Disclaimer: I don't own the Percy Jackson series. If I did, do you really think I would be writing FanFiction?

Percy Jackson was not a normal teenager, which is saying something because most teenagers balk at the very idea of being normal. No, if he had a choice, he would have gladly taken the option of being a normal, angst ridden teen instead of the son of a god who constantly fights death and immortal enemies. However, life doesn't give you these choices, so he was stuck with his fate, which at the time was attending a baby shower of one Aphrodite and Ares with his father and half brothers. Looking around the crowded throne room, he irritatingly pulled at his bow tie, wishing the The Fates would take pity on him and intervene. Not likely seeing as they were dancing in a conga line with Tyson and Hermes at the moment.

"Percy, stop messing with your tie," Triton admonished, giving his much younger sibling a glare.

"Butt out, Triton. I didn't want to come to this thing in the first place," he retorted, finally undoing the fashion torture device and letting it simply hang around his neck.

"Aphrodite herself invited you and you know the consequences of snubbing a goddess, especially one of her stature. Now, stop fidgeting!"

Glaring at the normally half-fish, Percy returned to watching the party, a glass of nectar and soda clutched in his hand. However, he wasn't one to sit still long.

"Why did she even invite me," he quietly whined to his brother, "she KNOWS Ares and I don't get along!"

"Do you really think that worries her? The woman is pregnant and wants her favorite demigod here. Ares won't try to ruin a thing. Besides, she is determined to introduce you to a few nymphs to help "console" your broken heart over Annabeth."

Percy winced at the idea. Leave it to the goddess of love to not believe in amiable breakups and want to play some part in the nursing of a "broken heart". He and Annabeth were still great friends despite their separation, and he honestly wished her the best of luck with that mortal writer she met at college. Aphrodite, however, thought he was merely putting up a brave front and was determined to have him spill his feelings to some female and then engage in hot, passionate pity/consoling sex. He had managed to hold her off for three months, but didn't think his luck would hold for much longer.

"Percy!" Speak of the devil.

Turning around, he forced himself to smile as the very pregnant goddess came up to him, dragging what looked like a wind spirit behind her and a pity smile on her face.

"Hello cousin," he greeted politely, quickly passing his drink to Triton for the embrace he was sure was about to come.

Sure enough, not a second passed after his own greeting was said when the goddess pulled him into a firm hug, causing his body to arch over her immense stomach (though he would never say that out loud for fear of being smite) and his face to be plastered against her enlarged chest.

"Oh, my poor Percy," she cooed, gently running her hands through his hair, "how is my little champion holding up?"

More than a little miffed at being referred to as 'little champion', the hero did his best to slide out of her embrace or suffer death by breast suffocation.

"Really, Aphrodite, I'm fine. More than fine actually. I enjoy the life of a bachelor."

"Now Percy, you know you don't have to keep up such a brave front with me. I can hear your heart breaking!"

Percy heard his brother snort and mentally promised him a painful and embarrassing punishment after the ordeal was finished. First, however, he needed to escape. Pulling himself away from the woman's arms, he gave her a charming smile at her disappointed look due to his departure from her hug, and quickly changed the subject.

"I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful woman then you at this moment, Aphrodite. You bring new meaning to the glow of pregnancy," he flattered, knowing that the woman's next favorite topic after his love life was her own beauty.

Sure enough the woman ate it up, going on and on for a good fifteen or twenty minutes at how hard it was to pull off the whole pregnancy look, but as usual, she managed to do just that with ease. Politely he nodded and agreed with her, all the while looking for an escape. She could only go so long before pulling the conversation back to him. Though he loathed it, he couldn't help but feel a small sense of pride over the idea that he was one of the few people to be able to get Aphrodite interested in someone other than herself, despite it being a tedious thing.

"Speaking of maternity clothing, Percy let me introduce you to Ella. She happens to be the designer of most of my pregnancy outfits and a big fan of yours I might add."

Percy smiled tightly at the wind spirit, noting with dread as a blush graced her face and she gazed at him with not only hero worshipping admiration but slight pity as well. Apparently Aphrodite took it upon herself to explain his entire "tragic" love story to her and no doubt gave her the idea that she was just the girl to cure his shattered heart and restore his faith in womankind.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ella." The girls face grew even redder at his greeting.

"Oh, the pleasure is all mine Lord Percy," she replied softly and with a tone of obvious seduction.

This girl was hopelessly smitten with him, but at least she referred to him as 'lord'. Perhaps if he kept that title she would think she didn't stand a chance with him. It was cruel but he really didn't want to keep her hopes up.

"Ella, call him Percy! We're all friends here after all," The goddess insisted and the wind spirits face grew wide with hope and pleasure.

There goes that plan. However, dating Annabeth he learned a few things, and one was always have a backup strategy. Perhaps he could also kill two birds with one stone and get back at Triton in the process.

"Since we are all friends, let me introduce you to my brother, Triton, Miss Ella."

Pulling the god forward, he placed him between himself and the girl, completing phase one of his master plan. Triton threw him a terrible glare, but in every battle there are causalities and as a leader he must accept that. The wind spirit looked like she was about to faint as she became familiar with not just one, but TWO sons of Poseidon. Aphrodite had a small frown on her face, but now was not the time to back down.

"It's been awhile since Triton has had the time to attend a party such as this. He is so dedicated to his work as protector of the sea that one must practically drag him away from his post just to get him to eat. Still, there is no braver and more worthy god to hold the title. I am quite honored to have him as an older brother and role model," he explained, and let out a mental whoop of triumph as the wind spirit allowed her attention to be drawn away from him and onto his brother.

For the next half hour, he regaled the group with his brother's tales and triumphs and watched with satisfaction as the girl's eyes grew more and more doe like and focused themselves entirely on his sibling, forgetting him entirely. Phase two was complete and now go in for the kill.

"Triton! Isn't this your favorite song? Why don't you ask Miss Ella here for a dance?"

The girl gave a small gasp in delight and looked so hopeful that Percy knew his brother could not refuse. His manners wouldn't allow it. Pulling himself up, the heir of Poseidon turned toward the wind spirit and offered his hand, not even having to voice his intent. The girl practically pounced on him and off they were, turning and sashaying on the dance floor. An unabashed smile of pride graced his face, and he turned to the pouting goddess of love.

"Percy! That girl was perfect for you, not your brother," she whined. Now time to clean up the battle field.

"Aphrodite, I've been so fortunate to have your attention that I feel guilty for others. My brother has truly been working so hard that I think he deserves a worthy woman by his side. I'm afraid that I myself need more time to get over Annabeth," he lied right out, hoping the woman would take the bait.

She did.

"Oh, Percy," she gushed, pulling him into another embrace, "forgive me! How could I think you would be ready for another woman after having one break your heart so cruelly? I will do what you ask and find your brother a lover! Perhaps when I finish you will be ready to take another stab at love, but not now. Goodbye Percy Jackson, we will meet again!"

With that the goddess disappeared in a dramatic whirl of flowers, leaving the hero by himself in an empty corner of the party. Seriously, what he wouldn't give to be normal.

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