Notes Smashing Pumpkins lyrics because I have a belief that Eiri is a closet fan. shrug it's not out of character, and if you don't believe me, download this song, Disarm, Today. It fits well at least it does with me, but all fans of different music will believe that the character they like likes it. By the way if you do. Billy Corgan has a weird voice, just listen to the lyrics.
Technical Notes Shuichi POV, and slightly fluffy, just because I am like that. After the anime because I live in a cow town and can only read a certain amount of the Manga online.
Disclaimer I don't own the characters or the lyrics and wish I could write poetry like this.
. :Soot and Stars: .
Always so busy. Always. Both of us were always busy, not having gobs of time chiseled out for us. For us to talk, not that Eiri talked all that much. Even after all that, that's just his personality. I have come to terms with that, at least now, he is a little more affectionate.
Quite suddenly the door to his study is ripped open. He quickly walked to the bedroom. All right now I was confused. I stood up from the couch and walked to the bedroom. I was tempted to knock.
"Just come in." He said, the sound muffled. I opened the door and for a brief moment was in awe of the half naked god before me. I bit my lip, then moved my eyes off his tapered body and into his hazel eyes.
"What is–" I started but he knew just what I was going to ask.
"Meeting." He said buttoning up his shirt. "Emergency meeting. Mizuki just called. I have to go." Nodding, that didn't sound like anything that had happened before. I thought most of these things weren't emergency meetings. Bad luck had them but they were usually rehearsals, what could happen in a writing career that would–
"Shuichi." I shivered at the sound of my name coming out of his lips. I nodded and kept my eyes locked with the man that was standing in front of me. He leaned down and kissed my cheek lightly, before almost growling. "Don't burn the house down." He walked passed me leaving me a little red in the face. I quickly followed him out to the hall, and I watched him walk out the front door.
After an hour I was antsy and bored, not that Eiri really entertained me. More so I knew he was there and he may one day just walk out from the study and watch a movie with me or randomly make dinner. He's done it before, but since he wasn't here i couldn't cling to that desperate hope of affection.
I decided I'd do something that always made time fly. I'd clean. I used to do that before concerts so that I wouldn't be so nervous. I got off the couch, and pulled out everything to clean up the already clean house. But I took my time, dusting everything. Sweeping every cranny. Changing the sheets until the creases were almost perfect. Cleaning the grout between the tiles in the bathroom. Scrubbing the stove top, and moving everything off the counters and cleaning those places that tend to not get cleaned as often.
I looked at the clock it was now five o'clock, Eiri had left at two. Where the hell was the man! It's not like he had to read his books to his editor. I mumbled, and started to put everything away. Moping that there was nothing left to clea–
He'd notice I just won't touch his lap top. Just give the room a good scrub and then pretend I never went in, that was if the room wasn't locked. I walked over to the closed door. Placing my hand on the handle slowly, I turned it and surprisingly the knob turned with it. I opened the door and looked at the room. I shook my head Eiri was clean but he rarely spent time in any other room then this one and the bedroom.
The first thing I decided I'd do, was to open a window and get some cleaner air in the room. Then I preceded to dump the ashtrays and throw away any random cans that littered the desk. I dared not touch any of the papers, which were now holding quick notes under and around his lap top. I tried not to read any of them. I had grown fond of reading his books. I had the access to figure out how it ended but I never used that power.
I went back into the hall and grabbed the broom and preceded to clean up the floor. Hitting something hard under his desk I leaned the broom against the desk and bent down. So that's where he his cigarettes. I quickly organized the cartons that were press up against the back.
Clack!
I jumped from all fours right up into the desk. Rubbing my head, I looked at the broom, which now mocked me from the floor. I reached over and picked it up and used it to help me stand up.
I looked down a few of the papers had fallen. I cursed the broom now he was going to be mad because I ruined his organization. I set the papers down decided I'd arrange them later. I finished the room quickly. Putting everything away, so I could work on organizing what must have been ten leafs of paper that fell to the floor.
I walked back into the room, and sat on his chair, rolling up against the desk I began to fiddle with the papers. I was like a puzzle only not all the spaces were apparent. I had gotten eight back to where I assumed where they went trying very hard not to read the gorgeous hand writing. I looked at the final two angrily. I needed to put them back so I could go and sit on the couch. It was already six!
It was six? How did I know it was six? I again looked up from the desk and at the laptop, and read the digital clock.
He didn't have a password on his computer? I bit my lip. No I shouldn't Shuichi, if he catches you you'll be murdered. I really want too though! I mean what if I just look at what will be his next book. Look the program is already open. If I were to just click on it. Then read maybe the first few pages. Then stop, that's it. Well I still don't think . . Reason lost to my curiosity. Again.
I moved the cursor over to the program and clicked on it. I noticed that two documents were open. I scrolled up and realized that he was writing chapter twelve. Angry because he saved by chapter and I promised myself that I wouldn't open anything I clicked on the other document.
Soot and Stars I blinked. A short story? I looked down a little farther. No a poem.
The words flow, decisions made, idea's mine, but the inspiration not. Dreams of hangers-on, dreams of getting well. Spells of Esmeralda, amarose foretold.
I was a little jealous. He could write poetry like no ones business. I had no idea he was fond of poetry. Well Shuichi, You learn something every day. I was curious to know if had written anymore. If it was all this good, I should ask him if he sings. Or at least if he'd let me steal them. Then again he'd know I had read this.
Splinters in the eye. Sentiments remain. Bones are never asked, where are we going to. It was never up to me and yet I pushed until it broke.
So much symbolism I didn't understand. But it was good nevertheless. The word choice was amazing, and so sentimental. I was almost giddy at such a sad poem. I never knew my Eiri was this amazing. I re read the stanza and felt myself shiver. This was sort of like reading his journal maybe I should stop. But his beautiful words compelled me.
I love the open road and all that it suggests. Wheel wagon dust. Weeds and infidelities, and always swore our love, never questioned why. In a wooden house, immovable and silent, and drinking strawberry wine. Forever lost in town
I thought for a moment that maybe, but I shook my head at the thought. He'd never write that. Nope. Never. Well, maybe if no one was supposed to read this. Really it could be about me? It probably isn't Shuu sorry. God even my reason is a cold distant asshole.
And through the sleeping streets, night bound and heavy. Wheels in a spoke just a spoken foreign sound
What? I had to reread the lines on the page. Resigning that I would never understand that stanza I went on.
Know my gates are high, my friends even higher. Forgotten in my mind, yet the scars still lingering. Cloud the blue skies, 'I'm jealous of you birds,' was the only truth, in a world full of words.
After that stanza I swore when he got home I would pounce on his and give him such a bear hug he'd push me away for air. He seems really lonely still. Well maybe he is But I'm here. Sometimes you feel most alone in a crowd. Well how do I help that? I don't know I am just your reason. I can tell you there is a problem. . .I'll go wake up logic for you.
Hear the prairie sound. In a friend called near. The heart is pointed down, but my spirit pointed up
Well good morning Shuichi. Hi, how do I help Eiri? I told him about loneliness Oh Shuu it's simple! Just keep reading. I'll tell you after this wonderful poem.
His voice the siren of Greek mythology.
Blink. Blink. Siren? Me? Was he talking about me? I quickly searched what a siren was. ( They sang melodies so beautiful that sailors passing by couldn't resist getting closer to them. Following the sound of music, the sailors would steer their boats toward them or jump in the water to get closer. Either way, it always ended in disaster on the rocks.) I don't know if I want that to be about me. Unless it is sort of one of his backhand compliments I know and love from him.
I pause with my pen, I begin to defend; every action taken every moment sealed.When I was quick, it coursed through open veins. The will to live. The urgency to move. Behind a panel door, sealing cherry stain. I played my guitar, and lived those lonesome notes.
I ignored the last lines. I didn't even want to think of it. Eiri plus guitar, made me think about tight leather pants which wasn't fitting well into the mood that had settled over the room. When he was quick? Younger. My eyes widened, is this a sort of suicide note? I'd say– let him figure it out for himself. We are– Hush.
Like a dog that's down, in a corner just aside. Waiting to be called. Waiting to be yours. Ghosts of a machine, without purpose or will.
Okay it's not about killing yourself. I swallowed the knot of tension and fear that formed in my stomach subsided slightly.
I'll often speak of you but the you is always me.'cause when I speak of me it's me, I ask of you. So let there be no truth just trickery in rhymes. Time the only thing waiting still is death.
I stared at the computer. Did that just say what I think it said? I reread and decided it did, and this wasn't some hallucination. I am you, You are me? I swallowed
I hope for resolution. Pray one defining moment. Pause without restraint. Barren without child. A child is who I was, a child is who I'll die. A child is who I'll die Soot in my hair and stars in my hands
Eiri. . . All right when you get home I will show you, show you that. . . that you can trust me. Because this proves that you care, at least if I am interpreting it right. I'll just do it any way. I'll do something for you. Something that will make you. . .
"What do you think your doing?" A cold voice from the door said.
Shit. Shit. I figured.
"I. . .er . . . Well you see, after you left I got bored, and . . . "
"Decided to snoop?" He was approaching me.
"No! I cleaned the house because I couldn't think of anything else to do to make time pass quickly. So I cleaned the house and . . . "He was right beside me, I quickly stood up and looked at him pleadingly. "I decided to clean up in there not touch anything . . . " He raised an eyebrow.
"It was the broom's fault!" He smirked.
"The broom?"
"Yes, It fell and it scared me and I dropped some of your notes when I hit my head from under your desk."
"What? Why were you under my desk? Going to pop out and surprise me?"
"No, I was sweeping." I took a deep breath and slowed down. "And I hit something hard, I thought it may have been trash so I set the broom against the desk and crawled under there and found out it was your cigarettes. I was busy organizing and combining your cartons when the broom decided to fall over and scare me half to death. I hit my head on your desk and then papers fell over . . . " I looked down at the papers in front of his lap top. "I set them on the desk and quickly finish cleaning so I could try to figure out exactly where to put them . . . After I put all the stuff away I came back in and was putting together the puzzle. I must have bumped it because I randomly looked at the time, and noticed it was there. You can see it's all the brooms fault." Eiri laughed a little.
"Did the broom come out of the closet"Then he stopped for a moment and muttered something about irony. "And open the files?"
"No, they were open." I tried to justify my actions, but I was failing miserably.
"I know how I left my laptop. That wasn't the primary document." He looked down at the floor. He was going to kick me out and tell me I wasn't worth the effort.
"I'm sorry Eiri." Tears fell slowly from my eyes. I tried to hold them back. I pushed past him and went to the bedroom. I locked the door and sat on the bed. Trying to stop my sobs, before I started to pack my stuff. It took a few moments but I got myself under control. I grabbed a bag and started to pack my stuff.
"Now, what do you think your doing?" Jumping and hitting my head, for the second time this evening. I rubbed my head then looked over at him, not able to bring myself to look him in the eyes. I decided that the floor was better.
"Well, If your going to kick me out I need something I can wear over a Hiro's tonight before I can come and get all my stuff." I barely whispered.
"Who said anything about kicking you out?" He said waling over and grabbing my bag from my hands and throwing it into some forgotten corner.
"Well I snooped and that's wrong. So I thought that you'd kick me out."
"When did I give you a list of rules? You imagined my anger was that vicious, the last time you made this mistake you thought my sister and I were sleeping together."
"You mean . . . you're not mad?" Looked up into those hazel eyes.
"No, I am royally pissed off. Don't get too cocky kid." I sighed, and looked away. I grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. "Remember though." He had a look, where do I know it from. "Curiosity killed the cat Shuichi." I blushed. "And Shuichi you've been a very, very, very, very naughty cat." He kissed me.
Oh, it was that look.
Not one of my best pieces but. It has been in my head since the beginning I just had to make the bunnies stop hopping so fucking much. Well hope you enjoyed what should have been my first Gravi fic ever.
Truly,
Necessary Evil.