First birthday gift for my friend SkuAg (there will be more in the right date if my computer doesn't die). We've known each other for a little more than a year but you're already so special to me. I adore you! I wish you all the happiness in the world!
I made you a little koura friendship story. ;)
Open the door
Sora blamed herself for not noticing sooner that Koushiro was no longer on the site of the battle. The boy must've had sneaked out while the others were crying over the loss of their digimon. She tried to call him but he did not pick up the phone. Once she felt that her friends were a little better, Sora told them that she was going to check on Koushiro.
Taichi offered himself to do that. Yamato asked her to go with him to a more private place and talk about what she was feeling. The girl appreciated their concern but insisted on going. She had self imposed the duty to check on Koushiro, after all.
If it wasn't for her, the younger boy wouldn't even be feeding himself. When he was too focused on work, he would forget everything. His parents had gone on a trip for their anniversary, which made Sora feel even more responsible for his well being. However, there was no longer a need for him to overwork himself.
He just lost his partner, Sora thought. I know that Koushiro-kun is strong and too level-headed to let himself drown in sadness but even he can't be alright now.
Once she arrived at his office, she knocked on the door, gently.
"Koushiro-kun, are you in there?" She asked. Steps were heard at the other side, approaching the door, but nobody unlocked it.
"What is it, Sora-san?" Koushiro's voice sounded too low.
"You left without telling us anything. I was worried." She informed him.
"I apologize for making you worry." He told her, in an even lower tone.
"How are you feeling?" She inquired.
"Why are you asking me that now?" He slightly raised his voice, startling Sora.
"There's no need for you to talk to me like that." Sora reprehended him. "You need to better measure your words."
There was no answer from the other side, which made Sora concerned. What am I doing? This isn't the time to lecture him on good manners. I don't even mind it that much… he's not usually like that…
Sora remembered how Koushiro was easily the politest member of the group. He treated people with gentleness and patience, never losing his temper. But ever since new problems had risen in the Digital World, the boy seemed to be losing that side of him. His lack of tact had hurt other people, which forced Sora to bring the problem to his attention. However, Sora herself wasn't hurt by his tone of voice. To police him on that in the current situation felt wrong.
"Please, go away." Koushiro asked in an almost inaudible voice. He sounded like someone who had difficulty in breathing. "I can't talk to anyone now… I can't… please…"
"Let me in, Koushiro-kun!" Sora gave an order, forcing the knob of the door. "You're not okay, are you? Please, let me in! Let's talk!"
"Why?" Koushiro inquired, louder. "There's no point in talking now!"
"Of course there's a point! You're suffering, aren't you?" Sora insisted.
"Aren't you suffering?" Koushiro asked.
"I'm going to be okay. There's no need for anyone to worry about me." She replied.
"Idem." He muttered.
"I'm not going to believe in that if you don't open this door, Koushiro-kun!" Sora had an authoritative tone.
"I can't talk to anyone now! Why can't you just go away and leave me alone?" Koushiro shouted.
"Why can't you talk now?" Sora raised her voice.
"Because I don't want to be insensitive to you!" He cried.
Astonished, Sora stared at the door, listening to the boy's sobs coming from the other side.
"I didn't want to be insensitive to a-anyone…" He continued. "I tried to m-moderate my language… I m-managed to just call Mimi-san self-centered instead of throwing in her face that her recklessness had almost g-gotten people killed… I tried to be the most g-gentle possible when I was asking for information a-about the infection… I said that any little detail c-could help… I tried not to demand t-too much… I tried not to be too f-forceful… but in the end I couldn't keep my feelings completely inside… I let my frustration escape my control… I hurt people despite trying so hard not to…"
"Koushiro-kun…?" Sora felt her own eyes getting humid.
"I can't do this!" Koushiro cried more loudly. "I can't make people feel better! I can't be empathetic! I'm incapable of that… but I thought that if I could… if I could save our partners… but I couldn't… I failed even in the thing that I was supposed to be capable of doing! I couldn't save them… I'm a failure… a good for nothing…"
Sora gulped, shedding tears. For how long had the boy been suffering in silence? Had he always seen himself that way? The girl felt like her heart was sinking. He was doing his best the whole time but she didn't understand it. Nobody understood it. Koushiro was working so hard… he must've felt so pressured and desperate… but everybody just assumed that he was okay. Everybody just let him dive into obsession, believing that he would come up with a plan and save the day, like he always did… without thinking about his emotional well-being. But Koushiro seemed to be fine. He wasn't crying. He didn't show them any sad expression. He didn't ask for help. He just seemed to be less polite and more dedicated to work. Nobody noticed how he really felt. Nobody…
Sora had only told him to eat and take breaks. She hadn't even visited him regularly. If she had, would she have noticed that he was not alright? She just let him be. She just let him drive himself to that corner and now Koushiro was crumbling down behind a locked door, not letting anyone inside to help him.
"I-I'm sorry!" Sora cried as well. "I should've noticed what you were going through! I should've realized… how could I not realize it? How could I let you suffer like this? I'm horrible… I'm a horrible friend… I'm horrible…"
The door was unlocked.
At the other side, Koushiro was looking at Sora. She looked up to him.
Both of their faces were washed by tears.
"I didn't want to worry anyone." Koushiro said. "I thought I could just bottle everything up and do what I had to do… and then, when everything was okay, these feelings would just pass… everything would go back to normal and I would feel like myself again… I shouldn't have told you these things… I'm sorry-"
"Don't apologize! It was my fault that-" Sora interrupted.
"None of this was your fault!" Koushiro stated. "It was my fault! It was because I was incompetent in keeping my emotions to myself! It was because I was incompetent in-"
"You're not incompetent!" The girl shouted.
"Yes, I am!" The boy insisted. "I couldn't do anything! I couldn't help anyone!"
"Neither could I!" Sora cried.
They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds.
"You worked harder than anyone, Koushiro-kun… but what was I doing?" Sora's question came in a murmur. "What on Earth was I doing? Reminding you to eat while you were drowning in despair? Trying to be encouraging to everybody… trying to take care of them… who was I trying to fool? Nothing I did mattered! They were just empty gestures… meaningless words…"
"You're capable of making people feel better. I honestly admire and envy that in you." Koushiro told her.
"But you can actually do something that matters. You can accomplish-"
"I accomplished nothing!" Koushiro cut her off.
Sora took a while to speak again:
"You're only human."
The boy raised an eyebrow.
"You're not infallible." She continued. "You have your limits, like everybody else does. It was wrong of us to forget that and let you overwork yourself. You went beyond your forces… you gave a lot more than it would have been reasonable to ask. It's absurd for you to feel ashamed."
Koushiro took her words in.
"Tentomon told me something similar to that, I think." The boy murmured. "He was worried about me… until the end…"
"Piyomon… wanted me to look after myself more…" Sora muttered. "She cared so much…"
"At least she was lucky enough to have you as a partner." Koushiro told her. "I wish Tentomon could have-"
"He wouldn't trade you for anyone, ever!" Sora interrupted him. "Our partners loved us unconditionally… they didn't care about our shortcomings… they looked at us and saw something wonderful, even if we couldn't see that in ourselves."
Sora remembered how her early relationship with her partner had been difficult. The girl used to be cold and distrustful. She used to think that nobody could love her and that she didn't have the capability to love others. But Piyomon changed her world and enabled Sora to open her heart. If it wasn't for Piyomon, the girl would still be sabotaging her own happiness.
And now Piyomon no longer knew who Sora was.
"We'll see them again." Koushiro affirmed, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"They won't remember us." Sora murmured, looking down. "They won't remember loving us…"
"Then, we'll have to build new relationships with them." Koushiro told her. "Maybe this time without making them worry too much about us… perhaps we should search in ourselves the wonderful things they saw in us. If we can do that, maybe they'll be able to see them again."
Those words had the power to spark something in Sora's heart. She took her right hand to her face and dried her tears.
"Thank you, Koushiro-kun." She said, showing him a little smile. "You made me feel better."
"Seriously?" The boy was surprised.
"You're a caring person. Don't let anyone make you believe otherwise." Sora made a statement.
Koushiro blushed slightly but did not divert his sight.
"I'm not nearly as caring as you, though." He said, with a shy smile on his lips. "But thank you for telling me that."
Sora smiled more brightly. The two of them were well-intentioned and complicated people. They would do anything to help others and still feel guilty for not doing enough. It was strange to realize how similar they were to each other but that made Sora happy.
"I should go home now." Koushiro said. "I should take a shower… cook something decent to eat…"
"I could cook you something." Sora suggested.
"Don't worry about that, I like to cook." Koushiro told her, gently. "You've done more than enough for me, Sora-san. Thank you."
"I don't feel like I did…" She sighed.
"We never do, do we? That's our problem." Koushiro said, crossing the door and locking it behind him. "You should do something for yourself now. Like Piyomon would've liked."
"Okay, then." Sora gave in.
Five minutes after the boy had left the place, Sora picked her phone up and dialed a number. It did not take long for her boyfriend to answer it.
"Sora, how are you feeling?" He asked, concerned.
"A little better, I think." She replied. "If your offer is still up, I'd like to meet you and talk."
"Of course."
"Thank you. There are things that… I can't keep inside anymore…"