Title: A Step Forward
Series: The Way to What Was Lost
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Janto [JackxIanto]
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Torchwood
Warnings: Slash – Possible Spoiler for Season 2
Notes: Set after 2x01 "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang". It's a sequel of The Way Back only in name because this is only about Torchwood. For more information, see note at the end.
Summary: After the mess knows as Captain John Hart, Jack keeps his word and takes Ianto on a date
A Step Forward
Finally that mess had seen its end. He had known, from the first time he had looked at the man, that he would only cause troubles. And he had been right, like always. However he hadn't brought only troubles, the bastard had tried to kill them all. Tosh and Owen had been wounded, Gwen had almost died, twice, and Jack had once again died horribly.
But now he was gone, leaving behind him a revelation that had visibly shaken Jack. He was a nuisance even when he wasn't present. He didn't know who that person was, but it seemed important to Jack despite his own affirmation. Jack rarely talked about his past, he had only once hinted at John Hart while telling him one of his adventures as a Time Agent. He hadn't even known if what he had said was true, until he saw that man's hologram.
They now had an entire night to spend. Gwen, Owen and Tosh were leaving for their homes, since they couldn't go back to the Hub. Ianto was also about to go back to his flat and relax a little when Jack said
-So, Ianto, we can't go back to the Hub what about we go on that date?- He turned to look at Jack in surprise. The man looked at him with equal surprise -What is it? There is something on my face?-
-You were serious- He didn't know if it was an affirmation or a question, but Jack seemed offended
-I'm always serious!-
He needed to think. When previously Jack had asked him on a date he hadn't taken him seriously, so this offer came as a surprise. He hadn't thought about it, it was too soon; he should decline and wait some other time, that wound was still too fresh
-So, Ianto?-
-Yes- He said impulsively without following his own thinking. Why had he said yes?
-Well then, follow me- He was smiling a little too widely
-Right now?- He asked doubtfully
-Yes, why?- Ianto looked at his torn and soiled suit -Oh, don't worry. Come on- Jack said opening the way to the car. Maybe it was better, the sooner they done this, the sooner it was over
-So, where are we going?- He asked while getting in the SUV
-Do you want to eat?- He nodded -I know a quiet place- Silence fell in the car, the uncomfortable and awkward one. There were so many things left unsaid, left pending from his return because of one John Hart and now that they had the time to talk, he couldn't find the voice to ask anything.
And really, he didn't know what he should ask first. What had happened? Where had he left for? Who was this Doctor of him? In reality he had heard of him, at Torchwood One, even before Canary Wharf. Rumours of him arrived even at his division. An amazing man who had fought against the Daleks and Cybermen. This was all he knew about him and that had always unsettled him a little, not knowing everything of that man.
At that time he had been curious, but he had had to think about Lisa first of all and had never had the time to search about this Doctor. He knew he was a good man other than extremely intelligent and for the moment that had been enough for him. Even after Lisa's death, he had been so busy with Torchwood and Jack that he hadn't really thought of starting his researches. But now, he wanted to know more.
Because the way Jack had looked when he had been thinking of that man … how much he wanted him to look like that when he was thinking about him, even just once
-Ianto, we are here- Jack's voice distracted him from his thoughts. He nodded and followed him out of the car and into a little restaurant.
It was more of a hybrid between a bar and a family restaurant, it had a comfortable air and probably he didn't seem too stupid in his torn suit. They sat down at a somewhat secluded table and other than ordering their meals they didn't say a word. Now the atmosphere was thicker; one of them had to spoke first or they would pass their first, and probably last, date looking at the table. Strangely, it had been Jack the first to broke the silence
-Really Ianto, I'm sorry- This sure was a first. Captain Jack Perfection Harkness was apologizing and probably meaning it
-For what …- He was about to say Sir, but stopped himself - … Jack, you just left. I somewhat knew something like that would happen, but I hadn't thought you would come back- Even if I wished for it, were his unsaid words. He had not even wanted to say those things and surely not in that angry tone, it wasn't like him, but they had escaped from his lips before he could have stopped them.
Jack opened his mouth to say something but in that moment the waiter arrived with their orders. What surprised Ianto was the fact that Jack had not started flirting with him; he wouldn't even have felt so upset about it, he knew how Jack worked, for him flirting was like breathing air, half the times he did it unconsciously and without consequences. However this time he had not even raised his eyes to look at the man. This was surely a first. After the waiter had left they started eating in silence. Ianto didn't know what to say so he waited for Jack to continue what he had wanted to say before
-I'm really sorry- He seemed really distressed about it and Ianto felt angry with himself for being angry with him. There was something in him, in his eyes, that was different, that had not been there before. Something had happened, and it hadn't been funny -When I heard that sound, I didn't think, I admit it. I had waited for him for more than a century. I didn't think…- He said again and Ianto didn't know if he was repeating it to convince him or himself - … It's just, I had to know. I had to ask him. Why had he abandoned me and if there was a way to fix … this?-
And, even if he hadn't really understood the first part of the sound, he knew that at the end he was talking about his ability to not remain dead, to always came back. It was useful in a job like theirs but it had to be also so painful and lonely. To see every person you love grow old and die before your eyes. He wandered if Jack would remember them, remember him, a thousand years in the future
-But as you have seen, I'm stuck like this forever- His tone was so resigned and dejected that he knew; that something different in his eyes, in that moment it was clear. He felt it clearly on his skin, like freezing air
-Jack, how many times have you died?- He already knew the answer, it was there in front of him, on the face of that man that now seemed so tired, behind that hero's façade. He had seen and lived too many things for a single man
-I've lost count the first few weeks- With that piece of knowledge a question rose up in him
-How long …?- He tried to ask but couldn't finish
-For you it had been few months, for me a whole year. It was a time paradox and I don't know how much I can say to you. Only a bunch of people remembers what has happened- There was a pause but Ianto knew that Jack had yet to finish -When I was there, I had a lot of time to think. He said you were all far away but I didn't know where or if you were dead or alive. I kept thinking that if I ever escaped I would have tried to find you, and then the time rewound itself. It was as if nothing had ever happened and I knew I had to come back-
Ianto wasn't sure he understood everything Jack had said; it had been all too vague and intentionally ambiguous. It was clearly difficult for him to talk about it and he didn't want to force it out of him. If one day he was ready to tell him about the time paradox, he would surely listen.
Maybe he would have also caught some information about this Doctor. He knew he could ask him, but right now he wasn't sure if Jack would answer. He would have to wait, but it wasn't a problem. Waiting was one of his good points. He had waited all his life, one way or the other.
He realized that once again neither of them was speaking. From the look on Jack's face he knew he wanted to ask him about what had happened while he was gone and wasn't sure if Ianto was okay with that. Therefore, this time it was up to him to start the conversation
-At first it had been difficult, but with time we found a way to move on- He saw Jack open his mouth to say something but he didn't let him -It didn't happen much, just some Weevils and minor aliens like them, at least until today- The reference to the chaos brought by John Hurt was more then clear -I was promoted field agent, more because of short number then anything else, I don't even like weapons that much but it's nice to be more part of the team- This was the most spontaneous and truthful thing he had said since a long time, maybe since the beginning.
Jack knew Ianto was somewhat still mourning over what he had done to save Lisa, to betray and lie to them all that time, and if before the time paradox he still had some reserve over the boy, now he didn't. During the time under the Master's tyranny, he had understood one thing. Life was too short; not his own, but the ones of his beloved. He already knew and had experienced this, to lose the persons he cared about. But to remain there, seeing the human race being killed and enslaved by that man, not knowing were his team was, if they were alive, had opened his eyes.
He needed them, just as much he knew they needed him. He would protect them, he would die countless of times to save them. This time he had to make sure they knew this, that they were really important to him. Most of all he needed Ianto to thrust him again.
The rest of the dinner was enjoyable; Ianto told him a hilarious incident between Owen and a Weevil while Jack talked about this girl he had met, Martha, and her family. He wasn't even that much jealous of her because Jack talked about her like a sister. He didn't go into details but from was he heard she seemed a good person and really courageous. When he told Jack he would have liked to meet her one day, he said he was going to keep contact with her and maybe would invite her there at Cardiff.
It was all so comfortable that it couldn't have lasted too much. After they had paid their meal, or better Jack had insisted on paying for both of them despite Ianto's complains, they went to the SUV but the ride back to Ianto's flat passed again in an awkward silence. Even after what they had said to each other, they didn't know what was going to happen after that.
Ianto wasn't sure of what to do. A part of him wanted to be intimate with Jack once again, just like before his departure, as if nothing had changed … on the other hand he wanted something more; but he shouldn't really expect more then what they had had, that should still satisfy him.
He knew Jack was capable of sentiment, he knew he had loved other men and women before, but he wasn't sure that the same thing could happen with him. He wasn't really that special, he was just an ordinary man, a tea-boy promoted over his own capabilities, just as that alien fish had said.
Once at the flat Jack insisted on accompany him at his door, saying something about traditions on dates. Ianto had hoped that it would have been Jack to initiate something, because he couldn't make up his mind; but he simply smiled at him and stood there, as if waiting for something. The more he looked at him, the more he told himself he couldn't be intimate with him again because if it ended, and it would end, he was sure he wouldn't be able recover again.
So he simply smiled back, wished the man a good night and entered his flat without looking back, before he lost his courage. And then he stood there, back against the door, for almost a minute before hearing Jack steps walking away. His action had spoken more loudly then word; Jack had offered him a possibility, without forcing him. He left their future in his hands. And he had refused.
It was okay, really. He was okay with his decision. From then on they would only be colleagues, friends maybe, but nothing more. It had been his idea and he was okay with it. He wouldn't be able to mend again his broken heart in future. He simply had to stay away from love, to be alone. It wouldn't really be that difficult, before Jack, before Lisa, he had been alone in the world, he could survive again on his own just like before. It had been lonely and painful, but the loss of Lisa and the possibility of losing Jack a second time were even more painful.
He could do it and he would. So why every fibre of his body wanted desperately to call Jack? To just kiss him and abandon himself in the pleasure of being with him? Was he really sure of preferring a lonely and miserable life against living with a broken heart? And what live expectation would he have with a job like his? He probably wouldn't live much longer, a year o two, arrive at his thirties if he was lucky enough. Maybe the risk was worth the trouble, he could try it again, give himself the opportunity to live his last years with someone beside him, even if it was just pleasure and not sentimental, it was better then nothing at all. He opened the door and practically yelled at the stairs
-Jack!- He waited, but not a sound was heard. It wasn't too late to call for him, right? How many minutes had passed since he had left? Maybe it was really too late, he had destroyed his only chance of not being alone, once again.
He sighed at his own stupidity and cowardice. This time it was certainly his fault. Surrendered he was about to close the door and contemplate his misery in the warmth of his bed, when he heard faintly hurried footsteps in the distance approaching. They were becoming louder and nearer
-Jack?- He asked at nothing, not really secure if he was hoping too much. Suddenly the man appeared
-Yeah, Ianto?- He was literally out of breath but was acting as if he hadn't just run up three storeys. Ianto watched him closing the distance and standing right before him smiling
-I was wondering if you wanted to have a cup of coffee- If possible his smile became even brighter, almost blinding him with its radiance
-With pleasure-
When he closed the door Ianto didn't know what was going to happen; he didn't know if it would bring happiness and joy or sadness and sorrow. But he knew he was giving Jack and himself a chance and probably, for the moment, that was enough.
Okay, this was harder then I had thought. If I found the Master and Doctor hard to write, Jack and Ianto are not too far behind.
It was difficult because with Torchwood I will keep most of the events of season 2, but they will be slightly altered. Also, Jack and Ianto's relationship will move faster; I didn't write a sex scene because I'm not confident enough to describe about Jack in bed.
The next story will be again a MasterxDoctor (I'm going to alternate a story about DW and one about Torchwood and keep two different but parallels storyline that will cross in the last story). I'm not sure if it will be an oneshot or a multi-chapter; it will take some time because I have less free time now and I'm having an idea for a really long fic about Teen Wolf that is slowing everything down.
So until next time!