So, in case anyone was wondering what happens when one listens to nothing but 30 Seconds to Mars for a month-and-a-half, and then goes to see Thor twice opening weekend, this would be it… I apologize in advance to the Loki fangirls (and boys), I really didn't mean to make him so evil, but that scene with him and Thor on Earth must've pissed me off a lot more than I realized. I'd also like to point out that as I'm currently lacking a Spenceresque memory, I might have gotten some of the quotes from the movie wrong. If that really, really offends you, my apologies for not living up to your anal-retentive standards.
Anyways, the usual disclaimers… the characters aren't mine, I guess they belong to Stan Lee, or the folks at Marvel, or Disney (shudder) or whoever has the legal rights these days. Similarly, I'm not Jared Leto or any of the magnificently-insane boys of 30 Seconds to Mars, nor did I write "Stranger in a Strange Land", from which I borrowed the title and some lyrics for inspirational purposes. I am a poor college student who still lives with her mother, and would thusly appreciate not being sued over this. Entertainment only, people.
Enjoy! (Or not, that's cool too)
Angel or demon?
"Am I cursed?"
He swore he must've whispered it, because saying it any louder would acknowledge it for all of the realms to hear. And yet, what other explanation was there? What, other than some unspeakable curse laid upon him by the Jotuns, could turn the son of Odin into a Frost Giant?
"No."
Quiet, matter of fact, just a word that might have meant nothing; or perhaps it meant everything. And then the flow of more words, more matter-of-fact, cold words, more of father explaining that Loki was not his son, had never been his true son, and no matter how he might have loved him, he would never have been king. Because he, Loki, was not Odin's son, but Laufey's son, and what Asguardian would ever accept a Frost Giant as their king?
So what did that make him? Who was Loki, then? Not Frost Giant, not completely, not anymore. And yet, now that he knew the terrible truth, he was not of Asguard either. He was somewhere in between, the ghost prince, meant for nothing but to cater to his idiot 'brother' for the rest of his existence. The trickster, the deceiver, the liar, the charmer, he of the silver tongue and the wicked smile. The master magician, the sly politician… it was Loki who should have been king, even though he never desired the throne. Loki who could do what Thor could not do. Loki, who was clever enough to know exactly how he could destroy the Frost Giants forever.
But he was no fool. He would need a good reason to do such a thing, or his punishment would be worse than banishment to Earth. Things had to be put into motion; pawns had to be moved around, obstacles swept out of the way. There were plans to make. Loki had things to do.
But first…
First he would take his place on the throne of Asguard. The realm needed a king, after all.
I can't find my soul.
It should have moved him, to see his brother like that. It should have hurt him to have hurt Thor so badly. There should have been justifications he would need to make to himself, to convince himself he was doing the right thing. He should have felt some sense of pride, that his arrogant, stubborn brother had finally found some shred of humility, and regret that it would take something like this for him to find it. He should have regretted being the reason for that lost, helpless look on Thor's face, should have had to tell himself once more that it was all for the greater good. For the good of Asguard…
For the good of Asguard, he would have to break his brother's heart and crush his spirit. For the good of Asguard, Thor had to believe their father had died believing he did not love him, that the blame for this could be placed entirely on his shoulders, and that his exile would be the only way to maintain peace with the Frost Giants. For the good of Asguard, Thor must believe that their mother had forbidden his return, and that he would never see his brother again.
For the good of Asguard, Thor had to believe with his whole heart that he was completely and utterly alone, abandoned to a mortal life on Earth. For the good of… oh, to Valhalla with it, Loki thought, suppressing a grin as he turned away, that was just fun.
His brother's pain should have moved him to sympathy, but instead Loki could only feel joy at his triumph. Finally, the mighty Thor, one of the greatest and most beloved of Asguard's heroes, on his knees, and who put him there? For once, Loki had battled his brother and come out the victor.
He should have hated himself then and there for what he had done to Thor. And perhaps the regret would come later, after he had given himself time to truly think on what he had done. But the simple truth of the matter was that, for the moment at least, he couldn't have been happier.
I'm guilty of treason.
Protect the Nine Realms: that had been the most repeated phrase of Loki and Thor's childhood training with their father. That was the most important duty a king shouldered. To protect, to defend, but not to lead into war. He had called Thor a traitor when he banished him to Earth, with every reason. And yet…
And yet, some small part of Loki who remembered every lesson, every word of advice and wisdom Odin ever told him recognized that somewhere along the way, the roles had been reversed. Now, it was Loki putting two of the realms in jeopardy. Loki who sent the Destroyer to Earth, not just to stop Thor from returning, but to burn everything he had touched. To kill everyone Thor considered a friend or an ally there. To destroy all of it, because Thor should have been destroyed, crushed, left alone, without hope or purpose, and yet he had once again managed to thwart all of Loki's plans.
Thor could not return, because the oaf would find some way of ruining Loki's plans for Jotunheim, and he could not allow those to fail. Thor had to be destroyed. He saw that now.
It didn't matter that he would have not flinch to see the Destroyer kill Sif and the others, those who had once been his friends as much as they had been Thor's, and as he sat watching as his brother, his proud, arrogant, stubborn, idiotic brother stood there apologizing for whatever wrong he had done Loki (how could he not know?), and begging for the lives of insects, and finally offering his own life in their place…
That angered him. Infuriated him. How dare Thor suddenly transform himself into this simpering, noble thing? How dare he turn into precisely the sort of man Odin would have crowned king without a moment's hesitation? How dare he turn soft just when Loki needed an excuse to destroy him?
Well, so be it. If the mighty Thor wanted to exchange his life for the lives of the mortals, who was Loki to stop him? Problem solved, one way or another.
Protect the Nine Realms, Odin had said; and protect each other. As the Destroyer cut Thor down with one swipe of his arm, Loki sat down on his throne, satisfied that his will was done.
Protect each other…
I suppose I'm guilty of treason, then, Loki smiled grimly, a shame, then, that I should be the only one around to convict me…
I've abandoned control.
It was all falling apart. All of his carefully laid plans, all of his crafty chess moves and beautifully-convoluted webs of lies were coming down on his head, and for the first time in his life, Loki, Odin's son (because they were right, he was Odin's son, no matter what he had done), did not know what to do.
It had all failed; even his foolproof plan regarding the Bifrost and Jotunheim… Thor had bested him once more, had put aside selfish desires just as Odin had said a king must do. He had destroyed the Bifrost, and with it his chance of ever seeing that woman again. And it had hurt him to do it, Loki had seen that, but he had done it anyway.
Who was this man? What had that mortal done to him, to turn the brother he had always loved, but never respected, into what he was now? Now Loki wanted to hate him, for ruining everything.
But maybe Asguard would be better off without its ghost prince. Whatever Odin had hoped to achieve by stealing Loki away, by saving him (he could never forgive Odin for that), none of it mattered anymore. He had nearly destroyed his own race, in a misguided attempt to please the only father he'd ever known.
"I could have done it!" he shouted up at Odin, "I could have destroyed Jotunheim. I could have proved I was the worthy son…"
"No, Loki," Odin shook his head sadly. He meant, Loki knew deep down, that destroying Jotunheim would never have made him happy. That he would have had two lost sons if Loki had succeeded, and how could that please him?
But a sudden burst of righteous anger caught the Trickster God just then, and Loki refused to acknowledge that Odin had been right all along. Instead, he chose to believe that Odin had meant that Loki could never have been the worthy son; instead, he did the one thing he knew would hurt the pair of them more than anything.
He let go.
Enemy of mine,
I'm just a stranger in a strange land,
Running out of time,
Better go, go, go…
Let them think him dead; let them all think him gone forever, while he would slip away, back to Earth, back to the stupid mortals he could fool so easily. And he would hide in the shadows, and watch and listen, and perhaps an opportunity would present itself. It always did, if you were patient enough, if you were smart enough, if you were crafty enough…
And he was; the trickster, the deceiver, the liar, the charmer, he of the silver tongue and the wicked smile. The master magician, the sly politician, the ghost prince… Loki was nothing if not patient and smart and crafty. And one day, he would prove to Odin and Thor, and the rest of Asguard that he was worthy.
Perhaps not worthy of the throne, not anymore…
But he would be the worthiest enemy they would ever face.
The end is coming, everybody run,
Now we're gonna live forever, gonna live forever,
Tonight, Tonight, Tonight…
Your thoughts are appreciated, though unnecessary meanness is not.