Juliet shifted from one foot to another and continued to pound her fists into the punching bag. She ducked and then moved and punched the bag harder as thoughts of her broken life ran rampant in her mind. She dropped her arms to her sides and stopped. She wiped the sweat off of her face as she gulped in breath. She whirled around and walked over to her duffel bag, and slid the gloves off her small hands and threw them inside the bag. She grabbed her bottled water and took a healthy swig.
"You okay?" she looked over to her friend and boss Chief Karen Vick who was running on the treadmill.
"Fine why chief?"
"I don't know it seems you were really taking out some frustrations on that punching bag."
"Maybe I was a little." she chuckled as she climbed onto the treadmill next to her and started the machine on a fast motion and began jogging.
"Care to talk about it?"
"Not really."
"Is it about Shawn?" Juliet tightened her lips together and continued to run without saying much. Her ponytail swung behind her back and forth and the only sound was their breathing and their feet pounding the treadmill in rhythm. "Okay don't tell me."
"Shawn sent me divorce papers last night." she snapped out as she continued to control her breathing. She could hear the chief's breath catch she was clearly caught unaware of the shambles her marriage had become.
"I'm sorry Juliet." Juliet felt tears burn at the backs of her eyes. This wasn't how she imagined her life would be going. When she married Shawn it had been forever. She didn't think anything could tear them apart. They had gone through his big secret at one point in her life she thought that would be the thing that ended them. But it hadn't. They worked through it together and became stronger then ever. And then….a year ago happened and now she was losing everything she held dear. "I thought he'd want to save his marriage." the chief whispered bringing her back to the present. Juliet felt the oxygen clog behind the lump in her throat, and she angrily hit the control panel on the treadmill and it came to sudden halt.
"He doesn't want to save himself, not along our marriage." she panted, desperately trying to control the sadness inside her. She didn't know how much longer she could hold onto him. "I just don't know how to help him chief." she whispered as tears threatened but she rapidly blinked her eyes refusing to allow them to slide down her cheeks again.
"He doesn't want you to help him. He doesn't want anyone to help him. He's trying to push you, and his family, and everyone that cares about him away."
"If he would just talk to me, or to anyone he might be able to put what happened behind him."
"We tried Juliet. We have tried tough love, we tried gentle pushing, and we even sprung an intervention of sorts on him along with a psychiatrist. But in the end it did nothing except further push him away from not only you but his friends as well."
"I do not accept that I cannot help Shawn."
"I know that you don't want to hear this Juliet, but you need to face the facts that your marriage is over. You can't make him stay married to you."
"Well I can make it a bitch to divorce me." she sniffed. "I can prolong it as long as I need too."
"Sweetheart I know that you don't want to give up on him, but prolonging the divorce proceedings might just make it worse."
"No how can it possibly make it worse? If I sign those divorce papers Shawn will completely disappear from my life and I won't be able to help him in any way."
"I don't think you can."
"Oh my God chief you are giving up on Shawn!" Juliet did feel the tears fall down her cheeks now. She whirled away from the chief and stomped over to her duffel bag. She didn't need to stand there and listen to this. She felt a hand on her shoulder.
"I am NOT giving up on him. But what I am saying is maybe the only way to save Shawn is to let him go."
"You want me to let my husband go. I can't do that!"
"O'Hara you think it's easy for me to watch Henry going through this, or you? Shawn is doing everything he can to push everyone that cares about him away. Maybe if he's truly alone maybe it will show him that he needs you guys."
"And what if that doesn't work Karen? What if that only serves to fuel Shawn's demons? What if I lose him completely?" she demanded as a sob escaped her, and she clenched her mouth shut tighter refusing to allow another out.
"I'm sorry honey. I am truly sorry but there is no easy answer."
"I just wish he'd talk to me. I know that if he could just talk to me I know I could help. I know that it wouldn't hurt him so much anymore if he'd just let me help him." she closed her eyes as the chief wrapped her arms around her and tried to soothe her.
"I know. But you can't save him, if he doesn't want to be saved." she knew that in the back of her head, but she also knew that Shawn did want to be saved. She saw it the last time she saw him as he was moving out of their condo together. She had wanted to weep when she looked into his expressive hazel eyes. They looked haunted, bleak, and void of all warmth. But as he looked at her as he was making his way to the door, she saw a glimmer of the man she knew, the man that had been taken from everyone including Shawn himself. It was gone as fast as it came but she knew he didn't really want to go.
Shawn loved her, he couldn't deny it. Just like how she loved him. They belonged together, they were destined to be together and she wasn't going to give up on him ever. If he thought she would then he clearly wasn't thinking straight. She knew if she just could get past the armor he wore to keep everyone out, and the demons that were trying to destroy him she could find the man she loved. She could reach Shawn she knew it, and maybe just maybe she could save him. She knew he'd never quite be the same man he used to be but she didn't care. She loved him. Shawn Spencer owned her heart no matter how many times he tried to give it back to her.
"I'll never give up." she whispered as she pulled out of the hug with the chief. "I'll never give up on him. I don't know how too." the chief nodded her head.
"I get it. And if I were in your shoes with my husband I don't think I'd give up either. But Juliet you might be fighting a losing battle."
"You are right chief it is a battle and a battle I intend on winning."
"Okay, what do you need me to do to help?"
"I don't know as of yet chief, but when I do I will gladly take you up on your offer." She smiled at her and they walked out of the gym and headed towards the showers.
"Ya know you should have thought this through." Shawn smirked as the big man that weighed over hundred pounds more then he did and stood taller by almost a foot pulled his arm back, and then slammed it forward directly into his abdomen. Shawn gasped as he could hear a rib crack and breathing became a lot more labored. Shawn laughed to piss the guy off. Shawn was helpless with his arms held behind his back by the big man's thugs.
"STOP IT WALLY!" Shawn could hear a woman screaming in the background. Shawn grunted as the man buried his fist into his abdomen once more. "STOP IT NOW!" he could hear the sirens in the background. "I CALLED THE COPS!"
"You are lucky boy, next time keep your damn mouth shut." Shawn gasped as they dropped him onto the ground. He landed on his knees and hands and gulped in breath. He heard some laughter and felt a harsh kick in the gut, he moaned as he laid on the ground and curled up in a ball. He could hear the sounds of footsteps grow closer, and he tensed ready to protect himself.
"Are you alright?" he relaxed a little when he realized it was the waitress from the bar, and not three huge guys coming back to beat the hell out of him.
"Fine." Shawn forced out between clenched teeth as he held his side. His breath was coming out in pants and he knew that he most likely had a cracked rib. Shawn rolled onto his back and eyed the woman.
"You shouldn't have pissed off Wally and his stupid sidekicks." she said quietly.
"Well they were rough housing you."
"They do that all the time." She sighed and he sat up when he heard the sirens growing closer.
"You called the cops?"
"Yeah, and an ambulance is on the way. I think you might have a cracked rib or something you are breathing heavy." He shook his head and needed to leave before they tried to take him to a hospital. He hated doctors he didn't want anyone to touch him ever again.
"Like I said I am fine." He slowly got to his feet and he groaned in agony as his body felt like it had been used as a punching bag. He looked up and groaned angrily as the cops arrived, as well as the ambulance. This was all the stupid waitress' fault. Shawn closed his eyes as the officers climbed out of their squad cars. Just his luck it had to be an officer he knew.
"Shawn!" he eyed Buzz McNab as he came over. "We got a call saying that men were involved in a fight."
"Yeah there were three men on this guy right here." Shawn glared at the woman that had to have called them.
"Okay what happened?"
"This here nice man just told them to speak to me with respect and the jerks took exception to that. Wally and his little buddies are always treating the staff like shit, and I knew they were ready to cause a fight in the bar but Brandon the owner stopped it. I watched as this here honey went to leave, the three musketeers followed him out. I knew that he was going to eat some fist, so that's why I called you. I tried to get them off of him, and unfortunately I couldn't before they did some damage." Shawn eyed the woman with distain as she gave him a once over. He shifted his look to Buzz who was looking at him with concern. He saw the paramedics running over towards him and panic began bubbling up.
"Look Buzz I am fine."
"I have to make a police report. Miss do you know these men's names? This clearly was an assault."
"You bet your ass I know who they are. Walter Cochran, Dean Ranchard, and Neil Anderson they each have given their names multiple times to various of us waitresses all to get told to go kiss off. But this here honey I wouldn't kick to the curb." Shawn rolled his eyes when she winked at him.
"He's married." Buzz cut in.
"Almost divorced actually, but no offense Sally I am not looking for a woman." she smiled and handed him a slip of paper.
"If you change your mind." he nodded and resisted to crumble the paper up in front of her. Why be so outright mean?
"I have more questions for you miss." Buzz said and moved with the woman just as the paramedics came up to him and were opening their cases.
"Get away from me I'm fine." he growled.
"Sir with all due respect you would be able to convince us of that if you weren't doubled over in apparent pain, and weren't bleeding from gashes on your face." the female paramedic said with a slight condescending tone, and grabbed his arm. He recoiled from her touch.
"I said get AWAY from me." he clamped down on the fear. Anyone with ears could hear the panic in his voice. The paramedics eyed him a little.
"That there honey could have a cracked rib they were really pounding away at his stomach region." Shawn glared at the waitress who thought she was helping him. Buzz looked at him, but resumed his questioning of the waitress.
"Sir you need medical attention. If you do have a cracked rib it could puncture a lung, not to mention you might have a concussion." the female paramedic scolded.
"What I need is you to stay the hell away from me. I'm fine." he dragged in short breaths and tried to turn from them.
"Where are you going?" Shawn found himself caught between Buzz, and the paramedics.
"I'm leaving Buzz."
"Shawn this is an assault."
"I don't want to press charges. I just want to be left alone." Shawn whispered as he tried to walk away from them. He felt dizzy and he stumbled a little. Buzz grabbed a hold of him. Shawn resisted the urge to shout at the tall goofy officer.
"I'll just take him home." Buzz smiled towards the paramedics. They nodded clearly unhappy that they couldn't take him in the ambulance. Shawn wanted to pump his fist in victory when the two began backpedaling picking up their cases to held back to the ambulance.
"T-thanks Buzz." he whispered through clenched teeth as an agonizing sharp pain split across his side. He gasped in a short breath.
"Are you sure you shouldn't go to the hospital Shawn?"
"Fine." he blew out of his nostrils getting sick and tired of having to answer the same question. Shawn tried to shrug off the officer's hands but he refused to let go. "You can l-let go now Buzz."
"No I am taking you home."
"My motel room is next door to here." he motioned towards the motel that was about fifty yards away. "I can walk."
"Please Shawn let me." Shawn sighed, but decided if it would make Buzz just leave faster then he would suffer being stuck in the same car with him. Shawn took slow steps and Buzz never forced him to go faster. And he thanked god that the man shut up. Shawn wasn't in the mood to talk to him, or to anyone for that matter. Buzz opened the back seat. He cocked a brow.
"You can lay down if it will help your side." he smiled. Shawn nodded and climbed in and did stretch across the entire backseat. He grabbed at his side, as he tried to take some deep breaths. He needed some aspirin and he would be fine. Buzz shut the door and hurried on the other side. Buzz climbed in and he felt Buzz start the car. Shawn closed his eyes for a moment, and when the car seemed to be driving further then it should he reopened them.
"Buzz?"
"Yes Shawn?"
"You passed the motel." he said quietly as he watched through the window.
"Yes that's not your home. Your home is with Juliet."
"Damn it let me out of here." he shouted as Buzz continued to drive.
"Or you could go to the hospital? Either or Shawn."
"Are you kidding me right now! BUZZ LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Shawn shouted ignoring that pain in his side that made him want to double over.
"Why?"
"Why this is, this is kidnapping!" he should have seen this coming. He normally would have, and had he not been in so much damn pain from the rib he would have seen it. Buzz played a trick on him, and he would never be fooled again.
"Actually no Shawn its not. I am just taking you home like you requested."
"My home is at the motel."
"No its not. You can't fool me Shawn. I was the one you came to way back about the time she was dating Declan. I knew you guys would end up together."
"Buzz our marriage is OVER." he panted as he grabbed the door handle and yanked and beat his hand against the door in anger when it didn't budge.
"No its not. How can it be over when you two love each other so much."
"I don't love her anymore." he lied. He was good at lying. Maybe if he could convince Buzz he didn't love Juliet maybe he could get out this predicament he was in. He couldn't see Juliet it took too much in him to stay away from her. And he needed to stay away for her own good. He was toxic, he was a god damn ticking time bomb and once he blew he would not take her with him. She deserved much better then that.
"I know that's not true. If you would just let her be there for you maybe she could help you." he closed his eyes and refused to argue with him.
"Take me home Buzz."
"I am."
"Not to Juliet!" he shouted and grabbed at his side when it did nothing more then aggravate his injury more, then slow down Buzz. He watched in anger as they pulled up to the condo he had left not so long ago. Panic bubbled up. He couldn't see her. It was easy to think of divorcing her when she wasn't around, but when she was he could almost pretend that he could be the man she needed. But then he would remember, and he would know that he wasn't the man he used to be, and surely she would come to hate him as much as he hated himself.
"I'll be back in a jiffy Shawn. You get to pick here, or the hospital." he smiled and exited the car. Shawn punched the back in anger, and cursed Buzz. Both options sucked for separate reasons. He eyed Buzz as he walked unhurriedly towards their front door. He closed his eyes not wanting to see his perfect wife. He smiled when an idea came to him. He knew how to get what he wanted, it would hurt Juliet in the process which would be perfect. If he could hurt and destroy any love she felt for him she'd surely move on, and he could just waste away by himself, that way no one would be hurt by him ever again.