Mary

Mary

The Life and Loves

Of

Mary Poppins

London 1965

I read the notices in the paper, the ones that proclaim the movie's release. Mr. Disney had apparently acquired the rights from my half-sister-in-law some years earlier, and he was now set to release the film that was dubbed "Spectacular."

I read the names of the starring actors. David Tomlinson as George Banks is indeed fair, and Glynis Johns no doubt will capture Winifred very well. Next my eyes alight on the name of the actress who will playing me, Julie Andrews an unknown from Broadway, America's version of the theater. "Well," I think, "At least she is English." Finally my eyes fall on the name of the man who will be playing my then fiancé. As of today he has been my husband for a great many years.

I sigh. Dick Van Dike! Dick Van Dike will be playing my Bert? Although he is quite a funny man, he is no match for the one who stole my heart almost sixty-one years before.

Not so much has changed in the elapsing time. My looks are still the same as they were in 1910. In fact they have not changed since my eighteenth birthday. Bert still looks the same as well. His hair is still beautifully dark and wavy without a speck of gray and his eyes are still as kind as they ever were.

"Mary, don't torture yourself," Bert says as I fold the paper in half. He watches as I place it on the coffee table and fold my arms angrily over my chest. "It's not as if they knew our story was true."

"I suppose not. Pamela certainly never cared what she wrote concerning our relationship, but you would think Mr. Disney would at least check his facts."

"'Is book is based on the story Pamela wrote. You know that."

"She made me out to be so cold though, so mean. Will his movie do the same?"

"I doubt it love." I watch as Bert comes over and sits as close to me as he can. He takes my hands in his and smiles. " 'Ow could anyone think you are cold?"

"Pamela did, especially after the baby-"

"Mary that book was published in the 1930's and the baby does not even appear in it. None of that was your fault. Put it away in the back of your mind." I nod and he kisses my temple.

I want to ask him how I can possible bury what we have weathered together, even if it did take place sixty-one years ago. How can I bury the memory of our child, the way she would try and grasp a tendril of my hair or hold tightly onto his finger?

"Will Mr. Disney include her, do you think?" Bert slowly shakes his head and smiles sadly. " So our daughter has nearly been forgotten? And what of how it affected us both? Has that been forgotten as well?"

"Mary, I will never forget." I lean my head against his shoulder.

"Bert, take me to see that movie, please." I feel him sigh.

"Mary-"

"I haven't asked you for anything in quite a long while. Surely this is something you could easily arrange."

"Why can't you let this go? Let the movie play and fade into obscurity." I pull away and look at him for a long moment, unsure of what to say. How can I explain that those events still haunt me? How can I explain that I still wake up at night convinced I hear our daughter screaming in the next room? How can I make him understand that my memory will not let me rest?

But, why should it matter really? Why should the events that happened in 1910 still give me night terrors? I know that Bert has no answer, even if he might try and give me one, but I know he never will. He is one who prefers to keep silent and pretend the bad part of the past never occurred. I, on the other hand, cannot let it go.