Prologue
When I was a kid I always wanted to be a hero. I never wanted to be the princess in an ivory tower rescued by the prince. And now that it was certain that there was never going to be a prince for me, I could move on and concentrate on things that could make me – well not happy – but at least make me feel alright. I wasn't miserable any longer. I won't lie and say that I was happy, but I was...content.
I didn't expect for any miracles to happen in my life, not any longer. I just wasn't supposed to have love, that was clear to me now, and I had stopped yearning it. There wouldn't be a husband or even a boyfriend, no kids, no career, no normal life. But that didn't mean there wouldn't be anything in this life for me. Sure, at one point I had dreaded that I would have nothing. But now I knew there was something for me: I was a protector – that was the fate I now was embracing with all my heart. I would always love Seth and my mom, I would cherish my pack and the few friends I had, and I would give my heart and my life to all of those I protected. I wouldn't ever have a love that I could call my own – and I would never be anyones to love, but I would have love for people, humankind, for the environment, for life. I would love and protect all of these things. That would be enough for me – it had to! I would give all of myself to protecting expecting nothing in return. Sure some people would like me and maybe even love me for the things I would do. But let's face it, no-one would love me enough to live just for me. That was the plain truth. Once I had been romantic and dreamy, but that lead me nowhere - these days I was realistic and practical.
It had been a little over a year since I became a protector. For a long time I was just searing in pain, trying to push this fate away from me, hating everything about shapeshifting and what it brought along. And undoubtedly, life had been cruel to me. The wolf taking away everything from that loving carefree hopeful Leah I once was. The worst of it was taking my father away. Then it took my dreams and hopes, my trust in the world, my happiness, my femininity, my future. It took my friends, my sister-cousin and the man I thought I was going to marry. It almost took all of my heart and my soul; it changed the very essence of me.
This last month I had slowly come to terms with my life and accepted my fate, I was even starting to kind of enjoy it. The old Leah and her dreams were like a faded bittersweet memory to me. I never really thought of the amiable and big-hearted girl I once was, but it happened that I dreamt of her at night, and awoke with a feeling of grieving a long-lost friend. But I wasn't and never could be the same Leah I once was; I was strong and hard now – a warrior.
I had a plan that I slowly started working on. I was volunteering at a youth center for troubled teens in Port Angeles twice a week. I loved my job at the center, and I was really good at dealing with these angry and hurt kids. At the reservation I was sometimes helping in the training of the newly phased little wolves who had such a hard time adapting to this life and the burdens it entailed, I did that despite the fact that I still belonged to Jake's pack (thank god for the separate packs!). Since Sue moved in with Charlie, we even had a couple of the cubs come move in with me and Seth. I was mothering them, or at least big-sistering them. I loved them with all my heart, although to an outsider I might seem quite stern and harsh, but I know they knew that I would defend them with my life.
I also had started taking on-line classes at a community-college, and was planning to go to college full time next year. Just the state college, so that I could still live at home or near enough for me to be able to either run or drive home in less than two hours. I was planning on studying environmental studies and sociology, I wanted to do something good for the community and humanity as such.
I still ran patrol as usual, but I had started to widen my patrolling to larger areas – without the knowledge of the pack. I had learned to shield and silence my thoughts almost completely, so when I was in areas outside our territory nobody knew what I was doing. I had also started scanning the newspapers for crimes and violence, and often found myself in areas where crime-rates were high. I pretended that I would spend the weekend with some of my old friends who now lived in Seattle so the pack wouldn't get suspicious about my whereabouts. Then I would merge into the Seattle-night waiting to step-in when needed. I hadn't encountered any vampires on my lonely routes yet – although I sometimes found the sickening smell of them. They were just harder to track in the city, but I sure had to use my fighting skills anyways. I hadn't phased into my wolf-form in the city, but with my strength and speed I still could knock-down the creeps and low-lives of the night and rescue innocent people on the verge of falling victim to horrendous crimes. What I saw on those lonely city-nights made my heart cringe. How could all of this evil exist? Why were people trying to hurt each other like that? These nights also made me to start appreciate the Cullens, they were choosing to be good despite their vampire-nature, whereas a lot of people were choosing to be just like blood-thirsting vampires and lived with no respect for life!
On these lonely nights I had loosely started toying with the idea of traveling the world helping and protecting people who needed it - there were so many defenseless people everywhere. And what are protectors for anyways if not protecting? But for the time being I felt I still was partly needed in La Push. Although my mom had Charlie, she wasn't quite ready to let go of me completely. And I still worried about the young wolves and about Seth. Once I was certain they would be okay I would go. Nobody knew about this plan of mine, there was no need for others to find out. But sure enough, when the time came I would leaving La Push behind and become a wandering wolf. That was going to be my happy ending.