The Doctor begged bitterly as he watched the slight girl charge into his timeline to fix it. "Clara. No." He barely croaked out of his raw throat. He could barely get the words out. Already in a weakened state from Dr. Simeon jumping in, he could only lay there as the two people battled for his timeline in his time stream. His mind felt like it was about to explode, his body was on fire, and his hearts felt as though they could not keep up with the trauma. He started to writhe again in pain. The battle raged as Clara did her best to fix what went wrong, but despite all efforts there was no change. After what seemed like forever, he quieted down, as if he had no strength left to fight. His throat was dry and he barely had the vocal cords left to speak. He closed his eyes against the lingering pain. He slowed down his ragged breath so that he could clear his mind to try and heal himself. That provided no comfort. The pain was not of physical wounds. Vastra could only imagine what he had been through.
Vastra was worried about the Doctor, She thought that it might help if she could bring him some good news, some word of victory. She went back outside and scanned the local systems again. Before Clara jumped into his time stream, the sky had gone empty and local systems vanished in the Great Intelligence's destructive wake. She looked back up as one by one new stars began to take the place of the old ones. The stars were back, but it seemed as if there should have been more stars than there were. But then again that is the way it should have been. She blinked away the confusion in her mind. What did it mean, what were the implications?
Vastra hurried back into the dying TARDIS and checked on him. The flush pallor of his cheeks told the story of his condition. His face contorted with both real and passing of remembered pain. Though he was only a man in her eyes, he was one of her closest friends. It broke her heart to see him suffering so. She rushed to her friend's side and knelt down beside him. She gently cradled his head in her lap and brushed the sweat soaked bangs from his eyes. She tried to use as soothing a voice as possible. The Doctor slowly opened his eyes and tried to speak. She placed a finger on his lips to silence him. "Doctor the stars, they've…" She disappeared before the Doctor's eyes. Vastra was gone. She was about to tell the Doctor what was happening in the sky, but she vanished from sight. Soon even he forgot her.
He lay there alone on the freezing steel that made up the floor in the massive room. He remembered Simion triumphantly stepping into his time stream corrupting it. Then sweet, brave, stupid Clara tried to repair the damage that Dr Simeon had done by jumping in after him. He lay there alone, no Clara, no Whisper Men, and no Simion. The room was dark, empty, silent except for the crackling energy coming from the time tunnel, tracks of hell now. He could have sworn there were others that were here, but that couldn't be right. He remembered River had been there as well. He had seen her, but she didn't know he could. She looked as though she wanted to be helpful in some way, but she was an echo and unable to. After Clara jumped in to the pillar of light River disappeared as well but not forgotten. He was grateful for that small miracle
With an effort he turned around onto his side and gazed at the pillar of light that mark the passing of his travels in space and time. He lay his head down on the hard grating and closed his eyes, the light glowed red still. Clara obviously had not succeeded. Perhaps it was the winds that tore her apart, maybe it had been the Great Intelligence that had done her in.
Clara, his companion, sacrificed her life to save his, but it had been for naught. His timeline was now corrupted, but he was starting to think of this pillar of light to be the right one. He knew that was the way it was supposed to be. The lines that intertwined now swirled differently, but to him that is the way it should have looked. He looked at the lines, the scars of his footsteps and barely had the energy to weep the loss that he felt today. His only friend was now gone. He neither had the strength, energy nor tears to mourn her. Yet another person he had not said goodbye too.
No, he had two memories of this event. He shook his head, trying to sort out the thoughts and images. This was not the way it was supposed to be. Something happened. The Great Intelligence had succeeded. That thought firmly held in his mind.
He lay there on the dying TARDIS's floor trying to get his fevered body to obey him enough to sit up. He stood up using the railing for support. He winced as his body was still wracked by pain that didn't seem to want to end. With what strength he had left, he started to walk out of the dying TARDIS. As he made his way out to the war ravaged landscape the pain started to lift somewhat. He said goodbye to the dying TARDIS and walked out the doors. He closed the doors behind him. The doors seemed heavier now than they did the first time. He hoped he would never see tomb again anytime soon. The next time he wanted to see it was at his appointed time.
He was chilled, but it had little to do with his fevered condition. He lost in such a big way that his life was affected. He staggered along the path at first a few times leaning against the tombstones for support. As he walked each step became easier as he made his way slowly to the living TARDIS. By the time he reached the metallic machine he was walking almost straight. He gazed upon, it takes in its familiar cold cylinder shape. It always took this form, but it seemed as though that was false. The chameleon circuit never worked properly and was stuck in its original form. He reached the living TARDIS and took comfort in the warm humming that the machine created. "At least you have been with me the whole time, my friend." He opened the door and made his way to the console.
The Doctor entered the empty TARDIS. In the silence he sat down in the crash seat. He contemplated going to a bed somewhere. He was still not feeling well. As he sat there a double life seemed to take shape. It seemed as if he lived twice each life because each life had two separate sets of memories.
First Life: he had two memories. Both had had his granddaughter in them. However, he took a type 40 TARDIS that was working almost perfectly, except the chameleon circuit that fried as most of them did on that model. But In another memory He took one that was wonky in the navigation. One memory he had saved one of his companions from an illness after being in Troy. In his current memory the companion died because he went to the wrong planet. The old man was already bitter and grumpy, but this set him to be grumpier still. He took some bad advice from someone who directed him to this planet.
Second Life: He remembers always being able to get his friends out of jail. He usually managed to get his companions out of any situation. However, in this new line of memories He fails his friends in a big way in Australia, he never forgave himself. Someone convinced him not to impersonate someone this time. His friends get out of jail on their own accord.
Third Life: After the harsh punishment of being regenerated by his own people he is exiled to Earth. Everything was fine, but there was always someone or a situation that was always making him late for important events. One time it turned deadly for a friend and he was never invited to Joe Grants Wedding.
He was always kind to her so he did not understand why, until he was told he was unreliable.
Fourth Life: Now free to roam about the Universe again. He takes the first opportunity. He is determined to get something right. Destroy the Daleks before they become a menace. He for a moment questions the decision but one of the Kaled scientists convinces him and presses the issue harder than expected, almost goading him on. He had convinced the Doctor that they were abominations and Davros had no right to mess with nature. The Doctor agreed and did the deed. He was a changed man after that. He made his companions nervous every time he made a decision, even though he was free with his jelly babies. The Doctor clearly remembered though that he had dropped the wires that would have blown the nursery up and a Dalek rolled by and did it instead.
Fifth Life: There were few time in this Life that he messed up. He let the Companions take the credit and let them shine. This seemed to work fine. The one failure he remembered was when he was trying to get the antidote to the poison that both he and Peri had ingested. Both he and Peri ended up dying and regenerated alone into his sixth Life.
Sixth Life: During his trial with the Valeyard he was extremely cockey no one was willing to talk him down from his cockiness. He got out of the Trial through sheer bluff and walked out of there after defeating the Valeyard utterly. No one trusted him after that.
Seventh Life: He was scarily manipulative and manipulated Ace into not trusting him. Instead of helping her to trust him again, she left him soon after. He had to fight the Master alone in the cat world and almost ended up become a cat himself.
Eighth Life: He saved his beloved earth from the Masters destruction, but he freaked out Grace so bad she didn't want to speak to him again.
The Warrior life: It seemed this life was touched by the war. The only thing He seemed to succeed in was destroying his own people and the Daleks, which he never got over. Yet there was not a second memory.
Ninth Life as the Doctor again: He met Rose but he nearly drove her away. He could not hide how bitter about everything. He tried to show her the wonders of the universe, his role in the Time War and his past had only made him a bitter man, being the one to shoot first and ask questions later. Rose stayed because she saw the man he was trying to be, a better man.
Tenth life: Regret ruled his life and he seemed to take it out on anyone he faced. He saved it all for the Family of blood, The Daleks. He was sorely tempted by the Krilitain to join forces with him, but instead of just foiling their plans he out right killed "Mr. Finch" something Sara Jane had experienced before. Sara Jane was happy enough to see him again. But after the adventure said that he hadn't changed in a tone that stung him. He tried to keep most of his exploits from his companions after that, but they all felt a chill that he gave off when he rejoined him. He very clearly earned the title 'The Oncoming Storm'.
His life now: He was determined to put the past behind him as he came out of the regeneration madness. He fought like hell for every joy he could experience. He found it through Amy and Rory. But lost them to the angels in Manhattan, Clara helped him battle the Great Intelligence. He tried to get her out on the Internet, but it seemed the Great Intelligence was always one step ahead of him. It was because of Clara's new computer knowledge that helped get everyone out of the "cloud." He was a young old bitter man, too many failures in his life. He even once admitted that he would have stayed in the Pandorica had it not been for Amy and Rory. Even now, though, he had memories were of happier times, not having to fight hard to smile or find a reason to jump around the TARDIS. The current memories seemed to war with the memories that never happened of succeeding at everything he did.
He came back to the present. Looking back into the past did little for his mood or his situation. He got up, never being able to sit in one place for long. He wandered around the TARDIS corridors taking in what memories he could. His memories were changing; he wanted to hold on to the originals as much as possible. He understood the mechanics of the process. He knew the Great Intelligence could not totally wipe him out of the past, but it seemed his strongest memories are now new ones and they were not so great. The old memories were fading fast. He was trying harder and harder to hold on to them. Even now memories were being replaced.
As he wondered about the corridors, he came across the Ponds room. He really didn't want to go in there, but he did. He felt as though he was doing something he shouldn't be doing, even though he used to burst in any way with some cockamamie idea of what to do next. Now, though, it seemed he was intruding, bringing some kind of darkness that did not belong in that room. Inside was a mess, typical of the young couple. He smiled as he lightly kicked a way some tee-shirt Rory had worn. He was trying to decide whether or not to keep the room or delete it. Perhaps he could send some of their treasures to them at least. That wouldn't be breaking any time rules. He decided he would do that one day. Though there were a couple of rooms he had thought to do so in the past, but never got around to it, but had to be deleted because of one situation or another.
As he made a circuit around the room he came across a cabinet. It was filled with what looked to be wine bottles, and other liquors they had kept for safe keeping. The doors to the cabinet had been kept locked because of the jolts and bumps that occurred during their travels in time and space. For the first time this life he wondered what he would be like when he was drunk. No, He would not give in like that. He abruptly turned around and made his way back to the control room. He was about to touch the controls to delete the room, but he decided against it. Perhaps he would do it, but another time, not right now.
He went to a small room where he kept his own treasures and memorabilia. Something seemed wrong. The same numbers of small boxes were in here. But then key pieces that should have been there was gone. He could not lay a finger on what those key pieces were. He was a tidy man and everything was in order. Then, everything was wrong, and he was getting frustrated about it all. He tapped his head to try and keep hold of the memories he possessed of his life before the Great Intelligence had interfered. However, he was losing that battle as well and he knew it. The new memories were replacing the old memories quickly and he could not grab hold of the moment when they changed.
His head started to hurt. The headache got so bad he had to go to the Zero room to recover. The Zero room only hastened the process and soon he had the ghosts of memories of what should have been left. "Ok, I am feeling as if something is not right? I am alone now. I shouldn't be alone. I might end up like my last life. No," He proclaimed with resolution. "I refuse to be like that again." His newly lived memories asserted themselves and soon his memories of how things happened had changed. He had been almost evil his last life, if it hadn't been for his companions he would have stepped over that line
Out of all the strange mix of feelings, one thought emerged, tea. He wanted some tea, tea was good. It calmed the nerves and soothed his spirit. He went to the kitchen and heated up the water. Soon the fading memory issue became easier to deal with. He got down a particularly nice tea set and got some Indian Darjeeling Autumnal Flush tea. He began to think about certain things. Suddenly he was having two completely different sets of memories? His memory was perfect. But these ghosts of memories seemed to fight their way to the fore. He remembered telling Amy about memories once. It was ok to have two sets of memories? What was he thinking when told her that? It was rubbish. This was just weird. He was thinking about all this and by the time he had finished making his tea he was convinced the new memories were the right ones. He took a sip and let it warm him as a cold feeling set in. Suddenly tea wasn't strong enough for him.
He meandered his way back to the console room. He could almost picture his time tunnel in place of the time rotor. Another sip of tea and suddenly he wanted to be anywhere than here. He thought of a thousand and one places he could go eras to end up. He honestly wanted to stop, just stop. Find a place to call home, settle down maybe. He considered Earth. He had some happy memories of his time on Earth. They were not enough to keep him there for the rest of his life. With decision he put down his tea cup and started flipping switches, and typing in time coordinates. His eyes glittered as he felt like he had made the right decision this time. He turned on a time switch and went back decided to go into Trenzalor's history. There he would find a place where he could live out the rest of his days. He was tired of running, tired of failing. If he was to die on Trenzalor then it would be on his own terms