HANG ON
1.
John Winchester raised his head from his hands as the door to the I.C.U swung open and Bobby Singer emerged. The look on Bobby's face said it all, he was furious as he stormed straight over to John. John sighed and put his head back down into his hands, trying to decide if he was up to any kind of argument right now, or whether he should simply take whatever Bobby had to say? The footsteps came to a halt directly in front of John and John could virtually feel the heat of the anger emanating from Bobby,
"Bobby…don't."
Bobby bent over, his face just inches away from the top of John's head, his hissed accusation may as well have been shouted from the rooftops,
"You….let…..him…..go!"
John finally raised his head and slumped back into his chair, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his battered and muddy leather jacket. His eyes flickered in every direction as he avoided looking at Bobby directly, his tone weary, his voice so quiet that Bobby had to strain to hear John's response,
"I had no choice."
The only thing which kept Bobby's clenched fists by his side was the fact that they were in a hospital waiting area and were already drawing occasional glances from the security man stood leaning against a wall nearby. Bobby sat down heavily on the chair next to John and stared hard at John's face, as if he had never really seen the man before,
"Yes you did. You had a choice. Seems to me it was very clear. You should've hung on…. You should've hung on until Hell froze over if that's what it took. God help him, you're the boys father!"
At that, John finally returned Bobby's gaze,
"Yes I am Bobby. Let's not forget it shall we? You weren't there. I was. Do you seriously think I wanted to let him go? Is that how little you think the boy matters to me?...Is it?"
Too full of rage to back down, Bobby stood before answering,
"I don't know John. You tell me. You never seem to have a problem putting the boy, or his brother, at risk. In fact, you're still pissed at Sam for getting away from you. You should be celebrating the fact that he's safe. You should be proud the kid's managed to get himself a normal life, normal friends. But no, not you. You can't give him that, can you? You see what Sam's managed to do as betrayal, don't you? And why? 'Cos he's not here. He's not risking his life every single day for you and your personal obsession."
John tried to protest,
"No.. it's not like…"
Bobby was having none of it, he'd got something to say and he was determined John would hear it,
"Don't you try telling me it's not like that John Winchester. It's exactly like that. And then there's Dean. He did stay. He's like some kinda puppet. He follows every order you give to the letter, no matter what consequences there might be. He's given up any chance of a normal life for you. Christ John, the kid hasn't had a home since he was six. All he's ever had off you is too many Christmases alone, trying to look after Sam 'cos you've kept telling him that's his job. Didn't you ever stop to think it was supposed to be yours? That kid's gone through so many forgotten birthdays I wonder if even he knows when it is anymore? Leaving two young kids alone, for days. Sometimes for weeks. There's a very special name for parents who do that John. People call it neglectful. D'you hear that? If it helps to make things real clear for you, neglect qualifies as child abuse John. Think about it…. How you've dragged those two up? The times you abandoned them? It definitely ticks that child abuse box in my book."
Bobby paused, expecting John to explode both verbally and physically. But John did and said nothing, simply lowering his gaze back to the floor. Bobby took a step back from John; his eyes now taking in every detail of the man sat in front of him, a man he thought he had come to know over the years.
Bobby lifted his arm and pointed back towards the I.C.U., his hand trembling,
"That's your son laying in there, the one that stood by you and your twisted idea of loyalty. And what does he get back from his big hero? You treat him like he's nothing more than a private in your personal army. You put him out there in the field like cannon fodder, again and again. So, I'm askin' again John, 'cos I need to understand. You tell me, how much does he matter to you? 'Cos all I see is that he don't matter enough for you to hang on."
Bobby paused, willing John to respond. Waiting for John to say how much he loved his son's. Hoping John would reassure him that things were going to change, that he wanted to be a better father. But John remained silent. Bobby turned and began to walk away, stopping at the corridor exit long enough to look back and give John a warning,
"I'm going home. I need to clean myself up. Wash this stink off me. I'll be back later to check on the boy. Before I go John, just so we're real clear about things, you're not welcome at my place. Show up any time soon and I swear you'll be facing my shotgun. Don't be making the mistake of thinkin' I won't shoot you like the miserable dog you are, John Winchester. You'd be very, very wrong."
Then he was gone.
John sat, relieved Bobby's tirade had come to an end. The man always did talk too much. He briefly considered Bobby's threat, wondering how serious it might be? John gave a tired sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose between finger and thumb. He decided it was a real shame Bobby had gotten himself so heated up over nothing', John could've done with going back to Bobby's and having a shower himself…..
END