Hello readers! Long time no see. It's been a while since I've written anything, let alone something Mortal Instruments related so forgive me if I'm a bit rusty. This story takes place between City of Fallen Angels and City of Lost Souls and was partially inspired by "I Don't Wanna Live Forever" by Zayn and Taylor Swift. I'd really love it if you guys would leave a review. Remember I don't own anything.

xoxo,

ninjanervana

"Again," Clary panted heavily, brushing a strand of sweat soaked hair from her green eyes. "Let's go again." Her thigh muscles trembled from overexertion, but she forced them to remain firm beneath her, to keep her standing. The sun had shone brightly through the windows of the training room when she had first entered, brightening the large space. Now the glow of the half moon shone dully through the same windows, barely aiding the massive overhead lights that had been turned on at some point. She switched her grip on her sword, taking a quick moment to wipe her palms on her leggings before turning her attention back to heropponent. She could feel her tank top sticking to her back; she needed a shower, but she needed to train more.

"Clary, you have to take a break," Alec replied, pausing to catch his breath as he grabbed his bottle of water from the bench. "We've been at it for hours; you're gonna wear yourself out."

She shook her head defiantly, her lank red hair bobbing behind her. "I need to train more," she retorted, raising her sword again. She cursed internally as she saw her hands shaking a bit, taking a deep breath to calm herself and focus. "Sebastian is going to be back and I need to be ready for him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to find him and I'm going to kill him."

"I don't doubt that," Alec answered honestly, tossing his empty bottle aside and picking up his sword again. "But you're not gonna be able to fight him if you can't stand on your own two feet." He paused, frowning worriedly as he took in her overly pale skin, the dark circles that clung beneath her eyes. Even when they were searching for the Mortal Cup and trying to defeat Valentine, he hadn't seen her look this exhausted. "You aren't eating enough; you aren't sleeping. Jace wouldn't-" His words were cut short as Clary charged at him, barely raising his sword in time to deflect her blow.

The clash and clang of their swords against one another's filled the training room, as it had for the better part of the afternoon. When Alec had come into the training room, he'd found Clary pummeling one of their punching bags. Sometimes it was hard to believe she had once been a Mundane. She had learned to move with the grace of a Shadowhunter, but she still lacked the training they had received over the years; it would take a lot of work for her to catch up, but she was learning quickly. She refused to be left behind again. Alec knew Jace would want him to train Clary in his place, to make sure the woman he loved could protect herself as best as possible. He owed it to his parabatai.

What he hadn't expected was all of Clary's emotions to come pouring out through her weapons. Clary was the only one who was in more pain than he was since Jace disappeared. To feel no connection to Jace, to feel as if his parabatai had disappeared from the earth, had died, it tore him apart every moment of the day. While he was able to deal with his emotions internally, like he always had, Clary turned her emotions outward. She spent all of her time at the Institute, spread between pouring over books in the library, going on missions, and training herself half to death. Anytime Jace was mentioned in the training room, it only heightened her intensity, made her move faster, hit harder, train longer. And while her determination was admirable, Alec knew it would only be a matter of time before she overexerted herself and got hurt.

Sensing her strength dwindling, he attacked her with a flurry of strikes, knocking the sword from her hands. "Yield," he panted, the tip of his sword at her neck. "You've lost."

Clary reluctantly nodded, leaning against the wall he forced her against. "Hand to hand then," she declared as she finally caught her breath. She leaned forward, her palms pressed against her thighs as she struggled to take a deep breath. "We haven't done that yet."

"Clary, are you out of your mind?" Alec asked incredulously, tossing his sword aside. "You can't keep going."

"I don't have a choice," she snapped, her green eyes flashing. "I need to get stronger."

He shook his head, his hands planted on his hips. "You need to get something to eat and go to bed. You're running yourself ragged and you're not going be any use to anyone if you can't function. Do you think this is what Jace would want for you?"

Clary clenched her jaw, her hands balled into fists. Alec could almost see the waves of anger and frustration coming off her small frame, emotions barely restrained within her. "Well it's my fault that Jace isn't here, so I can't ask what he wants," she spat, launching herself at Alec in a whirlwind of kicks and punches.

Alec narrowly avoided her fist flying toward his face, only to be caught off guard by another to his chest, knocking the wind from him momentarily. He instinctively responded to Clary's strikes with his own, trying to take her down as quickly and painlessly as possible. Jace would not appreciate him putting his girlfriend in the hospital wing. Though at this point, he was seriously thinking that was the only way to get her to rest. Sometimes she could be just as stubborn as Jace.

Unfortunately for him, trying to take Clary down painlessly meant he had to take a few hits himself. Clary has definitely been paying attention when she trained with Jace. He would have been proud to see his girlfriend kicking his parabatai's ass. After a bit of a struggle, he had his arms wrapped around Clary tightly, pinning her to his chest. "Would you stop flailing around?" Alec panted irritably, trying to blow Clary's red hair out of his face. "It's annoying."

"Then let me go," Clary shot back, trying to break free of his hold. No matter how she turned and twisted, she couldn't get loose from his arms. She refused to admit that she had burned out all of her energy; Alec's tight grip on her was probably the only thing that kept her upright. She squirmed in his arms a little bit longer before finally giving up, her forehead pressed against his chest. "I yield," she sighed in defeat. "Let me go."

"No," Alec replied, looking down at her. "Not yet. We're gonna have a talk."

She looked up at him in surprise, her eyes wary. "About what?"

"About you trying to kill yourself apparently. Clary, what are you doing to yourself?" he asked seriously. "You look like you haven't slept since Jace disappeared."

"I don't wanna talk about Jace," Clary replied softly, her shoulders tensing as she looked away. Every time Jace's name was said, Clary felt her heart break again. She couldn't sleep; she couldn't focus. All she could think about was how stupid she was to have not noticed something was wrong with Jace, that it was all her fault he had been kidnapped by her psychopath brother. For all she knew, Jace could already be dead and they were simply searching for a body. Hearing about him made her feel as if she was drowning in her grief but at least she felt something. Most of the time her emotions were simply emptiness. All she knew was grief and rage. As much as it pained her, Jace's name had become a constant chant in her mind, the only name she wanted to say.

"I miss him too," Alec said quietly. "He's my parabatai, my other half. I miss Jace. But we will find him and we will bring him back home."

"How?" Clary asked, her voice cracking with fear as her eyes welled up with tears. She could feel her body shaking, the weight of her emotions and her exhaustion crashing into her all at once. "How are we gonna find Jace, Alec? We can't track him; we haven't heard any sightings from anywhere. He's with my crazy murdering brother and oh god Alec if something happens to Jace, I'll never forgive myself. I couldn't live with it if I lost Jace again. I can't do it, Alec, I can't," she choked out, tears running down her cheeks as she pressed her face into his chest. "I can't live without him."

"Shhh," Alec crooned, his vice grip on her loosening into a tight hug, one hand cupping the back of her head as the other rubbed her back. It reminded him of when Izzy and Max were still young enough to seek comfort from him, when a bad dream would bring them knocking at his door and a witchlight stone and hug would make everything okay. Clary was family now too, one of the precious people he wanted to keep safe. But a hug wouldn't be enough to ease her fears. He rocked her gently as she sobbed into his shirt, her hands fisting the material.

"We're gonna find him, I promise you. We've got Shadowhunters around the world looking for Jace and Sebastian. We've got the warlocks in the Spiral Labyrinth and we've got some of the wolf packs too. And you've got the most stubborn pack of Lightwoods searching for him," he assured her, tilting her tear stained face up to him. He wiped her cheeks gently, a small smile on his lips. "And even if the rest of us fail, we have you. Jace will always, always come back for you. Kidnapped or not. You two never give up on each other."

Clary sniffled quietly, taking a deep breath as she listened to Alec's words. "You're right, you're right," she said hoarsely, clearing her throat. "We'll find him. Jace needs us."

Alec nodded, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as he turned them toward the doors. "And right now Jace needs us to take care of ourselves so we can find him," he replied, leading them out of the training room. "Which means I'm going to make you something to eat and then you're going to sleep, okay?"

"Okay," she replied softly, leaning her head tiredly against his shoulder. "Thank you, Alec."

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