A/N:
This is a mess and so is my toilet. Sorry, life.
Disclaimer here. *gives butt*
Warnings next chapter where it really starts. Rating indecisive at the moment, however.
In advance, thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated. :)
Prologue.
Part 0: Forgive Me.
Aa Aa Aa AA. (I)
It was grey.
The clouds were dark, darker than the deepest secrets he hid behind his now cold, no longer blue eyes. She almost thought it was funny — in the most ironic, twisted way — that his eyes were now open windows to the sky above; they weren't alive anymore.
She didn't know if she wanted to laugh or cry.
It was raining, of course, and so she pretended that the waterfalls in her eyes were not her own. Instead, she looked around at the group of people who were here, fleetingly cloaked in black, black, black.
You had such pretty eyes, you know…
She let the waterfall drip.
Why the hell hadn't he listened to her? She had told him time and time again to not do that, to not associate with people like them and get warped up in something so obviously stupid! She had told him every second, every day, but even now the clock's ticking hand continued and she still found herself repeating that hopeless mantra.
It's so stupid because you're not here anymore…
Why did you do that?
She couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it, because Len was just a normal guy and Piko just didn't care enough to be involved in something like that (and yet, a small, slyly innocent voice said in the back of her mind, everything that she and Gumi had speculated was true).
I can't believe you guys… I didn't think you were both so stupid to…!
She wanted to shout at them, scream at them — until her voice croaked raw, she thought incessantly, until she felt her voice dry up and no longer capable of speech because at least then she actually tried.
At least then she wouldn't be here.
"Hey, Rin…"
A gravestone before her; she knew it well.
Why… why did you guys… why did you guys not listen… why… how—
She felt a nudge, something familiar and alive, and she exhaustedly turned to her side. It was her: always there, forever here, breathing. She wanted to sigh — just proof that she was still alive, that she was still here, that they both were.
Unlike them…
Why were you so stupid, Len?
Her arms were wrapped around her now — forever there, always here —and she hated the way she knew her so well, hated the way the rain fell because it was so fucking cliché, and hated the way they weren't here anymore.
Piko… Len…
She abruptly fell to her knees, Gumi attached so firmly to her side that it made her throat clog with more thick tears. She was stupid, so fucking stupid, because — because she failed. Because of her, they wouldn't see daylight again; because of her, they wouldn't be coming home ever again.
Why… why didn't I…
Perhaps, she told herself whilst cries ripped out of her throat, perhaps if she was stricter then this wouldn't have happened. Perhaps if she wasn't so slow, wasn't so stupid (because those cries weren't happy and those groans weren't human), then everything would be okay and everyone would be here again and it wouldn't be just the two of them — always and forever — it would be everyone again, the four of them, forever and ever and ever and—
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Her heart beat faster, faster, faster — and she just couldn't control the tsunami in her eyes, couldn't control the tears in the sky, and couldn't control the boy who died.
And she wondered, with Gumi's limbs sinking even deeper into herself just like their bodies sinking eight foot under, Are you happy now, Len?
…
He never responded.