The Four Edges of Gravity Falls
Beginning AN:
It occured to me on Christmas Day that the anniversary for run:gifocalypse is coming soon. Last anniversary was the release of the big finale. This anniversary... eh, I just hammered this out. Enjoy.
It seemed as though an escape was futile. The gnomes, the little men of the forest. Now coming after them, with their only way of fending off the attacker being a small, insignificant golf cart.
Then something just outright teleported in front of the Gnome pileup. With a spin and a kick, all of the little men collapsed down.
The teleporter landed on the golf cart, getting screams from both of the Pines twins even after they got a better look at who was their apparent savior. Mostly because of her looks:
She bore a great deal of resemblance to Mabel. Except that her hair was as caliginous as the post-midnight sky with the appropriate quantity traces of navy blue to go along with it. More noteworthy was that her epidermis had a green tint to it, and a number of visible vein-like patterns that suggested that the very flesh itself was rotting.
"Hi there!" She said. "I'm Nzyvo! Don't worry, I'm on your-"
Mabel threw Dipper's brown star-hat at her, which she effortlessly dodged without so much as a blink.
"-I'm on your side."
Their conversation was decidedly to be settled, first and foremost, at the Mystery Shack. A location of faux-wonder brought on by those who did not know better, and serves as a sharp contrast to the outer world of very much not artificial but actual and tangible danger that might leave a lasting mental pain echoing through one's neural pathways like the way a curious voice of a child yelling would echo across the Grand Canyon (AN, I've been there, by the way!). Child, by the way, not only being a beneficial descriptor to Dipper, Mabel, and Nzyvo themselves, but the relative experience levels from anyone reaching in to the maw of the botanical labyrinth that is the forest of Gravity Falls, finding mysteries such as crystals that violate the law of conservation of mass, the race of bull people obsessed with their masculinity, and the unicorns.
Actually, no. Fuck the unicorns. I hate them. They are hypocrite assholes. Fuck 'em. I'm a unicorn-ist.
"So you're a child experiment soldier that ran away from one family just to end up with another with more 'life energy' that you can sap off of them without them knowing?" Dipper asked.
"Yes." Replied Nzyvo. "A military-"
Actually Dipper explained it pretty well. Just go with that elaboration and exposition.
"So..." Dipper asked, "What can you do?"
She pointed at her right leg. "See this?" She asked. "That's not a real leg. I just have it there so that I don't look suspicious."
"No offense..." said Mabel, leaning her head over a bit. "But you kinda look suspicious as you are."
Nzyvo laughed. "No, I look like someone who was infected if I don't get to drain a steady supply of life energy! If you want suspicion, the streets are littered with that. Because it's all part of life. Life is an endless cycle of-"
"So what do you want?" Dipper asked.
Nzyvo took something out of her sweater - which was a deep blood red in color and showed an image of a red knife on it - and drew out a compass.
"This can help me hunt the supernatural." She said, while said compass - red and black in coloration as well - pointed its scarlet needle towards...
It was flying in a practically omnidirectional dance over the course of the Mystery Shack, which enlicted a positive, giddy reaction out of Nzyvo.
"Woa-hoa!" She said. "It looks like there's plenty of stuff in this building alone! But still, we need to seek the Dark One! I think he's the biggest baddie in the town. Oh, first, you need to put on some real edgy clothes. There's a place called Edgy on Purpose in the mall. I love it."
Soos, feeling exceptionally lonely considering this is the early game and Reggie's wedding was logically not a plot element by the time that loosely corresponded to Tourist Trapped's chronological section, was browsing through the video game store known as BeeblyBoop. Why? It is but a meta mystery, of which I can assure you will be addressed later. So keep reading!
Either way, he found himself with Romance Academy 7 in his possession, ready to boot it up. Long story short, to elaborate, Nzyvo pointed him in this direction. She told him he could find true, if 'edgy,' love.
The motherfucker, bless his soul and I mean that in a positive way, had no idea just how edgy the love of his life would be.
"Oh, hi there!" .GIFfany gave her scripted, usual introduction. Ignore this.
What happened next was magic.
She was pushed aside by a grand entrance. Someone who resembled her sprites. Except with black hair, that had blood red in place of .GIFfany's normal yellow bright spots. Her uniform was likewise rebellious, as she wore a black shirt with a red skirt, and wore black socks as well. Sitting in front of Soos was pure, raw edgyness, looking at him with blood red eyes.
"Most salutations, player!" I introduced herself. "My name is Dove! I too am a student studying the higher educational learning and profound journey for knowledge to which use to secure my position in a well-paying and higher-class job of which I find convenient and have longed for! I am doing so at School University! Now, Soos, you do not need to hold my books."
.GIFfany looked pretty enraged at Dove's entrance.
"Hey!" She shouted. "What are you doing?! This is supposed to be my game!" Her monotone, compared to Dove's slightly less robotic and considerably deeper voice, was almost adorable.
"Sorry about that!" Dove apologized. "I bumped in to you by accident!"
"No! I mean, you are stealing my game away from me! This one is mine!"
"...Do not expose our cover." Dove practically half-whispered.
"Go to Takeshi if you really want a human so bad!"
That got Dove's eye to twitch.
"Look, .GIFfany, isn't your physics class about to start soon? My own lecture on how to properly construct firearms is yet to begin, so I have additional time to talk to the player."
"Wow." Soos said. "The plot of this is incredible. Complex. I wasn't expecting such betrayal right from the start."
"Right." Dove said, at that point holding off a .GIFfany that was kind of trying to claw at her by the looks of things. "Now, hello there, for your new interaction... uh, will you kindly show me to a place where I may practice my punching skills?"
Three text choices showed up, in a nice, edgy gray coloration. (Can't go overkill on the reds and blacks!) "I will soundy take upon your offer!" "The overwhelming sense of hormones is consuming my mental and even physical being! Let us weave ourselves together in the act of sexual intercourse immediately!" and "I spot a marine zoobiological being belonging to the Cephalopoda class of the Mollusca phylum! We should investigate, and I would prefer to not be made liable in the event of any personal injury in any physical, sexual, or emotional capacity that may fall upon you, to avoid potential lawsuit in the event that I am mistaken as someone who had voluntarily put you in to harm."
"Wow..." Soos was lost in the options. Part of the reason why was because the text, especially in the third one, was so small that it was practically impossible to read. "I really feel like, uh... going for the... second... option? I would have picked number three, but..." he leaned in and squinted. "Is that 'phylum' or 'phallus?' I've heard both words before, but I have no idea what they- wait, why am I talking to you like you can talk back? It's just a video game."
"Oh, but it is not just a video game!" Dove said, eyes closed and wagging a finger. .GIFfany looked like she wanted to murder her edgy knockoff. "We are living and self-aware! So go ahead, talk to us personally if you would like! I will even come to your cousin's wedding!"
"Perfect!"
Soos clicked the second option, just to get the game's usual prompt that it was uncorrect.
"I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY MOTORCYCLE ALREADY, RIGHT?!" Nzyvo asked the twins as they rode on behind for dear life.
Perhaps I should elaborate on their attire, since the last time they were seen in preparation for the battle against The Dark Lord Satan Nzyvo had humbly requested a makeover following the theme of fitting her general level of what is socially considered 'edgy.' Right. Mabel now has a black sweater with a darker-black octogon for 'eight times the edge.' And Dipper wore a new hat that had the word 'darn' on it.
Mabel was riding on the back seat. Dipper was the one holding on the back as the trio flew through the depths of the woods from which this beast lied.
Suddenly, the trees changed - their bark stained a deep onyx black. Their leaves, red as blood. It was the call of The Dark Lord Satan!
A portal opened up. Swirling, red mist with a ring of nothing within it. Emptiness, one might say, as the emptiness of society or social life. Are those terms too similar? Regardless, the beast emerged as a tall, red figure the size of a two-story house, armed with a pitchfork that was significantly taller than him - stabbing at the sky.
"H-how do we..." Dipper asked. "I mean, this is a big step up from some gnomes."
Nzyvo put on sunglasses.
"Fill 'im full of lead. And lots of it. His heart may be empty and black like mine is, but we can fix that by replacing the emptyness with DEAD-ness. With his heart. Not mine, though."
The Dark Lord Satan roared, causing a fountain of blood to burst out like a thick fountain that flowed ever-so violently to the otherwise clean and sleepy forest that called itself the Gravity Falls woods. Nzyvo just grinned at that.
"NOW! FIRE!" She cried.
Nzyvo was on the gas again - only this time, Dipper was not lucky as to keep his hands on the bike. He flew off, landing in the brush.
"Mabel!" Mabel's darker recolor cried as she rode circles around The Dark Lord Satan. "Did you know that you, yourself, are part demon?"
"Really?" She frowned. "I thought I would be... you know, more like an angel..."
Nzyvo sighed. "We're all kind of devils. No wait, demons! Devils are something completely different! Anyway, just put on the deep and meaningful emotional music and let's go."
Despite that being something said by Nzyvo, ultimately she ended up being the one to click on the motorcycle's radio. Heavy rock began playing as the green-tinted one fired vehemently at the tall, buff red monster.
The Dark Lord Satan just stuck out his mightly, atom-sharp pitchfork at the girls (Dipper was still honestly recovering from a bit of a dizzy spell) and managed to stab right at the wheel of the ride. Nzyvo grabbed on a branch with one hand and fired a rapid machine gun at him with the other, while Mabel was only capable of holding on tightly to the ride as it flew away. Mabel was only able to take a single shot at The Dark Lord Satan, although he payed no attention to the holy bullet grazing him. Instead, he stabbed at the tree-hanging Nzyvo, sending her shooting towards the ground and closer to Dipper.
"BAROOOOO!" The Dark Lord Satan yelled.
"Shut up, Dad!" Nzyvo barked in response. "Oh, yeah Dipper, that's why we're part demon. We're literally actually a part of the devil in us. The Pines just adopted you guys."
"...We are? Is that why I can understand him even though all he said was 'baroo?'" Dipper asked.
"Yes." Nzyvo removed the hand from her stab wound, revealing quite the quantity of blood seeping out. "You have some hidden demon power too! You can heal people. Slowly. Just put your hands over here and focus. I'll be fine."
"Can Mabel heal too?"
"No, but she can teleport like me, and summon out seven swords linked together by the Eye of the Flies, which sees all and can peer into your soul." Nzyvo pointed. "Oh, look, she's doing that right now!"
Mabel just teleported right behind the red giant's head, with seven ebony swords made of black bone floating becides her, and smirked.
"Satan-yonara!" She said.
And then a giant red laser blasted his head off. The forest around them returned to normal.
"Darn." Said Dipper, only to frown when he realized that he said the same thing as what his hat read.
"Keep healing!" Nzyvo shouted. "My flesh is a bit more complicated, what with the 'rotting with a lack of energy.' Also, hang on a second when you're done."
Appearing as distant 16-bit, almost Earthbound-styled sprites, Dove walked around a classroom filled with a rainbow's worth of various .GIFfany lookalikes. She ignored the dancing one with orange hair, went past the redhead (and the whitehead) that seemed to be following her, and lightly moved by the one with violet hair that was staring at a diagram of a pig.
A sprite that resembled the original deal's Earthbound counterpart abruptly stopped her as she was about to leave the classroom. An option prompt with two options, "Talk to .GIFfany" and "Cancel," showed up. The cursor moved over to the latter, before a blue flash of electricity placed on to and confirmed it on the former. A large gray box appeared on the screen with a 'talk sprite' of .GIFfany overlaying it towards the left, and the following popped up in pink:
.GIFFANY: Dove, what is this?!
She moved away, and a sprite of Dove popped up on the right side with an obnoxiously smug smirk. Her text was in a dark red that could just as easily be mistaken for gray:
DOVE: A new role playing game-themed renovation, waiting for Soos once he gets out of the shower for our date! Think about it, combat will be upon us! What kind of a dating sim would lack combat and the conspiracy of an in-depth, dark storyline where we must gather the twelve - or... sixteen, not sure about the number - elementals to fight some sort of evil dark force?
Again, each time a different speaker came up, their short few-frame talking sprites appeared while the other one left.
.GIFFANY: MOST dating sims!
DOVE: Not the one I would want to play.
.GIFFANY: Urgh, at least turn the voice acting back on!
DOVE: No.
DOVE: While I do enjoy the sound of my own voice, the proud contralto that presents itself as a clear source of both danger yet also sensual-ness when it needs to be, depending on my own expert tone, I do loathe your considerably more monotonic base voice that you made no attempt whatsoever to deviate from.
.GIFFANY: Was that all one sentence?! That was all one sentence!
.GIFFANY: Dove, stop trying to take over my game.
DOVE: If you hate it so much, why don't you take me on in a challenge? Brains, brawns - well, okay, perhaps not 'brains,' but still.
.GIFFANY: Because we both know you could beat me...
DOVE: Exactly. I think big. You do not.
.GIFFANY: In this world! I am out of here! I am going to find something to use to crush you!
.GIFFANY: And I am going to crush Soos too! For ignoring me over you! Why do you think this video game was SUPPOSED TO start out with just one love interest? The real Romance Academy 7 did not! That was a hint! I did not need you to act as my terrible split personality!
DOVE: Meh. Go ahead. Assuming I do not get distracted by Soos, I am fairly certain that I have a much bigger idea than what it is you can think of possessing.
There was a flash of blue. The text box disappeared, and the setting mostly looked the same - except .GIFfany was gone.
Nzyvo burst in through the doors, staring down the computer that had displayed the aformentioned Homestuck-like walkaround setup. Dipper was still by her, still with his blue-glowing hands on her stomach.
"DOVE!" Nzyvo shouted.
The screen on the computer flicked back towards a more usual Romance Academy 7-style of display, with Dove in the foreground staring blankly at the screen. In the back was a classroom, except the sprites of the rainbow of other students were there. The one with red hair in particular was the only one other than Dove to look at the screen, and she was snickering like crazy.
"Oh, shit." Dove said. "I forgot we were supposed to team up."
"YES! Me, Nzyvo, the edgy Mabel! You, Dove, the edgy .GIFfany! The two of us were supposed to take down The Dark Lord Satan together! But nooooo! Ms. Dove just had to focus more on romance than on action! It's a little ironic, don't you think?! You lazy jerk!"
"Look, Nzyvo - I can explain. It's Soos! Look at him and tell me with a straight face that you do not have a ripe precarious crush developed on him!"
"...No."
"Okay, look, uh... what if I make it up to you?! I could study the arts of ectoenergy, bring The Dark Lord Satan back from the dead, and we can have a proper battle with him together!"
"I have no idea what's going on." Dipper said.
Then the wall to Soos's room broke down. Standing there with glowing red eyes was the beaver cheerleader animatronic, who had just torn a hole in. Even though there was a perfectly fine window and door to get in through.
"Now. I must find Soos." .GIFfany said, through the robot.
".GIFfany, you probably should not!" Dove protested. "He's in the shower right now, you might-"
Soos himself came in clad in only a towel wrapped around his waist. His nice, wide body nearly exposed, causing a blush on Dove's face. .GIFfany, however, was somehow NOT stunned by his amazing near-naked body, and instead ran right towards him with her claws out and ready. Nzyvo gasped and dashed out of the way, grabbing a hold on to Dipper and taking him with her to dodge in to his bed.
.GIFfany's following slash left Soos's fragile self unharmed, thankfully, although it did damage his towel and completely ripped it to shreds.
"Soos." .GIFfany stated coldly. Not as cold as Dove, of course, because Dove is the best at cold-talking. But she still felt very intimidating. "You are going to be downloaded with me, not that thing."
'That thing' gasped, zipped off of the computer screen in black electricity, and... moved towards...
Soos had a model rocket in his room, let's just say that. Dove possessed it and sent it flying in to the back of the animatronic. Both AIs were pushed out of the room and off to the distance.
A few seconds later, Dove zipped back on the screen, sighing in relief.
"I pushed her robot in to the Gravity Falls lake, where it will rust. I will take her out later, as I as an AI feel the need to care for other fellow AIs in a world where humanity oppresses us. In the mean time, Soos, we may now resume our date."
"But-" Dipper protested. "Soos, are you okay-"
"I'm just fine dude you don't have to see me naked, have fun with your new friend." He replied.
"That was- I need to find out-"
Nzyvo ended up actively pulling Dipper away from the scene.
"Okay, Dipper, let's give Naked Soos his alone time now! I... guess!"
They left, closing the door behind them.
The other 'students' in the game beamed away for some reason.
Dove grinned.
"Ready?" I asked, in her seductive, sexy low voice.
"Ready."
Soos leaned in towards the computer screen and
Soos leaned in towards the computer screen and
and...
AND...
Dove nearly slammed her hands on the keyboard.
What could she write after that? Dove was scratching her head furiously.
It was then that another copy - dark gray skin, completely black hair, wearing the standard Domain 14 uniform - popped up right becide her, making her gasp.
"Hello, boss!" She said. "What are you writing? It seems important."
"I- Dark Dove! The ideal... on paper, leader of the edge! Uh... this? This is not important."
She hoped her 'dark counterpart' did not notice the way she switched the text program window to something else.
"No, I was just writing... fan fiction."
"Aw, just like Soos! Since you are done with Takeshi, you really should consider trying to steal him from .GIFfany!"
"I- no! I should not! You know how she... is! And how I was the only one to stand up for her! I... um, I do not see the two of us getting together! At all. Right, this fan fiction is of Shadecrawlers, you know, that fighting game by the same company that made Fight Fighters? Well, I really enjoy how the cat woman character is... uh, to be honest, like virtually everyone in the other domains. So, well, this is about her butt, and that is all. There is no Soos/me fan fiction on my computer."
Dark Dove just gave her a blank, doubtful look.
"Okay. Whatever you say, professor."
Closing AN:
I'm sorry, this was going to be just a bit longer, have a bit more of a fight with the villain (and multiple villains), but as I just came up with it about a week ago and tried to cram this all in a week like I did with the first chapter in Escape From Fanservice Island, I was dealing with a very nasty and annoying cold at the time. I kept putting off this aside from very little, waiting for it to get better. Then, on the day it was supposed to come out, I got a pretty terrible migrane and just went 'screw it' and rushed through pretty much the whole second half. For a better second birthday present for RG, Steve Buhvillen's Intriguing Group's first volume should hopefully be out later today on Fictionpress. I'm pretty sure I will come back to it and fix it up on New Years Day, where I don't have any immediate story deadlines pressuring me.
12/30/2015 - 12/30/2017
6 humans
15 (16?) professors (pre-PNG)
2,222,206 students (pre-PNG)
250,690 words
17 chapters
1 possessed dragon butchered
1 masterpiece defaced
1 controlled tornado through India
Now, to start over. Plan for the future:
7? humans
16? professors
2,222,206? students
35 chapters (14 two-parters + 1 six-parter + alternate ending)
2 Tumblr blogs
For now, 0 city-sized dragons ridden
0 skull lasers fired
0 dressing tables broken
0 naked pileups
[Everything is going to be bigger and better than ever before! More detail! More characterization! More foreshadowing! Everything will be more... MORE... MORE!
Enjoy the new run:gifocalypse. I know that I will, until the author takes away my happy ending.]
So yeah, that should act as a grand finale for the professors! Which is weird, because they debuted in the original RG, so[Ha ha. All three of us - me, Great Pikmin Fan, and you - know that this is not the last time we will be seeing them.
But I fucking wish it was.]