Hi guys. As I said in the summary this is a story about rocky and fear. I know I have two other stories to finish but I had to make this story. I feel exactly how Rocky feels and well it helps to have a hobby. Well basically this first chapter is going to be an intro from when Rocky was 11 and all of her problems started.
(Rocky's POV)
I'm lying on my bed crying right now. I have no idea why though. Maybe if when everything had started almost 3 years ago (she's 13 at the moment) I had gotten help, things would be different, but, I didn't and now here I am lying on my bed crying. I can still remember that night and whole year when everything went wrong.
I had just come home from a sleepover at Cece's house and was now happily eating dinner and arguing with my older brother Ty. Dad was on a trip to perform some kind of surgery and mom was talking about how he was never there for us.
"He's missing so much of your life guys." She had informed us. "I mean Ty look at you you're a young man and Rocky you aren't so little anymore."
I think that was then it had hit me that I wasn't a little kid anymore.
3 months later
It was near the end of fifth grade and we had a field trip planned to go to our middle school orientation, The only thing that the teachers could talk about was how in middle school we were at a whole new place and age group and that people would treat us differently. I had hated the very thought of growing up, and to make it worse, I had no idea why I hated it so much. Everybody else was so happy to finally be so close to being considered a grownup but I dreaded even going to the orientation. The only thing that I dreaded more had been that I would have to train a new safety patrol to take my place on the patrol squad. I think I hated it so much because they made me see how easy it is to replace somebody when they leave. I spent all of the time reading about anxiety disorders and looking for a category that I would fit into. I was wise beyond my years and understood then that I spent way too much time remembering the past. But I couldn't stop. I remembered when I went to my very first sleepover with Cece, and when I met her. I remembered everything and I had a longing to go back to this time. At the same time that I was looking back on the past and getting sad that it was over I started thinking of ways to make my future better. Like: getting a makeover, getting new clothes, straightening my hair, and I even thought about dying my hair. Basically my problem was that I never once lived in the present, I was always somewhere else in the inside.
During this time Cece and I made a huge mistake. We of course were only 11 but we had been exposed to things in the real world already, such as: cutting. We had friends that we knew that told everybody that they cut. After a long day I went home found a razor and started cutting myself. Being as foolish as I was then I of course decided that it would be a good idea to tell Cece. I said I was only trying it, but to tell you the truth it hurt so bad that I was sure that I would never try it again. After I told Cece she decided that she wanted to cut too. During those 30 minutes we went through everything that you see on TV, and we acted like we had spent our whole lives cutting, now that I think about it we were probably being really dramatic about the whole thing and I kind of feel silly. During that 30 minute process I begged her no to make the same mistakes that I had, she said that if I ever cut one more time she would too, and we went public about the whole thing which made it a thousand times worse. We went on a social networking site that we weren't even old enough to use and were very dramatic about the whole thing saying things like: wtf is wrong with me, arguing with each other, and swearing not to tell. I'm pretty sure that we did all of those things for the dramatic effect because we made it quite obvious that we wanted our friends to ask us what was wrong. We eventually told them and we found out that Deuce had tried to commit suicide before, and that Tinka had cut before. There was a random girl that nobody liked that was in the chat to that kept on talking about how she cut on her feet, back, and stomach.
3 weeks later
We had been informed by the random girl that nobody liked whose name, btw was Hailey that her dad had found out the password to her account on the social networking site, which btw was facebook, and that he had read out conversation and found out that we had all cut and that, to top it all off, he had called the guidance counselor to tell him all of our business. Sure enough I got called into his office and asked a few questions. I answered them all honestly and I was told that he wouldn't tell anyone else what we had discussed. He was of course lying because when I got home that day I got in some serious trouble, and the next day when I got to school all the teachers were giving me weird looks. I now officially hated the counselor, Hailey's dad, and Hailey. Nobody that was involved in the conversation talked to her again and she had the nerve to bring up the fact that her dad had said that she wasn't allowed to talk to us anymore because her dad had said that we were bad influences on her. I now hated him even more. I couldn't take all the teachers knowing such a private thing about me so the next week Cece and I went to the guidance counselor and told him that we had only said that we had cut because we were defending a friend and that we didn't actually cut. And it was all solved only Deuce, Tinka, and Hailey would know my secret and that was how I liked it.
Back to the present
Maybe if I had allowed the guidance counselor to help me things would be different now. Maybe I would be happy and almost completely care free like a normal teenage girl. But then again maybe Cece and I would have grown farther apart without having those scars linking us to each other. But maybe if I had taken the help I would be a role model to Hailey. Everybody knew that one day she had cut to deep and was found by her father bleeding out. Everybody knew that she had to be taken to a hospital and was then admitted to a school for troubled girls. Everybody also knew that we could have stopped it. Nobody was nice to her; nobody was there to stick up for her when she needed it, even though everybody knew that she cut nobody told her not to because if she died we would miss her too much. When I start thinking that my life is too much for me I think of her and how she ended up in that school because nobody cared about her. And even though it doesn't make me smile it makes me grateful for what I do have at least no matter how bad. I know for a fact that I'm the only person in school that still thinks of her now. Maybe I should have taken the help though, and faced my problems because now I just can't deal with myself anymore. I don't know how to feel about things. I just need HELP.
Ok guys this is a multi chapter story not a one shot even though I will probably be making a one shot soon but for people who are waiting for me to add to not thin enough and all for a friend I am working on chapters for them right now. Ugh my dad is so fucking annoying he thinks he knows freaking everything. Here are the things I want you to answer IF you decide to review.
(1) What you thought about this chapter
(2) What you think will happen in this chapter
(3) What do you think is wrong with Rocky?
(4) And anything else that you wish to put
Oh yeah and...Thanks for reading. Love yall!