She watches as he walks out the door. She wants to go with him, to say she accepts the offer. Only it's too late and her chances are up. She has lost the game- to his ex-wife at that.
Kate realizes what she has lost. A partner, a friend, and possibly one of the few people that truly cared about her. How can she possibly make it through the summer without him? Until the pain of rejection, or maybe regret, slowly sinks in.
The next day is fairly normal. The crime scene involving a forty something year old law firm victim is slightly reminiscent of her mother's murder, but Kate doesn't really make the connection.
Ryan greets her to break the silence. "Well, I've forgotten what it's like without Hop a Long here with us."
"I bet you're glad he's not another liability for you today." Esposito adds.
Kate frowns. "I'm not that heartless, am I?"
"No, but you don't seem to care about him much, considering how you treat him. 'Don't make me shoot you Castle'" he mimics perfectly as she starts to back away.
And then she breaks.
Rick has been the only one to make her feel alive since her mother's murder. Now he's gone. The next few days are a struggle. Kate finds herself glancing at his chair every so often, only to find it empty. Her job is dangerous and there's no promise of another tomorrow. But something inside her, perhaps her version of grieving, is craving something reckless. RebelBex no longer seems as far away as she previously thought.
Hours later, Kate stares at the prescription bottle she took from narcotics. The dark label title stares back. "Oxycontin" it reads. She knows she shouldn't do this; knows the solution is only temporary. She needs this, needs to forget, needs the psychological pain to be relieved. "Just wait," her reasonable side tells her. "Tomorrow will be better." Only she is only fooling herself. The mental space she's in right now will not be okay tomorrow and neither will her relationship with Rick. She has been rejected by plenty of people in the past. How is Rick different?
"Consider your dad. Or Ryan and Esposito." Well, her relationship with her dad has been distant ever since her mother's murder. Even after he gave up drinking, it is not the same. As for Ryan and Esposito, they see her as the good girl detective. Every day, all buttoned up and completely (or at least nearly) perfect. As great as their detective training is, she highly doubts they will ever suspect a thing. Besides, there are way too many confiscated drugs, even more illicit ones, in the narcotics department for anyone to notice. Maybe she needs some Angel Dust instead.
Kate takes a look around her apartment and closes her eyes. She opens the bottle and takes the pill. At first, nothing happens. Until she feels it. Floating. No more thoughts. Maybe now her dreams will no longer be haunted by dreams of work, her mother, or scenarios of Castle leaving her.