Author's Note: There have been a lot of fics based on the lasst episode, some dealing with what if's, some with missing scenes. Me, I wanted to know what was going on in THAT scene. You know the one I mean...what were they thinking? What was in their minds? I had to know. I had to understand it. And so...I came up with this. My first D/V fic/ship (although I have all ready submitted the other two I've written). I hope that readers like it.
She sat on the edge of the bed, watching him pace backwards and forwards, over and over, muttering to himself. Slowly a fond smile graced her lips and the feelings drew her into examining her heart, something she had never truly done before for fear of finding only hurt and misery.
Looking deep within, she realised that the seed planted by his regard two years previously had blossomed, grown into a fine specimen of self-worth she hadn't even realised was missing from her soul. He had given her more than anyone, more than she could ever have imagined. She had friends now, people who trusted her, people who liked her for who she was, people who cared about her wellbeing enough that they would track her down even when indications were that she was dead. She had somewhere to call home, somewhere she could return to night after night and not have to worry about needing to move on before some disgruntled buyer came looking for her. She had a purpose now, a reason for being. She knew what it was to be trusted, to be cared for, to be wanted. Because of him. Because he had shown faith in her despite everything she had done to him. He trusted her, had faith in her, was proud of her and she was proud of herself for not letting him down. Yet it was more than that…it had become more.
When she had forgotten everything, when all that she was and knew had been stripped from her and she had been thrust into a world she had no knowledge of, it had been his tireless resolve that had led them to finding her. It had been his voice, his faith, the desperate plea in his eyes that she come back to them that had awoken something inside of her. It was him that she had remembered, his face, his smile, and it was him that she had clung to as a shipwreck survivor would cling to driftwood for fear of the tides. He was her anchor in an ever-changing galaxy, the one thing that never changed although he constantly surprised her. And it was for him that she felt fear, for him that she worried, for him that she knew terror when he drifted from them under the influence of another's mind.
She watched him wander back and forth, grieving for a race who had meant no harm yet had lost themselves to their own science. Watched the compassion upon his face, the resignation that began to settle, the sorrow that one day his own people may travel the same path. And that's when it hit her, seeing him be his own unique self, that's when she knew she could never let him go. She had no idea how long they would get together on the ship, no idea if they would last, but she knew from the deepest part of her heart, that she couldn't let this chance pass her by. To love someone who truly believed in her. To be loved by that one person. She had to try or never know.
He was confused at first as to what she was doing. Then, as realisation struck, he wanted to leap away from her, escape the drowning sensation of being trapped between his feelings and her intent. It was all he could do to stop himself from grabbing and shaking her, instead just pushing her back to give himself room. He'd tried so hard to stay away from this situation, tried to save himself. But she just kept pushing him, kept scraping at him day by day, never giving him a chance to understand what was in his own head.
If he was honest, he had been open with her about things, let her see him in vulnerable moments that very few had ever seen before. Something about her, some innocence in her, he had responded to without really understanding it – why else would he have spoken of his wife that day on the ship? He wanted to believe that this wasn't just another effort to have a conquest but the fear, the sheer terror of living that pain again roared through him. Suddenly he was on the defensive, all the repressed worries and concerns and, yes, anger at himself manifesting in words that he didn't mean to say, didn't mean to be so harsh and cruel. But some of them were true, thoughts that had been spinning around and around in his mind ever since he had realised he was falling for her. They were so very different. He was haunted by the pain of loosing the woman he had loved more than his own life. He really had taken so long to feel that he might be able to risk his heart again. And when he snapped, when he told her that he couldn't imagine a life with her, he wasn't lying – he really couldn't.
She scared the hell out of him. The way she bounded through life as if every day were her last, as if tomorrow didn't matter. The irreverence with which she conducted herself, a child just enjoying every day as it came. She terrified him. If he was honest with himself, he didn't want to live with the fear that she might be killed tomorrow – not that it would count on the ship now – but even so, fear was not rational and it had taken deep root within his heart. It hurt that she only teased him for fun, hurt that she didn't really want him just some relief from the boredom she suffered from. All that hurt, all that fear, just tumbled from his lips, in his voice, in a cascade of words he had no control over as the dam broke under the strain of having to rebuff her one more time. And when he had run out, when he felt empty of everything and turned away from her, he felt shame at having lost control. Even though he knew she wasn't serious, he still felt shame that he had treated her badly. And sorrow that she would never understand that he was just trying to protect his heart.
She felt the tears searing her cheeks, hot fountains of liquid fire that held all the pain she had never known she could feel. He didn't want her. She had taken the chance, offered her heart and he had exploded. She had thought he was calmer than that, that he was more in control, that maybe, just maybe, he liked her. But this? This she had never expected. This wasn't the man she thought she knew. Hard and cold and slicing her to pieces with every word. For the first time in a long time, she had no control over her tears as she sat there, wishing she could fade into the air, wishing that she hadn't been such a fool.
He glanced at her and immediately he knew. He knew he had been wrong. She wasn't joking, she wasn't trying to wind him up or play a game with him. She was serious. For a moment his whole being lightened, the weight of fear lifted from its vice hold around his heart. He released the choke grip he had held so long on his feelings as he sat beside her. When he touched her and she flinched, compassion flooded him, closely followed by hope. He looked into her tear-filled eyes, her face suddenly radiantly beautiful as the truth of her emotions lay bare and he moved towards her. He had to. He had to take the chance. To be loved again. To love someone with his whole heart.
That first touch spoke for both of them – soft, gentle, testing the depth of their feelings in that first true taste of each other's lips. There was wonderment in her eyes as she pulled back and looked at his face, her vulnerability there for him to see. He saw it all, realised that he had always seen her this way, and smiled, joy seeping into his mind. As they kissed again, their fears evaporated, absorbed into the storm of pure contented bliss. Tomorrow didn't matter. They knew that they were right, they fit, they were meant to be. And they knew something else – neither of them would ever feel less than whole ever again. They were in love. No Daniel without Vala. No Vala without Daniel. One heart.
No, tomorrow didn't matter. They were together today.