AN: Hello people, some of you already know me some others don't. Well, I'm a real HitsuMatsu Fan that has been away for quite some time, I'm back right now with a new story and I would really love to hear your opinion about it. Before you read, however, I have to warm you that my native language is not English so I apologize beforehand for any grammar, spelling or other funy mistake you may find here.

For now, read and enjoy!

Wishful Thinking

Chapter 1

Pretending is easier

Maybe there was something wrong with her.

There must be, for the most important men in her life to overlook her, ignore her and, in the end, discharge her.

Should she be grateful they didn't look at her like a piece of meat? They had never looked at her with an improper leer or a stare filled with lust. If anything they held a trace of affection and some respect inside their eyes, they would never dedicate her the same stare other males in Seireitei did.

Why did Gin never try to be more straight-forward? Did he share her bed because it was convenient? Did he really love her? Did he love her as more than 'Ran-chan', the little girl he once saved, the friend, the woman that sometimes was a sibling, a comrade a lover?

Gin had left without having the courtesy to answer those questions. He left Rangiku wondering, with her heart aching for answers. Rangiku sighed tilting her head to the side as her eyes wandered to the figure in front of her.

If Gin had left Rangiku with a sense of uncertainty the man lying on the bed had her hanging over the edge of a high cliff.

Rangiku let out the air she had been holding since entering the room. Her eyes taking in the wounded form of her Taichou. The young man who was looking paler than ever, with an oxygen mask on his face and bandages covering each and every wound on his body.

He looked fragile, almost defeated.

The burning sensation in her eyes told Rangiku the blurring image was due to the tears forming in her eyes. Lifting her hand she tried to wipe them away before they had the chance to roll down her cheeks. Her Taichou needed someone strong, ready to carry the burden of his unconsciousness; he didn't need a weakling that would cry and whine about what had happened.

Once again, she was being a disappointment to him.

Moving from her spot under the threshold she took tentative and hesitant steps inside the hospital room. The more she walked inside the room she could sense the weak but constant presence of her taichou's reiatsu. It was touching hers, invitingly almost seductive as Rangiku approached him.

Now, close to his face, she could notice the small frown adorning his otherwise relaxed features. His arms were resting on top of the thin sheet to each side of his body, there was an IV feeding him some kind of drug. With a trembling hand Rangiku let her fingertips caress the cold, soft texture of her taichou's hand. In a bold movement she grabbed it between hers squeezing lightly while a sigh of relief left her lips.

There was nothing more real than her taichou's hand between hers, the feeling off his reiatsu caressing hers. Rangiku let her thumb caress Toshiro's hand, her eyes taking in every single inch of expose skin and covered wounds.

Toshiro, just like Hinamori, Ukitake, Kira, Soi Fon, Iba and so many others had been taken almost immediately to the Fourth. As soon as everyone breathed a sigh of relief at Aizen's dismissed. Rangiku had made sure her taichou was the first of the two of them to receive treatment; after all, thanks to Kira she was more or less heal. Her taichou however…

"You can talk to him, you know?" Rangiku turned around startled, her heart beating fast and her face frozen in a deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression.

Unohana Retsu was standing by the door; her expression was softened by what she saw inside Rangiku's eyes. The tenderness with which she was grabbing the young Captains hand. You have to be a fool not to notice the feelings hiding behind those grey eyes.

It took Rangiku a moment; she lowered her head shaking it before letting go of her taichou's hand. Turning her body to face Unohana she smiled sadly, shrugging a little.

"No, I think…I'm not…" She turned to her taichou then back to Unohana. "It's not my voice he wants to hear. Either way, I better go, there is a lot of work back at the division and with Taichou here…I'm the one who has to do it. I can't let his division go any further without some order."

Unohana watched the retreating form of Matsumoto Rangiku; the woman turned her head to watch the still unconscious Toshiro.

"I've never seen her move so fast to get to work, Hitsugaya-taichou." She eyed the boy, her voice soothing but firm. "I wonder, if you ever notice the way she looks at you."

And, with that said, Unohana turned around and left.

Two days later Hitsugaya Toshiro woke up.

It took him about the same time to leave everything in order back at his division before disappearing to a secure, secret location. Toshiro wasn't the only one who would disappear for long periods of time to train, to become stronger. But, he was the only one Rangiku cared about.

She cared enough to follow him once in a while; she would never get close enough for him to sense her completely. Rangiku was careful enough to stay out of the way; she would hide behind some trees her back resting on their trunks while she felt the cold and windy atmosphere around her. Sometimes, if she was lucky, she would feel the tender caress of her taichou's reiatsu on her.

Today was one of those days in which it was only the two of them. When her taichou's presence would overwhelmed her in a way she always enjoyed or feared.

However, Rangiku didn't know if she should be feeling happy or worried. By the sounds coming from the cave she noticed her taichou wasn't in a pretty good mood. Rangiku could feel his spiritual pressure wavering, getting weaker or stronger as he kept pressing himself further into training.

Why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't the pain inside her chest just…go away?

It's so cold! Why are we even here, Rangiku?

The woman wrapped her arms around her, her lips moving up to form a crooked smile directing her attention to her irritated zanpakutou. Haineko had been so silent lately her voice was like a refreshing cup of sake after a long afternoon of hard work.

'Can you tell, Haineko? Taichou is down there…'

Haineko huffed before settling herself lazily, closing her eyes while pretending to be asleep. The zanpakutou hid pretty well the fact she was worried about Rangiku. The end of the Winter War had made wounds that went beyond the physical body, it hurt the souls of those involved in it. Haineko opened one eye sighing, Rangiku was still hurting but her only worry, the only thing in her mind was the man training like a mad man inside the cave.

Even if Rangiku wanted to hide it and even denied it, Haineko knew better and she knew her mistress was hurting really bad right now. Rangiku was at the edge of a precipice with apparently no one to pull her back to notice just how much she needed to be saved.

Whether Haineko liked it or not, the only one with the power to push her or safe her was the man hidden away inside the cave.

There was a sudden flick of reiatsu followed by a scream of pain. Rangiku was running as fast as she could, biting her lower lip as the biting cold scratch her warm skin. It didn't take her too long to locate her taichou. The young man was on the ground, ice covering part of his body while his blood was spilled all over the place.

"Taichou!" She was on him in record time, the sting of tears burning in her eyes as she took in the fragile and bloodied form of the young man in front of her. He was unconscious, the wounds being covered by the ice.

She thanked silently at Hyourinmaru who seemed to be acting on his own, trying to keep Toshiro's blood at bay. Matsumoto took off her scarf and placed it on top of the bigger wound, the one that hadn't heal completely after Aizen's attack.

"Silly, taichou." Rangiku held the tears trying to roll down her cheeks and she held the sob trying to escape her lips. "Why did you have to do this just after you left the Fourth?"

There was certain tenderness behind Rangiku's touch, even if she didn't notice what she was doing Hyourinmaru and Haineko were paying close attention. The ice covering Toshiro's body started cracking, falling to the ground as Matsumoto lifted him on her arms.

Hyourinmaru felt a new sense of respect towards Matsumoto; he had never seen so much care directed at his master in the way the woman was showing. Her reiatsu was enveloping his master without overwhelming his own spiritual pressure. She was trying to protect him.

Where is she taking my master, Haineko? The ash-cat lowered her head uncomfortably while trying to not feel intimidate by the ice dragon.

She is taking him to a save house. We haven't been there since…

Haineko didn't say anything else but, at some point, Hyourinmaru understood. The ice dragon didn't know if he would like to go to some place where Ichimaru Gin and Shinsou had been before, he knew his master would hate it but right now what Toshiro needed was the woman holding him on her arms.

The place was at the outskirts of one of Rukongai districts, it was a small cottage hidden behind a dense forest. The place was just as Rangiku had left it months ago. There was some dust here and there but the essentials were still in place. Rangiku hesitated before placing her captain on the futon with Hyourinmaru just beside him.

There was some heaviness in her movements, a sign of tiredness that wasn't there before. Her eyelids felt heavy, her feet were aching but she just stood up and went to a small cupboard where she had some supplies mainly tea, sake and some other stuff enough to get through at least three days. For a second Rangiku's eyes focused on a jar containing her favorite tea. She had written down her name on it and as her hand moved to the jar she could almost hear the mocking sound of Gin's voice inside her head.

"Uh? Gyokuro? Since when do you drink this?"

Rangiku gritted her teeth when she felt the warm in her cheeks, lowering her head so Gin couldn't notice the blush forming there she answer trying to act distractedly.

"I don't know what are you talking about…I just…bought it."

"Uh-uh, it looks eerie familiar, Ran-chan. Ain't this the one your lil' taichou drinks?"

Rangiku shook her head in an attempted to scare away the memories as she returned her attention to the mission at hand. Once she put some water on the improvised stove, she went to another small cupboard she had near the futon. In there she found something else that would help her out: bandages, medicine and that special ointment she stole from Ikkaku.

Rangiku kneeled beside Toshiro taking off his haori first, making sure she fondled it neatly and place it beside her Captain. Her hand stopped mid-way, trembling lightly showing signs of hesitation. The woman couldn't help but chuckled softly, shaking her head in an incredulous gesture.

This was absurd.

Her taichou was unconscious, hurt and probably needed her help and her support and there she was, being selfish, thinking about her own feelings. With a determination flashing in her gray eyes she untied his obi to make it easier to remove his kosode. There were some cuts there, scratches, blood and the wound inflicted by Aizen had opened slightly.

She tended to his wounds cleaning them carefully before applying some of the ointment she got from Ikkaku before covering them with some of the bandages. Once she was done she put some bed sheets on top of her taichou making him as comfortable as she could.

Rangiku? There was an unasked question behind Haineko's tone; Rangiku shook her head making it clear with her silence she wasn't ready to talk yet.

"What do you say if we drink some tea before taking a nap?" Asked Matsumoto to her zanpakutou, Haineko snorted placing her head on top of her front paws.

I'm taking the nap now. Maybe later you can answer me what you never answered Gin.

Rangiku snorted while serving some tea in her favorite cup, Gin's voice echoing inside her head.

"Ne, Ran-chan, do you love your taichou?"

AN: Gyokuro is a kind of green tea, as far as I could find it's pretty expensive and special. So this is it, the first chapter...tell me what you think and we'll see how it goes from here.

Thank you for reading and would love to hear your comments, opinions, ideas and everything else.