It Was Love

The knock on her door was the first sound she'd heard in hours. It startled her. Only Booth would come to her apartment this late at night. Frantically she wiped at the tears with the backs of her hands as she tried to decide whether to answer it or pretend she didn't hear it.

"Bones." The pounding started up again. "Bones."

As hard as it was, she couldn't avoid it, what if he needed something? What if it was case related?

Uncurling from her position on the couch, she straightened herself as she made her way to the door.

"Hey." He eyed her, top to bottom, then looked over her shoulder, taking in everything in his view. "I was driving home from dropping off Hannah and saw your lights still on. Are you still working on the case paperwork? Do you need some help?" It was a lie. She knew it. He knew it.

"My place isn't on your way home?"

"Well, it was tonight, Bones. Are you okay?" He pushed a little, trying to get a better view. The case paperwork was spread out all over her coffee table. It brought back memories. So many nights they'd start on the couch and end up on the floor. Laughing, talking, he'd fallen in love with her that way. In the quiet private moments when he saw so much more of her than anyone in the world, including Angela.

She cleared her throat and stiffened her shoulders. "I'm fine, Booth, and please don't worry about the paperwork. I'll have it all to you tomorrow." There was a glass of scotch sitting on that coffee table, a glass of scotch and the bottle. Scotch wasn't really her thing - it was more his drink. Taking another step into her space, he looked a little deeper in her eyes.

"I'm here." He added, almost absently. "Let me help."

"Booth." It was a plea, a one word plea that begged him not to do this to her. He didn't listen. Taking another step, he was officially in her apartment. He closed the door behind himself and headed straight for the piles of case related data, pictures, reports.

Clapping his hands loudly then rubbing them together, as if he was anxious to jump in.

"Why are you really here, Booth, when you could be with Hannah?" There was exhaustion in her voice, a tiredness in her eyes that he'd missed earlier. She was always so blatantly honest that when she said she was happy for him he believed her, or maybe he just wanted to believe her. When he got Angela's message, her protective but rather angry message, he walked himself all the way back to where he met Bones at the coffee cart, replaying it all in his head.

"I'm here to help." He pulled out his best charming smile and sat down on the couch to see how far she'd gotten. "What's this?" Picking up several travel brochures, he flipped them over, opened, perused.

"Nothing, Booth, they're nothing." As she moved to grab them from him, he moved away, holding them just out of her reach.

"Bones, they're obviously something. Partners don't keep secrets, remember?"

At the moment, coming from him, a partners declaration seemed so absurd. She was sure her laugh of disbelief made that clear.

"I am considering options for my vacation time this year. There are several well respected digs that I could offer my services to, that's all."

"I just got my partner back and you're already considering leaving?" He threw it out there in a joking tone.

"I am just being prepared, Booth, you know that I…" she let the rest trail off. He knew her, used to know her. Her heart raced and her eyes fell closed as the emotion she felt welled up in her. If she opened her eyes, she was pretty sure tears would stream down her face. She kept them closed. "I am very tired, Booth, maybe we can finish this in the morning?" He placed his on hers. She cleared her throat and pulled away. Standing, she turned and dried her eyes, hoping that he didn't catch her act of self preservation.

Out of respect for her, he should leave, he knew that. But, Angela's message seemed to be haunting him. You're killing her, she'd told him bluntly, you're flaunting your beautiful Barbie girlfriend in her face, as she graciously talks about how happy she is for you, when it's ripping her up inside. Apparently, Angela had been walking by the Founding Father's when Booth leaned over the table, meeting Hannah halfway for a kiss inches from Bren's face. Angela knew a lot, he wasn't sure how much was from what Bones said or didn't say and how much was from her own observations, but most of it, if he was honest with himself, was dead-on accurate. He'd sat there at lunch and flaunted his relationship, joked about their sex life, all in front of the woman he'd declared his love to less than a year ago. That's what stirred him, tormented him. He'd lectured her that very night, that love was putting the needs of another person above your own. He'd lectured her on love and yet, she was the one making the sacrifice for his happiness.

His heart was pounding, he needed a reason to stay. "Hey, maybe I could get a drink before I go?" He motioned to the scotch. Temporarily defeated, she nodded and went to get him a glass. When she came back, she settled on the couch next to him and poured. He raised his glass. Hesitantly, she brought hers up, though for the life of her, she couldn't think of anything worth toasting.

"It was love, you know that right? It was love." His solid gaze locked with hers, it unnerved her. She couldn't help the gasp for air that escaped as her heart sunk. It felt like swimming in the ocean, grasping for air as the next wave slams down on you. In that moment of complete vulnerability, he saw everything she'd been hiding flash in her eyes. "And I'd do it again, Bones, I swear to God. I'd, I'd leave the hospital to come find you. I'd risk my career, disobey Cullen, bring you take out in the middle of the night. I'd step in front of that bullet again with no regrets. It was love, Bones, I need you to know that." Now she just looked confused. "You know what I'm trying to say here? About us and love and -"

"Stop." It came out flat. Her hands were up as she stood and started to pace. "Stop." She moved in silence, her bare feet on the dark bamboo flooring, she stared at the contrast. He watched her process. He loved to watch her think. This was the cruelest of turns, he had loved her but moved on before she could catch up. It was for the best, right? She didn't trust her ability to give him happiness, not like Hannah? She could barely breathe her chest felt so very weighted. Not even turning back, she walked towards her bedroom, begging her heart to hang on until she could seclude herself. "Let yourself out."

"No, no, Bones." He chased after her, grabbing at the sleeve of her shirt, until he could get ahold of her arm, hand over hand, he pulled her back. "It was love." He whispered, not understanding how this continued declaration made everything worse.

It started out strangled, she fought so hard not to show any emotion, then silent tears grew into sobs as he pulled her right into his arms. At first, she just stood stiff, arms still straight at her sides as he tried to hold her. He wouldn't let her go, just held her tighter. "It was love." Wanting her to understand, to know, that he had loved her, that he wouldn't change that. That his acts of love weren't foolish and illogical, as she had argued earlier in the evening.

She just had one question. "What is it now?" It was love, he told her that over and over, but that gave her nothing to hold onto as her whole world, the world she anticipated coming back to, turned upside down and spun wildly out of control. There was silence, he couldn't answer. He didn't have an answer. But, he could hold her, he tightened his arms just a little more until he felt her body start to give, no longer resisting. Finally, her arms wrapped around him, she fisted his shirt weakly, as her tears started to fall again.

"I don't know, I don't know, but we'll figure it out, okay?" Overwhelmed, she felt her body give more and more of itself over to her growing sense of exhaustion, falling limp in his arms. He maneuvered them back to her couch where he sat slumped, her body fell on his. Jerks and sobs wracked her as he tried to comfort her. He couldn't handle her sobs, the tears broke him in a way that reminded him that what he had with Hannah was nothing like this, nothing as deep and meaningful. He combatted the sobs and silence by talking, trying to ease her pain. And while his mouth moved, saying all the right things, his hands ran softly across her back, gathered her hair and smoothed it, and gently brushed her continued tears away.

This was new for them, this kind of intimacy went beyond his patented guy hugs. It was so natural, disturbingly natural. And the small sounds of acceptance that she subconsciously let slip tugged at his heart. He felt every fiber of her trust him as her body lay still in his arms and she yielded to sleep. As she calmed, he felt his own pain rising up. He'd wanted this. He'd wanted it for so long and here when he finally gave up, when he finally moved on, that's when she realized she wanted it too? How cruel could the universe be to him? How much did God hate him? She stirred, moving, she readjusted herself until she nuzzled deep into his neck. Her lips soft against him, her breath warm, slow, even.

"I love you, Booth." A mumbled whisper, so soft he almost missed it. He wondered, in her sleepy state, if she'd even remember saying it in the morning, knowing full well he'd never forget.

"I love you too." It was a confession of his own, barely audible, given only when she'd settled back into a deep sleep. Settling in, he had no plans to wake her. He would hold her like this, while she slept, as long as she slept. "I love you too, Bones." He followed her into sleep.

ooooo0ooooo

A/N A funny thing happened...okay maybe it wasn't funny at all. I was doing some research of a story I plan to write after Need is done and was doing a little late night research on Netflix. Rewatching S6 E2 was so terribly painful and raw. Then my mind started churning and this just kind of happened….let me know what you think...please...if you're interested, there's more.

Thank you to craftyjhawk for correcting my grammar and keeping me on track! Especially when I think I'm off track and she sees I'm headed in the right direction!