Words I Couldn't Say
Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own, NCIS. I also do not own the song 'Words I Couldn't Say'.
A/N:This is only based on the song 'Words I Couldn't Say' but is not a songfic. Spoilers for Seasons 3-5. And I know I just wrote another story, but I heard this song and the plot bunnies would not go away. So I decided to indulge them...
Words I Couldn't Say
The funeral had been long since finished when Gibbs arrived at the graveyard. But he had to pay his respects. She was his partner a lifetime ago, his lover since, and in her later years, she was his boss. And the one who got away all those years ago. Gibbs glanced around to be sure he was alone before he sat down by the headstone, wanting to be level with her, knowing if she was watching him she'd have a fit if he wasn't treating her as an equal.
He felt a smile go over him at the image his mind produced. Gibbs could just see the small redheaded woman tapping her foot impatiently, going over all the reasons why he couldn't give her special treatment just because she was a woman. He sighed, missing her, his quilt making him tremble.
Gibbs should have went with her to Decker's funeral instead of Ziva and Tony. He actually knew the guy, was friends with him. And he would've been better suited to protect Jenny. But instead, Gibbs stayed behind with McGee in D.C., letting the younger agent and Mossad officer take the responsibility of protecting her. Why?
Because he didn't want to be alone with her. Gibbs didn't trust himself to be alone with her, to share a room with her. He couldn't go down that road again...
She had hurt him badly in the past. Jenny had told him that she was in love with him, that they could really be something more than just partners. But before the mission had even ended, she had turned him into the French authorities.
But then again... She did help him and Ducky escape... On a stolen boat...
Gibbs shook his head. That was just her way of making it up to him... But then he remembered finding the dreaded 'Dear John' letter she wrote out to him and left in her coat. The one she left with him... On the plane...
His mind flashed him images of Paris. The restaurants they went to, the kisses, the nights spent in that little attic, the frigid cold nights spent in each others arms. Gibbs shook his head. Those memories will never be more than just that, memories.
He feels the familiar pang. It reminds him that he will never get that second chance he wanted. He will never again hold her close to him, never again battle wits with her, and he will never get his chance to tell her that he was still in love with her.
He did want to know why she never told him she was sick. She had told him everything else. About her father dying, her mother leaving her as child, even when they weren't lovers, she told him everything. Gibbs sighed, remembering how Ducky said she was dying anyway, that this was probably a much more merciful way to die. He shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to imagine the pain she must have been in because of the disease.
Gibbs felt the tears prickle in his eyes as he remembered her smile, how she would often put others needs in front of her own, how she always had something witty to say to his smart remarks. He wiped them away, not wanting someone to see them.
He glanced at the time. 9:30 pm. He needed to go home and sleep. Tomorrow was another work day and Vance had told them he had an important announcement to make to the team. Gibbs had to be rested for it.
He got up carefully, taking another look at the headstone. Gibbs took a photo out of his pocket and laid it on the grave, giving a small smile because of what was on the picture. "I wish I could've had the the chance to tell you this in person... But since I didn't, I thought you should know... I always loved you, Jen."Gibbs murmured softly, fighting back tears as he took one more look at the headstone before he left.
Jennifer "Jenny" Shepard
October 23, 1963- May 20, 2008
Semper Fidelis
You will be missed