Craig's Crazy Day
By Shadowgate
….
Craig Tucker's cellphone played "Hell of a Time" by Hellyeah and woke him up for school. After he showered he came down to breakfast. It looked like another ordinary beautiful day.
When he walked out of his house he saw Mister Garrison with a beer bottle.
He said "Mister Garrison what are you doing drinking beer so early? Aren't you supposed to be running for President?"
Mister Garrison said "Craig did I ever tell you about that special time of my childhood?"
Craig answered "no but whatever special time it was in your life I'm glad you didn't tell me about it."
Mister Garrison just giggled and said "okay then" and he went about his way.
He met Tweek outside and they got on the bus together.
When they got into school they saw Timmy in the hallway. Suddenly his wheelchair rose up off the ground. Then Timmy while sitting in his wheelchair turned upside down and spun in three circles.
Craig said "what the fuck!"
Everyone cheered but Tweek said "OH MY GOD TIMMY SPUN AROUND UPSIDE DOWN" and then Tweek started shaking.
Craig held his hand tighter and said "Tweek you need to calm down I'm sure there's a rational explanation for what we just saw."
Tweek blinked and jerked around.
Craig said "calm down" but right after that Tweek threw up all over him.
Tweek was sent home and PC Principal said "it's no problem bro we'll just have your hat and jacket cleaned in the home economics classroom." Craig thanked PC Principal and after washing up in the bathroom.
When he arrived in class Cartman laughed "hey Craig I heard your boyfriend threw up on you. Ha ha ha."
Craig said "hey Cartman I hear your mom loves her crack pipe more than you."
The class laughed and the new teacher told the class to settle down and get quiet.
After that the teacher stood up on her desk and started writing math problems on the board.
Craig whispered "hey Stan uh why is she standing on the desk?"
Stan replied "shut up and pay attention Craig."
The teacher became angry and yelled "CRAIG FIRST YOU WERE RUDE TO ONE STUDENT AND NOW YOU'RE DISTRACTING ANOTHER STUDENT! YOU GO STRAIGHT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE!"
Craig had a look of shock on his face but he nonetheless went to the principal's office.
PC Principal said "alright Craig you say your teacher was standing on her desk while teaching math and you said to another student that it was strange and that's' what got you sent here?"
Craig answered "yes and I don't know what she put in the referral but I'm telling you the truth she was standing on her desk and when I said it was strange to Stan Marsh that's when Stan told me to 'shut up' and now I end up here."
PC Principal said "well teachers are allowed to sit or stand on desks and students aren't. That rule dates back for decades. I'm going to send you back to class with just an oral warning to not disrupt the teacher's lesson. That is all."
Craig once again thanked PC Principal and went back to class. At lunch time Stan walked over to Craig and said "I'm sorry I told you to shut up earlier Craig."
Craig gave him a dirty look but then he said "I accept the apology."
Stan gave Craig a pat on his shoulder and went on.
After school Craig went to visit Tweek who was sick in bed. He gave him the homework and went over the lessons of the day. He called his parents on his cellphone to let them know he was comforting his sick friend.
At 6PM Craig got home. His mother Laura said "dinner is on the table Craig."
Craig said "alright."
When he entered the living room to eat dinner with his family he saw his sister Ruby smoking a cigar.
Laura asked "Craig aren't you going to sit down and eat?"
Craig replied back "what the hell is Ruby doing with a cigar in her mouth?"
Thomas Tucker said "she's clearly smoking it Craig what's the matter with you?"
Craig shot back "well I can see that but why is she smoking a cigar in the first place? Furthermore you and mom are actually okay with it? What the fuck!"
Laura got mad and said "Craig go to your room you know you're not allowed to use the f-word."
As Craig marched to his room he mumbled "I can't cuss but my little sister can smoke a fucking cigar."
Laura yelled "WHAT WAS THAT CRAIG?"
Craig answered "nothing."
While he was in his room he got a phone call from Tweek and was told the underpants gnomes had come.
Craig said "oh shit" and snuck out his window.
When he got to Tweek's house one of the gnomes showed him a magic wand that they acquired from imagination land and the gnomes explained to Craig that was why he saw some strange things today.
Craig said "well could you please stop all the crazy shit? It's bad enough you're involved in the life of my dear friend Tweek."
The gnome promised he would and waved the magic wand turning everything back to normal.
When Craig went home his mom said "oh you're late for dinner but I'll heat up your plate."
The next time Craig saw Ruby she was on her cellphone and clearly everything was back to normal. Craig took a deep breath and felt relieved that Ruby wasn't smoking.
THE END