Epic Rap Battles of Fiction
YUGI MUTO...
A spiky-haired teenage boy stands in front of the swirling purple backdrop of the Shadow Realm. His necklace, a shimmering golden upside-down pyramid on a chain, shines enough to illuminate the area around him. He stands determined, shuffling a deck of cards in his hand.
VERSUS...
ASH KETCHUMMMMMMMMM!
Though tiny, the young Ash Ketchum puts up the image of a man ready for battle. Standing in the middle of a live forest, bustling with life, he shakes his body, readying himself for confrontation. His hat, white and red with 'ERBF' stitched into the front, is tugged down to cover his eyes.
BEGIN!
Yugi Muto:
I'll fry Ash Ketchup...
Slice up Satoshi!
C'mon Geodude,
You can't step up to me!
Took you dozens of movies,
Over six series,
And you've only beaten one league!
I'm the King of Games,
your rhymes are lamer
than your videogames!
Kaiba,
Jonouichi,
I've beat them all!
You're still too dumb to tell a donut from a riceball!
Because unlike you...
I actually have a mind.
Your skills are worse
than your friend Brock's pickup lines!
In response, Ash puts a hand on the duck of his hat, pulling it up to reveal his face. He smirks pridefully, and begins his reply...
Ash Ketchum:
So,
buddy,
gonna try to mess with me?
let's see the Kuriboh
try to take down a lucario!
Your monsters are weak,
they're not even real.
Try to stand up against Pikachu and me...
and your ridiculous two foot hair will light up like a Magnemite!
Y'know,
having an old man inside you,
not an accomplishment.
All your wins come from him,
you're just some nerd,
with a puzzle,
in your grampa's basement.
Now, it's time to end this shit...
Go...!
Ash, taking the Pokeball in his right hand, spins around climactically, before launching it at his opponent in the Shadow Realm.
Fuck yourself!
The Pokeball collides with Yugi's face... he covers it, and, a blinding light bursts out of his necklace, the Millenium Puzzle. By the time Ash opens his eyes again, the light had disappeared, as had Yugi. He was replaced with an older version of himself, the ancient pharaoh, Atom!
Atom:
You're a prepubescent prick,
Voice of a little girl.
More feminine than Misty,
Smaller dick than her too.
You wanna try to come at Atom?
I'll bitch smack you harder than Mewtwo!
My monsters will
Crush you,
Cut you,
feed you to Kaiba's Blue Eyes, too!
Because Konami does what Nintendon't.
All you are, kid, are a dumbass Game Freak!
You're trying to diss,
my Millenium Bling,
because you're too poor homeless hobo ass can't afford a single thing!
Now, I'm a busy man,
so I'll leave you with one thing...
the back of my pimp hand, bitch!
Ash glares at Atom, who stands with a self-satisfied smirk. The Pokemon Trainer adjusts his hat so it sits straight, and sets himself to make a come back.
Ash Ketchum:
I'm the very best,
like no one ever was!
To beat your ass,
is not a test,
but it IS my cause!
Your rhyming is worse than your 4Kids dub.
Maybe they'll censor me choking you out?
The only thing good to come from your show,
is the abridged version
from little Kuriboh!
Still livin' with your grampa,
while I travel the world!
Dawn, Misty, May,
Next your Tea.
I'm the biggest pimp in the Pokeworld!
Grab your little notebook, take a lesson,
from the Pokemaster,
Ash motherfucking Ketchum!
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
Behind the Scenes~
Hope you enjoyed the first Epic Rap Battle of Fiction. It's inspired by the popular Youtube series, 'Epic Rap Battles of History', where two historical (and rarely, fictional) characters rap against each other. If you haven't seen it, watch it! It's currently in its third season.
This is just some dumb thing I whipped up, for three reasons: One, I'm incredibly bored. Two, I felt like putting up a new series. Three, hey, it seems fun!
I'm sure there are plenty more people doing this, but, may as well throw out my own version. This is just kind of a side project, so, don't expect constant updates. But, they'll still be here.
Anyways, some things about this rap battle. This was originally going to be someone else (hint: two literary legends, both major fandoms on this site, most popular with teenaged girls of their respective times!) but I decided to just get on and write this one, instead.
Originally, Atom was going to have a line about wanting Ash to 'be like that other hero, and shut the fuck up!' In reference to Pokemon's other protagonists, specifically with Red in mind. Yet, I decided not to include it, as it didn't work for pacing, and I couldn't phrase it well enough. Another line was going to be:
Try to stand up against Pikachu and me...
You're gonna need a helluva lot of Revives!
Anyways, goodbye! Remember to review, tell me who won, and suggest some battles for the future! Thanks!