So this is my first fanfiic, so don't be mean. mkay? Anyways I like Hayate (I think he's pretty sexy), BUT...I also think that he gained a BIT of weight in DOA4. So there. Its been said. Oh, before I forget this is totally OOC and dosen't go with the Dead or Alive story. Just a heads up. Oh and the next chapter won't be this short. Pinky Promise!

Anywho, Laugh. Read. Review!

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Hayate's diet of doom

It was that time of the week again. That's right, the metro sexual hour. Every week Hayate and Ryu would have an hour to pamper themselves. They had to have time to make themselves look good.

Hayate was looking at himself in his full length mirror he secretly kept in his closet and Ryu was busy filing his nails. Hayate was busy doing his weekly review on all of his poises.

The gun point and wink. Check

The victory poise. Lookin good.

The profile look. Okey...dokey?

"Hey Ryu..." Hayate said as he turned to his best friend.

"Yeah"

"Do you think...do you think that I've gotten...fat?"

Ryu looked up from his nails ,"Do you really want me to tell you the truth?"

Hayate got the hint and he started to tear up. "When did this happen!?"

"Last week since you discovered the magic of chocolate and you were brought under its curse..."

"You mean when I bought those 3 boxes of chocolate from that traveling girl scout and 12 DVD rentals, then locked myself in my room?"

"Yep..."

"But when I came out nobody said anything."

"You didn't ask anything until now..."

Hayate now understood everything that had happened that week. Why every time he saw Ayane in the hallway she always turned and walked back around. Why Kasumi had given him only fruit during dinner. Why those little boys down the street threw a rock at him and called him a fat ass. It all made sense...

"No, I can't let this happen! I have to go on a diet!" Hayate proclaimed throwing his fist in the air. In his fist was a chocolate bar. "Oh hey...cool..." Hayate unwrapped the bar and started to eat it.

Before he could swallow it, Ryu grabbed his arm. "Spit it out!" Ryu commanded and opened his palm near Hayate's mouth.

"Mmm-mmm."

"Spit it out!" Ryu grabbed Hayate's face but Hayate shook free and swallowed the chocolate.

"Haha..." Hayate mocked as he opened his mouth to show that the chocolate was gone. He didn't notice that Ryu had taken his chocolate and stuffed it in his mouth.

" Gasps You bastard!" And Hayate pounced on Ryu.

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Ayane heard the announcer lady say,"Get ready, fight." coming from Hayate's room and ran inside to find Hayate and Ryu rolling on the floor.

Hot...

She was about to sit on the bed and watch but shook her head.

What the...no not hot. Don't sit and watch!

"HEY!" Ayane yelled getting both Hayate's and Ryu's attention. Hayate was pulling Ryu's hair and Ryu was biting Hayate's arm. "What are you guys doing?"

Hayate immediately stood up and pointed at Ryu. "First he tells me that I'm fat, then he goes and steals my chocolate, then eats it!"

Ryu got up and pointed at Hayate. "He asked me to tell him if he was fat or not and then he said he was going on a diet them starts eating a chocolate bar!"

Suddenly Kasumi's head popped through the door, "I heard the announcer lady, whats going on?"

"Something about being fat, dieting, and chocolate." Ayane replied.

"Okay let me explain-"Ryu started but was cut off by a Hayate.

"Why do you get to explain?"

"Cause I'm not the one who needs to go on a diet..."

Hayate was about to pounce on Ryu again but Kasumi got between them and did the time out sign.

"Alright, from what I've heard, Hayate wants to go on a diet because he has gotten fat and was about to eat some chocolate even though he said he was going on a diet, and Ryu tried to stop him and ate his chocolate. Hayate got mad and then they fought." Kasumi inhaled after she was done.

"Smartass..." Ayane muttered.

"What? Kasumi, Ayane do you think that I've gotten fat?" Hayate said hopeful that his own family would stick up for him.

Kasumi and Ayane looked at each other, then Ayane spoke up,"We didn't want to say anything but..."

Hayate started to tear up again. Kasumi to the rescue. "Don't worry Nii-san, dieting is easy all you have to do is eat correctly and exercise...also you have to stop eating chocolate."

"What was that last part?"

"Oh, nothing. Come on I'll make you a salad." Taking Hayate by the hand and leading him into the kitchen.

"Hey Kasumi what is a s-a-l-a-d?"

"You'll see!"