He was always alone.
At least, that was how he felt. Sure, he was constantly surrounded by his fellow Asian countries, but their company felt empty. Their comments meant nothing, and his smiles in response were hollow. He had no room for love in his heart, it seemed. It hurt.
Kaoru was a semi-quiet nation. He spent most of his time at home (which was his older cousin Yao Wang's home). True, he sort of hated it there, but it was mostly because of Yao's presence. He spoke when spoken to, and usually in the language of smart-ass. But for some reason people just kept approaching him and talking. They usually talked about themselves or something drama related with the other countries. He disliked it.
He did go to world meetings, but usually hated having to travel and listen to boring lectures given by people he never spoke to. He would just sit in the back and, if he could, listen to music and tune everyone else out. Whenever he had to host these meetings, he would just let Yao do it for him and pretend to help.
Despite the company he always seemed to have, he felt terribly alone. But Kaoru didn't like feeling alone. At first, it made him depressed, but it eventually just started pissing him off. He wanted true friends, true happiness, true love even. But he was one of those poor souls who never seemed to receive what they wanted. Most days, he would occupy himself with work or reading so he wouldn't have these thoughts, but it was never successful. He even tried sleeping more, but it only resulted in nightmares and fatigue.
Getting friends was never worth the effort. People were so…. annoying. Everyone he spent time with only irritated him. However, if he forcefully allowed himself to be in the presence of other human beings, he would regret it in the end. He would only want an escape, so he would mostly hide in his room and go on his computer. He spent a lot of time on that computer.
Unfortunately for Kaoru, he didn't have friends online either. He would play Anime MMORPGs and create alter egos, but he only drove people away. Chat rooms never worked, and social media websites only resulted in further pestering from other countries. He felt like the most pitiful creature on Earth. He had to try harder. He had to suck it up and go outside. He needed something to keep him going, to help him be happy. He desperately needed purpose. He needed substance. So he did the one thing he hoped would help him; he emailed Emil (whom he had a slight crush on) and invited him out.
About a week later….
"Hello, Kaoru." The small country approached him. He was cute: short, snow-white hair, bright purple eyes. He wore a green tee with some symbol and phrase in Icelandic on it and some blue jeans.
"H-hello, Emil." It was a good thing Kaoru was skilled when it came to hiding his true emotions and thoughts, otherwise he would've been blushing at Emil's apparent adorableness. Kaoru went against his instinctive dress of a long red robe and instead wore a plain red tee and black jeans. Plus, for good luck, he wore a black fabric bracelet he had found years ago (as a chibi) when he visited the famed hot springs of Japan for the first time.
By spending a bit of time with Emil, Kaoru hoped to accomplish one of two things, make a new friend, or get a boyfriend. The two went to an Icelandic coffee shop and took a table in the corner next to a window. They ordered some coffee and gazed outside. The weather was grim, with heavy grey clouds and a bit of rain. This didn't really bother Kaoru, since he liked rain, but it seemed to make Emil even quieter than he already was.
"So, Kaoru…" Emil seemed either tired or bored, but they had only barely started whatever it was. People usually describe him as this way, but still…. Kaoru thought to himself. "….. what is Hong Kong like?" Emil never once turned his gaze to Kaoru as he asked him this, and Kaoru wasn't even sure if he cared all that much. Kaoru was slowly, but surely, losing hope.
"It's a nice place, I guess. A bit lively, especially around the New Year celebrations…" he paused and gave Emil an inquisitive look. "Are you bored?" Kaoru blurted that sentence unintentionally. He was just sort of shocked.
Emil looked up at Kaoru. "Huh? Oh, um, no… maybe."
"But we just stared the date ten minutes ago! We haven't even started talking yet!" Kaoru was upset. Emil was the only person that didn't repel Kaoru. He was Kaoru's only hope of having true happiness and purpose in life. Yet all it takes to drive Emil away is for him to start a conversation. But Kaoru repelled Emil. Emil seemed to feel the same way for Kaoru that Kaoru felt towards most other people. Annoyance and boredom.
"I like being with my brothers more. They don't expect me to start conversations because I'm usually so quiet. They talk for me, so that saves me effort and oxygen. Plus, they are far livelier than you have been so far." Emil barely even looked at Kaoru as he spoke so frankly. "Thanks for the coffee." He said as he left. Once he was out of earshot, Kaoru smashed his face on the table. And he stayed like that. He didn't care who saw.
"The one person I actually want to be around thinks I'm boring. What the hell?" He lifted his head and rested it in his hands as his elbows were placed on the table. I can be lively! Hell, I can be the liveliest person he'd ever know! At least, that was what he told himself. He felt… empty.
When Kaoru got home, he walked right past Yao and went into his room and collapsed onto his bed. He hoped that Yao would sense his angry/depressed mood and leave him be. But, as usual, Yao did the opposite.
"Welcome home! How was your date, aru?" Yao stuck his head in the door of Kaoru's room as he said this, turning on the lights.
Kaoru groaned as he rolled over to lie face down. "Fuck off."
"I only do that at Ivan's house, aru."
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM YOU ASIAN PERVERT!" Kaoru screamed into his pillow. Yao finally got the message and left, being smart enough to close the door behind him. Why do I still live with him?
After that, his self esteem crashed and burned a hole through the earth as he spent less and less time with reality and the outside people. He spoke less, left his room less, and stopped attending world meetings all together.
That's it. I am going to die alone.
He stopped keeping track of time and days. Half the day he spent asleep, dreaming about different ways for him to die or be forgotten. He lost all hope.
He had no idea as to how long he had been like it, but it felt like years. It was months.
"Hey, aru!" Yao once again infiltrated Kaoru's new sanctuary with that big dumb-ass grin of his after those months of nothingness. Kaoru was already mad, but he grew even more angry when Yao turned on the lights.
"The light! It burnsssssss…" Kaoru said dramatically. He even pretended to pass out from "the trauma." He stayed like that for about five minutes. "…What do you want?"
"I am planning to head out to Ivan's, aru, but I need you to run an errand for me first." Yao seemed oblivious to Kaoru's immediate disgust to the idea.
"No."
"Please, aru!" Yao went over to him and made him sit up to look him straight in the eye. "You can't live in your room for the rest of your life! You are a country, aru! Your people could be dying! Your social life has already committed suicide, aru!" For the first time, Yao looked legitimately serious about something. Kaoru just looked at him blankly.
"N-" Kaoru started to reject the idea once again, but before he could, Yao picked him up, dressed him in his robes, placed him in the main doorway, and pushed him outside into reality.
"Here, aru." Yao handed Kaoru some random amount of Yen. "Go to the supermarket. Buy food to feed yourself for dinner tonight, aru." Yao stood there, his face with a serious, yet concerned look.
"But-"
"I'll see you tomorrow, aru." Yao closed and locked the door and drove off, leaving Kaoru standing there alone.
What the fuck?! Kaoru realized he was forced to actually go somewhere and do something productive. He figured that Yao hid the spare key somewhere, but Kaoru felt like finding it would be a waste of time. He was already outside, and he was feeling a bit hungry.
"Fine. If that's all I have to do to get him off of my ass, then I'll go to the supermarket. Easy enough." Kaoru said, sort of unsure about whether or not he really wanted to do it. Nonetheless, he walked.
And he walked. And he walked. This is taking longer than I remembered. Did they move the supermarket? He then remembered that every trip he ever took to the supermarket was by car. It only took ten minutes.
"DAMMIT YAO!" He yelled into the sky, hoping his idiot cousin would hear him. He had to walk the whole way to the supermarket, which was at least twenty minutes away on foot! Accepting that he was most definitely screwed, he marched on, feeling glad he knew the way. However, the whole way there, he couldn't help but feel that people were staring at him. What was there to stare at?
He finally made it to the supermarket and went directly for the Pocky. He wasn't going to live on it for the night, but it was certainly a nice little snack. While walking about, trying to decide, he heard whispers.
"Is that Hong Kong?" one person said sheepishly.
"It can't be. He hasn't been seen for days." Another person responded, unconvinced.
"But it looks just like him!"
"Get over yourself. Why on Earth would he actually reveal himself after cowardly hiding in his house for so many months?"
Kaoru froze. He was deeply saddened by that response. Cowardly?
He then looked around the supermarket. People were at a set distance from him. They tried with their best interest not to look in disgust. They all seemed to think he was only impersonating himself to make a statement. He had become a social pariah. No one even recognized him anymore because of how long he had been in his room.
"Didn't he do that because he got rejected?" the first person asked.
"Yes, but it was also because he had no friends. He hated people." The second person's voice was cold.
He looked at himself. The second stranger was right. He didn't have any friends in the world. His constant annoyance of the Asian countries led him to hate everybody. He could see bags under his eyes, pale skin, and messy hair. He didn't even recognize himself anymore.
"That must be so lonely." The first person was right in so many ways that it hurt.
"It's pathetic. That's what it is."
"What a pity."
Kaoru walked home shortly after his sudden sight of himself. He was pathetic. He was pitiful. He had no friends, no life, and no meaning in the world anymore. Countries wouldn't even ask him to host meetings anymore.
The more he walked the more depressed and empty he became. He was so careless about everything that he tripped and fell on his face into a puddle in front of many people. He did not react. He did not let sounds of pain escape his lungs. All they did was stare at him as he lied there without a drop of human being left inside of him. He stayed like that for a while. People could tell he was still alive, but would just ignore him and his pathetic stature on the ground, his food splayed all over.
When he finally looked up, he saw Emil standing over him.
Emil said nothing. He did not smirk, he did not frown, he didn't even act as though he was worried for Kaoru. He just looked at Kaoru with his empty stare. His purple eyes pierced Kaoru's black heart as though a sword made of ice had stabbed him with perfect accuracy.
"Kaoru…." Emil said icily.
Kaoru wanted to burst into tears. The one person that sent his world crashing down was examining his pitiful existence in that moment.
"….how pathetic."