A/N: Written because despite the fact that the Bible is the most well-known book in the world, there is hardly enough fan fictions of it, nor exploration of the people in it. The song Devil's Trill, that's mentioned in here, is a REAL SONG! You should download it!
Disclaimer: Bible s'not mine. The song, Devil's Trill, isn't mine. Mark Twain also doesn't belong to me.
Dedication: To my friend Tara, who I think would appreciate this if she happens upon it, and to Satan, who gets up every day whether he feels like it or not and destroys souls because it's his job. To God, as well, who has helped me through a lot of hard times, and may he understand that I don't write these as slander to him.
Warning: Slashy undertone! This means male/male relationships! You have been warned!
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Chapter One- The Messenger of God
"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner who needed it most?" –Mark Twain
Satan was sitting at his desk, gazing blurrily at the huge stack of papers in front of him. Recently, there had been a massive uprising of satanic activity- people thoughtlessly raping and killing innocent people in his name. It made him sick. The babies that were killed automatically went to Heaven, which Lucifer was grateful for.
No, the paperwork was because despite how messed up these people were, most of them genuinely believed that what they were doing was right. These people were impossible to deal with when they arrived in Hell, demanding to be put into Heaven. Morons, all of them.
"You really must be worried about something" said a deep male voice, and Lucifer's blonde head shot up. "You never let your guard down" The other man was tall, with wavy black hair and olive skin.
"Judas, how kind of you to join me. Have a seat" Judas sat in the big leather chair across from him. "May I help you with something?"
"I'm bored. I have nobody to talk to, you're the only decent conversationalist down here, and you're usually out"
"Forgive me for being a busy man with a job to do" he sighed, rubbing his temples. "There are plenty of smart people here. The smarter people are, the more likely it is that they end up here"
Judas rolled his eyes, sinking farther into his seat. "They're all too busy screaming in pain, or they're so far gone into their head that they don't know that there are other people around"
"Well, eternal torture and torment is the point of Hell, you know. The whole 'weeping and gnashing of teeth'" Judas had escaped this fate, but only narrowly. He did his part in selling out Jesus to the priests, but it was because he had been told to. It was his destiny, as it was Lucifer's to be Satan. A person very well couldn't get into Heaven after helping to kill the Son of God, after all. But because Judas was only filling out the role he was given long before he was ever born, he had escaped the wrath of Hell.
"I know that, but still. I'm bored. We should watch a movie tonight or something"
"What about this awful paperwork? It won't fill itself out"
Judas grinned, his eyes lighting impishly. "What happens if you don't fill these out?"
Lucifer stayed quiet for a few moments, considering. "Well, the people who participated in the sacrifices, as in the people who were sacrificed, get into Heaven, no stings attached"
Judas furrowed his brows in confusion "I thought that they did anyway"
Lucifer shook his head "Only the children. There were men and women there, too"
"What's wrong with them getting into Heaven?"
"Well, everybody is entitled to a fair Judgment, and to let them in like that-"
"Haven't they suffered enough?"
"Haven't we all? Yes, this was a terrible thing that happened, and I wish it didn't have to happen this way. Trust me, I wish that with every fibre of my being"
"But-"
"No. Everybody has something in their closets, and it's not fair to the people who really try to get into Heaven. While we never had a chance, it's only right to give it to others" Judas shook his head, sighing.
"All right, all right. This is important, I see that. I'll leave you alone about it. You still owe me a movie, though"
"This a date?" Lucifer asked, grinning crookedly. Judas flushed.
"Excuse me, sir?" Both of the men looked up to see another demon, Asmodai. "There is a messenger here to see you"
"Bring him in, but tell him that I haven't much time" Asmodai nodded, and went out.
"You want me to leave?" Judas asked, already getting out of his chair.
"No. Sit, stay" Judas grinned. Lucifer never let people sit in and listen, except for him.
A large, dark, Arabic man entered then, looking none to pleased with where he was. His large white wings fluttered uncomfortably. Satan widened his eyes in surprise, while mentally trying to compose himself. He never let people see what he was feeling, if he could help it, because he was certain that they would somehow use something against him. Judas, who had resided in Hell for the last two thousand years and was one of the privileged few to know the Devil, raised an eyebrow in surprise.
"Raphael" Lucifer said, slowly. He stood, coming around the desk and leaning against it. "What brings an Angel like you to a place like this?" Of course, Raphael was no ordinary Angel, but one of the elite Archangels, like Lucifer himself once was.
Raphael relaxed slightly, and chuckled "That was one of the worst pick up lines of heard, and coming from you, of all people" Lucifer shrugged, grinning.
"Well, I can't be the irresistible Tempter all the time, eh? It's pretty hard, you know, having to be the walking definition temptation all the time" Judas was beside himself in shock, and made a mental note to ask Lucifer about this later.
"Very difficult, having to be sex on legs. Forgive me for not feeling any pity for you" The Archangel rolled his eyes. Judas noticed just then that although Lucifer had not taken his eyes away from the Angel, the same could not be said for the other. Raphael seemed to be making it a point to look anywhere but his host. "Anyway, I have a message from God-"
"About how much He loves me and that He would never give up on me, yadda yadda yadda? Spare me, I've seen most of those 'Touched by an Angel' episodes, and let me tell you, they're a bunch of crock"
This resulted in a very confused look from the Arab. "No" he said slowly, "He wants to see you about something, and before you ask what it is, don't bother, because I don't know"
"Right. Well, I'd better go. Mustn't keep Him waiting" Lucifer turned back to Judas. "You still want that movie?" Judas nodded. "Alright, then. Later"
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"So… how's life been treating you?" Raphael asked as they walked up to the throne room. Lucifer raised an elegant eyebrow.
"I live in Hell, Ray. What do you think?"
"I was just trying to be sociable, Lucy" Lucifer glared at him, and the taller man sighed. "We used to be friends at one time, you know"
"Yes, I was there"
"And I thought that it wouldn't be too hard to start a conversation with you, is all"
"I wasn't trying to be hateful. It's just… I haven't seen you since that time you traveled with Tobit's son there, Tobias" Lucifer picked off some non-existent dust from his robes. "Why did God send you to get me? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to see you but-"
Raphael raised a hand to silence him. "No, I know what you mean. I asked Him to send somebody else, anybody else, but the only other person He mentioned was Paul, and everybody knows how you feel about him"
"You… did that? For me?" Lucifer didn't bother to hide his surprise this time. Raphael blushed.
"Yes, and you'd better not get used to it, I'm not planning on making it a habit" they stopped outside huge golden doors. If there was anything that Lucifer really hated about Heaven, it was all the gold, white, and pastel colours. It looked like a gigantic nursery. "I'll see you later, then. Enjoy your movie, whatever that is" With that, the man left him, and Lucifer went inside.
God was sitting on a beige couch (there was no leather or silk in Heaven, and velvet was hard to come by) reading a book. He looked up, grinning, and showed him to the nearby chair. "Good day" He greeted, and Lucifer nodded. "You're probably wondering why I wanted you here"
"I think that may be one of the biggest understatements You've made in a long time, mate. What's going on that's got your knickers in such a state?"
God grinned widely "You know that I've always had this thing for numbers" Lucifer would've rolled his eyes if such a movement wasn't beneath him. "And for a long time, I've only had six Archangels"
"You'd've had seven if You wouldn't've went and kicked me out of Heaven"
"And I would not have done that if you hadn't insisting in rebelling"
"Which I wouldn't have done if You didn't create those Humans"
They glared at each other for a few moments. "Anyway, My thing for numbers. I've been waiting for a long time, to find-"
"A replacement for me?" Lucifer's voice was quiet, yet somehow it seemed to be the loudest thing they said.
"There will never be a replacement for you, Lucifer. You were, and still are, the Morning Star, and that will not change. But, My intentions were that I would have seven Archangels in Heaven"
"So you must've had this mysterious person in Your plans for a long time- perhaps even since You created me" God stayed silent, and that was telling enough. Lucifer was used to the painful stab of rejection, but it didn't mean that it got any easier over time. "All right, so You've found another. Why does this concern me?" he asked, his mask of indifference carefully in place. This would bother him later, in the dark of the night, along with everything else.
"Because I want you to tell Me what you think of him" There was a long silence.
"What?"
"You heard Me perfectly well"
"Yes, but that doesn't-" he stopped, unsure of what he was going to say. "Since when has my opinion mattered?"
"It has always mattered to Me, no matter what you believe. You have a good sense of judgment, despite your rash nature"
"Which, I believe, I inherited from You" God smiled.
"So, may I show him to you? Will you tell Me what you think?"
Lucifer blinked several times. "Er…yes, of course" About two minutes later, a young man entered, holding a golden tray of food. He was clothed in nothing but a white loincloth, with a light blue trim.
"Here, Sir, is Your-" the boy stopped, staring intently at Lucifer. His blue-green eyes narrowed. "What's he doing here?"
"He's our guest, and we won't be rude." Lucifer turned to God.
"Is this him?" he asked incredulously. At God's nod, he went up to the boy, and he noted that the child didn't cower. "He's very young"
"Yes, he's only eighteen"
That was when Lucifer noticed a small glowing ball floating around the boy. Which meant one thing. "Don't tell me that he's a human. Humans do not-"
"He is, and he will. I have many plans for him. He'll be the only human to achieve such a status"
"Because it was predestined for it to be so. Very well then." Lucifer turned back to the boy. He was about three inches shorter than him, standing at a very unimpressive 5'5". Lucifer smiled at this. The boy was unnaturally pale, and he had bright golden hair, just like he did. "He resembles me" Lucifer pointed out. The boy glared at that statement. "Was that intentional?" Both of the blondes turned to God.
"Yes" The boy's mouth dropped, and Lucifer just nodded. "Well? Your thoughts?"
Lucifer was silent for a long moment. "What's your name? How long ago did you pass away?"
The boy looked as if would dearly love not to answer him, just out of spite. Lucifer couldn't blame him, because people only ever talked badly about him. Maybe he would seek a private audience with him at an opportune time. "My name's Tobias. I died about a year ago" The boy- Tobias- turned his attention to God. "May I be excused? I was in the middle of my lessons when You called"
"Yes, of course. I'll see you later" Tobias left quickly. Lucifer returned to his seat. "He has a lot of your natural grace, and your cunning"
"He takes lessons?"
"He's learning the violin, and finishing high school. He's also learning how to use scythes"
"Training him to be a warrior, then, like the rest of them?" God nodded. "Why the violin, then? Surely that's… out of place on the battlefield"
"No doubt about that. You used to play the violin"
"You're teaching him because I used to play? You said You weren't replacing me"
"I'm not, because I can't. You're one of a kind"
"Only You could make that sound like a horrible thing"
God sighed. "I'm teaching him how to play the Devil's Trill" Lucifer did all in his power not to gape.
"You what? That's my song!"
God nodded. "That you made specifically for Me. I've missed hearing it." God went to the doors. "I must be going now. See you"
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To Be Continued...