A/N: All right, I was bored, so I decided to write this. Now, let me make one thing perfectly clear: This is a PARODY. I'm MAKING FUN of Voldemort. Which means no flames, no death threats saying that I'm evil for supporting Voldie, stuff like that. And while I'm at it, why don't you go read my Remus story? Please?

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Voldemort's Daily Schedule

By: Xaviera Xylira

7:00 AM: Wake up.

7:02: Put Cruciatus Curse on Wormtail for not singing "What A Wonderful World" when I wake up.

7:14: Freshen up: Put in red contacts, apply ridiculously large amounts of white powder to face, practice sneers and frighteningly evil faces in mirror....

7:30: Have breakfast.

7:34: Put Cruciatus Curse on Wormtail for putting butter on my left side instead of my right.

8:00: Finish breakfast.

8:10: Order Death Eaters meeting.

8:12: Death Eaters arrive--- plot new ways to kill Harry Potter.

8:38: Put Cruciatus Curse on Avery for calling Harry Potter "Harry Potter" instead of "Stupid mudblood scarhead boy".

9:00: Go into town and capture a few muggles. Take them hostage. Torture them. Enjoy pitiful screams of pain.

10:00: Perform "Avada Kedavra" on an innocent looking something.

10:30: Put Cruciatus Curse on Wormtail because it's been a few hours since he's been in pain.

11:00: Give Death Eaters assignments: Spy on Ministry, check up on Dumbledore, kill a few unsuspecting families, the usual.

NOON: Have lunch.

12:03 PM: Slap Wormtail upside the head for cooking my unicorn's heart 3.4 seconds too long.

12:32: Finish lunch. Throw goblet of wine at Wormtail's head because I feel like it.

1:00: Re-apply more white powder to face--- it's starting to wear off.

2:00: Short game of quidditch with Beezlebub himself. Let him win.

2:46: Compliment Beezlebub on the lovely piercing in his horn while offering him tea. Hint how great Death Eater life is.

3:00: If, after all my butt-kissing, Beezlebub still refuses to join me, perform Avada Kedavra on him and his minions.

4:00: Tea with the Evil Witch of the West and her flying monkeys. Put Cruciatus Curse on Wormtail because he can't turn into a flying monkey.

5:00: Try to kill Harry Potter. Again.

8:00: Fail to kill Harry Potter. Again.

8:02: Put Cruciatus Curse on Wormtail to vent anger. It doesn't work.

9:00: Torture a few mudbloods before playing darts, using Dumbledoodoo's picture as the target and his overlarge nose as the bull's eye.

9:36: Too many holes in Dumbledore's picture. Can no longer aim correctly. Use Wormtail as target instead.

10:01: Skip dinner. Put Cruciatus Curse on Wormtail for questioning the matter. Stupid fool should have known better.

11:00:Sit down on bed. Put Cruciatus Curse on Wormtail for not making sure that my fluffy pink bunny slippers were fluffy enough.

11:32: Go to sleep, building energy for another hard day of work and torturing innocent victims.

A/N: Yes, well. You probably think I'm some deranged ax murderer now, but then again, that wouldn't be unusual. I think the only good thing about this... er... schedule thingie is that I got to beat on Wormtail.... A LOT..... well, that was fun, at least.