A/N: So… Yeah. Funny thing happened to me this morning. I was rereading that part in Eclipse after the bonfire and the stories where Jacob and Bella are talking before Edward picks her up, and something horrible occurred to me.
I, Stephanie, self-proclaimed lover of all that is canon and meant-to-be-as-far-as-the-author-is-concerned, am a Jacob/Bella shipper.
You really can't comprehend how painful this realization is. I always loved Jacob, I did. I thought he was great. I thought he made a wonderful friend for Bella, and I felt bad for him that it wasn't going to work like he wanted. But that didn't mean I was willing to stray from the safety of Bella/Edward-ness, where everything ends in happily ever after. It was safe. It was dependable. No immature sixteen year old werewolves here!
But no, it couldn't work that way. I had to get a plot bunny for the ever-used "What if Bella chose Jacob?" question, which I know has been used a million times over by now, I've seen it. And yet I cannot resist the urge to write the end of Eclipse in this vain. :-( If I am kind to myself, it will be a one-shot. I have ideas mulling about my brain for something longer that might work better from a Jacob/Bella standpoint, but it's not even half-formed at the moment, and it likes to change its mind on all the important parts daily. You can see how this would add up to much more work than my poor beleaguered mind can take.
And yes, I totally just wrote all that in the hopes that I'd change my mind while there's still time.
The internal battle lasted the entire drive to La Push.
It should have been easy. It should have been a clear cut decision. I loved Edward. I loved Jacob. I couldn't possibly love them the same. In theory it should be a simple matter of choosing who I loved more. Shouldn't it?
The problem was, the minute I decided one way or the other, the old gaping hole emerged in my chest, and the pain was more than I could take.
The battle raged when I got in my truck. It heightened with passing mile, with every memory of the past year and a half laid out for me in clear, painful detail. It continued when I parked in front of the Blacks' house, when I spoke briefly to Billy. It gave one last torturous effort when I opened his door.
And then I saw him.
It was nowhere near like what Sam and Jared and Quil all went through when they imprinted—later, much later, I would ask them for myself, though it didn't differ much from the way Jacob described it—but I stood there in that moment, barely inside his room, shaking from the emotional rollercoaster I was trying come off of, staring at him, and he stared back at me. And I thought of the time we'd spent together, all the things we'd done. And worse, I thought of all the things we hadn't done, all the things we could still do. It didn't have to be difficult. It could be as simple or as complicated as we wanted to make it. My life didn't have to change; I didn't have to give up everyone I loved to be with him.
I didn't make the decision because it was easy. What part of any of it could be easy? But in that moment, at least, it felt right, in a way I couldn't put into words if I tried.
Jacob watched me, his eyes wary at first. But then, he must have seen something in my expression, because his face lit up with a joyful smile, lifting a little of my burden as it spread across his face.
My smile. My Jacob.
He was waiting for me when I pulled in front of his house, his expression unreadable.
I turned off the engine and sat back against the seat as the passenger door opened and he slid in next to me.
We sat for a long moment, not saying anything. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't quite bring myself to look at him yet. Finally, I broke the silence. "Alice saw my future disappear, didn't she?" I whispered hollowly.
"Yes." That was all. Just "Yes." No judgment, no anger, just one word.
"Edward, I'm so sorry."
"It's all right," he murmured. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him reach out a hand toward my face, but he stopped mid-motion, letting it drop back to his side.
"No it isn't." I steadfastly stared at my steering wheel, not trusting myself to look at him still.
"Yes it is," he insisted softly, so softly I almost missed the tremor in his voice. "Bella, if this is what you want… if this is what will make you happy, then I won't stand in your way." This time his hand did reach out and cupped my chin, turning me to finally look at him. His smile didn't quite reach his topaz eyes. "Much as I may hate to admit it, Jacob will be good for you. Is good for you."
I closed my eyes for a moment, then looked at him again, thinking I might as well look my fill while I still had the opportunity. "I do love you."
His eyes tightened for a moment. "I know." Before I could say anything, he pulled me into a long hug. When he finally pulled back, holding me at arm's length as best he could in the truck, he said, "Remember something for me? Please?" I nodded. "If you ever need anything—anything at all, it doesn't matter what it is—I'm only a phone call away. If it's tomorrow or fifty years from now, it doesn't matter."
At this point, I didn't trust my voice anymore, so I just nodded, hoping he could read everything that I would have liked to tell him in that nod. I doubted it, but it didn't seem there was anymore time.
Edward leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. "Goodbye, Bella," he whispered.
And then he was gone.
I managed to make it back to La Push, back to Jacob, before it started. Thankfully, Jacob didn't ask, he just lifted the blankets for me as I slid beneath them, burrowing into uninjured side, letting his warmth seep into every pore of my body.
The tears would come soon enough. But I had my Jacob, watching over me and keeping what demons that might plague me at bay. As he always would.
A/N: I dunno. I love how I set out to write a Jacob/Bella one-shot, and Edward has more time on the page than Jake does. Pffft.