIME FOR THE REST
Dipper brushed his teeth vigorously, scrubbing for two minutes until he spit out the foam that had collected in his mouth. Tyrone, on the other hand, was writing down another list: "Reasons to Hate Peter Jameson Pines' Guts". His toothbrush was sticking half out of his mouth and he had foam dribbling down his chin. Dipper looked over at him and frowned, "Why're you writing things down now of all times?! Don't you have enough lists?!" This was true; in their shared bedroom there was an entire chest of lists that Tyrone had made over their twelve years of existence and he would pull out the ones he needed during the day and adjust them as needed.

Tyrone stopped writing and glared at him, eyebrow raised in question, "Not ffroo. I dot awayff make wiffs. Ffometimeff I jufft wite ffingff."

"Liar, " Dipper sang, "Never once have I seen you wrote anything other than a list!"

Tyrone slammed his pen down and growled, spitting out the residue into the sink, wiping his chin. "Look, I have too! Like the time I...and...well...," he could come up with nothing, "Okay so never."

"Exactly!" Dipper laughed, howling and then, covering his mouth, chuckled softly. "Sorry..."

"That doesn't mean I can't!" Tyrone slipped his pyjamas over his head and flopped on the guest bed. "I mean, I could do it if I wanted to!"

"Yeah right...get off my bed, Ty." Dipper pulled his pyjama bottoms on over his "Duck-tective" briefs and shoved his brother hard. Tyrone slipped off the bed and hit the wood floor with a 'CRACK' and a yelp. "Woah! Sorry!"

"You are such a dipshit!" Tyrone hissed, " God! I hate you, you jerk! That hurt!" He rubbed the back of his head and hissed in pain. " Ow...," One more injury to add to the list, "Was that necessary? The shoving, I mean."

Dipper shook his head and chuckled again, "No. Just felt like injuring you."

"Well it worked." Tyrone stood up and dusted off his pyjamas, "Goodnight dipshit."

"Goodnight Ty. Try not to make lists in your sleep again." Dipper snuggled under am afghan and sighed contently.

"Don't dream about Mabel then, hotshot." Tyrone grinned widely and Dipper sat up in shock.

"What?! Wh-wh-why would I do that?!"

"Wh-wh-why are you stammering? Is it because you like her?!" Tyrone was on a roll now and there was nothing Dipper could do to stop him.

"No! It's not like I lay awake in bed, thinking about her! I just met her!" Dipper protested loudly.

"Denial! You totally like her!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"No way do I like Mabel Pines!"

"Shut the Hell up and go to sleep you little sheißters ," Grunkle Stan shouted from upstairs, "Or I will personally come downstairs and knock you out myself!"

The Mystery Twins did indeed 'shut the Hell up' and go to bed but fifteen minutes after bedtime, Dipper was still wide awake and thinking of Mabel. "Oh no!"

THE MORNING AFTER
Dipper flopped down at the kitchen table and shoveled frosted wheat into his mouth, completely drained. He hadn't gotten a lick of sleep last night because he was too busy thinking about ways to impress Mabel. All-in-all his efforts were rather wasted because he came up with zilch. Not one single gem of an idea past giving her the grand tour of Gravity Falls. So, in short: he lost sleep for nothing.

Tyrone, on the other hand, skipped to the fridge and poured himself some OJ and grabbing a few eggs and the bacon. He walked over to the stove and lit the burner, slapping a frying pan on the eye and throwing two slices of thick-cut bacon on the fire. He whistled girly Icelandic pop-sensation BABBA's hit song "Disco Girl" as the bacon popped and sizzled. When it was done, he cracked the eggs and looked over to a very disgruntled Dipper. "Good morning Dipper! Sleep well?"

The last part was said with a very sly grin that was met with a glare, "What do you think?"

"G'morning all!" Mable walked slowly into the kitchenette preceded by PJ's chair, a bright smile on her face.

"Hullo...," PJ croaked, trying to wipe sleep from his eyes.

"Good morning!" Dipper practically shrieked, lighting up and rejuvenating before Tyrone's very eyes.

"Eggs, Mabel?" Tyrone cocked his head towards the Pines girl, purposfully ignoring PJ, who scowled and stuck out his tongue.

"Over-easy for me and scrambled with cheese for Peej here. And is that bacon?! Do you have tofu, 'cause I don't do meat."

Stan walked down the stairs, scratching his butt and belching loudly, "We don't do that veggie-whoosiewhatsit shit here. Everything is one-hundred-percent animal bits and pieces! All natural dead cows and pigs, yep!"

Mabel blushed and PJ snorted loudly, "Oh h-h-Hell no. Mabel a-and I are puh-pure vegetarian. That me-meanth nuh-nuh-nuh-no meat at all. We luh-literally are not going t-to eat-tuh meat period."

Stan's eyebrows raised in surprise, "You mean I hafta' go and buy tofu and shit like that?" He rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration and sighed loudly, "Great; more cash down the mouths of two insolent little schießters. Whatever. Whatever suits your Goddamn fancy, I guess..."

Mabel's face was a bright red and she was almost shaking in embarrassment. "Uh...Grunkle...Grunkle Stan? Do-do you think you could...watch your...uh...language...please? It...uh...makes me...um...uncomfortable..."

"Oh," Grunkle Stan looked down at Mabel and shook his head, "I guess I should watch my mouth around you damn kids." He seemed not to notice Mable turning pink again, "After breakfast, I'll drop by the grocery store and pick up your veggie-whatevers for later meals."

"So...," Dipper began, "Mabel. D'you wanna', I don't know, get a tour of Gravity Falls? I mean, would you like me to give you a tour?" He rubbed his nose, embarrassed, and chuckled softly.

Mabel smiled widely, "Sure! Just...what's PJ gonna' do?"

"Well Tyrone isn't doing anything today so he can watch PJ!" Tyrone yelled in response to Dipper's comment, burning his hand in shock

"No way!"

"Not a chanthe!" PJ and Tyrone shouted in tandem. PJ met Tyrone's eyes and then looked away quickly, "I will not thpend a-a-an entire day wuh-wuh-with thith i-idiot."

"And I won't spend one second with this lispy jerk-face!" Tyrone countered, "And I am not an idiot!" Dipper looked at him piteously and pouted. Tyrone tried, oh how he tried, but his steely will was no match for Dipper's pouty-face and puppy-eyes super-mega-ultra-hyper-über-power-kamikaze-master- insane-pleading COMBO!

Meanwhile, Mabel was coaxing PJ into staying with Tyrone by reminding him of all the things she does for him, guilt-tripping him. Finally PJ rolled his head to look at Tyrone, "Fuh-fine then. I g-g-g-gueth I'll be tht-thtaying with y-you today."

"Yaaay...," Tyrone twirled his finger in the air sarcastically and huffed, "A whole day being Lispy McWheelchair's personal manservant. My dream come true..."

"Great!" Dipper practically squeaked, "Then we'll be leaving after breakfast!" Tyrone simply rolled his eyes at that and continued to scramble PJ's eggs as the aforementioned cripple glared poisonously at his sister.

GRAND TOUR A LA MODE
Dipper awkwardly grabbed Mabel's hand and dragged her out the front door. Then he gestured to the great wide yonder that was Gravity Falls, Oregon. "Pick a direction; any direction!"

"Huh?" Mabel blinked, confused, "I thought you were giving me a tour?"

He laughed, "I am! Gravity Falls spans about a hundred miles in any direction! There's plenty of places to see no matter which way we go! Pick a direction!"

"Uhm...," Mabel thought deeply, humming and tapping her fingers against her chin. "This way!" She pointed North-Northwest and giggled as Dipper pulled her behind her in a mad rush to reach whatever lay beyond the horizon.

He led her over the quote-unquote "largest hill that you can roll down without seriously injuring yourself" which lived up to its name, causing Mabel to almost vomit, twirling and whirling to the frenzied tempo of her heart beating in her ears. Then, laughing like a maniac, Dipper asked Mabel for another direction and off they dashed again.

From the town-proper to the caves of mystery, from the crystal meadows to Scuttlebutt Island, from the darkest parts of the forest back to the roof of the Mystery Shack; they traversed with the enthusiasm that only children can have, dashing from place-to-place as if they would disappear before they got there. When they finished, they sat atop the Shack and chucked pinecones at the target Wendy taped to the eagle head on the totem pole for a good thirty minutes.

Dipper turned to Mabel, "So what was your favourite part?"

"Well...," she laughed as she thought, "The caves were neat—who knew that there were Minotaurs in real life?!—"

"Manotaurs," Dipper corrected.

"And the forest was cool, as was the crystal cove—although I never want to be that small ever again—but my favourite part was that guy's farm. He had a pig that looked like Waddles!"

"Who's Waddles?" Dipper stred at her, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

"My stuffed piggy!" Mabel was enthusiastic about even the most simplistic of things, not even put aback about how having a stuffed animal might be embarrassing to an almost-teenager. "My Dad gave him to me..."

He quickly noticed the sad look on her face and wrapped his arms around her shoulder, patting her back softly, "What's the matter?"

Mabel sniffed and rubbed away a small tear, "I miss my Daddy!"

He rubbed her back methodically, "shh"ing her quietly, "I know...I know you miss them. But it won't hurt as bad one day, and you'll feel much better! I promise."

"Wuh?" Mabel rubbed her nose and looked at him in surprise, "What d'you mean?"

"I just mean that one day it won't hurt as bad, losing them."

She started, surprised, "How did you know?"

"I can tell, Tyrone looked the same way once." Dipper smiled sadly, "But he's much better now..."

"How long ago?"

"A few years. The pain dulls after a bit and Grunkle Stan has been like a father to us so that helped too." Dipper shrugged and looked out at the sky, watching the colours fade into warm shades of red and pink. The mood was somber and Dipper thought quietly to himself as Mabel swung her feet back and forth in the air. Suddenly and shyly, he looked at Mabel and blushed, turning a deep fuscia. "H-hey Mabel?" His mouth was dry and he couldn't think straight; now, he had to ask her now.

"Yeppers?" Mabel smiled widely, mouth full of braces flashing in the setting sun.

"I...I really like you...Do you...like me too?" It took far too much out of Dipper to say that, and he visibly slumped over when he was done. That, however, didn't assuage his fear of rejection and he couldn't shake off the feeling of mortal terror.

His eyes turned to her, pleading for an acceptance, "I like you too."

"Thank you ...thank you so much! I mean...," Dipper was stumbling over words, unsure of how to phrase his gratitude.

"You're like my big brother," she finished, flashing a brilliant smile and patting him on the head affectionately.

Oh God. Oh God no...please no...not the friend zone...please!

"Well...yeah," he sighed in defeat, "You're like the little sister I never had." Hopefully, PJ and Tyrone were doing better than him at the moment.

OCCURRING DURING THE ABOVE EVENTS
PJ sat and stared at Tyrone, twitching every-so-often and blinking slowly the only signs that he was alive. Finally Tyrone broke the God-awful silence, "I hate you, you know."

"Yuh-yeah." PJ answered, clipped and monotone.

"I'm only doing this because Dipper would murder me if I didn't." Tyrone rubbed the back of his head nervously, the list in his pocket weighing him down greatly.

"And y-your puh-puh-point ith?" PJ turned to face him, eyes rolling and a smirk set upon his lips.

"I just wanted you to know," Tyrone lied. He didn't quite know why he told PJ that but sometimes the cripple just drew words out of him like vomit.

Another long silence ensued untill PJ shifted in his seat and coughed, "Tho...your bruh-brother liketh M-mabeth, huh?"

Tyrone shrugged, "He won't admit it but...yeah. He's got it bad."

PJ absorbed this information, rolling a question around on his tongue, "Huh-how ith i-i-it you have nuh-no problem u-underthtanding me? Muh-motht people cuh-can't hear me throug-gh th-the lithp."

"Huh...well I guess it's because when Dipper and I were younger we had this 'Sibling Speak' that sounded like a cross between an eldritch creature out of a Lovecraft novel and a Russian singing Enka* while gargling rocks." He demonstrated and PJ winced at the shrieking noise that emanated from Tyrone's mouth.

"Huh-how ith it that y-y-you didn't get a puh-puh-prietht called on yuh-you two? You th-thound pothethed!" PJ, without realising it, let out a loud bark of laughter and clutched his stomach in pain.

"Well, we stopped that when we were about ten," Tyrone tried to play it off but he was very embarrassed.

"Tuh-two yearth ago?" One raised eyebrow from PJ and Tyrone's coolkid façade crumbled.

"Quiet you!" Tyrone shrieked, pulling out his list and scribbling away.

"Wuh-what ith that?" PJ wheeled himself over to Tyrone's position and tried to read over his shoulder, "Reasonth tuh-to Hate Puh-Peter Jamethon Pineth' Guh-gutth? Ith thith th-thome kind o-of neurotic litht-making i-issue?"

"No!" Tyrone denied loudly, scribbling some more.

PJ poked him in the ribs, "Tell m-me!"

"No!"

"Tell me!"

"No!"

"Fuh-fine! I'll jutht thit h-here and rot." He crossed his arms and growled. After another long silence, only accentuated by the scratching of Tyrone's pencil, PJ sighed. "I'm bored. G-got any gameth?"

"We have board games." Tyrone pointed to the closet just down the hall and PJ wheeled over to it and began to rummage around.

"You have Monopoly! "

"Well, you can't play it; most of the pieces are missing because Grunkle Stan stole all the fake money."

"Life!"

"All the little people and the cars died a horrible death when rats moved into our attic."

"Thorry."

"The board's missing."

"Truh-truh-trouble?"

"The dome cracked and we think Soos ate the dice on accident."

"Clue?"

Tyrone opened his mouth to argue when it hit him, "There's nothing wrong with Clue. "

"Th-then let'th play!" PJ moved to the kitchen table and slapped the box at the spot in front of him.

"I'll have you know that I am more than proficient at Clue . I am what might he considered a master." Tyrone plopped down in the chair opposite him and placed the board on the table, arranging all the pieces where they were supposed to go.

"Yeah, y-yeah. Jutht p-p-play you braggart," PJ smirked as he rolled a six and pointed to Professor Plum as his piece of choice.

"You asked for it." Tyrone picked Mister Green and dealt the cards, sure of his victory.

Five and a half hours later, the score was tied at 25-25, with Tyrone in the lead for the current game. While all he had to do was figure out the room, PJ still didn't know that Missus White did it. Just then Dipper and Mabel walked in, sweaty and excited.

"We're home!" Mabel shouted, laughing as she saw the two of them at the table, intently gazing at their cards. "Are you guys having fun?"

Dipper leaned over Tyrone's shoulder, then looked at PJ's list, "Missus White with the rope in the Ballroom."

PJ threw his cards down and hissed, " Boo! Y-y-you thuck! I wath guh-going t-t-to win thith time a-and beat him!"

Mabel rubbed PJ's head affectionately and cooed, "Awww, don't worry. You were saved from a terrible defeat. Say 'Thank you Dipper!'!"

"Wuh-what do you m-m-mean I wath thaved fun-from a terrible defeat?! M-my own thithter doethn't buh-buh-believe me!" PJ scowled at Tyrone as he looked at the cards only to find that Dipper was right.

"Hey Dip-stick! You suck!" Tyrone shouted as he gathered the pieces up for another game.

"If you're playing again, I will gladly join in as well," he commented, "And maybe Mabel can play too."

"I don't mind! Sounds fun!" Mabel pulled up the chair between PJ and Tyrone and Dipper sat down across from her, refusing to make eye-contact.

The four of them played Clue until Grunkle Stan came home from the grocery store and Mabel taught Tyrone to make a vegetarian-friendly lasagna—during which, Soos learned never to try and sample Mabel's cooking lest she give you a swift drubbing with her cooking spoon. Then, dinner dishes taken care of and bathroom needs fulfilled, they went to bed.

On Tyrone's nightstand was his "Reasons to Hate Peter Jameson Pines' Guts" list, pencil laying atop it where he was last line read " Because he probably will never love me back ."

*Enka: from what I understand (correct me if I'm wrong) but Enka is a traditional Japanese ballad. Therefore a Russian singing Enka while gargling rocks would sound horrid since most Russians don't know Japanese.