Time
I undoubtedly was the one he gave the most time. All the time in the world I apparently thought because now he's slipped away. But yes, I suppose he was right in his own and personal way, and now I had lost him. Lost him to one who looked like me, but was my opposite in personality. Clingy, whiney, weak but one of the most attractive girls in the year.
I had missed my chance 186 times, the amount of time that James had asked me out. To think that he counted, who knew that he could do that? Who knew he was so devoted? Was being the most affective word in that sentence. Was. Past tense. Our last year. The year we graduate. He stops. Stops pursuing me and dates her.
Being young, we forever think that time would wait for us. Something you have to grow out of, something you have to forget. Even in this magical world that we live in, time could never stop for you, you had to keep with its fast pace or it would have forgotten you. I had to learn this life fact the hard way, before I found that time had wrapped its claws around my legs and pulled me down, dragged me into its depths of so called "doom". Along with it came my heart. Not the physical organ we have, but rather the part of me that believe in love. I used to be so organised, even as much as to be chosen as head girl. When I got the letter I was overjoyed, then I found out whom I was working with. But he had changed. No more of the prat I thought he was before. No more staring, note passing, love declarations or flirtatious winks.
That's when I realized, realized that he was the one I loved and for the past six years and he was right. But my time was up, I had my chance and I wasted it. Perhaps Remus had seen the grief and panic written on my face, but I didn't care. I was past that point. I used to be happy, and I still try to be but sappy as it may sound, I can't feel happy on the inside. Every time he kisses her in the heads common room, my heart shatters, and I cant even muster the courage to shout at him. Weakness. Something I dare not show. And so I run up to my room and try to transfigure something into a table yet it does not work. Transfiguration was never ever my favourite subject. James was top of the class and if things were different I would ask him to help. But I can't. Too much time spent around him would cause me to crack and continue the process of what the bad usage of time has done to me. I knew this and I was the only one to blame. Me and my large ego, the one that had caused me to reject him time and time again because I had everything yet I didn't. Now I had this superficial façade pasted upon my face. I guess my mind had been distracted this time. So distracted by my thoughts that when I heard footsteps up the stairs to my dorm I didn't react.
"Lily? Are you ok?"
It was him. Before I knew what was happening, my feet were pounding towards him, my hands grabbed his collar and I pulled his head down. So much for hiding my secret. Hiding my cracks caused by wasted time. I kissed him.
My heart skipped a beat, and I thought for a second that he would continue it. How I was wrong. I had missed my chance, missed the 186 chances he gave me. Gone, vanished, wasted. He pushed me away from him.
"I'm sorry, Lily, so very sorry"
That was when I crumpled onto the floor and wept. He no longer loved me. My chances had been and gone. Time didn't stop, time had moved on without me, and so had James Potter.