Through Everything

Author: Pepperminty

Rating: R for sexual content and some language

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own them, dag nam it.

Pairing: Grissom and Sara

Spoilers: I haven't seen Season 5, stupid TV station, so nothing from there, but anything in past seasons is fair game, and is probably alluded to somewhere.

A/N: The next chapter is written; just have to type it up, so it should be up in probably 2 days.

Chapter 1

Their first time together sucked. On a scale of one to ten, it was crap. No sparks, no magic, no fireworks. Just meaningless thrusting with no resulting pleasure. In fact, it was so bad that neither orgasmed, they didn't even get close, and after a few more minutes of awkward, experimental caresses and looking anywhere but each other, they stopped.

Neither quite knew who stopped first but they were both glad for it to be over. They lay side by side, not daring to touch, or even bear to look at each other. What followed after was not even in the same vicinity as awkward, it was so far and beyond that it deserved its own zip code.

'Oh holy Jesus. I had no idea that it would be that horrible. Maybe I should of faked it, and given him a boost to his ego. Maybe he was waiting for me to come. But he didn't either. Oh God, this is so embarrassing.' She fought the urge to roll over and say "So, was it good for you too?" Her thoughts were running so fast through her head that she had no time to process fully what the hell had just happened. Her mind was predicting not only the forthcoming embarrassment, but glimpses of further embarrassments. 'What the hell were they supposed to do when they got back to work? Does he want to try again?' Insecurities soon began to filter through in her mind. 'Am I not pretty enough for him? Should I have been more responsive? Oh Christ, does he want me to leave? I bet he does, he is just too polite to say anything. God damn it, just talk to me for once you bastard! I wish I had my clothes in here. God where did I leave them? How the hell did I get myself in this mess? Maybe I'll just wait for him to fall asleep then I'll just quietly slip out and become ice queen Sara and we will never have to deal with this again. Oh yeah, that's the way Sara, I'll continue to live in that fantasy a little longer.' She hadn't moved since he had moved off of her, and neither had he. They couldn't lay here forever she decided 'One of us has to either say or do something, and since this is his house, I guess it will have to be me.' She attempted to casually and subtlety look at Grissom to see if he was asleep. What she found was disconcerting to say the least. He looked….stunned. 'Shit, what exactly is that supposed to mean?' she mused. 'This is way too complicated for a first time' This was the time to move, she was certain, whether he was asleep or not, she wasn't staying like this any longer. Picking up the top sheet to grasp any remaining dignity she had left she attempted to run as quietly and quickly out of his bedroom as fast as she could, not daring to steal a glance at him.

She slammed the door behind her as she left. He hadn't even looked up, wished her well, or even come out to see what she was doing. There go all those fantasies of Grissom she thought. Grissom the fantastic lover, smooth, suave, bringing her to orgasm over and over again. Grissom the tender boyfriend, serving her breakfast in bed, bunches of red roses. Okay that was far enough, she thought, stupid fantasies that were simply that, she had a first hand experience of that now. She slapped on sunglasses and sped all the way home.

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Grissom sat stunned for an hour. He felt like everything was in fast forward and he wanted to back the hell up. What exactly had just happened? 'Okay number one Gil, you're talking to yourself again, but that can be dealt with later. Number two, you just slept with Sara…. Well, I wouldn't go that far' he began to argue with himself. 'Sleeping with someone denotes a fulfilment, more specifically one person, hopefully two having an orgasm. Or at the very least achieve some kind of level of pleasure. I don't know what the hell that just was. How about the monumental nail in the coffin of mine and Sara's friendship, relationship? Hell, I doubt she'll ever talk to me again. Okay so I can't please her. Wow, that's some great fodder for my ever expanding male ego.' He had never considered himself any kind of Casanova with women, but in his day he had been able to at least please a woman to an extent. During it, Sara just looked…he didn't quite know how to place it. Surprised? Maybe it wasn't big enough, is that what she was surprised about? Perhaps she was trying to stop from laughing? By this time he felt he had analysed the situation far too much already and rolled over to at least perhaps watch her peacefully sleep, and decide what exactly he was going to do. Perhaps get one nice and peaceful moment out of this disaster. But she wasn't there. 'When the hell did she leave?' He grabbed his robe and walked out to his living room, her clothes were gone. He picked up his, and retreated back into the bedroom. He could still smell her, but her side of the bed was cold, so she had been gone for a while. He hadn't even heard her leave. 'Jesus Gil, how could you not see her leave?' He glanced over to his alarm clock. 'Holy shit I've been sitting there for an hour?' He decided a shower was the course of action, that perfume was murder on his senses, all he could think about was her.

The shower offered no resistance to his thoughts and he adjusted the settings down to a colder setting to numb his body. One question kept continually running through his mind that he could not answer, nor escape. He was obviously attracted to her. That became painfully obvious at times, his continual slip-ups he hoped she didn't notice. So he couldn't understand why. He had her, had everything, and something was wrong, it wasn't enough, for either of them. She must have been attracted to him, she pursued him. He didn't understand, and it frustrated him. He hated being frustrated. He tried to rid himself of her, scrub her away from his body, and erase the feelings of her hands on his body. But she remained there as always, lingering, haunting him.