Author's Note: I realize that this story doesn't completely stay true to all aspects of Zoro that Oda put into One Piece. This is meant to be a funny concept and in no way is meant to infringe on what qualities the characters have in the show. Thank you so much for reading and for your support! Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading about Zoro's hypothetical secret!

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece in any way, shape, or form. I just enjoy writing about it thank you very much.

The crew had just finished with one of their adventures on the Grand Line and are already gathered on board the Thousand Sunny, but the captain is nowhere to be found.

"Hey, has anyone seen the captain?" Nami huffs. "We were supposed to be out of here an hour ago and he's still not here!"

Sanji pipes up as well, "That idiot must have meat for brains."

"Ya know, Sanji, technically the brain is a type meat," Chopper states matter-of-factly.

"You think I need a food lesson? I'm a chef for pete's sake!"

"Would ya all just pipe down already, I can hear your bickering from all the way up here. I'm trying to-" Zoro is suddenly interrupted mid-sentence when a distinct and goofy laugh cuts through the air and a ball of rubber barrels through the crow's nest, carrying Zoro with it through the other side and overboard into the ocean.

"That captain…" Nami mutters under her breath. "Come on what are we waiting for? Let's go help him out," she sighs in frustration.

"Relax, Nami, it looks like Luffy carried mosshead overboard with him. Let him take care of it."

"That works better for me," she replies.

The crew carries on with their usual banter and Robin goes back to her book for a few more minutes until Usopp notices that Luffy and Zoro still haven't climbed aboard. "Hey, guys…" Usopp cautions, "Luffy and Zoro still haven't come up yet…"

"Is it a monster?!" Chopper exclaims.

"MONSTER?!" Nami and Usopp scream together.

"There do happen to be many sea monsters around this area," Robin states. "In fact, one of the largest populations of sea monsters in the grand line is not very far from here."

Sanji sighs. "Guess I'll have to go in after them." Sanji tosses his shirt away and glances back to the ladies to see if either of them noticed. He is disappointed when he finds that they are both caught up in a monster debate, but still dives into the water after his nakama. His body cuts through the water and he opens his eyes. The water all around is murky, making it difficult to see. He maneuvers through the water gracefully thanks to his strong calves and finally finds both the weight of moss and rubber sinking steadily to the bottom. He scoops a body on either arm and cuts back up through the water's surface and back onto the ship. He sets both his nakama on the deck as they cough up the water that was previously clouding their lungs.

Luffy laughs lightheartedly and says, "Thanks, Sanji, I thought I was a goner for sure that time!"

Zoro finally spits the last of the water out of his throat and smacks Luffy on the head. "You have a death wish or something?!" he growls.

"Shishi, sorry, Zoro."

"Hey, so I'm curious…" Nami ponders and eyes Zoro suspiciously.

He raises a brow as his response.

"So why weren't you able to save Luffy exactly? I mean it's not like you were unconscious since you woke up fine after being pulled out, so what is it then?"

Zoro's face turns bright red in contrast to his green hair and he sputters, "That's none of your damn business." He turns to leave from the deck to the sleeping quarters, but Nami grabs ahold of his shoulder right as he passes her.

"Oh, yeah," she challenges with a wicked smile. "Did you suddenly forget how to swim by chance?"

"Like I said," Zoro asserts and glares at her with his good eye. "It's none of your business."

"I think it is our business if suddenly you're unable to swim, mosshead." Sanji takes out a cigarette and breathes in the smoke before releasing it from his mouth in a cloudy ring. "I mean, if Usopp here hadn't been paying attention, you could have been the culprit of our poor captain here dying the most ridiculous death a future pirate king could."

"He crashed into me, dumbass, so don't go calling me the culprit of anything."

The crew, however, is also concerned and stares him down, willing him with the sheer influence of their gaze to give up his secrets. Finally, Zoro caves and admits in a voice too quiet to clearly comprehend, "Ihaa a de'il fut."

"Huh that's a weird disease, do you know of it, Chopper?" Usopp inquires. "Ihaadefut… must be foreign virus… Hey! Chopper! You hear me?! What if it's contagious?!"

Zoro's temper quickly boils straight into embarassed rage as he repeats himself, this time loud enough so that everyone can hear him. "I SAID, I ate a devil fruit."

"HUH?!" everyone exclaims together.

Usopp cuts into everyone's shock and surprise by saying, "Ya know, Zoro, you are the worst liar in history. Now there's no way that you-" Zoro's glare conveys just how serious he is and Usopp's previous pause is discontinued. "Wait… so if you did actually eat a devil fruit… what the heck kind of power did it give you?!"

Zoro's face ignites into embarrassed shame as he tries to find a way out of telling them his secret devil fruit power. Afterall, he had been keeping it secret for a reason. It is truly the most embarrassing power any one man could have, him in particular.

"Oh, come on, Zoro, you're not scared are you?" Nami threatens with her cunning stare.

"NO!" Zoro rebuts.

"Come on, Zorooo, just tell me already! I'm getting bored!" Luffy whines.

"Fine alright!" Zoro exasperates. "I ate the South South fruit. Are ya happy now?!"

Robin takes out one of the books that she was reading earlier, which happens to be a book cataloging the different types of devil fruits. She flips to the back and takes a quick peek at the index before advancing to the page where the south south fruits description would be. "So it says here that the south south fruit is a devil fruit that gives the user extraordinary directional skills. It is said that it is derived from the migratory instincts of birds and thus, whoever eats the fruit will know where they are even if there are no landmarks to go on."

A deafening silence washes over the Sunny before the whole crew bursts out into laughter.

"Hey! What are ya laughing about anyway?!"

"I think you need to get your money back!" Nami exclaims in between bursts of laughter.

"Yeah, I mean if his navigational abilities are bad now, just imagine what they were like before!" Chopper adds.

"It probably just made his skills go south!" Usopp chuckles.

"Screw you!" Zoro huffs.