It was late at night… Emerald Eyes was extremely bored. She was thinking REALLY HARD for plotlines. Thinking really hard hurts one's head, so Emerald decided to STOP THINKING COMPLETELY. When she did she came up with something like this…
NOTE: this is a story about kidnapping hot FF guys so naturally it's made for chicks to read, so I'm warning all the guys that happened to click on this link.
"The Obsession"
by: Emerald Eyes
It was late at night. A chick walked the empty streets of Nibelheim. She had short, messy brown hair with bright neon red highlights. Her hair stuck out everywhere because she stole Cloud Strife's hair gel. She was dressed in a navy blue Turk's suit. (And so it's settled… that's what I'll look like when I put myself into my own fics… although in real life I DO have the same hair! ^o^) And this girl had green eyes… it was Emerald Eyes. She went up to the spooky Shinra Mansion and rang the doorbell. After a few minutes Vincent opened the door. Being that it was, like, three in the morning, he was half asleep.
Vincent: (annoyed) What do you want?
Emerald Eyes: (dreamily) I want YOU.
Vincent: (ambiguously) What?
The Big Evil Grin™ appeared on Emerald's face and she did the "Mwahaha" thingumie.
Emerald Eyes: Vincent, come with me!
Vincent: (lethargically) Why?
Emerald: …Because I have to show you something!
Vincent: (still lethargically) What?
Emerald: (nervously) Something…um, really special.
Vincent: (yawns) Oh, well why didn't you just say so?
Emerald: [Damn, he's really incompetent, isn't he?]
Vincent: What'ya say?
Emerald: Nothing, come on.
Emerald Eyes shoved Vincent Valentine into the back of her car and drove out of Video Game Land and back into reality.
As soon as Vincent got into the car he fell asleep again.
Emerald: [Gee, I've always thought it impossible to sleep in a coffin for, like, thirty-some years, but this guy sleeps so damn much that I'm starting to change my opinion.]
She takes advantage of the situation and ties Vincent up. She then dropped him off at her hideout in the real world.
After poor Vince had been taken care of, she then paid a visit to Balamb Garden.
She walked up to the dorm rooms and knocked on the door to one.
????: Go the *%(&^ away!
Emerald: (irately) Open the god damned door, Seifer!
Seifer opens the door and stares menacingly at Emerald Eyes. She didn't blame him, though. It was still three in the morning.
Seifer: Do you have a death wish?
Emerald: The last time I checked I didn't.
Seifer: THEN DON'T WAKE ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE %#$^ING NIGHT!
Emerald: But, Seifer, I want you SO bad! I've wanted you ever since I've first played Final Fantasy VIII! Antagonists are sexy!
Seifer: [What the (^&^(? It must be the Sorceress's Knight thingumie. Chicks love that kind of thing. Yeah… that has to be it.]
Emerald: Come with me, Seifer. *^&% Ultemecia! You can be MY knight! Anyone as incredibly gorgeous as you deserves to be more than just pixels on a TV screen.
Seifer: [Whoa, I think this chick's lost her mind…] Um, where are you gonna take me?
Emerald Eyes doesn't wait for an answer. Instead she drags Seifer off and into her car (which is the spiffy red buggy Dio gives Cloud after they leave the Gold Saucer).
Emerald Eyes is playing Gravity Kills way too loud on the radio (why? Because they're a kick-ass techno band, that's why!). Seifer gets a really bad migraine and pops a whole bottle of pills. He gets sick to his stomach and passes out in the car.
Seifer is tied up and is thrown into the room with Vincent.
Emerald: Two down… two more to go.
She drives her nifty buggy to Midgar. While driving through the streets on her way to Shinra HQ, she spotted Reno stumbling out of Tifa's Seventh Heaven. He is plastered off his ass.
Emerald stops the car.
Emerald: Yo, Reno!
The redhead sees Emerald in the car.
Reno: (drunkenly) Oooooooo. Pretty Lady!
Emerald: (smiles) [Damn, I love punks!] Hey Reno! Get in the car!
Reno, being intoxicated, followed without asking any questions.
Reno: Want some?
He held out a bottle of vodka to her. Emerald nodded her head enthusiastically.
Reno: Er… okay.
He drinks half the bottle and Emerald drinks the rest. Now they're both drunk. Reno gets sick and throws up in the car.
Emerald: (trashed) Dammit! The upholstery's ruined!
Reno: Irk… (passes out).
Emerald Eyes ties him up and heads off to Shinra Headquarters, wrecking into several buildings in the process because of the alcoholic influence. When she gets inside she takes the elevator all the way up to the 70th floor. When she gets there, the place is in ruins.
Emerald: (still trashed, but not as trashed) Damned Diamond Weapon.
She digs in her pockets for the phoenix down she had been saving.
Emerald: hmm… now where is he…?
She looks around the room and finally spots the man she had been looking for. His clothes were dirty and he was burnt pretty badly.
Emerald: (in anger) Goddamned mother ^*(^(%*%ing Sephiroth! It's your entire fault! I'd kill you if you weren't dead already!
She then remembers the phoenix down and used it on Rufus Shinra.
Nothing happened.
Emerald: What the (*^(?! This can't be happening! Not with Rufus!
Suddenly the Kalm Traveler appeared in the room.
Kalm Dude: Hey! You dense or somethin'? Everyone knows that phoenix downs only revive UNCONSCIOUS members of your party. Hell, if they actually brought people back to life, Aeris wouldn't still be dead! Cloud woulda revived her a long time ago! 'Course, he IS dense, but not THAT dense…
As suddenly as he appeared, he disappeared again.
Emerald: ^#$#^$*(^+^($#^#%$*^&)*&$#%&()(^$^^(%()%^$##^^!!!
After several minutes of Emerald's violent tirade, Laguna mysteriously pops up out of nowhere from the FF8 world.
Laguna: Whoa! How'd I get here!? Where is this place?
Emerald's mood brightens a bit at seeing Laguna, but she is still upset over Rufus.
Emerald: (angrily) Rufus… Rufus is DEAD! The damned phoenix downs don't work!!!!!!
Laguna: Er, why don't you just use a Phoenix Pinion? That'll revive ANYTHING!
Emerald: Ha! I didn't think of that! Hey, Laguna! Thanks!
Laguna: Yeah, no problem!
He was about to disappear when Emerald Eyes stopped him. Laguna was pretty cute too… what if…? She acquired the Big Evil Grin™ again.
Emerald: Hey Laguna, can you stick around for a while?
Laguna: Eh?
Emerald: I uh… I'm gonna take you on a free vacation to… uh, um… to Costa del Sol!
Laguna: (thinks for a long, long, long, long while before responding) …………………………………………………………………………………………………… er…………………… okay!
Emerald: [damn, that was easy. thank god Laguna's dense!]
Emerald Eyes uses the Phoenix Pinion on Rufus. He violently jerks awake.
Rufus: Ahhhhhh! What did you DO to me!? I'm supposed to be dead! I was in the Lifestream surrounded by all these nude chicks and—
Emerald: (very pissed off) You were WHAT? (slaps poor Rufus upside the head) Pervert!
Rufus: But I—
Emerald: Well you're alive again, so no more Promised Land, understand?
Rufus nods his head meekly.
Emerald Eyes leads Laguna and Rufus to the red buggy. Laguna stares uneasily at the unconscious Turk in the back seat. Rufus also notices.
Rufus: Hey, what the hell did you do to my employee!?
Emerald: (cryptically) the same thing I'm going to do to you!
She casts a sleep spell on both of them and shoves them into the car.
^_^_^
It was pitch black. Emerald Eyes was spying on the motley crew with night vision goggles. They were all awake now, but were too worn out to even move. They were tied up in the corner of the hideout.
Laguna: Where are we?
Seifer: (angrily) Does it look like I know!?
Laguna: (meekly) I'm just asking…
Rufus: Reno, you there?
Reno: Yeah…
Rufus: You're a Turk. Rationally, you've been in worse situations. I'm sure you can figure out a way to untangle this mess.
Reno: ………
Emerald grinned. It was time to have some fun. She switched on the lights.
Seifer: What the hell…?
Vincent: !?
Laguna: Everything looks… WEIRD.
Reno looks at Rufus, then at himself, and then at everyone else.
Reno: WE look weird!
Then they all notice Emerald Eyes, who is passively standing in the middle of the room.
Rufus: Did YOU do this to us…?
Emerald: (stoically) Yeah, I kidnapped all of you from the Playstation.
Vincent: Could you please elucidate on that?
Emerald: Um… You come from the Playstation. The Playstation is a video game system. Vincent, Reno, and Rufus come from a game called Final Fantasy VII. Seifer and Laguna come from Final Fantasy VIII. (grins) But now you're not just video game characters anymore. I made you real. That's why you look "weird". You're not made of pixels anymore!
Laguna: Hey! I'm not a video game character!
Reno: Me either!
Vincent: Neither am I.
Seifer: Damn, girl. You're (^&((^ crazy!
Emerald: (angrily) You don't believe me?
Rufus: No.
Emerald: Fine then!
She unties all of the ropes restraining the five characters.
Emerald: Go ahead and discover it for yourself. You can't use materia. You can't junction GFs, and you can't use magic…
The group hesitantly tested her words. She patiently waited until bewildered expressions painted their faces.
Reno: Hey, my materia's busted!
Emerald: …no more limit breaks. No Desperado, no Chaos, and Seifer, you can't show off with your gunblade anymore.
Seifer: Ha! I don't need a limit break! I'm skilled enough with my Hyperion.
Emerald: (smugly) I'm afraid that skill went down the drain along with the limit break.
Seifer: (horrified) WHAT!?
Emerald: You heard me. All these things don't exist here. Magic, GFs, limit breaks, and yes, even gunblades. So any kind of skill you've acquired with it is gone. And so is the gunblade.
After a long moment of contemplating her words, Seifer realized that she was right. His gunblade was gone and he couldn't remember for the life of him how to even hold one.
Seifer: Oh, man…
Emerald: Actually, there AREsome up-sides to the whole thing. Just look at Vinny.
Vincent, upon hearing his name, was startled out of a deep trance.
Emerald: Since all of the experiments Hojo did to him are practically impossible to accomplish in reality, Vince looks just fine. It's as if nothing has ever happened to him before.
Vincent realized that she was right. His left hand now replaced the claw that had been there, and he could no longer feel the dark presence of Chaos. His eyes were also brown now instead of crimson.
Vincent: What…?! This can't be…
Reno: (gloomily) Why are you doing this to us? We don't belong here…
Laguna: Yeah! I belong in the Galbadian Army, not here!
Emerald: Stop your complaining! (Big Evil Grin™ appears) You'll learn to like it here. It's a whole lot better if you're a real person instead of a video game character.
Rufus: (frowns) But I wanted to take over the world…
Emerald: (shrugs) Take over my world. I don't care.
Rufus: You don't care? (suspiciously) Hmmm…your planet isn't crappy, is it? I don't want to be World Dictator of a crappy planet. It'll give me a bad reputation.
Emerald opens the curtains obscuring the window to reveal a very big city. (um… use your imagination. just think of the first big city that pops up into your mind and that'll be it. I was too lazy to think of where my hideout would be in the story).
Rufus runs to the window and presses his face against it. He stares at the city in awe. He gets a crazed glint in his eyes.
Rufus: It's MINE!!!
Emerald: Yes. I'll let you do anything you want here!
Reno: Is THAT why you kidnapped us!? Just so we can do whatever the hell we want in THIS universe?!
Emerald: Er, yeah… I guess so. It's my dream… my ROMANTIC dream.
Seifer, if he were still in the Playstation, would have sweatdropped, but instead he only managed an anxious expression.
Seifer: Uh-oh. Romantic dream, huh? [damn, we're never gonna get out of this one].
^_^_^_^_^
Zell was bored. He was chilling in the cafeteria eating his precious hot dogs and air-punching at invisible targets whenever a hysterical-looking blonde in a navy blue suit ran into him.
Zell: (confused) Whoa…? What's up?
Elena: He's gone!!!
Zell: (still confused) Er, who's gone, Elena?
Elena: RENO's gone!!!
Zell: Well, where'd he go?
Elena: To another dimension.
Zell: Elena, you're in another dimension right now.
Elena: No, no, Zell. You don't get it, do you? He's not just in another dimension… he's in the OTHER dimension.
Zell's eyes go wide.
Zell: NO WAY! No one's EVER been to the OTHER dimension before! How'd he get there?
Elena: Some crazy chick with neon red hair kidnapped him… and she was pretending to be a Turk, too! How dare she!
Zell: (shocked) …crazy chick with neon red hair… could it be…?
Elena: (perplexed) …who…?
Zell: (grimly) …Emerald Eyes…
Elena: (fearfully) No…! Zell, tell me it isn't true!
Zell: I'm afraid it is, Elli.
Zell takes a bite of his hot dog in a rather apathetic way.
Elena: (frantically) Well, aren't you going to do anything about it…?
Zell: Why should I? Reno's from your dimension, so you take care of the problem… All I wanna do is eat hot dogs all day.
Elena: But… (thinks for excuse) …I've heard rumors that she has Seifer.
Zell: Good. Everyone here hates Seifer. No one'll miss him.
Elena: …she also has Laguna.
Zell's apathy disappears in a heartbeat.
Zell: Laguna!? Oh my Hyne! Why did it have to be Laguna? C'mon! Lets go!
Elena shrugs and runs off after Zell.
^_^_^_^_^
It had been two weeks since Emerald Eyes had kidnapped the five video game characters. Some were taking it better than others.
Rufus had fun at first, that is, until he discovered that there's no mako energy in Emerald's dimension. It was strange. It seemed SO EASY for him to take over the world on his planet. But here, he had no luck whatsoever.
Reno had been drunk the majority of the week and poor Emerald had to bail him out of jail two times for god-knows-what. She had been wondering how one could get so &%$)*ed up in only a week, and came to the conclusion that it was because Reno was programmed that way in the game. But then again, they weren't in the game anymore… so what were they? Bad habits, maybe?
Seifer would leave very early in the day and come back late at night. No one knew where he went or why he did it. Emerald was getting quite worried about him. She thought that he might be depressed over the whole gunblade thing. She made a note to herself to try to cheer him up the next time she saw him.
Laguna, on the other hand, was taking the situation pretty well. He would always ask to go sightseeing (although Emerald had to go with him half of the time because Laguna always managed to get himself lost). He was always eager to learn new things about Emerald's dimension. She enjoyed his company but also became quite agitated at Laguna's extreme denseness.
Vincent seemed apathetic to the whole situation. At times he seemed morose, but Emerald couldn't tell if it was from being kidnapped or if it was just his stoic nature… At the present moment he was crashing on the couch reading Book 1 of C. S. Friedman's "Coldfire" trilogy.
Reno (who, by a miracle, wasn't in jail at the time) was chilling on the floor, playing Final Fantasy VII.
Reno: (angrily) Damn! It's not fair! Just HOW can I get past this boss battle if it's ME that I'm supposed to beat the crap out of!?
Vincent looked up from the book he was reading.
Vincent: Reno, you've been stuck in the same place for a week now. That's pretty pathetic considering the fact that it's still very early in the game.
Reno: … … …
Reno takes out FF7 and puts in Final Fantasy VIII.
Reno: (energetically) Hah! Now, this is more like it! Take that, Seifer! Ha! I kicked your ass!
Luckily, Seifer was out at the time, and unable to hear the comment.
Emerald glanced askance at Rufus, who was casually sprawled out on the other side of the couch. He was staring forlornly at the television screen until Reno had switched the games.
Rufus: (mumbling) I wanna go home…
Emerald: I said that you could take over my world…
Rufus: I know you did, but your world sucks!
Emerald glares.
Rufus: Er, I didn't mean it that way. It would be a wonderful place to control, really. But it's just too damn hard to accomplish that here. Every time I tell people that I'll control the world with fear, they just laugh in my face.
Emerald: I know Rufus… that's why I want you to try a different approach!
Rufus: Huh?
Emerald: You can't expect to start out big! You have to work your way up the line before you can control the world. Sure, there's not any mako here, but there's other stuff! Who knows? Maybe one day you'll be the owner of Starbucks or McDonalds or that dumb Pokemon show! Just try it with anything that controls people's minds! Trust me, it'll work!
Rufus: (mood brightens) Gee, I never thought of it that way before! Thanks, Emerald!
Rufus left the room and went on another quest to take over the planet.
Reno got extremely pissed off whenever the 'game over' screen came up in FF8 after he lost to Adel.
Reno: (angrily) Dammit! I swear to god, it's a conspiracy! They're all trying to make me look like a loser!
Vincent: (whispers) …that's because you ARE a loser…
Reno doesn't hear and goes to Emerald's computer where he uses the SNES emulator to play FF6.
Reno: (freaked out) Oh, but I hate this game… the flat two dimensional characters found so frequently in Super Nintendo RPGs… it's so disturbing…
But even though the crappy graphics scared him, he was having fun kicking Ultros's ass.
Reno: Ha! Take that, you stupid purple octopus! Rot in hell!
He used Sabin's pummel blitz and Edgar's autocrossbow tool. The fight was easily won and Reno began to get into the game… he played for a long while until he reached the section where they enter the magicite factory.
As he read the words on the screen, something peculiar happened:
Edgar: Okay, guys. I have something I have to take care of.
Celes: Er, you do? (Celes then gets one of those funny looking 'angry face' looks that FF6 is so famous for) Eddie, this isn't supposed to happen! Don't you read the script before we act out the game!?
Reno: (reads the words confusingly) Hey, this isn't supposed to happen, is it?
Edgar: Yeah, but… I have something to take care of. (he then gets one of those 'happy-go-lucky face' looks) If I'm not back by the end of the game… then kick Kefka's ass for me!
The screen then goes blank and the computer gets screwed up.
Reno: Uh, okay, that was weird.
But before the confused Turk had time to contemplate what had just happened, Laguna burst through the front door.
Laguna: (cheerfully) Hey, hey, hey!
Everyone ignores him.
Laguna: (still cheerfully) Aw… come on, guys! Look! (he holds up a plastic bag) I rented movies! And I got microwave popcorn, too!
Emerald: (is suddenly interested in Laguna) Oh, really? What did you rent?
Laguna: er… (looks at movies to see titles) 'Armageddon' and 'Mission Impossible'.
Everyone looks bored at the mention of the movies.
Reno and Vincent: (simultaneously) Been there, done that…
Vincent: I've had my share of meteors crashing into the planet, thank you.
Reno: Yeah, and we're both Turks. We go on secret missions and blow stuff up all the time!
Emerald: (optimistically) Well… at least we can eat the popcorn!
Just as suddenly as Laguna burst through the door only moments before, Seifer came through this time. He pushed a distraught looking Rufus in front of him. Poor Rufie fell to the floor.
Rufus: (voice muffled by the carpet) Ow!
Emerald: Hey!!! Seifer, what do you think you're doing!?
Seifer: He's trying to take over my company!!!
Everyone: ?????
Rufus: But it's not fair!!!
Emerald: (surprised) What company?
Seifer: (shrugs) I dunno! It's some electric company! I just walked into the building and they asked me if I wanted to be president. I said 'yes.'
Rufus: (angrily) That shouldn't have happened! It should have been ME!
Emerald Eyes sighs and shakes her head tiredly.
^_^_^_^
Zell: (dubious) I dunno, Elli. It doesn't look very safe at all.
He stared at the vortex that would lead him to the OTHER dimension.
Elena: Relax, Zell. I know a perfect way to test this out. Trust me, if it's not safe, you'll know!
Zell: Whatever you say…
Elena goes off and returns a few minutes later with a dude with spiky blonde hair that defied the laws of gravity.
Elena: Okay, Cloud. Go through the hole.
Cloud: (scratches head dumbly) er, okay!
Cloud walks through the vortex and instantly gets incinerated.
Elena: Oops! I guess it's not safe!
Zell: Now what, genius?
Elena: Ummmmmm………… (thinks real hard ß Gee, that's a first, isn't it?)
While she's thinking Edgar walks up and goes through the vortex right next to theirs without being incinerated. Zell and Elena look at each other for a minute before shrugging and following the king of Figaro.
Zell: If you don't say anything, I won't.
Elena: Likewise.
^_^_^_^
The whole group sat back to enjoy the show while munching on buttery popcorn. Rufus and Seifer were in a heated argument over who should be president of the electric company. The argument was quickly turning into a fight.
Reno: (to Laguna) I'll bet you 50 gil that Rufus wins!
Laguna: You're on! Seifer can definitely kick Shinra's ass!
Reno: (smugly) Oh yeah… instant money! Looks like you've forgotten that Seifer can't use his gunblade anymore!
Laguna: Crap!
In the middle of the fight, right above Seifer and Rufus's heads, a vortex opened up.
Edgar came out and landed on the two and stood up triumphantly.
Edgar: Ah ha! There you are, you RPG-character-snatcher-girl!
Emerald: (suspiciously) Oh, so it's Edgar! What are you doing here, boy? You only do something if there's a chick involved.
Edgar: (deviously) There IS a chick involved. Two of them to be exact… and YOU'RE one of them.
Emerald: (blushes) Really? You came to see ME?
Edgar: … … … Yeah, sure!
Emerald: (violent mood swing) YOU *^%&%$ING LIAR! I THOUGHT YOUR OBJECT OF AFFECTION RIGHT NOW WAS TERRA!?
Before Edgar could flirt with Emerald any longer and she could yell at him back, Zell and Elena came out of the vortex, squashing Edgar and knocking him out cold.
Reno: (in awe) Whoa! That attack must have took off AT LEAST 7000 hit points!!!
Elena: RRRRREEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!! (runs over and hugs the redhead so hard he can't breathe) You're safe!
Emerald: What!? This can't happen! You double-crossed me in my own Fanfic!
Zell: Yeah! We did! And now we're taking all these characters back to where they belong!
Emerald gets angry and starts twitching, but she can't do anything because there are too many people to fight. She just watches passively as Zell and Elena lead the characters to the vortex.
Emerald: (furiously) Dammit! I can't BELIEVE this!
She is ignored until all of the characters (except for Vincent, who doesn't want to leave, and Edgar who is still out cold on the ground) have used Edgar as a ladder and climbed into the portal. Then Elena speaks.
Elena: No one will be able to get to any other dimension because this time we're sealing the portal!
She then steps through the vortex and it closes up… forever.
Emerald is left with her own morbid thoughts and Vincent and Edgar.
Vincent: … … …
Emerald (thoughtfully) Hey, Vinny. Why didn't you go with them?
Vincent: What? You wanted me to go back THERE?! I was a freak and everyone thought I was a vampire!
Emerald: Aw… but that's what was so cool about you… (thinks for a moment) Hey… wait a minute… did you stay here for me?
Vincent: (nervously) Ummmmm…
Emerald: Oh, Vinny! I love you soooooo much!
She hugs Vincent in a way similar to the way Elena hugged Reno.
Edgar wakes up.
Edgar: Ow… my head!
Emerald: Hmmmm! Maybe this fic doesn't have such a bad ending after all! I still have Eddie and Vinny!
Edgar: (worried) No, no! You misunderstand! The whole flirting thing was just a diversion! I was trying to win your trust so I could eventually talk you into releasing the characters, is all!
Emerald: Ha! I KNEW it! Well, too bad! You'll LEARN to love me!
Edgar and Vincent share a disturbing look before they both run out the door, closely followed by Emerald Eyes.
Emerald: Hey, guys! Wait! Come back!
THE END
…or is it….?
Somewhere in Balamb Garden Zell is enjoying a hotdog when he hears a voice from the shadows…
????: Hey, Zelly-poo!
Zell: Huh?! Emerald Eyes? No… it can't be!
????: No… not Emerald Eyes… (the girl walks out from the shadows to reveal her identity) … it's Flayme!
Zell: Noooooooooooooo!!!
End story at 04.20.01.
…So, it was weird. It was also something to do when I had writers block during "Transcending Reality." Well I hope it kept you entertained for 15 minutes. If you want, write a review, but don't be mean because this was just for fun and it wasn't written to be good, it was written out of boredom. And I don't own the characters blah blah blah…