A/N: I guess I have to say I don't own any of the characters, or the manipulations of them in my story. This one took longer than the rest and I hope ya like it.
Medical Examier Melinda Warner sat pondering over an autospy. She didn't realize it, but she had been working on it for seven hours straight. She had lost track of time, again, and didn't notice how long she had been working until the room started to lighten with the rising sun. She looked up to see the clock on the wall read seven A.M. She decided to give the report an hour more of her life. She once again engrossed herself in her work. She became so involved in it that she didn't notice the sky turn gray with heavy rainclouds. And she never noticed that it was Monday...
Melinda looked up sharply from her work. She had just made a breaking discovery. She had to inform the Special Victims squad immediately. Homicide would also have to be informed, but she decided that SVU had made the bust, done most of the work, and weren't as stuck-up as Homicide. So she gathered her reports, threw on her coat, and grabbed her car keys. She exited the crime lab, but it wasn't until she got to her car and was inside of it that she noticed the rain.
Melinda Warner was afraid of rainy Mondays. She had every right to be. Mondays turned everybody inside out. But on the Mondays that it rained, the SVU detectives went nuts. It was always something different. Last time, she was unluckly enough to have caught a dead body in the drainage sewer. It was already dirty, but with the pelting rain, more filth was being rushed toward her. Not only was it rapidly destroying evidence, it made Melinda, who suffered a bit form germophobia, all the more irate. She was checking her watch for the millionth time and wondered where the hell Narcotics was when she heard giggling. She turned to see Manhattan SVU's four lead detectives in the midst of a lightsaber battle. For some odd reason, Elliot was switching between the flat tone of Anikan Skywalker and the breathly rasp of Darth Vader. He was battling Fin, who had somehow acquired somewhat of a British accent, and was currently pointed out all the flaws in Elliot's performance. Munch stood along the side, shout out occaisional advice with a yoda-like voice in yoda-like sentences. As for Olivia, she was hanging on to Elliot's arm, schreeching repeatedly, "Ani! It's me, Padme! Padme, your whiny, annoying wife,a nd mother of two! Ani!" With each scream, Elliot pushed her away. With each push, Fin calmly told Elliot that he was wasting his energy. With each scolding, Munch calmly said, "Talented, young Stabler is..." On this went for fifteen minutes. All the while Melinda's patience was steadily running out. At last, when the camera crew finally arrived, the homeless people sat with popcorn as if they were in a theater, and the corpse was even laughing, she snapped. She threw down her clipboard and marched up to the detectives. All noise ceased as she moved. She glared at them. They stared back at her. At last she spoke...or rather screamed.
"STOP! You all are driving nuts. Elliot! Stop the madness! If I have to hear another monotone sentence, I will shove this lightsaber so far up your..."
"Melinda..." one of the paramedics spoke. Why he was there, no one knew.
"SHUT UP! Olivia, if you don't shut your pathetic, whiny ass up, I'm gonna..." This time the paramedic tapped her on the shoulder. She turned a 180 on her heels and in one fluid motion, hoisted him above her head, and tossed him several yards.
"Fin,...just stop. And Munch, if you say one more sentence out of order, I will rearrange your face so that you look like Yoda!" Everyone was silent. Everyone looked at each other and looked back at Melinda. She was furious. Ahe was so mad, in fact, that there was steam rolling off her windbreaker. Or it might have been the dirt burning in the heat. Either way, she was very angry. There was a slight pause, when suddenly Elliot pulled a long sword out of his trenchcoat. He completed two spins, flipped backward, and leapt toward what he amused would be an unsuspected Olivia. But, alas, she was ready with her own sword, which she was using to block Elliot weapon as her body bent-backward-at an impossible angle.
"Ah, so you tease me, bonita...well, two can play that game!" Elliot was now speaking with a Spanish accent. They leapt apart and ran for the closest building. They began scraping the walls. They stood back to admire their work. Etched into the wall were the letters DD, not Z, as Melinda had completely expected it say. Everyone pondered this for a moment until a horse whinny was heard. Everyone turned to see Fin and Munch wearing large cowboy hats and straddling a pair of black horses with foaming mouths and red eyes. Olivia and Elliot threw back their heads and laughed. They touched their swords together and bellowed "THE DYNAMIC DUO STRIKE AGAIN!" They took off at record breaking speed, Fin and Munch hot on their heels.
Melinda felt herself being shaken free from her memory. She looked around and was surprised to find herself in front of the door to the SVU squadroom. She looked to her right to see Casey and what she assumed to be another detective. She didn't realized she was staring until Casey called her name.
"Oh, sorry, Casey." Melinda felt her face flush.
"I was saying this is Detective Monique Jefferies. She from Homicide and she working with SVU on their latest case..."
"Wait, why are you telling me this? Shouldn't Cragen be telling me this?"
"Well, you can see he's a bit...tied up at the moment..." Melinda looked into the squadroom. She was shocked, to say the least, to see Cragen, dressed in a black leather harnass, black leather mask, and hanging from the ceiling from chains attached to hooks that were at his calves, waist, and shoulder blades. He was giggling as Huang and Alex circled him, slowly dragging whips across his body. Melinda tore her eyes from them to see Munch and Fin auctioning off puppies dressed as cops. They kept out bidding everybody, so there was no profit being made. Suddenly, a high tempo drum beat came pouring out of invisble speakers. Everyone cheered and formed a semi-circle. In the middle, Elliot and Olivia were freak dancing to "Ms. New Booty." Everyone cheered and Melinda was left speechless.
"Crazy, isn't it?" Melinda turned as the detective spoke. "They think I left because of some sorry-ass psych exam. I lied about sleeping with a suspect. I had to get out of here somehow." Jefferies eyes had began to start twitching and her voice was getting louder. Melinda looked around for Casey, but she had entered the squadroom, and was now dancing with Elliot and Olivia.
"You think this is crazy," Jefferies was suddenly calm and collected, "you should see them on Friday nights when they get drunk..."