I am the rad of my explosion.
Swag is my Body and Awesome is my Blood.
I have exploded over a thousand Things,
Unknown to Lame,
Nor known to Shit.
Have withstood Fail to explode many losers
Yet those Explosions will never not be Cool.
So, Explosion Explosion,
UNLIMITED EXPLOSION WORKS

WARNING: THIS IS CRACK OF THE HIGHEST CALIBUR(N). Seriously. This is the crackiest thing I have ever written ever, and it is also the most amazing thing I will ever write. Nothing can possibly surpass it.

I give you

FATE/STAY KITCHEN

"What? How are you an Archer if you use swords?"

Lancer jumps backwards, and sighs. "Ugh... I didn't want to go all out..."

He readies his lance. The world goes cold.

And then the world explodes.

Lancer turns left and right, anger in his eyes. "Wh-wh-what! What happened! Who broke my Noble Phantasm!"

His eyes focus on a boy. A boy standing in the back, surrounded by bitches. High quality bitches too - not those shabby streetwalkers you see around low quality men. This boy was that cool. He had on a pair of sunglasses, and looked a bit annoyed.

"Fuck. I hate it when I forget to turn my swag off." He's holding a sandwich, which he takes a bite of, then tosses it behind him. The sandwich explodes, a shower of sparks raining down around the boy like some sort of awesome set of fire wings or some shit. Lancer feels both confused and strangely aroused by the boy in front of him. His eyes widen as he feels a twitch inside his spear, and begins rushing towards the boy.

"No! I can't stop my Gay Bulge!" Lancer closes his eyes, not wanting to watch the death of the coolest motherfucker this side of West Side. But he peeks - because his death will be the most fucking awesome thing of all time ever.

But the boy just stands there, and then he takes off his sunglasses. His bitches pout, and explode, outlining his explosion filled eyes with more explosions, as he stands in the middle of them, like a explodafessor, teaching his watchers about explosions. He grins, shouting,

"LET'S DO THIS!"

The boy rushes Lancer, whose Gay Bulge stiffens, and rushes him.

"EMIYA SHIROU DOES NOT BACK DOWN!"

"Wait, you're Emiya Shi-" Lancer doesn't have time to finish his sentence. His face is punched, and he goes flying hundreds of feet backwards, unable to resist the punch of Emiya Shirou.

"J-just... Who... the hell... do you think... you are?"

Emiya Shirou stands over Lancer, and his eyes explode again, as he reaches his hand up, and points to the explosion in the sky.

"Don't you know Lancer? All the lights in the sky..." His exploding eyes are visible, even through his dark sunglasses, and a visceral grin covers his face as he clenches his hand into fist.

"ARE EXPLOSIONS!"

Shirou brings his fist down, and Lancer coughs, unable to hold it back as Shirou punches him in the bulge.

"Damn! M-m-my... Bulge... My only weakness..."

Shirou turns around, and begins to walk away, taking off his shades and closing his eyes, the last wisps of smoke falling from them as he does so. "Finishing Move."

Lancer looks at him, confused. "What? You just turned arou-"

And then Lancer exploded, a massive blue flare ripping out of him and going straight into Emiya Shirou. Emiya Shirou GRIT THOSE TEETH, and let the energy channel itself into him, before he spat on the ground, and put his shades back on.

"Dumbass. Don't you know that people die when they are killed? Tohsaka, take care of your servant."

Then Emiya Shirou threw down an explosion, and vanished in an explosion of light, so bright and vivid that it cut Rin's vision for a second. Then she snaps out of her reverie, and looks at Archer.

"Archer! Did you see how cool he wa-"

"Not this reality please dear World, please, not this reality..."

I have written the best thing ever. Nothing I ever write will surpass this.