"Well, that's a great idea, Ron" whispered Harry, sarcastically.

"Shut up..." came the response, an agitated sigh from Ron

"Hello"

At this point Harry and Ron meet one of the few freaks who are h3r3 f0r N0 4pp4r3N7 r3450N...0 /-/, 51pp1NG 17N0 1337...

"Gee...who do you think that was, Harry?"

"Oh, probably just one of the many psychotic omniscient narrators who for one reason or another are continuously whipping in and out of the plot to randomly inform us of what is going on, or to conveniently relay the events of the villain who ha - "

"Harry..."

"I know... 'don't ramble anymore'..."

"HI!"

What Harry and Ron see at this point is rather odd: a "rainbow (pink and orange, and red and blue and purple and green and blonde and black and mauve and fuchsia and "purple mountain's majesty and tickle me pink and carnation pink and electric lemon lime and lemon lime and robin's egg blue and teal and hunter green and army green and olive and bronze and gold and silver and crystal like hues of all the stuff previously mentioned and whatever else is mentioned afterwards and all the variated hues in pastel and whatever else could be thought of in the alternate dimension in which she exists-

Plot give away!

DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- and amethyst and ruby red and jasmine and cream and crème and tope and lapis lazuli and yellow orange and orange yellow and orange red and red orange and blue green and green blue and violet and midnight black and jet black and navy blue and sea foam blue and periwinkle and grey and gray and storm cloud grey and cobalt blue and cadet blue and indigo and cerulean blue and lime and lemon and banana yellow and agent orange and pure white and brick red and carmine and scarlet and rouge and blanche et bleu et verte et orange et brun et noire et jaun et purpurn und blau und gelb und grun und Schwarz und purpurrot and claret und rosarot und rot et negro et verde et azul and peach and raspberry and apricot and strawberry and blueberry and black berry and boysenberry and plaid and macaroni & cheese and forest green and jungle green and magenta and sky blue and rose and goldenrod and graphic green and infrared and ultraviolet and laser lemon and megabyte magenta and orange circuit and sepia and mahogany and cedar and black cherry and oak and salmon and toffee and coffee and mocha and vanilla mocha and peppermint and cinnamon and pumpkin and butternut squash and lettuce and cucumber und gurke et concombre (god I want a salty cucumber) and lilac lavender and all the colors of the wind and metallic blue and metallic silver and old penny brown and rusted old penny teal and ivy and ultramarine blue and cadmium yellow and oxidized yellow and sulfur yellow and oxidized red and royal blue and mountain dew green and royal purple and white mocha raspberry pink and neon blue and neon pink and neon green and neon yellow and neon black and neon red hello kitty pink Barbie pink hello kitty purple Barbiepurplecharliebrownpineneedlegreencatbarfgreensnotgreenpoobrownschoolbusyellowchocolatemilkshakebrownfrenchfryyellowtwinkieyellowscissorhandleorangeareyoustillreadingthisbecauseifyouareyouareeitherverydeterminedorveryveryveryveryveryverypatheticanyhoomudbrownpeeyellowapplecidersnowhiterussetgraperedwinewhitewinepinkzinphindelbluecuracaotomatojuiceyellotomatojuiceredleopardspottedzebrastripedtigerstripedmr.happysamscatyoudirtymindedpeoplecolorcarrotorangebeetredcottoncandypinkcottoncandyblue whew...yeah...for those of you that care SMACK...that totals 191, and counting smile emoticon because it won't show up)" haired girl named Leigh.

Leigh smacks Nick

"Uhhh...-"

"WHEN DO I COME IN, I WANT TO SHOW OFF MY SUPER GOTH AURA SPELL THINGY-DINGY- oh..."

At this point, ALL IS LOST, Sanity, please avert your virgin eyes.

"Uhhh..." Harry and Ron agree.

"Uhhh..."

"Thank you."

"?"

"Bye"

At this point, the three figures mysteriously vanish.

"Harry," spoke Ron, "what exactly were we talking about?"

"Uhhh ...thank you?"

Enter: Hermione with Versace undercover (but we don't know that!)

"Hi... you guys look like you're stoned. What's going on?"

"Well, we just saw a very, very strange thing," Ron stammered.

"Yeah... I don't know whether we were supposed to see what we saw or not," said Harry.

"Well, what did you see?"

"These three weird people... there was this kid that kinda looked like Harry, 'cept not, and he wore cat ears and a bell around his neck that he jingled a lot, and this girl with a Goth aura spell who ranted about how she desperately wanted to be seen, and then another girl with really, REALLY colorful hair!" Ron exclaimed.

"How colorful was it?"

"So colorful, they made a movie about it. Not a book, a movie!"

"Seriously?"

"I don't know!"

"Hmmm...."

Harry interrupted Hermione's prized pondering moment to say, "Who the hell is this guy?? Pointing to Versace ('cept we don't know that!).

"Oh," Hermione said, "This is a new acquaintance of mine. He just transferred from Beauxbatons. Er... what was your name again?"

"Umm... Cressley, Karson Cressley." Versace ('cept again, we don't know that!) said with a lisp. He wore ripped jeans (the pre-ripped kind that preppy people spend way too much money on), a button-up flowery shirt with the top three buttons unbuttoned, a sea coral necklace, and a gaudy belt that is rotated to the side where only part of his shirt is tucked in, plus classic Windsor wing-tip shoes sock less (the only way to wear them). There is also a curiously strong breeze blowing on him only as he rests his weight on one hip.

"Malfoy...?" Malfoy follows shortly after, with a strangely similar outfit, moaning "I am Fabio!" Fan girl sigh-from Leigh and Sam

All the heads turned

"Ron, did you hear something?"

"Yeah, I think I did."

"Me too!" Hermione chimed in.

"Of course, we all did!" Harry said. "But where did it come from?"

"Obviously," Malfoy tossed his head and let his hair dance in the air. "It was caused by my sexy looks. No girl can resist me!"

"Yeah right!" Harry walked up to him and pushed him. "I'm without contest the sexiest one standing here!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

Hermione walked up and smacked Harry and Malfoy in the back of the head. "Shut up you two! Everyone knows Ron is the sexiest!"

"WHAT?" Everyone shouted, except Hermione and Ron. Ron smiled gloatingly. You know the only reason she said that was because the two of them are making googly-eyes at each other ALL THE TIME!

"Well... yeah..." she slunk back into her non-talking area.

"Oh, so I guess I have some competition here..." Karson said. He was given the evil-eye.

"I'm going to go now. The truth of who is sexier, I guess, lies in the eye of the beholder. But everyone knows Slytherins are! Goodbye!" Malfoy strutted out of the room.

"Wait! Don't go!" a Gothy-looking girl ran after him. She seemed to have come out of nowhere. "WAIT!" she called.

"Where the hell...?" Hermione said, mouth hanging open.

"She came with us," a fat Harry Potter look-alike with cat ears and a bell said.

"And where the hell did you...?"

"Don't ask, you probably don't want to know." Said the fat Harry Potter look-alike who quickly disappeared with his fellow companions.

"What the hell is going on?" asked a confused yet incredibly sexy Harry Potter (Leigh is taking over now...just thought you ought to know.)

"Umm...Oh! I remember! I was showing our new transfer student the Gryffindor common room!" Hermione exclaimed as she finally remembered after contemplating for what seemed like hours but was really only a couple of seconds.

"Okay, that's nice, but umm, like how do we get there? Do we go through some sort of traveling device or do we fly there or what?" asked Versace, um I mean, Karson.

"You are dumber than a box of rocks aren't you?"

"Ron! That is no way to treat our new student!" Hermione said as she smacked him across the back of the head.

"It is if he doesn't use any common sense!"

"I'm sorry... I guess I'm not used to your ways around here. After all, I have been going to Beauxbatons for years," Karson said as he flipped his hair back.

"Why the hell do you keep doing that?" asked a very confused Harry Potter.

"Oh my gods! Did you know your eyes are, like, incredibly blue?" Karson said.

"'Cept they're green you idiot!"

"Oh, what ever, you're still hotter than Johnny Depp naked in a bathtub full of hot salsa!"

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight..... I'm going over here now." As he pointed over to Hermione and Ron who were currently making rather big mushy googly-eyes at each other.

"We are not!"

"Shut up! You're not supposed to pay attention to me! I'm the omniscient, sexy narrator! And you were too!"

"Hey, hey, hey!"

"Who the hell are you?!"

"I'm random, fat black kid #1 that is in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban numerous times but never gets a name and isn't a main character!"

"And why are you here bothering us?" Harry asked again because every one else is busy making googly-eyes at each other.

"Because O-Wonderful, sexy omniscient narrator got bored and couldn't think of anything else to write so she threw me in here!"

"Get the fuck out of here! What is with all these random people popping in like its Christmas?!" a very distraught Harry said.

"Christmas?" Hermione asked breaking out of her trace with Ron.

"Shut up! I couldn't think of anything else better to write!"

"Okay. Whatever!" and she proceeded to go back and make more mushy faces with Ron.

"This is making no sense whatsoever!"

"NO!" Neville cried as he ran into the random room with random people making random googly-eyes at each other.

"Oh no! What is it, Neville?"

"Trevor! He died!"

"Oh no! That's terrible! Who's Trevor?" asked a very dumb Karson.

"Trevor's my toad that I've had forever."

"Oh you mean he finally croaked?" Ron asked and then started giggling at his own joke.

"Do you have no respect for the dead?" Karson asked as he put his arm around Neville.

"Um, who are you?"

"Oh, I'm Karson! I'm new here."

"Right, and why do you have your arm around me?"

"Because you need to be comforted, or converted, which ever you choose."

"Converted? What do you-" started a very curious Neville before Harry interrupted.

"Um, never mind Neville. What about Trevor? How did he die?"

"Oh, it was terrible! He was crossing the street, jumping past cars, trying to get to the other side when all of a sudden, he ran out of lives and died because he got ran over by a very blocky-looking semi truck."

"Okay...right."

"But we don't have roads, and what's a semi truck?" asked a very confused Ron with a very pissed off Hermione behind him because he was more worried about a stupid flat frog instead of her.

"Ahem!" Hermione said rather indignantly.

"What?"

"You stopped paying attention to me!"

"And?"

"RONALD WEASLEY!"

"Oh, Jesus Christ! Get over yourself woman! You're hot, but I don't have to stare at you all damn day!"

"Oh you bet you do because if you don't then I'm going to deny you sex for a month!"

"You can't do that! I will die!"

"Well, if you pay attention to me then I won't have to!"

"Can we PLEASE stop talking about your sex life for just ONE MINUTE!?" Harry screamed when he got fed up with his two best friends talking about whether or not they were going to get laid tonight.

"If we must," Hermione said as she sighed and went back to making googly-eyes at her boyfriend.

"But we need sex!" Ron cried. "Harry, you know how it feels, you know, it's wonderful, it's liberating, it's, it's SEX!"

Harry gave Ron a quizzical look and slightly shook his head. Ron's jaw dropped. "Harry? You mean you've never... Harry! You must be kidding!"

Harry pulled Ron to the side, even though everyone was already looking at him in utter shock and said, "Shh! Don't tell anybody!"

"Well, I think it's a bit late for that..."

"Dammit Ron, it's hard enough being the weirdo kid with the scar on his forehead without worrying about the fact that he's still a virgin!"

"Man... how can you stand that? You have some mighty stamina."

"You can say that... and a mighty hand."

"Ah, so you've been wand-flicking quite a bit?"

"Ron! How can you ask that? Of course!"

Random penguin walks by, and everyone gets distracted.

"What, again, the bloody hell?" Ron shouted.

"Ah, you see... we have discovered something quite rare, here," the fat Harry Potter look-alike reappeared from nowhere said. "It seems as if there is a secret wormhole behind a trapdoor in Leigh's garage which enables us to come here."

"Brilliant!" The rainbow-haired girl yelled.

"Now wait here a second..." Hermione spoke up... "Before you go, who ARE you? We've been around here this whole time trying to figure that out!"

"Well," the fat Harry Potter look-alike said, "I am Nick. And my friend here is -"

"The Great and Powerful Leighdini!" the rainbow-haired girl finished, jumping up into the air.

"Anyway, we are wondering where our friend has gone to..."

"Is she the Gothy-looking one?" Versace asked.

"Yes! That's the one! Her name is Sam."

"She went chasing after Draco Malfoy a while ago. I wonder if she ever caught up to him..."

"AHHH!!! GET HER AWAY FROM ME!!" Draco just happened to run into the room at the same time he was mentioned...gee, I wonder how that worked out so well?

"But I LOOOOOVE you!"

"Sam, leave the poor boy alone! He doesn't even live in the same dimension as you let alone the same COUNTRY!" Leigh shouted at her friend.

"But, but, I loooooove him!"

"Sam, I think that is what most people call 'lust'." Nick said, informatively.

"Fine! You just take away all of my fun! I'm gonna go cry now." Sam said as she sulked off and disappeared.

"Ah, thanks, I owe you one!" Draco sighed. "She's one crazy bitch! I swear she was really close to swapping bodily fluids with me!"

"No problem, none at all," Nick said.

Another random penguin walks by and everyone gets distracted again.

"What...? Oh, never mind," Draco said.

"Aww... she looked so sad... do you think I can find her?" Ron asked.

"Who? Sam?" Leigh asked.

"Yeah."

"Of course! Just follow her wonderful Gothiness trail!" She pointed out the door. There was a bluish-blackish trail floating just barely above the trail. Ron went to follow it, and Hermione followed not too far behind. He found her in the library, God knows how she found it. She was sitting between two bookcases, saddened and mopey.

"Er... hello. I saw you were sad..."

"Well of course! I am rejected by the boy I love!"

"Here..." He dug in his pocket and brought out a package. He unwrapped it. It was chocolate. He broke off a piece and gave it to her. "Have some chocolate. It will make you feel better."

She took it and put it in her mouth. "Thank you," she smiled and hugged Ron, but she spotted Hermione standing behind them.

"RONALD WEASLEY!"

"Oh... shit!"

"I can't believe you! Five years of repressed love, and now we get together, and this is how you repay me?! I can't believe you!"

"It's not what it looks like, Hermione, I swear!"

"Of course it's what it looks like other wise it wouldn't look like that now would it?!" a very mad Hermione said as she began to turn a shade of purple that would make Uncle Vernon jealous of.

"All I was doing was giving her a piece of chocolate!"

"So THAT'S what they're calling it these days!"

"Who's calling what? I'm confused..." Sam said as she munched on her piece of chocolate.

"For some reason Hermione was thinking I was going to have sex with you just because I gave you a piece of chocolate!"

"Well, I will let you know, Ronald Weasley, that two can play at this game!" Hermione said as she stomped out of the library.

"What game? Now I'm really lost." Sam said as she finished her last bit of chocolate.